Matt Gaetz Allegedly Snorted Coke With Escort On County Payroll, Very Classy If True!
Putting the PARTY in party of family values. Allegedly!
www.wonkette.com
Did Matt Gaetz snort coke with a prostitute in a hotel room paid for with campaign dollars? Dunno! But it's a safe bet federal investigators have a pretty good idea. And maybe the rest of us will get the deets soon, since Matt Gaetz's former wingman Joel Greenberg is pleading guilty in a Florida courtroom this morning.
The latest PeenerGaetz update from the Daily Beast's Jose Pagliery and Roger Sollenberger has got us no closer to understanding what exactly an "amateur Instagram model" does at work — sounds kind of porny, maybe! But they did supply us with a shitload of salacious details about "paid escort and amateur Instagram model" Megan Zalonka and her relationship with Greenberg and Gaetz, so we'll forgive the omission.
And of course he wrote off the hotel room as a campaign expense! Because what is donor money for if not to keep our elected representatives horny and high? Allegedly!
Naturally Gaetz's crack PR team of three toddlers in a trench coat tried to paint their client's refusal to answer specific questions as the conduct of a chivalrous gentlemen who holds women in the highest regard.
"Congressman Gaetz won't be commenting on whether he dated or didn't date specific women. The privacy of women living private lives should be protected," huffed Harlan Hill of Logan Circle Group.
Witnesses tell a slightly different story, confirming to the Beast that "She was just one of the many pieces of arm candy he had," and describing an ongoing exchange of money for sex.
For her part, Zalonka's attorney says the story is not "accurate," although he didn't specify how. Was the cocaine on the toilet tank instead of the counter? Inquiring minds want to know! They'd also like to know what Zalonka, who works as "communications director for the American Medical Marijuana Physicians Association" with Gaetz's pal Dr. Jason "Ganja Handjob" Pirozzolo, did for $3,500 a month courtesy of the Seminole County taxpayers. After regular $500 Venmo payments from Joel Greenberg for "Pool" and "Food" and "Stuff," Zalonka wound up on the county payroll in 2018 in a contract signed by Greenberg on January 10 of that year. The county only cut Zalonka checks in January and April, but Greenberg advanced himself cash in that amount in February, March, and May.
Who can say what this woman was doing in exchange for cash from Joel Greenberg, who routinely Venmo-ed young women cash for "salad," "ice cream," and "ass?" Yes, it is entirely mysterious!
Here's a description of some services provided by Zalonka to Greenberg shortly after she signed the contract.
How you livin', Matty G? Still confident that all these people will keep their mouths shut about what you stuck up your nose and where you stuck your junk, allegedly and allegedly?
Yeah, good luck with that.
