Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[wedgehog]

I know at least five or six, but there's only one who's interesting enough to talk about. In high school I bonded with a very femme guy over a shared love of fashion. We would go to thrift stores and try on dresses together, then go home and do each other's makeup. He didn't think of himself as a woman, and neither did I; we were just dorky theater kids messing around. I distinctly remember him telling me once that he "couldn't imagine not having a penis".

We remained friendly for a few years after high school and gradually lost touch. About a year ago (a good ten years post-graduation), he messaged me out of the blue to tell me he was transitioning and to thank me for the role our friendship played in "cracking his egg". I sincerely hope he is happy. But it makes me sad that someone who by his own admission does not experience physical dysphoria feels the need to medicalize his gender non-conformity. In a different society, he could have been a successful drag queen or makeup artist.

I miss the age of true gender benders. I don't know if we'll ever get it back. It used to be so campy and fun and genuinely subversive. In 2021, it's a rigid, humorless caricature of itself, reinforcing the stereotypes it was once instrumental in breaking.

 

[Govt. Shitposting Machine]

See, this is something I don't get about troons. Like your friend was independent and was getting her life back on track... And then she slips into a body mod cult, moves in with parents and probably doesn't realize how her life was better before. Almost all of the trans people that I known had their life get worse after transitioning. People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins lives.

The real bizarre shit is that she just fell for it all again after going deep into radical feminism and lesbian seperationism, and the minute she talks to one tranny, she believes it all again.
Even after learning the truth, how can you go back to believing all of the lies? You saw how it ruined you and your relationships before and now you're doing it AGAIN? I already crawled out of pro troonery years ago and can't see myself ever going back to advocating for them.
It's some fucking Stockholm syndrome shit.

 

[Tree]

See, this is something I don't get about troons. Like your friend was independent and was getting her life back on track... And then she slips into a body mod cult, moves in with parents and probably doesn't realize how her life was better before. Almost all of the trans people that I known had their life get worse after transitioning. People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins lives.

Probably not so much transitioning causing these things as much as a failed mental state causing them both. I have to think this is modernity (the internet and all its consequences) breaking people in all sorts of different ways.

Only exposure I've had to this insanity is my brothers friend's middle school sister was ugly and fat and sad about it so "transitioned" (taking hormones) for the social capital. Hard to think they would bother if it weren't for the special treatment. It's sad because I have a heavy relative who is heavy but she's a nice lady married to a respectable heavy guy. If this girl would have just had to tough it out chances were good she'd be all right too, but now who knows how fucked her future is, partly from the drugs, but equally from the sorts of people she'll find herself around now.

 

[AMHOLIO]

I'm sorry to hear that. That's one thing about people trooning out I never understood, how they are so willing to believe almost strangers while completely ignoring friends and loved ones who have been there for them forever. That must be some sort of mental defect, because it's really not normal.

People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins live

I think you guys are looking at this from a rational perspective of someone and not a warped one.

Here's my guesses:

• Lovebombing - incredibly powerful for touch and attention starved people as well as those with low self esteem, mildly powerful for those who don't. Also incredibly attractive to narcs.
• Looking for a group - those who feel lonely in their current area even if they have family and friends farther away. Covid has shown how crazy people can get when isolated, and being alone without a decent ability to make friends or the opportunity to makes ANY accepting group attractive. A lot of high school incels who grow out of it say that's why they hung out when they were there. Even if something is bad, its better to be surrounded by people than cast out of a group to some people.
• The Panacea - a solid answer to life's complex problems like "you're depressed and anxious about 4 different things that happened in the past plus you have a phobia and low self esteem and hardly any friends" isn't years of therapy and medication roulette, its "YOU WERE A [GENDER] THIS WHOLE TIME!" Therapy isn't a straight path. Transgenderism is seen as one in spite of the movement trying to say "explore your gender, everything is malliable". It has clear steps and everything, just look at the MtF timeline: put on lady clothes, say and act like ladyee, get hormones, then you either stop because you're not THAT dysphoric about your dick or you keep chopping things off and putting them on until you realize all that you just did won't change that you have to live with yourself as a person and body forever and the panacea was a lie the whole time.
• Sunk cost fallacy - the more time one sinks into troons or a group of "friends" who are troons, the more one wants to not admit they were wrong and suckered in. Plenty of former cultist and literature about cultist will talk about this much better than I can, its worth a read if you're autistic about psych and have the time. It is surprisingly powerful.
• Shit self esteem and doubt - if you're a person who's been worn out by bullying or what have you, you will let others think for you. Maybe its because you were told you were stupid so others are smarter than you, maybe it was because you are so used to going with the flow and keeping in line (because if you didn't daddy would beat you for not walking on egg shells), maybe something else. Whatever it is, you're camouflaging yourself so stronger personalities or people you are terrified of dropping you don't hurt you. Its a hard cycle to break without therapy or a good epiphany.

In hindsight, I really should have known better; I've seen enough people I care about self-destruct that I've gotten a sense for the signs.

What are the self destruction signs, if I may ask? I think those would help people in this thread greatly. Feel free to share any other tips if you feel like it as well, a lot of us need copium.

 

[Gravityqueen4life]

you guys sure have alot of friends that tron out. growing up in a ghetto was a good thing no faggots around.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

and being alone without a decent ability to make friends or the opportunity to makes ANY accepting group attractive.

But a lot of them DO have friends and loving relatives, that's the thing. It's the friends that are posting here, about suddenly losing someone they're known for years. The question is, why are the 'old' friends and relatives not enough for these people, causing them to seek out toxic groups. Maybe that's where the lovebombing comes in...

 

[CobraPlissken]

Spoiler: long, potential indirect powerleveling

So far, I only have one (former) friend who trooned out: a severely underweight young woman diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and anorexia nervosa (binge-eating/purging type), a history of parental abandonment (her dad abandoned her family to raise another one in the other side of the country only to suddenly come back years later like nothing had happened; her alcoholic mom was too drunk to care about her daughter cutting her own limbs, starving herself and throwing up what little she ate to the point it visibly fucked up her teeth with stomach acid) and grooming by a male teacher in her teens.

Back then I didn't think it was a red flag, but she was really obsessed with that tranny Tim Curry character and what seemed to be an effeminate, young male character from what looked like an old Italian pedo-bait film? (fake edit: I searched a bit and it turns out it was Björn Andrésen from Death in Venice). While not styling herself as intentionally androgynous, due to the years-long, extreme malnourishment, she was physically stunted to the point she looked like an 11yo, so obviously she felt very out of place as a woman in her twenties.

We lost contact for a few years and I recently found out that after sharing a place with not only one, but TWO FtMs who 41%'d themselves WHILE LIVING WITH HER, she's trooned out too, considers herself an enby but uses exclusively male pronouns, is medically transitioning (which horrifies me the most, since she's always had very poor grasp on her own identity, and with her internal organs already wrecked by anorexia nervosa, she's the last person who should be taking T), is in a long-distance relationship with a MtF tranny (but she's 100% queer and totally not straight with extra steps!!), and her social media profiles, which used to be quite artsy and interesting, are now just lonely screeches to the void with zero engagement about how much she hates herself, how she should've died a long time ago and how she always drives the people she loves away (not to mention the odd self-aware comment on how no one actually sees and will ever see her as anything other than a female).

I'm sad for her, because even though she was very mentally ill, she was a really sweet, bright and talented girl, and for a while she seemed to be making progress against her learned helplessness, gaining independence from her parents and becoming successful in her professional little niche, and had she found proper treatment and kept distance from her dysfunctional family, I think she could manage her illness well enough to live a fulfilling life.

Unfortunately, transgenderism rotted her brain to the point of no return: she's just a neet living with parents who don't give a fuck if she kills herself under their roof as long as she doesn't interrupt their alcohol binges; she doesn't have any ambition, wasted years doing nothing for her career, and she didn't even use this time to raise a family of her own, so she has nothing going for her; she's driven away the "transphobes" who genuinely cared about her, and has only other tranny crabs-in-a-bucket as her "friends"; her barely pubescent-looking body is now covered with hair along with the self-harm scars and she's probably sporting a clenis, not to mention the irreversible damage to her organs at this point.

It is sad to admit it, but I do think she's better off killing herself than living like that, and I don't have any hope she will get better.

 

[BroccoliBrain]

Without powerlevelling I think I have some worthwhile advice although it only applies to people with relatively mild personal problems and not troonery that stems from fetishes or those with backgrounds out of a horrorcow thread. They need to be put in an environment that gives them something to do outside of the cult. It could be anything, a club, a band, a job, classes, it has to get them away from the internet and back into the physical world where they achieve things and have accomplishments that has nothing to do with transgenderism - where trooning out objectively becomes more trouble than it's worth.

Unfortunately I know you can't play personal therapist to friends. You can't always be there to catch them. I DO NOT recommend 'redpilling' them but if they're still willing to listen to you, keep challenging their thinking. And I don't mean debate/argue with them but... question them, as if you're just incredibly ignorant and need them to explain how things work from the ground up. Keep asking 'why' and hopefully they're intelligent enough to catch on and do a bit of self-reflection because people who defect from cults always began by thinking for themselves.

Some people are too weak-willed to do that or they're too far gone, but I'd rather think of solutions for those who can still turn things around. Better than rolling over and declaring the world is ending because of troons.

 

[1440p Curved Monitor]

think you guys are looking at this from a rational perspective of someone and not a warped one.

That's a good point. I've been in worse positions and mental states than more than half of the transpeople I know yet somehow I haven't trooned out. Being grounded to reality is probably the biggest factor.

They need to be put in an environment that gives them something to do outside of the cult. It could be anything, a club, a band, a job, classes, it has to get them away from the internet and back into the physical world where they achieve things and have accomplishments that has nothing to do with transgenderism - where trooning out objectively becomes more trouble than it's worth.

Notice how in the trans community, they actively try to make troons only socialize with other troons. There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring. Pulling them out to groups where there isn't trans people will be hard because they're encouraged not to and will feel scared when they're not surrounded by their cult.

 

[AMHOLIO]

That's a good point. I've been in worse positions and mental states than more than half of the transpeople I know yet somehow I haven't trooned out. Being grounded to reality is probably the biggest factor.

Notice how in the trans community, they actively try to make troons only socialize with other troons. There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring. Pulling them out to groups where there isn't trans people will be hard because they're encouraged not to and will feel scared when they're not surrounded by their cult.

I feel you. It really is different for everyone. I feel like I could have trooned out as a gounger woman due to disliking my breast and enjoying masculine hobbies, but never did since it was before the troon crusade and I was absolutely fine with my body otherwise, something that plays a critical road to avoidance. Glad you're connected to reality for this.

You knoe, in spite of their fear mongering, it is more likely most of them want cis partners. Imagine that.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring.

But on the other hand these insane ghouls are always angry that "cis" people don't want to date them. You would think they would push t4t (troons dating troons) but that's not happening.

"Cis" is just troon speak for normal people. It's dumb bullshit but what do you expect from this cult?

 

[It Burns]

What are the self destruction signs, if I may ask? I think those would help people in this thread greatly. Feel free to share any other tips if you feel like it as well, a lot of us need copium.

The best way I can describe this to others in a general sense is some sort of massive break from or compromise of an individual's strongly held beliefs/characteristics, usually in order to support another long-held belief or characteristic. The details of these are going to be different for everyone, but in my experience this is the last step before one more crisis that finally starts the meltdown. That's not to say a meltdown is guaranteed, some people may manage to right themselves, but it's usually too late to do anything at this point.

That or I'm a person on the internet who's a bit schizo and trying to rationalize why people turn out even crazier than me. Take your pick.

 

[TiredAndInked]

Known a few who've transitioned and it was just another day. If they're happy and not hurting anyone. Cool.

Then there's my ex.

Been together for eight years. She became obsessed with an online D&d show. Met someone there. Would stay at work late to video chat. Believed this person (who claims to have multiple personalities) is their actual twin soul and they're going to spend the next hundred lifetimes together. Went trans with the xey/xem thing. They got married six months later to the cheater, and only reason I knew is because they had to email me with the "being trans gives me a blank check to be this way".

Tldr: I did the numbers and took a chance, but Holy fuck I'm bad at math.

 

[AMHOLIO]

They got married six months later to the cheater, and only reason I knew is because they had to email me with the "being trans gives me a blank check to be this way".

Tldr: I did the numbers and took a chance, but Holy fuck I'm bad at math.

I'm glad for your chill friends, but holy shit you can win "most nonviolently derranged exs" competition wherever you go. I hope you got some good support for that and got yourself right from that.

I'd say an email absolving herself from her dickery was tasteless, but this is a person who wants to be known as xe so her taste are long gone.

That's not to say a meltdown is guaranteed, some people may manage to right themselves, but it's usually too late to do anything at this point.

I'm logging this for a rainy day to see if your hypothesis works, and I have a feeling it does. Thanks man.

 

[PandaChai]

I am absolutely terrified that one or more of my siblings will troon out. Without giving too much away, each has their own risk factors which make me worry. It's callous, but after the child of a family friend came out as trans she soon after sadly took her own life, and that might be just enough to deter them from following the same path.

 

[Niggernerd]

how they are so willing to believe almost strangers while completely ignoring friends and loved ones who have been there for them forever

Because "they just don't understand the pain I'm going through"
A lot of them have this woe is me teenage attitude about this stuff. When in reality, your amily and friends are telling you trooning out is a big mistake because they don't want you to become a freak and 41% yourself and not because they hate you.
They automatically assume people they know are close minded and unconsciously bigoted but randoms are so open and understanding the troof!
Its a clownworld thing i don't understand and something i don't want to understand.

 

[TiredAndInked]

I'm glad for your chill friends, but holy shit you can win "most nonviolently derranged exs" competition wherever you go. I hope you got some good support for that and got yourself right from that.

I'd say an email absolving herself from her dickery was tasteless, but this is a person who wants to be known as xe so her taste are long gone.

Thank you. Yea, there was definitely some damage from that entire screwed up situation. The high point was her friends blaming me for this, which really illustrated how messed up that entire circle was.

 

[Finder]

At least one person in my family has been taken in by this insanity and I really fear another is soon to follow them. I'm going to pretty vague, but enough for you to get the picture.

The family member who went down this path is a few years younger than myself and I honestly blame the internet for them trooning out. As a teenager they dated the opposite sex until about 18, when they started dating the same sex. Whatever really, lots of people come out as gay later on so I wasn't very concerned. A few years later after being married to someone of the same sex they suddenly trooned out, almost overnight. It was very sudden, they ended up on HRT almost immediately, are no longer with that person, and are now back to dating the opposite sex, or at least attempting to.

I didn't care at first because like most normal people I knew nothing about the whole trans thing and thought it was basically advanced cross-dressing. I only started to care once I learned more about it. This person has been taking HRT for years now, has a completely different voice, and frankly doesn't resemble the person I grew up around very much. They are now planning to get all the surgeries within the next few years and it's hard watching them do this knowing what to expect when they aren't even aware of it themselves. Of course I can't say anything or try to warn them off, that's completely not allowed.

Their mother was beside herself for years trying to come to terms with this, and their father (one of the most openly based people alive) is absolutely convinced they'll 41% and has tried to come to terms with it before it happens and to scare them off of this path (which hasn't worked).

It's super awkward when this person is around now, no one knows what to say and everyone is always walking on eggshells around them. You can feel the discomfort in other people when they try to use different pronouns for this person and some go to great lengths to not use pronouns at all (like myself).

I directly attribute all of this to Tumblr and ROGD. This person was a completely normal gay person, until they found that website, and once they did everything changed. They were always quite a suggestible person, so I'm not shocked they were taken in by it so easily.

I'm really worried their sibling is already lost, because that person has fully bought into all this gender stuff and I know for a fact they wear a binder. Thankfully that person is super unmotivated to do almost anything, but I'm still expecting them to come out as trans at some point in the next few years.

I really worry about the future of both of these people, but ultimately there's nothing I can do except watch from the sidelines.

Oh one more note, this sort of thing is almost unheard of where I live, and yet two people in one family end up falling down this rabbit hole? Crazy.

 

[BroccoliBrain]

That's a good point. I've been in worse positions and mental states than more than half of the transpeople I know yet somehow I haven't trooned out. Being grounded to reality is probably the biggest factor.

Notice how in the trans community, they actively try to make troons only socialize with other troons. There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring. Pulling them out to groups where there isn't trans people will be hard because they're encouraged not to and will feel scared when they're not surrounded by their cult.

See the advice I wish I could've given in that post was how to actually do it. I haven't thought of a way the average person could get their friends out, I'm too aware that even parents can't wrangle their own kids away from this shit even when they have all the resources to do so. Something like a whole-neighbourhood intervention is just pure wishful thinking.

 

[PandaChai]

Spoiler: Powerlevelling

I thank God each and every day that this troonery bullshit was not around while I grew up. I've always been effeminate, even as a child. At 15 I used to cry myself to sleep that I wasn't born a girl, at 17 I started dating someone who encouraged me to crossdress, at 19 I went by "whatever pronouns". Had I been a decade younger, I would have been fast-tracked to troonsville so quick it would make your head spin. Today I am (nearly) 30, and comfortable as an effeminate fag. Fuck trannies and their misery-death-cult.