Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[fuzzdew]

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What is that Tess? A cis person can't be worse than your nb ex??!! *Gasp* were you just being transphobic? ... Or nb-phobic? Whatever people use for that.

I hope that Nick will fucking snap finally and spill the tea. It's a father of your child, Tess. You might hate him, but stop airing your marital problems publicly ffs.

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Dear Lord is that her fridge?

 

[Putin Bot]

Who the fuck would want an everything bagel flavored ice cream. That shit has onion in it. Ugh, it's like how you can buy octopus flavored ice cream in Japan. No thanks, I'm going to pass. And holy shit, who keeps that much ice cream in their freezer!?! And I'm sure that ice cream isn't cheap for those pint sized containers. Halo Top is expensive, and so are all the other brands that sell pint sizes. Perhaps I'm late for saying this, but I think most of Tess's food budget at this point goes towards cake, cake supplies, ice cream, and whatever else satisfies her sweet tooth. I'm sure a family of four or five would use what she gets for a week to easily supply them for a month.

 

[America's Giggling Gigolo]

LOL Cicely Tyson, what a cinema connoisseur two-ton Tess is. I bet she couldn't even name one film Tyson has been in. Fake bitch.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Who the fuck would want an everything bagel flavored ice cream. That shit has onion in it. Ugh, it's like how you can buy octopus flavored ice cream in Japan. No thanks, I'm going to pass. And holy shit, who keeps that much ice cream in their freezer!?! And I'm sure that ice cream isn't cheap for those pint sized containers. Halo Top is expensive, and so are all the other brands that sell pint sizes. Perhaps I'm late for saying this, but I think most of Tess's food budget at this point goes towards cake, cake supplies, ice cream, and whatever else satisfies her sweet tooth. I'm sure a family of four or five would use what she gets for a week to easily supply them for a month.

Jeni’s Ice Cream is $12 a pint. Even people with a steady income can’t afford to buy it all that often, at least not in the quantity Tess has it in.

 

[Angry New Ager]

Who the fuck would want an everything bagel flavored ice cream. That shit has onion in it. Ugh, it's like how you can buy octopus flavored ice cream in Japan. No thanks, I'm going to pass. And holy shit, who keeps that much ice cream in their freezer!?! And I'm sure that ice cream isn't cheap for those pint sized containers. Halo Top is expensive, and so are all the other brands that sell pint sizes. Perhaps I'm late for saying this, but I think most of Tess's food budget at this point goes towards cake, cake supplies, ice cream, and whatever else satisfies her sweet tooth. I'm sure a family of four or five would use what she gets for a week to easily supply them for a month.

Jeni's has been sending her coolers of expensive ice cream on the regular for over a year, now; I assume that's where most, if not all, of the ice cream on display came from. Hey, they know their market--wanna-be hipster fatties who can't fit into any cool clothes, so they'll eat weird flavors of ice cream instead.

Everything Bagel ice cream sounds absolutely fucking disgusting, and if even Tess manages to eat that shit, I'd be amazed. It sounds like something Anna Johnson/Fit Vegan Ginger would eat, in order to punish herself for even wanting ice cream in the first place.

 

[Putin Bot]

Jeni’s Ice Cream is $12 a pint. Even people with a steady income can’t afford to buy it all that often, at least not in the quantity Tess has it in. View attachment 1881897

Holy fuck, $12 per fucking pint!?! You'd think with Tess being woke, she'd be against buying ice cream that expensive. After all, those are capitalism prices, and clearly not what poor BIPOC can afford! I will absolutely love if she gets called out for her bourgeois spending. Though you'd know she'd go "I was just trying to support the small business owner!!"
Fucking hypocrite.

 

[Pina Colada]

Ryann Brady is a gigantic blob. Buy her old clothes, guys! Sitting on cakes isn't going to pay all the bills, apparently!
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Mess, I've seen parachute patterns that are less tacky than yours.

 

[PuffyGroundCloud]

So in that fridge, that's $84 of ice cream right there.
Those are very sweet ice cream which is perfect for our Tubby Tess.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Christ, who on earth has that much icecream in their fridge anyway?

On the other hand, fatso reveals why she's so fat, so what else is new?

 

[Miss Misery]

For fuck's sake, couldn't they have come up with something more appetizing than "everything bagel gravel"?

Gravel isn't food, therefore it's a poor food descriptor.

In addition to the Everything Bagel ice cream she also has:

Brown Butter Almond Brittle: Brown-butter-almond candy crushed into buttercream ice cream. (This one could also be Salty Caramel, Middle West Whiskey and Pecans, or Cream Puff...) Edit: Or a stereotypical choice for a Mississippi gorl, see below...

Sweet Cream Biscuits and Peach Jam: Buttermilk ice cream, crumbled biscuits, and swirls of peach jam.
Blackout Chocolate Cake: A chocolate ice cream quadruple threat with cake, extra-bitter fudge, and chocolate pieces.
Dark Chocolate Truffle (dairy-free): Complex and ethereal flavor from the best cocoa the world has to offer. Finishes with an ultralight whiff of coconut cream.
Goat Cheese with Red Cherries: Mackenzie Creamery goat cheese and roasted, sweet-tart, bright red cherries. Mouthwatering and rich, it's like a scoopable cherry cheesecake.
Pineapple Upside Down Cake: Tart pineapple with red cherries, golden cake, and a gooey caramel swirl. An homage to a perfect American dessert (and one of Jeni's favorites).

...and one I have yet to identify - bottom center.

Edit: Brandied Banana Brulee: Banana custard with small-batch brandy, caramel sauce, and burnt sugar candies. If Bananas Foster and crème brûlée had a baby it would be this ice cream.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

For fuck's sake, couldn't they have come up with something more appetizing than "everything bagel gravel"?

Gravel isn't food, therefore it's a poor food descriptor.

In addition to the Everything Bagel ice cream she also has:

Brown Butter Almond Brittle: Brown-butter-almond candy crushed into buttercream ice cream. (This one could also be Salty Caramel, Middle West Whiskey and Pecans, or Cream Puff...) Edit: Or a stereotypical choice for a Mississippi gorl, see below...

Sweet Cream Biscuits and Peach Jam: Buttermilk ice cream, crumbled biscuits, and swirls of peach jam.
Blackout Chocolate Cake: A chocolate ice cream quadruple threat with cake, extra-bitter fudge, and chocolate pieces.
Dark Chocolate Truffle (dairy-free): Complex and ethereal flavor from the best cocoa the world has to offer. Finishes with an ultralight whiff of coconut cream.
Goat Cheese with Red Cherries: Mackenzie Creamery goat cheese and roasted, sweet-tart, bright red cherries. Mouthwatering and rich, it's like a scoopable cherry cheesecake.
Pineapple Upside Down Cake: Tart pineapple with red cherries, golden cake, and a gooey caramel swirl. An homage to a perfect American dessert (and one of Jeni's favorites).

...and one I have yet to identify - bottom center.

Edit: Brandied Banana Brulee: Banana custard with small-batch brandy, caramel sauce, and burnt sugar candies. If Bananas Foster and crème brûlée had a baby it would be this ice cream.

Damn, some of those sound really good, and now I want ice cream.
But not for $12 a gotdam pint!
Hey Tess, you could buy an ice cream maker (they're not expensive), and have a fun family night making ice cream. Bowie and Rylee would love making their own flavors, and it's something you can all do.
But I guess showing off your virtue-signaling ice cream is more important, so I hope you choke on it.

 

[Miss Misery]

Damn, some of those sound really good, and now I want ice cream.
But not for $12 a gotdam pint!
Hey Tess, you could buy an ice cream maker (they're not expensive), and have a fun family night making ice cream. Bowie and Rylee would love making their own flavors, and it's something you can all do.
But I guess showing off your virtue-signaling ice cream is more important, so I hope you choke on it.

They sound good, but if you consider the reality of them they all end up kind of sickly sweet in my estimation.

Like the biscuits and peach jam one? I'd rather have chunks of peaches or maybe a really lightly sweetened peach preserve.
Pineapple upside down cake? Leave out the caramel swirl - yeah I know that's what makes it upside-down cake, but my teeth hurt just thinking about it.
And I fucking love banana ice cream, but leave out the burnt sugar candies.

And absolutely this could all be done at home easily. If she has a KitchenAid mixer she can get an ice cream bowl for it. Otherwise a halfway decent ice cream maker is less than the price of the pints in her fucking freezer. She could make ice cream with far less sugar that tastes way better and YES involve her kids.

But that? Would require effort. And it's so much easier to DoorDash a pint of ice cream and get it into her piggy hands as soon as possible.

(MOTI and sperging, I know. I love ice cream and I firmly believe that food almost always tastes better when you make it yourself.)

 

[Cheesegirl78]

One of the best ice creams flavors I've had was homemade vanilla ice cream with an entire homemade peach pie mixed into it.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Feh, she's got me reminiscing on how me and my goblin make fake ice cream - old mushy banana, stripped of its peel and thrown into the freezer, then pulverized into thick, whipped 'ice cream' by the food processor. Nothing but banana, fluffy like ice cream, great in a cone and about as healthy as a frozen treat can get.

These would be a tasty treat to have a couple scoops out of a couple times a week, but you know our ShoppityQween, Lady of Filters hoovered that entire container in 15 minutes.

 

[Fliddaroonie]

Sorry if this has been covered already, it is Rylee living with her? If so are her kids being made to share with Olly? Because that is totally gross if they are.

I dont give a fuck what Olly thinks, she is a woman with hang ups about femininity and for her to be sharing sleeping space with unrelated children is sketchy as fuck

 

[Water-T]

Christ, who on earth has that much icecream in their fridge anyway?

On the other hand, fatso reveals why she's so fat, so what else is new?

BUT YOUSE GUIIISSE, EATING JUNK FOOD ISN'T WHY I'M FAT, Y'ALL! It's because, um....uh....OH LOOK OVER THERE! IT'S A BLACK TRANNY!

*Tess attempts to run away, but gets winded and her whale carcass crashes to the ground*

 

[Free the Pedos]

Jeni’s Ice Cream is $12 a pint. Even people with a steady income can’t afford to buy it all that often, at least not in the quantity Tess has it in. View attachment 1881897

Chill guys. It's a business expense.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

jeni’s ice cream is for fat people who need sugar bombed to taste anything. Anyone who loses weight and eats healthier will comment that regular soda will taste way too sweet after a while. That’s because their tastes have recalibrated and it’s not used to the pure sugar that pop will have. That applies to other food not just pop. So it’s not enough to enjoy vanilla, you got to have all kinds of flavors like pineapple and caramel together. That way their target market can say how good it is.

TBH it makes more sense for Jeni’s to sponsor Tess rather than Flabletics. Taking a picture of numerous pints in the freezer would be embarrassing but not to someone who uploads assless and crotchless underwear while weighing over 400 pounds on social media.