There is a regular who comes to the dog park, I'll call him dan. Dan is so annoying that people will text one another that dan is there so he can be avoided. Dan is in his 60s, has a thick Bronx accent and takes the boomer stereotypes to the next level. Dan has an opinion on absolutely everything, and his opinion is the only correct one. He'll come over to people and just start loudly voicing an opinion on whatever is being talked about. And he's one of those TALKING LOUD MEANS IM RIGHT types. I mean absolutely everything. When he's not over riding people's conversations, he's complaining non stop that he hates the area we are in and is always comparing it to new York. We're a desert across the country mind you. So it's "it gets so hot here. Ny had much more mild summers". He even rants about how the trees and bushes here are somehow inferior to ny. Multiple people have asked him why he just doesn't move back, to which he just sputters a response and walks away. Dan knows he annoys people and will make it a point to bother you if he knows he can. He talks to new people to kinda sus them out and then use it to annoy them. Ex) he once heard a guy talking to his friend about being bi. This guy is a 55yr old veteran with a plate in his head. So Dan goes over and while he doesn't talk directly to them, he loudly starts saying how back in his day (50s ny) the mafia would hang gay people. He's just kinda saying this into the air. The guy doesn't say anything, he just gets his dog and leaves. To which Dan FOLLOWS him asking "Why are you leaving why are you leaving? You're not offended are you? People get so offended now over everything". The man just politely says he doesn't want to talk to Dan and Dan keeps following this guy out to his car asking why is he offended. Dan pretends he's hard of hearing to eavesdrop on people and talk at full volume. He's especially creepy with young girls and women. He'll sit on a bench next to a woman and just start inching closer and closer while complimenting them. He likes to hoover over young girls and make everyone uncomfortable. He'll try and impress every women he meets. Sometimes he'll stand around one and then use what they're talking about to initiate conversation. Like "oh i haven't seen you before. I bet you're from Virginia right? You look like your from Virginia". (Person was just talking about moving from Virginia) it's hard to describe but it's so very predatory. Like he's not listening out of interest, but more gathering info for his own use.
Dan claims to be married. No one really questioned this for awhile until the things he said started to get super odd. No one has ever seen his wife, who he refers to as Mommy, and he says she's sick. Her illness ranged from genetic illness to her having to stay home because she has a bone infection with bleeding wounds all over down to the bone. And he says this just casual like, like laying in bed having a bleeding bone infection is normal. She apparently survived this and now is in hospice care, but only when he remembers he told people that. Other times she's still at home bleeding in bed. He'll pretend to take calls from her and loudly proclaim he's on the phone with his wife to no one in particular. We're firmly convinced that his wife is in a barrel in the basement.
Now onto Dans greatest hits of fuck tarded opinions and things he's said. I want you to keep in mind no one ever asks. He volunteers unprompted.
- to a young women studying to become a social worker: "i don't see the point in foster care. Foster kids, they arrive, and they arrive already ruined". No he did not understand why people were upset about him calling young children ruined.
- to a guy sitting with his kid: (context is the guy was talking about needing a new fridge) "I don't know if you know this but there used to be a real big problem with kids in my neighborhood getting stuck in old abandoned fridges and suffocating. They'd just be out playing and crawl in and no one could hear them in the fridge". Why kids specifically from his neighborhood? Why were there so many abandoned fridges? Why did he know no one could hear their screams? Things we'll never know.
- he frequently talks about how the younger generation is lazy and greedy and how the terrible job market is just an excuse. He doesn't believe in living wage, saying you can live on any wage, you just have to buckle down.
- Hates the police which is odd considering his super conservative views. He thinks police are "queers".
Dan also power levels like a mother fucker. He'll tell you about his alcoholic father who beat his mom. He'll tell you how he almost hung himself in a motel. He'll tell you about his siblings don't talk to him. He'll tell you about his mothers failed marriages. Everything you never wanted to know nor would ever discuss in a casual sitting.
Dan also lies. A lot. Highlights:
- Dan has his car plastered with 9/11 stickers and wears a lot of 9/11 memorabilia. Dan has claimed to not only be at ground zero, oh no that's not good enough for Dan, he says he was one of the first responders. Dan has also said he was no where near ny for 9/11. Ghost first responder I guess.
- Dan also wears a lot of pow/mia type things and talks a ton about korea and Vietnam and Iraq. He stops short of ever saying he ever served but lets people come to that conclusion. He NEVER talks about this when the actual veterans are around. He was asked "oh what branch were you in", and he had to sputter and backpedal and admit he didn't ever serve anywhere, he just likes "the look of military stuff". He actually has a very negative opinion about the army and will go on about that when the real veterans aren't around.
- Dan has met Reagan AND Trump. No details on either. He just has. Don't ask any follow up.
- Dan does have a Bronx accent as stated, but has also said he's from Brooklyn, Queens, Jersey and Delaware. It varies depending on who he's talked to.
One of the key things that makes Dan be Dan is his utter and complete obsession with trucking. He used to be a long haul trucker and will bring this up to absolutely everyone and recommend it as a career path to absolutely everyone. EVERYONE. Young mother? Should be a trucker. Make great money. Newly married? Trucker. Make double the money as a married truck team. Disabled? Trucker. He legit recommends trucking to people who have vision problems.
He also goes on about it. He'll share trucking tips like how to ask another man for a shower token, borrowing supplies for a shower, how not to anger another trucker at a shower stall. Dude is really concerned about shower etiquette between men. (It's been joked before to ask him about glory hole etiquette).
"When i was a trucker i hauled over the mountains....." Which leads to a long rambling story that somehow ends up being completely unrelated to trucking. He's never actually once described a specific job or company he worked for or, yk, how to actually be a trucker. (We've also joked that someone should track his old routes and see if they aline with missing women. Very David Parker Ray).
And no. His dog isn't even well behaved.
