حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[chimpburgers]

There are WAY too many comma splices and run on sentences in the first two pages alone. It makes reading this thing feel really disjointed.

 

[DN 420]

Edit: I'll do the entire fucking essay.

Paging @Connor Bible

@The Knife is correct on all counts, but my god your first person is terrible, even if this was a creative/non-academic essay. You talk about yourself as much as the book.

First paragraph:

As much as I was into 20th century history in my youth, for some inexplicable reason, I never truly delved into the subject of the First World War. I had done only a nominal amount of studying on the topic in years past, and had not indulged myself to any works, fiction or non-fiction, to expand my understanding. I had chosen to read Erich Maria Remarque’s classic war novel Im Westen Nicht Neus, better known as to English readers as All Quiet on the Western Front, on a kind of impulse to learn. I had initially feared that this novel, first published in 1928, would be an impenetrable work of fiction, accessible only to those who have absorbed a considerable amount of knowledge about the war to end them all. Surprisingly, and fortunately, I was wrong. It is quite a powerful work of literature from the post-war period, and you are about to learn exactly why that is.

So much redundancy. I attempted to fix it:

It can be stated that a work first published in 1928, would be an impenetrable work of fiction for a modern reader, accessible only to those who have absorbed a considerable amount of knowledge about the Great War. Fortunately, Remarque's novel All Quiet on the Western Front is a powerful work of literature from the post-war period, and you are about to learn exactly why that is. {Put your actual thesis points here, not hot air.}

You seem to enjoy bulking your writing, do you think if it's long enough it'll gain value?

Second paragraph:

Erich Maria Remarque’s writes All Quiet on the Western Front with a voice that is at once unapologetic, frank, and at times, brutal. After all, the novel was born from the German writer’s own experiences fighting for his country in the trenches of that savage conflict. It is from Remarque’s own firsthand experience that he writes this novel, the story of a young German soldier’s loss of idealism and eventually, his life on the front lines of World War I. Because of this, All Quiet on the Western Front possesses a verisimilitude that makes similar war novels anemic by comparison.

Remarque writes with a voice that is unapologetic, frank, and brutal. The novel was born from the German writer’s own experiences fighting for his country in the trenches of that savage conflict. It is from his own firsthand experience that he writes this novel, the story of a young German soldier’s loss of idealism and eventually, his life on the front lines of World War I. {CITATION NEEDED} Because of this, All Quiet on the Western Front possesses a verisimilitude {is that needed?} that makes similar war novels {such as?} anemic {novels bleed?} by comparison.

Third paragraph:

Structurally, we follow the young narrator, Paul Baumer, and his spiral into despair due to the war in chronological order. This choice of linear continuity greatly benefits the story, in that it not only keeps the reader focused throughout its pages, but also draws them into Paul’s experiences. As we the readers flip through the book, we embark on a slowly draining downward spiral with Paul. In fact, he describes the front as “a mysterious whirlpool,” and though he is far from the heart of the battle, he feels “the whirl of the vortex sucking (him) slowly, irresistibly, inescapably into itself” (Remarque 43).

{None of this is needed, you are summarising the book. You should assume the reader of the essay has read t he book. Also incorrect citation. I'll also emphasize that if you must write this, have it have a purpose. How does this paragraph relate to your thesis? The fuck is your thesis?}

Fourth Paragraph:

All Quiet on the Western Front explores, as its central theme, the disillusionment of German troops by the nightmarish fighting of the war, with the narrator Paul serving as a symbol of, as Remarque lays out in his introduction, “a generation of men who, even though they may have escaped shells, were destroyed by the war.” (Remarque)

All Quiet on the Western Front explores the disillusionment of German troops by the nightmarish fighting of the war, with the narrator Paul serving as a symbol of “a generation of men who, even though they may have escaped shells, were destroyed by the war.” as Remarque lays out in his introduction. (Remarque) {You wrote this like Yoda}

Fifth Paragraph:

In addition, Remarque touches upon a theme now often covered in many war novels, and that is its agony. Having fought in those trenches, Remarque would have known nothing but strife and indignity, and it comes through in the finished novel. “Had we returned home in 1916, out of the suffering and the strength of our experience we might have unleashed a storm. Now if we go back, we will be weary, broken, burnt out, rootless, and without hope. We will not be able to find our way anymore.” (Remarque 213) Earlier, as Paul lies in a hospital bed after sustaining injuries in combat, he ponders the expectations of previous generations placed upon him: “What would are fathers do if we suddenly stood up and came before them and proffered our account? What do they expect of us if a time ever comes when the war is over? Through the years our business has been killing; --it was our first calling in life. Our knowledge of life is limited to death. What will happen afterwards? And what shall come out of us?” (Remarque 194)

In addition, Remarque touches upon agony. Having fought in those trenches, Remarque would have known nothing but strife and indignity, and it comes through in the finished novel. “Had we returned home in 1916, out of the suffering and the strength of our experience we might have unleashed a storm. Now if we go back, we will be weary, broken, burnt out, rootless, and without hope. We will not be able to find our way anymore.” (Remarque 213) Earlier, as Paul lies in a hospital bed after sustaining injuries in combat, he ponders the expectations of previous generations placed upon him: “What would are fathers do if we suddenly stood up and came before them and proffered our account? What do they expect of us if a time ever comes when the war is over? Through the years our business has been killing; --it was our first calling in life. Our knowledge of life is limited to death. What will happen afterwards? And what shall come out of us?” (Remarque 194) {This isn't bad.} Other contemporaries such as... of Remarque have been influenced by this, and have used the theme of agony.{How does agony relate to your thesis?}

Sixth Paragraph:

It is difficult to find a negative quality in All Quiet on the Western Front that detracts from the overall reading experience. There are some readers expecting an uplifting tale of combat and bravery who may find the novel off-putting in its unrelenting bleakness and often quite gory violence. In one paragraph alone, Baumer describes the grisly injuries sustained by hisfellow soldiers. They are “living with their skulls blown open”, and “running with their two feet cut off as they stagger on their splinted stumps”; some are holding their intestines in; some are seen without mouths, jaws, or even faces; another man tries to avoid bleeding to death by holding the artery of his arm between his teeth for two hours straight. (Remarque 101) Earlier, Baumer comes across a dug-out full of dead recruits killed by poison gas (Remarque 9. Such visceral imagery is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach. Coupled with the bloodshed is the novel’s relentless darkness, which can definitely wear more optimistic readers down. However, All Quiet on the Western Front is not entirely devoid of hope. In the final chapter, Paul has become “alone, and so without hope” that he can survive, day by day, within the trenches, because “the life that has borne (him) through” his time fighting is “still in (his) hands and (his) eyes” (Remarque 214). The final paragraph, told in a third person perspective, reveals that Baumer dies in October of 1918, his face having “an expression of calm, as though almost glad the end had come.” (Remarque 215) In spite of his unpleasant experiences, it is clear that, with his death, Baumer has found a measure of peace and acceptance by the story’s end.

There are some readers expecting an uplifting tale of combat and bravery who may find the novel off-putting in its unrelenting bleakness and often quite gory violence. In one paragraph alone, Baumer describes the grisly injuries sustained by hisfellow soldiers. They are “living with their skulls blown open”, and “running with their two feet cut off as they stagger on their splinted stumps”; some are holding their intestines in; some are seen without mouths, jaws, or even faces; another man tries to avoid bleeding to death by holding the artery of his arm between his teeth for two hours straight. (Remarque 101) Earlier, Baumer comes across a dug-out full of dead recruits killed by poison gas (Remarque 9. Such visceral imagery is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach. Coupled with the bloodshed is the novel’s relentless darkness, which could wear optimistic readers down. However, All Quiet on the Western Front is not entirely devoid of hope. In the final chapter, Paul has become “alone, and so without hope” that he can survive, day by day, within the trenches, because “the life that has borne (him) through” his time fighting is “still in (his) hands and (his) eyes” (Remarque 214). The final paragraph, told in a third person perspective, reveals that Baumer dies in October of 1918, his face having “an expression of calm, as though almost glad the end had come.” (Remarque 215) In spite of his unpleasant experiences, it is clear that, with his death, Baumer has found a measure of peace and acceptance by the story’s end.{This is pretty good as well, is this your thesis??}

Seventh Paragraph:

In the context of Mr. Gregory Mauriocourt’s Western Civilization II class, Erich Maria Remarque’s All Quiet on the Western Front is a valuable and important novel to read, not only when tackling the subject of the First World War, but also to understand the experiences of Remarque and other soldiers who fought in it. Like Paul Baumer, these men were lost in the bloody maelstrom. By the time of the armistice, at the end of the war, their spirits were devastated.

In the context of Mr. Gregory Mauriocourt’s Western Civilization II class {Do you actually need to write this?}, Remarque’s All Quiet on the Western Front is a valuable read, not only when tackling the subject of the First World War, but also to understand the experiences of Remarque and other soldiers who fought in it. Like Paul Baumer, these men were lost in the bloody maelstrom. By the time of the armistice, at the end of the war, their spirits were devastated.

Final Notes:

Mainly find a thesis and stick to it. If you can do that then the rest of the criticism is petty. Also don't ever use first person. And fix your citation. Don't ramble, get tighter.

Also I know that people hate when Connor's writing is criticized because well, at least he's writing but that's stupid because he really enjoys writing so he should learn how to improve.

 

[Ruin]

I just read that book report and I am one hundred percent serious about this. You have absolutely no talent or future as a writer. Give up this silly pipe dream and take an accounting course or something.

 

[chimpburgers]

I just read that book report and I am one hundred percent serious about this. You have absolutely no talent or future as a writer. Give up this silly pipe dream and take an accounting course or something.

He struggled with just one math class. Depending on what college he's at now, he'd probably have to take two different intro to accounting courses to get the gist of the basics and there's a lot of math involved and a lot of time one has to put into really understanding the concepts. Connor's too lazy to do anything for it, so he'd fail easily, I guarantee it.

 

[Ruin]

He struggled with just one math class. Depending on what college he's at now, he'd probably have to take two different intro to accounting courses to get the gist of the basics and there's a lot of math involved and a lot of time one has to put into really understanding the concepts. Connor's too lazy to do anything for it, so he'd fail easily, I guarantee it.

What the hell is he supposed to do? He can barely construct a sentence, he's terrible at math, he's even fatter than Chris and has terrible social skills so both retail and manual labor are out of the question. I mocked the suggestion earlier in the thread but the way things are going a group home for disabled adults may be the only option for Connor.

 

[JU 199]

@Connor Bible Do you know the difference between first-person and third-person? I've skimmed your essay and I've noticed your over-reliance on the first-person. Essay's are academic in nature and need a detached perspective in order to be considered factual.

 

[Emiya Kiwitsugu]

Len doxxed me as being Zoe Quinn, Sluthate is having a civil war, and Connor Bible is now back.

What a time to be alive.

Also, this entire essay isn't even a thousand words.

 

[lolwut]

What the hell is he supposed to do?

Get me my morning coffee at Starbucks.

@Connor Bible
Large cup, and black as the night. Schnell!

 

[Emiya Kiwitsugu]

Get me my morning coffee at Starbucks.

@Connor Bible
Large cup, and black as the night. Schnell!

But Connor doesn't like black things.

 

[Ruin]

@Connor Bible Do you know the difference between first-person and third-person? I've skimmed your essay and I've noticed your over-reliance on the first-person. Essay's are academic in nature and need a detached perspective in order to be considered factual.

He's an extreme narcissist. I don't think he can resist injecting himself into an academic essay.

 

[JU 199]

He's an extreme narcissist. I don't think he can resist injecting himself into an academic essay.

Yeah that's a good point. Everything he's ever written has managed to be about him.

 

[Rin]

Yeah that's a good point. Everything he's ever written has managed to be about him.

Now that's not entirely true. There were parts of Redesigning Eva that were about Molly Ringwald.

 

[JU 199]

There were parts of Redesigning Eva that were about Molly Ringwold.

I stand corrected. Molly Ringwald is the only person ever to triumph over Connor's narcissism.

 

[The Knife]

So how long before Connor returns with "nothing I do is good enough for you people!"

 

[Emiya Kiwitsugu]

Connor I'll whiteknight you if you write more Alphaboy, that way it can warrant more Mauvman writings.

Edit:

So how long before Connor returns with "nothing I do is good enough for you people!"

I think he has at least two posts of trying to be reasonable and agreeing with us that it could be better, before he advances to the next part of the cycle.

 

[Chipmunk's Bounty]

So how long before Connor returns with "nothing I do is good enough for you people!"

If that essay is what the rest of his college work looks like, he should be more worried about doing "good enough" for more people than us.

 

[The Knife]

If that essay is what the rest of his college work looks like, he should be more worried about doing "good enough" for more people than us.

Actually I only said that in the hopes that preempting him would cause him to try a new tactic.

 

[Surtur]

@Connor Bible , please stop sucking.

Thanks,
Surtur

 

[TrippinKahlua]

Connor...... FUCK!

I already explained this to you, that during these summer nights, I've just been too busy enjoying my new life that I don't even know why I am constantly bothering to get some sense in your head.

Now you even have an actual picture of yourself as your avatar, proving what a dumb twat you are. I came to this thread and see the exact same shit... FUCK.

Please Connor, please. I say this as the only member of this place that actually has nothing against you and still don't. Instead of saying you will do it tomorrow, just do this simple task I ask you to do...

Just go to your local Sports Authority with$50 and say to the man "I am here to purchase a kettle bell."

I promise you will not only see quick results, but you will also have a lot of fun doing it, and actually will have that "self-fulfillment" you just spoke about.

 

[lolwut]

@Connor Bible , please stop sucking.

Thanks,
Surtur

Do what the man says, Conner. The Lord of Muspelheim doesn't take no for an answer.