Everything Chris told me about his girlfriend - a/k/a hindsight is 2020

[Bunny Tracks]

Well, when it rains, it pours, I guess.

 

[Unexpected Genitals]

Null do you need a hug

 

[Jed Clampett]

A prostitute he lost his virginity to and - I may be misremembering - but I think it was also implied he was being coerced into having gay sex with people he met online for money (I haven't been following Chris too closely so I might be wrong about that last part)

Damn, well there goes my theory. lol I wonder if it was something Mr. C and Barb set up or something he did on his own? I'd love for that prostitute to tell her story. It would be fascinating.

Was the gay sex thing part of the people threatening to blow CWCville with a moon laser? As homophobic as Chris is I imagine it would have to take a lot of coercion to get him to have gay sex.

 

[Unassuming Local Guy]

She's physically older than I.

I had foreseen this among the infinite possible outcomes long ago

I’ve met her a while ago, and was not fully aware at the time.

I no longer believe in labels that would hinder

This relationship has been, from the start, offline and in-person, I assure you.

she’s in the over 50’s.

Adam West was one of her favourite people back in the 60’s

An intellectual, she is; worked a lot in numbers and accounting. [Translator's note: Barb was an accountant]

For those of you who don't want to read the whole exchange and just want the highlights. There is absolutely no way he's talking about anyone but Barb.

AND YET I REMAIN IN DENIAL, FOREVER

 

[JaneThough]

Well, I’ve met her a while ago, and was not fully aware at the time.

Right there, is where I knew it was Barb.

 

[Casual Garbage]

>" I had foreseen this among the infinite possible outcomes long ago"

>"She and I have our romps in the sack every three nights at the present."

Chris even considered Barb his Girlfriend. Maybe Porn should be banned. I guarantee all this started with him trying to reenact something he saw in a Incest
porn video. Maybe Chris had the video muted and missed the part when they say "You're my Step-mom!"

 

[DeeCeeBees]

Ehm, technically no. Need I remind you:

“Condoms are being used in the intercourse!”

Which of course raises some questions, mainly WHY?

Was Chris worried about getting his 80 year old mother pregnant?

Did Chris at some point go: “My moms was kind of a whore, better rubber up before I stick my bent duck in there!”?

Was he just being a dumb autist about this?

Or was there perhaps a tiny sliver of human decency left in the man, that made him go: “I’m going to fuck Barb, but I’ll put on a condom so there won’t be any skin touching, since she after all is my mother!”

He mentioned STDs. I suppose that means that Chris knows something. Bob wasn’t the last dude Barb fucked.

 

[Eryngium]

Can we get a rape in here count? It was like a month since sending this ambiguous confession, and at a rape rate of every three days it must be like 10+ times

 

[3MMA]

@GorrillaWarfare is this you?

Why do you & your fellow Wikipaedo’s, put things like:

“speculation of when Barbara lost her virginity, & we think Chris knew this story, but we don’t know why! Teehee,” in your allegedly, “professional, sourced, other bs,” bio’s & “articles?”
Why do that, then come here, & play at being some trusted, concerned, person?

>Chris said Null wasn't the only person he told. Were none of those people curious enough to investigate it?

Incidently, who is 10thanonymous? The leaks of their instagram leads one to believe they may have coaxed Chris into this - like an even more evil version of the Idea Guys. Null - do you want to chip in here?

You are trying to get us to do your shit work. Go ask them, flash your Wikipaedo credentials. Btw- verify yourself or no one will take you for much more than a troll.

Lurk more. Read forum & thread rules. If you want to be a part of things here, fine, cool, go do it properly, newfag. It’s not what you do, but how you do it (in general.) Stop shitting things up. End of friendly advice.

PS:
In the golden years newfaggots like you would of been halal'd within the week of registration and sent running back to the safety of your reddit and tumblr pages. To type up gaint walls of text about how the big bad K-Farmers are evil and you totally aren't bad like them, that your curiosity got the best of you. That you've let the rebellious urge to be naughty and edgy run through your veins, but at heart you are truly a good Christian boy.

Newfaggots like you and this kind of newfaggotry like thinking is what is ruining this website. You and your kin are the nail in the coffin of what was once the great Kiwi Farms (tm). You should be ashamed to call yourself a K-Farmer.

In fact, I bet you dont even call yourself one, do you? You’re ashamed aren't you? What would mommy and daddy say if they found out? What about your friends, your popularity? No, a newfaggot like you would never feel pride in their interactions with this community. Would never proudly wear their K-Farmer shirts in public. I have 4 official and 1 counterfeit, but thats besides the point because a newfaggot like you would never own a single one let alone wear it outside of the safety of their bedroom!

Fuck off newfaggot, fuck off all of you newfaggots. You sicken me.

Go do a kickflip into traffic.

 

[Unassuming Local Guy]

It's even worse than I thought.

Chris describing his "girlfriend":

Adam West was one of her favourite people back in the 60’s, however, as it was for her son back then.

Chris on Twitter when Adam West died:

For newcomers, Cole Smithey is Barb's son.

 

[Dead Memes]

So Chris premeditated this by purchasing that book, actively tried to stop null from leaking these texts, and couldn't help but hint at what he was actually doing.

Hopefully the DA's Office presses charges. As far as I'm concerned, he's now firmly in Horrorcow territory.

 

[Epic Fail Man]

I want a horror game based on Chris. Make it so you are a decrepit old lady trying to escape the house from an autistic man with uncontrollable horniness.

I guarantee this will sell on Steam. These are free ideas I'm giving you, gamers. Get to work.

 

[TheRedBaron]

major oof, this is something that in most cases would be viewed by nearly everyone as innocent or optimistic (as clearly Null believed and rightfully so in his defense) but man once the blanks are filled in its just horrifying, key was filling in the blanks though not everything falls into place.....eww

 

[Fareal]

Ehm, technically no. Need I remind you:

“Condoms are being used in the intercourse!”

Which of course raises some questions, mainly WHY?

Was Chris worried about getting his 80 year old mother pregnant?

Did Chris at some point go: “My moms was kind of a whore, better rubber up before I stick my bent duck in there!”?

Was he just being a dumb autist about this?

Or was there perhaps a tiny sliver of human decency left in the man, that made him go: “I’m going to fuck Barb, but I’ll put on a condom so there won’t be any skin touching, since she after all is my mother!”

I don’t know what the TV tastes were like in the Chandler household, but if they ran to Law & Order SVU or the plethora of crime shows that are everywhere these days, Chris may have picked up that the police look for jizz in rape victims. And if I was prosecuting him or leading the protection case re Barb, I would absolutely argue that the use of condoms was evidence he was trying to conceal his sexual abuse of her. I would fucking tap dance that argument home. It is powerfully indicative of a premeditated, deliberate course of action.

 

[idosometimes]

This whole situation is weird, but some of the peripheral stuff is strangest to me. Chris has said that he hates his ugly growth. Has his opinion changed on that? Chris telling N-daddy that he is going to get checked for STIs is kinda funny. He must think Barb is of loose morals. I am shocked at how open he was about this (even though this has always been my favorite CWC quality). I am sure a follow up would have hinted at it being Barb.

All of this is bad news bears for Chris. His actions could easily be used to show intent. His attempts to keep the identity of his lover secret implies he knew the acts are wrong.

This has been quite the ride. I feel kind of bad for Chris. He finally succeeds in his love quest, and now the jerkops are trying to break up his and his old lady who also happens to be his mom.

Chris' own bloated, distended ego prevents him from keeping secrets about himself.

It's how we found out about the hooker.

It's how we know enough to make an entire wiki about him.

Maybe somewhat, but I believe that Chris really cannot think like a normal person. He lacks the knowledge and ability to read social cues. He does not understand that things he finds normal are actually odd and even repulsive to the rest of society. He is not the only nut profiled here to have this problem. Most of them do.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Mr. Bones I want to get off your wild ride.

Chris is totally unable to keep even the most heinous of acts a secret from the internet, so I'm inclined to believe it.

Chris' own bloated, distended ego compels him to powerlevel.

It's how enough of him is known to make an entire wiki.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

My fucking god, Null, my condolences. This churns my stomach like nothing else.
Will Chris even be charged? Barb would have to press charges, right? There’s something so fucking strange and distressing about reading him talking about “ally deities” helping him fuck his mother.

The state presses charges in these kinds of cases.

 

[Schlomo Silverscreenblatt]

Some "people" are saying that Null either knew that chris was fucking his mom and is a terrible person or that he totally 100% should've made the connection that chris was fucking his mother when he first received the texts. It'd be funny if they didn't sound so schizophrenic

 

[GorrillaWarfare]

@GorrillaWarfare is this you?

Why do you & your fellow Wikipaedo’s, put things like:

“speculation of when Barbara lost her virginity, & we think Chris knew this story, but we don’t know why! Teehee,” in your allegedly, “professional, sourced, other bs,” bio’s & “articles?”
Why do that, then come here, & play at being some trusted, concerned, person?

You are trying to get us to do your shit work. Go ask them, flash your Wikipaedo credentials. Btw- verify yourself or no one will take you for much more than a troll.

Lurk more. Read forum & thread rules. If you want to be a part of things here, fine, cool, go do it properly, newfag. It’s not what you do, but how you do it (in general.) Stop shitting things up. End of friendly advice.

PS:
In the golden years newfaggots like you would of been halal'd within the week of registration and sent running back to the safety of your reddit and tumblr pages. To type up gaint walls of text about how the big bad K-Farmers are evil and you totally aren't bad like them, that your curiosity got the best of you. That you've let the rebellious urge to be naughty and edgy run through your veins, but at heart you are truly a good Christian boy.

Newfaggots like you and this kind of newfaggotry like thinking is what is ruining this website. You and your kin are the nail in the coffin of what was once the great Kiwi Farms (tm). You should be ashamed to call yourself a K-Farmer.

In fact, I bet you dont even call yourself one, do you? You’re ashamed aren't you? What would mommy and daddy say if they found out? What about your friends, your popularity? No, a newfaggot like you would never feel pride in their interactions with this community. Would never proudly wear their K-Farmer shirts in public. I have 4 official and 1 counterfeit, but thats besides the point because a newfaggot like you would never own a single one let alone wear it outside of the safety of their bedroom!

Fuck off newfaggot, fuck off all of you newfaggots. You sicken me.

Go do a kickflip into traffic.

That's a lot of fascinating seethe there

 

[thismanlies]

For those of you who don't want to read the whole exchange and just want the highlights. There is absolutely no way he's talking about anyone but Barb.

AND YET I REMAIN IN DENIAL, FOREVER

I bet Chris thought he was being slick when he told Null “she’s in the over 50s.” It’s almost like he wanted to be caught.