The Retail Horror Thread 2: More Tales to Chill your Bones

[HypeBeast]

I work at a pretty large clothes store right now and I fucking hate the people who ask really vague questions like, "Do you have dresses?" , of fucking course we do. Then they insist they need me to pick the dresses out for them to look at, because they're too lazy to browse, and proceed to tell me they think everything I've brought them is ugly. Seems pretty minor but these things drive me crazy because I would never be so annoying in public to a stranger.

Also customers that tell you really personal details of their life and try to have a long, one sided conversation while you have things to do.

 

[Ace_Reloaded]

Bless my kiwi retail brethren. I've worked retail the past 6 years and currently work at an electronics store. We mostly sell stuff but we do basic computer repairs, usually virus removal. You don't want to know how many people out there are stunned to discover that if you get a virus from your "personal" sites you're visiting and we clean the virus off, it's actually not our fault when you go back to that "personal" site and mysteriously get the same virus again.

Here's a couple recent stories from computer land:

Spoiler: The Entitled and the Idiot

The Entitled

Guy calls the store and talks to our boss. Says "I want to return my computer, it's brand new and I only used it once. Is that okay? I have the receipt. It's from July." (it was August 1 at this point.)

Manager: "Sure, just bring it in with the paperwork."

Guy comes in. I happen to be behind the counter while he reiterates his story to me and hands me the paperwork. I think to myself that for a receipt from last month it sure is wrinkled and faded. Did he leave it in his car or...

My eyes behold the date at the top. July 14, 2014. 2014. It's a year old. The laptop's SKU isn't even in our system anymore.

At this point I turn him over to a manager because I'm not getting paid to handle this one and we're technically supposed to call managers for returns anyway. The manager on duty, a no-nonsense guy who does not give a fuck, lays into the guy for misrepresenting his situation. The guy predictably throws a fit while the rest of us wonder who the hell buys a high-end laptop, uses it once, and then lets it sit in the closet for a year before deciding to return it. In the end another coworker talked the guy into "accidentally" damaging it somehow and cashing in his warranty, (our extended warranties are actually pretty legit and that would work) but not before the guy starts acting like an entitled douche and screams at us "YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE MY FUCKING COMPUTER BACK OR I'LL THROW IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING WINDOW."

I wish he would have tried. Our windows are made of hurricane glass.

The Idiot

It's a Saturday night, a half hour before closing. We're running around putting out the prices for the next day's ad and dreaming of whatever our Saturday night plans are when a guy (maybe in his 40's. Certainly not in any way part of the age group that may be out of touch with technology or how the internet works. This is important later.) walks in with a laptop and declares, "YOUR program didn't work and now my computer is fucked up, and YOU are going to fix it!"

Naturally all of us are thinking "let me guess you went back to that "personal" site didn't you," but no my friends, it gets stupider than that. What happened is he bought virus protection from us when he bought his computer. Recently he got a pop-up warning him that his computer was riddled with viruses. There was a phone number to call, where a helpful stranger explained that yep, his computer was just bleeding viruses, but if the customer would allow him remote access to it, he would be happy to clean them up.

For whatever reason our customer decided that letting a complete stranger on the other end of a phone number he got off a random pop-up have access to his computer sounded like a solid plan. The next day the computer is an unfixable disaster zone of pop-ups and errors and failures.

Clearly this is our fault.

My coworker informs him the computer is too fucked for anybody at our store to fix and for security's/convenience sake he should probably just wipe it totally, which we would charge him to do. So our customer decides that instead, the thing to do would be to call back the person from the pop-up number. He sits at a chair up front and my coworker immediately finds prices to change nearby to listen in. The 'virus protection agent', no doubt delighted and probably slightly stunned informs him that the virus was worse than he thought and would require more time and effort, but it could be fixed for $300 if the man would like to just read him his credit card number, the name on it, the expiry, the CVV, the zip code it's associated with, and probably his social security number.

At this point the guy bellows into his cell phone "THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?" kicks our door open, and storms out.

I don't consider myself innocent. You don't work retail for 6 years without becoming very aware that there are people too stupid to breathe in the world. But until this day I honestly didn't think anyone fell for those fake virus warning scams anymore. I have to wonder if this guy has also ever lent his bank account to a Nigerian prince.

 

[RV 229]

I once had a typical pissy returns customer throw an old pressure washer at me when the manager refused to take it back. By the way, a typical pressure washer weighs about 75lbs, so hopefully he went home with a back injury after that. (He missed, if anyone's curious.)

 

[Big Nasty]

Somewhat related to retail, so I figured it could go in this thread:

Last weekend, I went to the supermarket that's right next to the race track. I parked in the race track parking lot, where right in the middle of it, I saw a busted-up old chair. Apparently someone had been puking their guts out all over the chair and on the seat was a large plastic bottle half-filled with what could very well have been piss. (#PagingDrBelch)

 

[CrispyBacon]

But until this day I honestly didn't think anyone fell for those fake virus warning scams anymore. I have to wonder if this guy has also ever lent his bank account to a Nigerian prince.

I do tech support for my university. I can't even count the number of times we've had someone come in with a pop-up saying they called the number listed. Also, way too many people still think there's nothing phishy at all about responding to someone requesting their username and password so long as the email sounds even vaguely like it came from us.

 

[Bork Laser]

So I used to work at a hospital as Food Service. But Bork, thats not retail! And it wouldn't be if it the guy in charge of the food service department didn't decide to make it into a "5 star hotel experience" and let guest order room service for a fee of 5 bucks. My first story is a patient who was able to use that 5 star shit to get around his diet restrictions.

Now the hospital was broken up into 5 floors, six if you count the basement.
1 was the outpatient and ER
2 was Moms and Babies
3 was diease, broken bones, normal hospital stuff
4 was the floor where old people died
5 was the cardiac floor

Now 5 was the worst floor to get because of how many diet restriction existed. People get pissed when you tell them they have to eat bland and unsalted foods. But this guy was smart. He was in for a heart attack and was on a real big diet restriction since he was a fat guy. He tried to order a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon. He came up as restricted and we said sorry we cant give it to you.

So this fucker orders room service for guests instead. He orders 5 fucking grilled cheeses with bacon. We thought one of them was for him and since we cant deny room service for guests we had no choice. So I deliver it and go back down. I go back up at the end of my shift and this fat fuck ate all 5 sandwiches because "his family didnt show up and he felt bad for letting that food go to waste" I bolted down to tell my manager because I wasn't gonna be responsible for some guy dieing. My manager sighs calls his nurse and explains what happened. I don't know the rest of the story because I was off the next night but when I came in the morning shift I asked the girl who got the 5th floor and she said his room was empty.

 

[The I Scream Man]

edit quoted in case he changes it

So I used to work at a hospitable as Food Service. But Bork, thats not retail! And it wouldn't be if it the guy in charge of the food service department didn't decide to make it into a "5 star hotel experience" and let guest order room service for a fee of 5 bucks. My first story is a patient who was able to use that 5 star shit to get around his diet restrictions.

Now the hospital was broken up into 5 floors, six if you count the basement.
1 was the outpatient and ER
2 was Moms and Babies
3 was diease, broken bones, normal hospital stuff
4 was the floor where old people died
5 was the cardiac floor

Now 5 was the worst floor to get because of how many diet restriction existed. People get pissed when you tell them they have to eat bland and unsalted foods. But this guy was smart. He was in for a heart attack and was on a real big diet restriction since he was a fat guy. He tried to order a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon. He came up as restricted and we said sorry we cant give it to you.

So this fucker orders room service for guests instead. He orders 5 fucking grilled cheeses with bacon. We thought one of them was for him and since we cant deny room service for guests we had no choice. So I deliver it and go back down. I go back up at the end of my shift and this fat fuck ate all 5 sandwiches because "his family didnt show up and he felt bad for letting that food go to waste" I bolted down to tell my manager because I wasn't gonna be responsible for some guy dieing. My manager sighs calls his nurse and explains what happened. I don't know the rest of the story because I was off the next night but when I came in the morning shift I asked the girl who got the 5th floor and she said his room was empty.

WHATS A HOSPITABLE

 

[Bork Laser]

edit quoted in case he changes it



WHATS A HOSPITABLE

wow thats false flagging content

 

[Linako 2.0]

Reading this thread is making me scared of applying for a job.
but we all have to start somewhere.. right?
stares at Mcdonalds application

 

[AN/ALR56]

Reading this thread is making me scared of applying for a job.
but we all have to start somewhere.. right?
stares at Mcdonalds application

Join the army man,AG least you shoot things.

 

[Bugaboo]

When I was in the states like a year ago I'm in an office max for some reason and some old dude stands at the checkout and screams at the top of his lungs "IF THIS IS HOW IT IS, I'M DONE WITH HP AND I'M DONE WITH OFFICE MAX" because his new printer fucked up and it was past warrenty and then he stormed out, came back 5 minutes later and was far more polite and reasonable.

 

[Linako 2.0]

Join the army man,AG least you shoot things.

hell no, I suck and want to live a small comfy life.

 

[Jonzun]

Back at uni I had a summer job working in a supermarket; it was mostly uneventful (most of the customers were boring middle class couples) but there were a couple of events that happened I'll always remember.

The Tap Dancing Entrepreneur

One of the more eventful customers we had was a woman in her 50s with short, bright pink hair that people hated serving because she would always pay for loads of stuff with masses of small change. The first (and only) time that I served her we ended up getting in a conversation where I told her that I was currently studying music production and the nerdy shit I was doing using different devices to make new instruments (like using GlovePIE to convert Wii remotes into MIDI controllers). Suddenly she got really excited and started telling me she was an entrepreneur and that one of her dreams was to make tap dancing shoes that made sounds as you dance. For the next half an hour she kept getting lottery tickets and started drawing plans of how her shoes would work, dancing in the aisles whiles beatboxing and then describing how she wanted a switch so that the shoes would swear at people instead, shouting "FUCK SHIT WANKER TWAT" in time with her dancing. I saw her a few days later whilst stocking shelves but she didn't remember who I was

The Poop Explosion

At the right of the entrance was a door leading to a small corridor of toilets which mostly went unused, until my last day. I was stacking shelves when a customer asked me if I could have a look at the women's toilets as they believed somebody had an accident. Thinking it was just like a small puddle of piss or something, I went to have a look where instead the front of the store was quite literally, covered in shit. The door, the floor, the walls, it was everywhere. Like seriously, today I still have no idea how somebody was packing that much poop in their colon. Imagine something like this but swap out the blood for shit.

Spoiler: Not real blood

Because I had no idea how to deal with this I asked my line manager what to do, which she told me not to worry as she'll sort it. For the next hour there were repeated calls for the cleaner to sort it out, which it turned out he was refusing to come out as he wanted to drink his coffee and read his newspaper. By that time the smell started spreading and because there was no customers to deal with I was getting everybody from the back room to check it out. I think I was the only person amused because as soon as they saw it they instantly ran back and talked about how disgusting it was. Can't say I blame them.

 

[yasscat]

using GlovePIE to convert Wii remotes into MIDI controllers

off topic, but that's the coolest thing ever

 

[AnOminous]

I do tech support for my university. I can't even count the number of times we've had someone come in with a pop-up saying they called the number listed. Also, way too many people still think there's nothing phishy at all about responding to someone requesting their username and password so long as the email sounds even vaguely like it came from us.

They should probably teach this in preschool. Anyone who by the age of 12 is still calling the number in popups and giving their password to random strangers should be committed to some sheltered setting.

 

[Coldgrip]

This reminded me of the time someone brought in a wild-caught crawfish to our store to surrender. I think it stayed for a few days before it was gone. Not sure what happened to it.

Somebody probably ate it. I know I would of.

 

[Fareal]

All my stories are very slight variations on this one theme, so may I just make a plea?

Kiwis, if you are ever in charge of small children, Build-A-Bear Workshop is expensive. Do not bring them into the store, show them literally everything, discuss with them how much they would like it, and then announce "But it's all too expensive! Time to leave!" and try to leave the store without buying anything.

Just.... don't. It is expensive, it is a pure rip-off, but please therefore just don't bring them into the store. We were not paid to having screaming kids clamp themselves to our legs, bite us, howl until they turned blue, or start self-harming. And the tears. Oh God, the tears. If you want to troll your kids to fuck, please do so at home.

 

[Gaol]

Ah yes the world of retail, one that is easy to get into but not easy to stay in. I've worked at a lot of different places and jobs, from Janitorial work to giving out flyers at streetlights, but I'l share my experiences in the retail world.

The Browser

If you don't know what a browser is in retail terms, it's someone who just comes in to look at things, spends like 1 to 2 hours in a store and just leaves without buying anything, now we all do it but browsers can tend to be worse. I used to work at a now defunct chain that sold computers back when I was in honk college. Mr.Browser walks in to my section and begins browsing computers, I start to chat him up about the latest models, new OS and what not, he gets interested and asks me some prices, I begin to show him different models and start to pile on other things (Printers,Anti Virus,Insurance,etc.) he's all excited and he asks me for a quote, this took about 3 hours of my time but it was gonna be a great sale, I bring him the quote just for him to say. "Thanks I'l look online to see if I find it cheaper." of course I had to keep the friendly fake smile and tell him it would cost a bit more since he would have to ship it and it would have just the basic warranty but he just left. I basically ended the day with low sales because of people like him.

The clueless lady

This one was at the same chain, I was again at my area when a older woman dressed in business suit comes in and starts to inquire about a computer, I start showing her different models and what not and she settles for one, I go to the back storage to get the item and bring it up to the front so she can buy it, she does and leaves, I'm happy because it was an easy sale, however an hour later she comes back screaming that I sold her something different, my manager calls for me and I go to greet her and ask what the problem is, she says I sold her something unnecessary and that I made her pay more and she wants her money back, I am confused since she only bought the computer and nothing else, so I ask her what is this unnecessary thing, well she opens the box and pulls out the actual computer. She says she doesn't need that just the computer. I try not to face palm when I realize what just occurred, she saw the price for the monitor and thought the Monitor was the computer, I explain to her this but she is still adamant that i'm just trying to scam her. "At work I only need to turn this on for the computer to work!" my manager is trying to hold his laugh in but he stays professional and plugs the monitor up so she can see it doesn't work and I shit you not the words that came out of her mouth "OH MY GOD YOU WERE GOING TO SELL ME A BROKEN COMPUTER!" in the end we just gave her the money back but after she left we started laughing and it became a joke.

The Daycare

Back after said chain closed, I found another job at small video game chain that sold old games (nes,snes,etc.) it was a nice place and I managed to snag a few things (Dreamcast that could play burned cd's, Snes,Mint Dragon Warrior NES game,etc) we had a few consoles for people to try out games (NES,SNes,Sega,N64,etc.) so it wasn't unusual for people to leave their kids around for a bit while they shopped at the target next door, most kids were well behaved and I would sometimes even get a sale when a kid got really interested in Mario Bros. However one night it was almost closing time about 9pm, it was just me and my manager and he wanted to leave early because it was his wife's birthday which I didn't truly mind. So at almost 9:30 this guy comes in with 4 kids and starts browsing the store, we are talking and then we notice the guy left, the kids are running and screaming playing hide and seek behind the shelves, fighting for controllers and getting angry when they lose, one of them even tries to reset the console (which is under key) by trying to force the lock open, my manager tells them to knock it off but they just keep going, it's now 10 and we wanna close and the dad is still nowhere to be found, so the manager goes into rage mode and just pushes the kids out of the store closing it, the dad comes back and starts screaming that he is gonna sue us for endangering his kids, how they could had been kidnapped and what not, security comes and we explain and soon the guy is asked to get out of the mall, we ended up closing at 12 am because they had spilled snacks and disturbed the cases and what not.

The console mom

This one day I'm working on the floor when this mother comes in, she wants to buy a game for her son's console, I ask her which and she says Halo, I'm happy to oblige and go get the game from the back, as it's customary we tell her the game's rating and what it contains, I ask what console it is he has and she says it's a PS2, I frown and tell her this game is for an Xbox and it won't work on a PS2, she gets upset and tells me she needs to buy it anyways. I explain they are different consoles made by different companies. "But they both use CD's!" she exclaims "Yes but they are made for different machines, it's like how a engine for a Ford won't fit a Toyota, they are both engines but made for different cars" she is still adamant and pull this jewel. "Well I have a friend who is a hacker and can hack the PS2 to play Xbox games" I look amused but I shrug, I sell her the game regardless, next day she comes back pissed that the game I sold her won't work.

 

[Overcast]

Not sure if a bowling alley is considered retail, but since we do have both a bar and a cafe, I suppose it does.

As a porter, I have to check the restroom regularly. I've seen messes of various kinds. Vomit in the sinks, shit on the floor, used diapers just lying there on the ground, ect.

One time I was checking the restrooms, and this cop walked out of one of the stalls. I checked in there and found the toilet seat covered in urine.

An officer of the law was the last kind of person I'd expect to not lift the seat before peeing. But there you go. : /

Outside the restrooms, I've met some ornery customers. There was this one group of guys who took my roll of paper towels behind my back while I was wiping down the glass on the front doors. As I was looking for it, they told me another guy who was working there took the roll. I asked where he went and he pointed me out to a parked car. I asked which car, and then he pulled out the roll. He and his friends had a pretty big laugh. I was kinda pissed at them for doing that.

I know it was a joke, it's just that I was trying to do my job and then these random guys go and waste my time.

 

[nonnewtonian]

At my previous job (grocery store), there was also this strange old lady who would come in at least twice a week. She would always try to find someone to talk to, be it customer or employee. She would also ask if she could use our phone to call someone. We'd let her use the spare phone at the customer service counter, and she'd sit there and talk for upwards of an hour at a time. After a while, one of my managers started worrying that she might be talking to someone about drugs. After all, she did behave strangely and, according to one of my co-workers who knew her, had a history of drug abuse. So one day my manager decided to do a little snooping and listened in on her call using the office phone.
All he heard was her voice and the dial tone.
She wasn't talking to anybody.
He tried listening in a few more times over the course of several months. Every single time, there was no one on the other end. She was having imaginary conversations with herself.