Apologies for this, but since it's Christmas despite feeling nothing like Christmas, my mood has utterly tanked and I feel the need to vent and the Farms is like, one of two places where I feel comfortable enough to do so.
I'm currently teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown, if I'm being honest. This whole year- a year that was supposed to be extremely important and full of personal milestones, mind you- has been torn away from me, and not being able to spend my favorite holiday with my loved ones despite everyone being perfectly healthy just feels like the cherry on top of this shit sundae and the final kick while I'm already down.
I just don't know what to do. I want everything to go back to normal but I know damn well the government won't let that happen. The fact that they keep teasing and taunting us by saying "oh it's just around the corner!!!" and then snatching that hope away is the most petty, cruel, and sadistic thing they could possibly do to us and the government just seems to be reveling in this because of fucking course they do.
It makes me want to tear out my own hair and scream. I'm so sick of everything, I just want to be able to sit down with loved ones. I haven't seen my grandparents in weeks, my aunts and uncles and cousins longer. I haven't seen my friends in literal months thanks to college and lockdown bullshit. I can talk with online friends, and that's been keeping me sane so far, but being alone and doing literally nothing for Christmas really drove it home to me how starved for face to face contact I am. I try to vent my frustrations to my parents but they just tell me that I'm being selfish and that I need to suck it up and that it's just for one year, even though I know it likely damn well won't be. I feel like I'm going crazy. It's awful. I just want to have a happy fucking Christmas with my whole family, is that so much to ask?