Chantal craves attention first and foremost. It was her first dopamine rush. From childhood she has revealed herself to be jealous of others (Nat) and the type of monster that would do anything, no matter how shameful to get everyone's focus on her: Fake drug overdose, sexual promiscuity, overeating/stealing food.
Her family set her up for failure by giving into her so they didn't have to deal with the demon they created. Whatever personality flaws might have been inherently present, Smee and Gran cultivated them rather than nipped them in the bud. Chinny learned that tantrums, threats, guilting, sulking, and general manipulative assholishness were the key to getting what she wanted on demand. Which is her secondary dopamine rush- instant gratification at the expense of others. A reward for having to remind her family why she is so special and deserving. A fat annoying child devoid of respect for anyone. Who expects to get what she wants and best of all nobody really telling her NO.
It's doubtful that she could ever keep friends. Friendships were transactional even then. It must be on her terms and what she wants to do. Never reciprocal. As she got older, and weirder, fewer kids probably wanted to interact with her. Her self esteem started to take a nosedive. She became more isolated and lonely, only attracting outcasts like Peetz who fit the bill nicely- friendless, weird, and spineless.
As a teen, she had honed her craft. Smee puts her foot down, Chinny fakes an overdose. Chinny lies and whines about psychological turmoil over whatever and someone steps in to rescue her. There are never any repercussions. No accountability. No responsibility. The feeble attempt to send her to camp to sort out her issues might have been Smee's epiphany that she created a monster, but it was too little too late.
While stealing the spotlight and pitching hissy fits might have been easy to achieve as a child and amongst family, she has had to get increasingly creative to achieve the same in her adult life. Which is where we are today.
Her storytimes, true or not, are a window into her psyche. How she views herself, the contempt she has for others (especially women), and how little she respects nor values others; including loved ones. I won't rehash, we have heard them too many times. Suffice it to say that she thinks she appears "cool", but in reality she comes off as a disgusting, try hard, puerile freak. It's all about "shock and awe" at any cost as long as all eyes are on her.
That said, there is a lot of down time when you are with yourself. Alone with your thoughts. Especially as an adult on your own. An underappreciated Senegalese manlet can't attend to you 24/7 no more so than Smee could when she had a job, a new husband and a new baby. There are A LOT of intrusive thoughts telling her what everyone knows and that she consciously can't admit: She's a big fat fucking failure. Things were harder to achieve than she thought. Adulting takes effort. Without people actually doing shit for her, she cannot function.
"Shhhh! I said SHHHHHH!".
Food was a friend as a child. Someone there after school to share a cartoon with. To comfort her when nobody wanted to play with her or invite her to their party. Now as an adult, food has become a lover, a friend, a confidant, and a way to get another dopamine rush that quells anxiety over everything that she can't control and has no intention of putting in the effort to try and control (therapy). Those intrusive thoughts? "Shh! I said SHHHHHH", followed by another slice of pizza.
Chinny was able to put up a front for a while - a job using her "Honours English" credits and a BF. Then the facade started to crack. She quit her job when people gave her negative feedback on the job that she never bothered to learn properly nor put in any effort to even try to do. But they're the assholes. The patient charts can wait. What's the cafeteria serving?
Unemployment and severance doesn't buy Red Lobster forever. Why not do mukbang? Ever manipulative, Chantal decided to legitimize and normalize her binging and disordered eating. In return she got money and the best part - Attention! Why she's practically an influencer! You like me! You really like me!
What could go wrong? Of course, we all know what happened there.
Fast forward to 2021. We have no Bibi to give her the illusion that someone wants all annoying 400+ lbs of her, no uterus, no hair, and still no real job. We do have diabetes, a super mega epic fatty liver, a total lack of hygiene, adult diapers, blood clots, menopause, a stinking hovel that was once described as a luxury villa, dwindling finances and perennial weirdo, Peetz.
We also have the realization that we are beyond fucked. Not even pizza and a bucket of ranch can stop reality from sinking in- Alone and reduced to a circus freak show performer. Ridiculed by social media. Even fat Jen has Gene; Amy has Owlie; Amber still had her Thumb, but Chins is alone. What is a gorl to do?
Show those haydurs that she can find a man. A little lip gloss, a container of hair fibers and a new Torrid size 6 dress. That will solve all her problems. Of course anyone can find someone willing to fuck them if they set the bar low enough. All it took was one gunt rub. Food is good, but added in with male attention set off a new kind of dopamine rush.
OH NO! She scared off the gunt rubber by being her own nasty hedonistic bunny boiler self. Must find a new beau. One with no standards or morals- A sex addicted Egyptian drug dealer, chef, masseuse, soccer player...ought to do nicely. A match made in heaven. What could go wrong?
Skip to June 2021- She's worn out her welcome on the flying mattress by being a BPD bunny boiler. Pity. She really loved all the attention and being "wanted" aka free whore on call. Turns out that sex isn't as good as she remembered when she is blindfolded, skull fucked, and abused by a dude into hardcore sex, but the drugs he gave her (probably to ease her into and comply with his BDSM anal demands) are really really good. The best.
Meth, molly, coke it doesn't really matter. What matters is that she finally found something to give her the ultimate rush. What has been missing from her life. Food pales in comparison now. Dick? Not even close. It keeps those intrusive thoughts at bay too! I just showed my saggy tits, vag, and ass to all of YT? Who cares! I'm so thin now! I can buy Torrid 4s and look at the sandbag that's my upper arm! Reaction channels dragging me for filth? Pfffft! Whatever. This is the new Chantal I've made lifestyle changes with my diet and meds. I've got Nader who isn't at all shady. I'm a success. Suck it, losers!
Alas, the fun can't last forever. And (not so) dirty secrets find their way into the open. Drug dealers move on to new marks who don't broadcast all their secrets to the world. Not to mention, drugs cost money and keep costing more money. A funny thing, they also keep you from being productive. Especially when you were barely productive to begin with. They also curb your appetite. A catch 22 when your finances depend upon your appetite and persona as the weird 400 lbs overly sensitive chimping Canadian gorl.
So you go back to what you know. What worked as a child on Smee and Gran- tantrums, guilting, threats, sulking, and general manipulative assholishness and you hope it works on your VIBs. Are there enough Travondas and Marisas out there to keep paying for an enablers membership and superchats? Hopefully. Because while you really have no intention of quitting your miracle weight loss drug that makes you tingle in all the right places, you need to give the illusion you are trying so you can get money to continue on. Damn, this is gonna be work! They don't call it a hustle for nothin'!
Time will tell. Instead of sent to camp like when she was a teen, she might be experiencing a different kind of camp. One with bars
IF this spirals (
). Nothing really good ever comes from drugs. And when you consider how she sloppily documents her whole life, she's gifted the prosecution. All it would take is for her to have an accident under the influence and possession to royally fuck her life up.
![:\](/styles/custom/emotes/svg/chris-confused.svg "Confused :\")
