I'm 60% convinced that angie made Amegaotaku up for asspats. Like come on, this virgin loser having a tard rage on a dead website is "vicious"? Angie feels like just the kind of person to have 16 sock puppets made for the purpose of insulting her so she can get pity points.
Not necessarily. Amegaotaku could simply be angie's tulpa.
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I mean, I guess it does offer protection. If I was robbing a house and saw that on the wall I would leave because the person who owned this thing probably has such bad taste they wouldn't own anything of value.
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Nonsense. Who wouldn't want to steal a painting of the blind, faceless albino zygote mermaids living in the darkness of the painter's subconscious?
Honestly, though, all this research into Witchblr has got me thinking a lot lately. My life is in shambles, no one likes being around me, I'm morbidly obese and I'm constantly in fear of the future. Clearly laughing at people isn't fixing any of this. What could?
Magic.
I think these witches have a point. Maybe we've been going about this all wrong. Maybe they really do have the right idea of how to fix everything without actually putting in any effort or having to grow up. So, to honor angie and the other witches, I decided to try it out.
I decided to make a spell
jar bottle and start worshiping Quetzequatal. I mean honestly it's less "worship" and more "friendship"; QQ is a great person (Quetzequatal lets me call xem that. Also xe told me xe is plurality gendered and I totally should've guessed because like DUH god much?). QQ is hella helpful, too! Xe told me about how all the "human sacrifice" crap was lies made up by evil cishet White Christian capitalists to shame the proud, noble and wonderfully enlightened Mayan people for their rich ethnic practices.
Usually QQ likes to have
very rich foods but I'm like "I don't have anything but Corn Flakes" and xe's all "Gurrl, you know it!"
So I offered my
only friend god QQ the sacrifice of a
full half eaten bowl of cereal before chanting in Mayan "Gee my 'n lewe! Gee my 'n lewe!" (I used Bing translator but QQ was fine with it).
Then I charged my spell bottle under the moon (not a full moon, thank QQ! It would've popped like M-80s in my hands from the sheer magical overcharge!)
For those who want to know I put in a pinch of tea grass (symbolizes my awareness), flakes of Cayenne pepper (symbolizes how spunky I am), ear plugs (symbolizes what a living nuisance I am), some skinned deodorant (symbolizes my refusal to bathe), fake mustache (symbolizes my mustache), a human hair (not mine, obvs), part of my credit card and a dime (because I'm broke), a red magical circlet to give it charge and a good dollop of cinnamon (powder, not sticks--
sorry angie!! ).
Last but not least, I gave it the final ingredient before sealing it up: my last breath.
Now I know that my last breath is kept safe in my spell bottle, so unless I open it it'll never be released. I'll never take my last breath! I'm basically immortal!
I'm already feeling a lot better about the uncertain future and my miserable personality, and I didn't have to actually change a thing! Thank you, Witchblr!
