- Joined
- Nov 25, 2018
Happy 900 pages Kevin!!
We hit 800 pages on February 20th. Oh how the time flies when you willingly expose yourself to horrors even the most iron-stomached coroners would consider repulsive. Anyways, let’s get right into what happened since then, shall we?- Bonnie laments about the Tranch NOT being a dating service despite half of the household being engaged in a polyamorous relationship bound by BDSM conventions
- He then goes on to doompost about the Tranch’s latest project being close to failure
- Kevin unironically bemoans the symptoms of “PMS,” because whenever a woman experiences negative emotions or any other stress, she is an angsty, hormonal bimbo, right?
- Kevin shares his excitement about TWO (2) documentaries being filmed about the Tranch simultaneously
- An interview featuring a highly caffeinated Kevin will most likely appear in the Tranch’s next major motion picture
- Official announcement date for one of the docs to be released March 1st.
- KF user @Meiwaku creates a “TRANCH-O” card: a BINGO-inspired card tailored to the upcoming documentary and it’s glorious
- Bonnie tweets how he feels fat
- A thirsty Twitter account @cleanupboyM specializing in big black… churros pedoposts underneath one of Kevin’s tweets about friendship
- Bonnie posts a selfie of him looking positively doughy with moose knuckle proudly on display
- A stool for squat shitting is spotted in the background of Bonnie’s selfie
- Kevin completely misunderstands and misrepresents the concept of friendship as a wacky, queer sexual transaction rather than mutual respect and appreciation for someone you care about
- Kevin retweets more misogynistic, autogynephilic hogwash about fetishizing being trapped in your sister’s body and women being in a constant state of “no thoughts, head empty”
- We learn just how inhospitable and arid the Tranch is for vegetation and crops as the frost-free growing season is only a mere 64 days out of the year for Westcliffe, Colorado (thanks to KF user @Meiwaku)
- Thus, any prospective crop yields would be pitiful by virtue of the suboptimal location and general troon incompetence
- Twitter troons trigger Kevin into rageposting about how he doesn’t fall in love with everyone that gives him attention and placates to his delusions and fantasies
- Who Kevin flirts with publicly in front of all of Twitter, the millions of people that regularly visit the Kiwi Farms, and the entire Internet at large, is NUNYABUSINESS
- Kevin reminds the Twattersphere about how tenacious the Tranch is, because tenacious is a queer word, yknowwhatimean?
- Local Twitter troon BoringNerdyKate gets retweeted by Kevin in a tweetstorm so misogynistic and loaded with lunacy (i.e. being an incel until he took “girl pills”, claiming women are only allowed to own pink “sissy” laptops for children, and wanting to “force femme sluts into taking their horse piss estrogen”) that even the most staunch anti-feminist would want to listen to an Anita Sarkeesian podcast to cleanse their palate
- Tensions rise among the Tranch members
- An evil CIS woman messages Bonnie on Facebook to wish him a beautiful day and to the surprise of no one, Bonnie views this as a violent threat
- After grifting on GoFundMe, Kevin buys another expensive hunk of plastic manufactured for children
- Bonnie doomposts onto Twitter wherein he reveals he does not feel listened to anymore
- Kevin coomposts on Wedge’s timeline after a nostalgic song primes nostalgic memories of his now-dead sister
- More pictures are released of the Tranch livestock, malnourished and freezing
- To add onto the list of paraphilias and fetishes, Kevin reveals he is a little: a three-year-old girl to be specific
- Speaking of littles and pedophiles in diapers, Kevin swoops in to defend Sophie Labelle: the pedophilic author of the infamous Assigned Male comic who traced the likeness of a one-year-old baby for the purposes of creating pornography
- For the sake of brevity, I’d recommend reading the Assigned Male thread for the full story as my writings here pertain solely to Kevin
- Kevin claims that most transgender people are inherently littles: individuals who fetishize the submissive and helpless nature of toddlers (in ageplay, one individual LARPs as a toddler with their sexual partner LARPing as their caretaker/parent)
- Any criticism towards a pedophile that wishes to work with children and creates children’s comics is “anti-trans hate”
- Threadmaster @0 1 points out that Kevin’s reaction to the Labelle criticism heavily implies that being a pedophile is part and parcel to being transgender
- According to Bonnie, February 2021 looked to be the Tranch’s worst month of yarn sales to date
- For some perspective, the Tranch made about $3000 in February 2020 and less than $300 in August 2020
- To that, I say, “Diversify, bitch LOL”
- KF user @Meiwaku informs the thread about the Tranch’s shoddy alpaca yarn and opines about better uses for their low-quality product
- From what I remember from earlier parts of Kevin’s thread, alpaca wool is largely determined by the animal’s stress level, diet, and living conditions: all of which are abysmal at the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch
- Kevin concooms (cumming at the thought of consumption, a portmanteau of “coom” and “consoom”) at the prospect of preordering new Pokémon games
- Kevin lists his weight at 237 pounds, nicely complimenting his 6’0, brick-wall-of-a-man frame; or 5’11 ¾ inches for you manlets out there
- KF user @Bees in the marmalade reminds us about how the Tranch has a website on a yarn crafting account that has largely been abandoned
- Kevin is having pregnancy dreams again… in these ones, he dreams of giving birth to puppies and dreams of lactation
- The Tranch’s Etsy reviews are loaded with sneak disses and back-handed compliments that illustrate the workers’ sloppiness and the livestock’s uncleanliness by leaving bits of alpaca feed in the fur
- KF user @Meiwaku provides a timeline of Penny’s or rather Phillip Matthew Logue’s life
- Disturbing highlights include being anally raped at age 7, requiring bowel surgery to repair his damaged gastrointestinal tract as well as having a homosexual relationship with another man at age 17, much to the chagrin of his parents
- This post reveals Penny’s son is also interested in alpaca farming
- More of Penny’s BDSM hobby is revealed, as a photo is unearthed of Penny pouring hot candle wax on two naked, doughy troons chained to a bed (with one of them possibly being Kevin)
- Penny had an orchiectomy or testicle removal surgery in the past
- Kevin claims to have killed/short-circuited one of his vibratory sex toys during a “schlicking” session and had to resort to penetrative sex toys to achieve an “orgasm” despite lamenting about his inability to insert anything into that God-forsaken cavern of degeneracy and medical malpractice
- Kevin’s grooming again! He claims that “masturbation and sex are 1,000 times better” when taking HRT
- Kevin grifts for Penny’s work clothes and then refers to himself as a “barren woman” implying infertile women or women that have had hysterectomies are on par with troons
- We learn that Kevin’s sister, Erin Michelle Gibes, is a generic “YAAASSSS QUEEEEN! SLAY!” type leftist that tows the recycled progressive dogma. Not much to note here.
- KF user @Nothing To See Here reveals Bonnie Nelson’s birthname to be Paul A. Mendoza
- Kevin dreams about having sex with biological males “for their cum volume and no other reason”
- Twitter user Videowl_ tears into the seal of the Tranch’s echo-chamber by injecting the Twattersphere with some healthy skepticism regarding the Tranch and their likely fraudulent e-begging
- Following this, Kevin goes into full meltdown and reveals that he spends hundreds of dollars each month on porn and donates $1,000 monthly to keep the Tranch afloat
- Kevin’s troon friends criticize him for e-begging for money, showing off his purchases of plastic garbage, and in turn e-begging for more money
- “As a nonbinary woman,” Kevin begins his nonsensical rant regarding the use of the term “womxn” and concludes with the phrase “I often describe my gender as ‘an AI that discovered femininity and fell in love with it’” further bolstering the rock-solid claim of Kevin being a textbook autogynephile
- Kevin thereafter confirms he cannot insert a finger into his “vag” 1.25 years after his initial penile inversion vaginoplasty surgery by virtue of his abysmal dilating regiment
- KF user @Nothing To See Here found Kevin’s ex-girlfriend, Alexandria Jorbin (born Amiawatoa Annui Downey), as well as the boyfriend that supposedly referred to Kevin as a “lazy sack of shit” and the couple are now married, much to the seething rage of KevKev
- Twitter troon ButSeeking or “Erin Anne” expresses interest in joining the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch as a sort of Plan B
- KF user @Pineapple Fox posts 9News’ photos of the Tranchers feigning labor, giving us some Neanderthal furrowed brows in the process
- The 9News segment on the Tranch was largely uneventful, just a bunch of troons pretending to be competent despite their business being largely insolvent, their collective psychological states are worsening, and their overall reputations are degrading
- In this fluff piece, the leftist media handles the troons with kid gloves
- From KF user @Meiwaku we learn that Bonnie’s mother is part owner of the current Tranch
- We learn Wedge is a certifiable Munchie as he claims to have autism, hearing loss, neurodivergency (some SJW Tumblrista artefact of the past), vasovagal syncope, a panic disorder, dysautonomia, and Meniere’s disease
- The Fake Siege Saga on the Tranch begins Penny requesting money for mountable cameras, BODY ARMOR, and other lunatic shit
- Hysteria ramps up at the Tranch and things are getting tense
- Penny is LITERALLY crying from all the grifting and e-begging, ahem, support from naïve idiots
- The Tranch is claiming to receive constant death threats prompting Penny to stay up all night and patrol the grounds
- The medieval-era castle guard LARP is coming in nicely
- Josie, a trancher, is claiming that the news reporter team that covered the Tranch was sent a letter containing a powder and death threats
- The police are not an option for the Tranchers, randomly and haphazardly firing their rifles in the direction of nature sounds in the middle of the night is the only reasonable solution
- More grifting ensues as a deluge of donations come flooding in
- The Tranch now wants a drone with a thermal camera, retailing at about $2500
- Bonnie believes traffic tailgating them to be a serious threat of violence
- Tranch members show a willingness to shoot and kill anyone or anything that crosses their property lines
- In a homicide case where castle doctrine is invoked, filling your social media with posts expressing giddy joy in the prospects of shooting and killing trespassers (or anyone you deem undesirable) is not a good look
- The journalist in question is Katie Eastman, Twitter account of the same name
- KF user @SIGSEGV marks his triumphant return to the Kiwi Farms doing what he does best: confusing the newfags with his shitposts
- Dia Owl returns to remind the whole of Twitter.com that donating to the Tranch is equivalent to taking $100 bills, dragging them across your rectum, and promptly flushing them down the toilet
- The Tranchers are TOTALLY UNBOTHERED
- They say this while sleeping three-to-a-bed, all decked out in body armor and snuggling their rifles adorned with acrylic painted trans flags
- In times of crisis, Kevin posts his Amazon wishlist, which in part consists of a gaming desk and a Nintendo Switch game, tailor made for home defense against the evil Fash
- Bonnie claims there were trespassers breaching the Tranch’s property lines the night before
- Obviously, no action was taken, as the trespassers do not exist
- Thanks to KF user @Meiwaku, Josie’s real name is Jarrod Hunter Stanley whose life history almost entirely comprises of being an edgy boy enrolled in a military school
- I see his impotent rage generalizes nicely being a Tranch member
- Wedge laments over not being able to coom after his testicle removal surgery
- We learn more about Jarrod’s Facebook presence
- He comes from a loving, supportive, and understanding family
- Being the rageful and petulant little shit he is, Jarrod does not appreciate this and openly and falsely claims his family to be abusive by virtue of them being to the right of Chairman Mao
- Josie claims to have been discharged from the military for being on ADD medication
- A Twitter user, sorryimsosilly, possibly a troll or ModeView himself, anonymously tells Kevin that e-begging after showing off your toy purchases is a bad idea
- Breaking news: Bonnie and Penny have survived another night!
- More troon rage about the super-straight meme taking off: a clear sign that the average person wants absolutely nothing to do with troons and will never date them or force themselves into pity sex
- Kevin Gibes gets retweeted by Lou Gagliardi LMAO
- The thread remarks on the absurd paranoia Bonnie and Penny are exhibiting
- Wedge bought Kevin a t-shirt that reads “I’M JUST A HORNY BUNNY”
- KF user @Lubby Smith reveals more details and horrifying photographs of Norintha/Jen and their withered neovagina and sea urchin pubes
- KF user @Meiwaku likely finds Jen’s name to be Michael S. Radford
- A Yemeni man supposedly assisted the Tranch with their security
- Kevin conflates capitalism with consumerism: a typical mistake for the generic consoomer leftist
- The same Yemeni whiteknight pins the blame for the true and honest “death threats” on George Gramlich, the owner of Sangre De Cristo Sentinel newspaper
- For those unfamiliar with this paper, they are a traditional conservative column owned by devout Trump supporters (aka the Fash, according to the Tranchers)
- Jarrod got a new gun to fight those evil Fash
- Kevin, much like an autistic child, does not understand subtleties and openly pretends the whole “Fash fighting” is a LARP by virtue of their absurd paranoid being “an adventure” and an overall fun time
- Kevin is excited about his “secret friend” from around Custer County
- Presumably another troon, they want to show each other cartoons
- An image of Penny is released where he is sitting in front of the Tranch, armed and ready for whatever gust of wind or plastic bag that will trespass on the holy lands of the Tenacious Eunuchorn Ranch
- It appears that the Yemeni man whom simps for sandwiches is doing PR for the Tranch as he attempts to directly mention every news organization possible to notify them of THE FASH ATTACKING US WOMXN
Sheesh. That one took much longer than the previous two, most likely due to the past 100 pages being highly eventful. I hope you are enjoying my work because I had a ball writing it! Oddly enough, this recap consisted largely of the Tranch members and not Kevin himself. So what's next for the Tranchers? More paranoid rage? Will there be a clash with the Fash? Will we get an announcement or trailer for the next long-form documentary? Will Kevin give birth to an infected ball of hair? Find out more on this week's episode of Honey, I Shrunk My Cock!
P.S. I would love for someone to make a blank template in Wedge's likeness, his tweets would go perfectly with that template.
P.P.S. Happy International Women's Day to women with XX chromosomes only.
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