Since you all liked the story of Mr. Abott Goes Viral I think I'll give you another tale. Even better is this one involves a tard wrangler who also happened to be a deathfat!
I've talked about the teachers - now I'll elaborate on the staff members who were second in command: the tard wranglers. Over here in Bongland we call these things Teacher's Assistants, but every kid referred to them as tard wranglers when they weren't in hearing distance. There were a handful of this group that were actually decent people - they'd ask you how your day was going and treat you like you were a person who could think for yourself.
The exception to the rule was who I'm going to refer to as Doradus the Hamwrangler, or DtH for short. DtH was, as her nickname suggests, a morbidly obese woman verging on 350 pounds. She was hard to miss - filling up most of the corridors and would absolutely demand you get out of her way. The thought of having control over a lot of people "weaker"than her had clearly gone to her head and the hatred that both tards and normal kids had for this woman was more than mutual - because she exercised her power at every opportunity she got. If you did anything without her permission while she was in class then she'd be more than happy to remind you of your place - especially if it was a lesson before breaks or the last lesson of the day. She'd made sure to eat up as much of your time as possible, then waddle off to get a snack or her lunch. She'd even scold you for being late if she was in your next class, too, that's how unlikeable she was.
According to DtH, bowel cancer ran in her family and that was why she was obese, but would quickly change the subject or tell you to get on with your work if you asked her if she herself had it. Being reluctant to share details about such a thing is understandable, but it was a little suspicious that she'd avoid answering such a question when, nine times out of ten, she could be seen with a snack bar or the remains of a packet of crisps in her spherical fists. I am fairly certain if she's still alive today out there then she's most likely cresting 600 pounds and bed-bound. Much like Mr. Abbot and phones, making fun of the weight she "couldn't help" having was a berserk button and she would quite literally insist she was healthy despite her size while frothing at the mouth if she caught you.
Unfortunately, reality was about to make an example out of her.
One of the rare good things that used to happen at my school were the end of school year trips. It was mostly the nicer teachers who pulled together to make these things happen and these teachers were respected by most of us kids for similar reasons to the tard wranglers. They'd take the money they could and take us out to amusement parks and activity centers. This particular trip was the latter - located in a forest with slightly steep terrain - it had courses for all types of fitness. We were pumped. But guess who happened to climb up onto the coach on the day we were meant to go? None other than DtH. Every step made us jump in our seats, and while we dreaded having to spend an entire day with her we knew she was going to struggle.
Once we arrived we literally waited five minutes for her to climb the slope up to the entrance of the activity center before going in, getting to know what was going on, and choosing what we wanted to do. What did DtH want to do, you ask? The agility obstacle course. Nobody stopped her - I think in retrospect we couldn't have stopped her if we tried - so as we made our way around the center we had no idea how this was going to go. The course itself wasn't special - it was just one of those "go through things as fast as possible" races - but what is important for this story is the section with tires in it. Most of the kids would cross this section with no problem - but then it was DtH's turn. She was too big to tackle a lot of the course but was adamant that putting her legs through the tires was going to be easy. It took her a few seconds to drag her feet from hole to hole - and that was when she lost her balance.
The reason this story is so clear in my memory to this day is the sickening crunch that followed her toppling over like a felled tree trunk. It's a sound you never forget - and the agonized howls that followed were equally as haunting. DtH's right leg bone had snapped thanks to the extra weight she'd got and she was rushed to hospital as soon as possible. To say the mood was slightly somber on the way back was an understatement. DtH did stick around for a little while until she decided to sue the school for letting her have that leg-breaking "accident", I haven't seen her since.
