I've just had an argument about this today, and while I don't feel any guilt or shame about what I said I can see I definitely have caused a rift and further problems for myself saying it.
I get on very, very well with my partner's family. The in laws drop in several times a week unannounced, I babysit my partner's nieces and nephews fairly regularly and all that sort of thing. I don't mind it at all, it took a lot to get used to since my own family really aren't like that at all but I've adapted fairly well. They're all fairly atypical middle class socially progressive but economically conservative types.
Today my partner's older sister dropped in, and announced that her oldest girl at 16 has started to troon out. It seemed to happen pretty much over lockdown. She was a generic unremarkable peroxide blonde Starbucks wielding teenager who spent too much time on Instagram, but during the lockdown has spent increasing amounts of time becoming more withdrawn, spending even more time online and dressing in a fairly grungey manner. Slowly at first, but from what I gathered it hit lightning speed after her boyfriend of almost a year dumped her for a mutual friend.
Her mother has always been peak progressive "I want to be cool" Mom; she was nothing short of excited, her behaviour suggested to me she was actually pleased by the whole thing. In hindsight I should have seen it coming, but I stayed quiet and the partner was a bit dumbstruck.
"So, like we're going to hold a "Pride" party for his coming out. Itll be good to see we're all allies and he is valid. Maybe Dildo could make ?more of those cute cupcakes like he did for (other sisters) 30th?"
"Valid" must be a trigger word for me, because something clearly crossed my face while I was finding things to do in our open kitchen to avoid getting in on this. She asked what was up, I avoided answering, but she kept poking and poking and even my partner tried to pull her off that track (He doesn't have an opinion on troon shit and just says whatever he thinks will please his audience, ever the pacifist).
At first I said I couldn't go because they would post pictures and my role in a religion department wouldnt let me be political on current issues (my university wouldn't give a shit, it's secular), then I added on that sometimes it's nice to not have the spotlight on LGBT stuff because you want to be treated normally and not special or at least I know I did. "I'm really disappointed in you Dildo, and all of us, I had no idea you felt so oppressed by heteronormativity and we had all just not felt this".
"I'm not oppressed Jane (not her name), Im just not into Pride as a thing. Look at where I live and what I do, does it look like the straight white man is bullying me?"
Cutting it short I basically flat out admitted I don't want to get involved. I'll be nice, I'll use her pronouns to her face and even use her new name but please don't make me participate in this.
Jane went fucking rage mode. Shes in her mid forties and literally started full on screaming like a Tumblr feminist teenage girl that I was a bigot, shes disgusted, she thought I left my Catholic bigotry in the past and that I was a "threat to our (their families) children" and that she wouldn't step foot in our house again, she was just glad she didn't bring her kid to tell me because she can't imagine how much pain it would have caused her that her uncles partner (I was Uncle Dildo prior to this) was a "Tory bigot". I couldn't help but laugh at the last one, since other than her I'm fairly sure most of their family votes Conservative and even she's a very tentative Liberal Democrat who holds her nose at Labor.
To his credit, my guy did interceed on my behalf while she was there and told her to chill the fuck out and not to talk to me like that. Once she left, we had an argument where he wanted me to apologise and offer to make the cakes (The "It was just so big a shock, thank you for teaching me how to be an ally" speech) and now we're not talking today because I've dug my trench and said I'm not going to celebrate a teenage girl starting a lifetime of pillpopping.
Jane's father has called me today and told me in a very carefully worded way he wasn't entirely pleased with the news but "You know how things are these days, you have to be supportive".
It's wonderfully ironic. I'm being guilted by radlibs and browbeaten betas into make cupcakes for troons, I was fucking for the Christians not baking the gay cake.
I'm aware Kiwifarms isn't my support circle, but I thought I'd share since I'm sure you'll enjoy the irony.