Worst lyrics of all time - For the music fans who would rather have a piece of toast than see a ghost

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EmpireOfTheClouds

EmpireOfTheClouds

They climbed aboard their silver ghost
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Apr 7, 2017
I'm amazed there isn't a thread like this already, so I'll start with my picks.

"In a time where dinosaurs walked the earth,
When the land was swamp and caves were home"
-Iron Maiden, "Quest For Fire"
Ah, the classic implication that dinosaurs and humans lived together.

"I don't wanna see a ghost, it's the sight I fear the most
I'd rather have a piece of toast, watch the evening's news"
-Des'ree, "Life"
How could I skimp out on this "worst lyrics of All time" list classic?

"Hey Jack, will you call me if you're able?
I have your phone number written in the back of my bible"
-The White Stripes and Holly Golighty, "It's True That We Love One Another"
I actually think this song is kinda cute, but what a stretch of a rhyme that is.

"If the light is off, then it isn't on"
-Hilary Duff, "So Yesterday"
I get that this is meant to be a metaphor. Problem is, it's a STUPID metaphor.

"When you spill your guts, they don't go back in"
-Hey Violet, "My Consequence"
Pretty sure that's why they call it "disembowelment".

(the entirety of Where's My Sex by Weezer)
The idea of the song is pretty cute. But writing a song based on a Freudian slip is a pretty flimsy thing to do.
 
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Here's a collection of lyrics that have me at a loss.

losslyrics.jpg
 
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Like everyone, I always liked "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger. A few years ago I was actually paying attention to the lyrics for some reason. That song is dumb as fuck, even by cheesy 80's standards. Now I can't listen to it anymore.
 
EmpireOfTheClouds said:
"I don't wanna see a ghost, it's the sight I fear the most
I'd rather have a piece of toast, watch the evening's news"
-Des'ree, "Life"
How could I skimp out on this "worst lyrics of All time" list classic?
Click to expand...
One of my favorite childhood memories was my mom switching the station in disgust whenever this song came on. It got a ton of airplay when it came out.

The one song I always think of is "I am... I said" by Neil Diamond. Great song overall, but yeesh.

"I am"... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
 
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Dick Pooman said:
One of my favorite childhood memories was my mom switching the station in disgust whenever this song came on. It got a ton of airplay when it came out.

The one song I always think of is "I am... I said" by Neil Diamond. Great song overall, but yeesh.

"I am"... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
Click to expand...
Of course the chair can't hear, it's an inanimate object.
 
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"I'm under Japanese influence and my honor's at stake"
- David Bowie, some song on 'Heroes'

"Bitterness with bitterness you bitter me...
Emptiness with emptiness you empty me...
Darkness with darkness you darkened me
this journey black before me...
Farewell... nothing breathes within me
Harnessbells... sounding cold behind me
A demon... with frozen eyes opened
this journey black behind me..."
- Immortal, "Years of Silent Sorrow"

"Syphillitic Vaginas
Syphillitic Vaginas
TEAR THEIR Syphillitic Vaginas TO PIECES
Kill, i'll kill them perfectly
The gonorrheal penis
Out of mind body is disaster
Your gonorrheal penis
Gonorrheal Penis
Gonorrheal Penis
KILL THEIR gonorrheal Penis FUCK IT"
- GISM, " (Tear Their) Syphillitic Vaginas to Pieces"
 
Rip Van Dinkle said:
"You're Easy Breezy and I'm Japaneesy"
Utada Hikaru's Easy Breezy
Click to expand...
What about from her other English big hit

"What a day, young boy next door passed away
It makes me say I don't wanna waste another day
Could we start mixing gene pools?"

Gotta love the sudden, jarring transition from "omg some kid died!" to "lolsextime"

Or this little gem
" I was kinda like soul searching, but your body's so jaw dropping"
 
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Dick Pooman said:
One of my favorite childhood memories was my mom switching the station in disgust whenever this song came on. It got a ton of airplay when it came out.

The one song I always think of is "I am... I said" by Neil Diamond. Great song overall, but yeesh.

"I am"... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
Click to expand...
That's the only song I'll sing karaoke to.
 
EmpireOfTheClouds said:
Or this little gem
" I was kinda like soul searching, but your body's so jaw dropping"
Click to expand...
The first lyric quote doesn't ring a bell but that bottom one took me back to those days when I was a stupid kid who thought Utada's lyrics were ingenious. I think she was in her mid to late 20s when she wrote a lot of those songs which makes it funnier to me.

Edit: oh fuck I relistend to that song for the first time like 15 years and realized both quotes are form the same song. This whole song is fairly special
 
More picks:

"I ain't even seen her face
But she got beautiful boobies"
-Post Malone, "Spoil My Night"
Yes, that's an actual line. I really wish it wasn't.

"Man, this year I had three hundred one night stands
I keep a pack of Costco rubbers on my nightstand"
-G-Eazy, "No Limit"
Back when I was skinny and twinky, people often told me I looked like G-Eazy and I hated it. And lyrics like this are why.

"I knew that he was different in his sexuality
I went into his parties as a straight minority"
-Rush, "Nobody's Hero"
Neil, please never write about gay parties ever again. Please.

"I am not a robot, I'm not a monkey,
I will not dance, even if the beat is funky"
-Linkin Park, "When They Come For Me"
The best part is how Mike delivers that line.
 
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Fuck the system, man, fuck it up!​
Start the riot! Start it now!​
You don't know? We'll tell you how!​
Come policeman shoot me down! You'll lose ATR is around!​
- Delete Yourself, Atari Teenage Riot​
​
Alec Empire is honestly a terrible lyricist, alot of the stuff he writes sounds super try-hard and cheesy but it's not like you have much variety if you like digital hardcore so... eh
 
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Rip Van Dinkle said:
The first lyric quote doesn't ring a bell but that bottom one took me back to those days when I was a stupid kid who thought Utada's lyrics were ingenious. I think she was in her mid to late 20s when she wrote a lot of those songs which makes it funnier to me.

Edit: oh fuck I relistend to that song for the first time like 15 years and realized both quotes are form the same song. This whole song is fairly special
Click to expand...
It really is a shame, because that bassline fucking SLAPS.

Also doesn't help that it sounds like she's singing "But your body's so jar jar binks".
 
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From the standards:

Best segue:

"A chair is still a chair
Even when there's no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight."
-"A House Is Not A Home" (Burt Bacharach/Hal David/others)

Your date is now deaf edition:

"Howdy folks, let's go for a ride
Get your favorite one to sit by your side
Cuddle up in a sleigh
Giddyap Nellie Grey
And away we go.
While you listen to the sleigh bells ring
You're yodeling to your baby
You'll feel nice and warm
no matter how cold it may be"
-"It Happened In Sun Valley" (Harry Warren/Mack Gordon)
 
Grand_Ole_Ostritch said:
"We were trying different things, we were smoking funny things."- "All Summer Long by Kid Rock
"I'll have the quesadilla."- "Rock Star" by Nickelback
"I'm so 2008, you so 2000-late."- Some stupid fucking Black Eyed Peas Song
Click to expand...
The first one reminds me so much of "There were birds and plants and rocks and things" from Horse With No Name.
 
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"She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always starin' at me
While I'm chuggin' along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy" - She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy by Kenny Chesney
 
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