I would unironically vote this thread fantastic if Peetz got a girlfriend while still living with Chantal. It requires the most optimistic of
, but my god she would have a meltdown. The one loser she keeps around to put her socks on and make her feel better about herself, and HE gets a lady while Chantal stews in singledom?
It’s more than obvious to us all by now that Chantal looks down on Peetz and considers him beneath her. So for him to get some action (even just a pizza date) would make her tic and reee and fume and plow through all the drive-thrus within 20km like we haven’t seen in a long while. Even if he got an Internet Girlfriend, I can 100% see Chantal finding out and then making not-so-playful “jokes” about it on stream while trying to hide her irritation.
She may even get scared she’ll lose her sock servant and start trying to lovebomb Peetz back with gifts. The possibilities are endless, really.
Come on universe, we just need ONE incredibly desperate lady ham to lower her standards...
Peetz is too much of an introverted, antisocial, cynical, perverted, fantasy-and-anime-obsessed, greasy, filthy, child's-palate-having, autistic, barely-communicative, self-loathing, misanthropic incel to ever really obtain another girlfriend, much as I would love him to. All he knows is the gorefest that is Chantal. The girl would have to be an absolute desperado, and would have to not only initate
ever
ything, but show up at his doorstep in wherever the fuck Peetz lives to make anything happen in the flesh.
Then she would see the reality--the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"-like horror, really--of what life in that apartment is really like. First thing that would assault her is the stench as soon as Peetz opened the door, an indescribable combination of human feces, rotting food, body odour, cat waste, and garbage.
Then she'd get to see Chantal in the decaying flesh (I admit, I would be envious, as she's taken on a warped legendary status in my mind) and would be rendered breathless by what was in front of her. Everything about Chantal would seem like a Wes Craven fever dream, and this poor girl would likely be more than appalled and shocked--she'd be balls-to-the-wall
terrified. I can only imagine what an actual monster Chantal looks like in person; the girl would truly wonder how any human being could cohabitate with this beast, and would look askance at Peetz, the guy who seemed so chill and intelligent and so very, very "woke" online.
Then, of course, would be the Lynchian horror of his bedroom, from the collection of My Little Ponies to the trapped, ailing cat to the innumerable splotches of dried semen all over the place.
All over the place. And of course, Peetz himself, malodorous and greasy-haired and rectangle-grinned and so unaccustomed to being around another human being--let alone an interested woman--would be more stuttering, awkward, and incapable of forming complete sentences than he is now. Not an easy feat. Besides, the first thing he'd do is present her with a cheap Sailor Moon costume that he purchased at Fantasy Factory, and she would likely have expected something a bit more romantic.
It wouldn't work. I can't see how it would. Of course, as someone wise once said, there's a socket for every plug, so maybe there is someone out there who could accept all of this egregiousness. But Chantal would sabotage the absolute fuck out of anything the moment Peetz said, "I'm...kind of dating someone right now." If she ever needed a hobby, it would commence right then and there.
