Terfect_Perf
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2021
God everything about this was so crushing and dark, your summary really made me empathize with this person.When the femsplainers podcast episode with parents of boys who said they're trans was mentioned here I listened to it and wrote that it was horrifying. Basically tales of internet grooming of kids by trans women, aka men.
But I never listened to the previous episode (ep. 125) which was part one of the whole story. The host had on a trans woman, a person in their 40s who went through the surgery at 19. Way before this whole thing turned into what it is now. And it was kinda heartbreaking, not gonna lie. Didn't expect him to be so sympathetic. I guess because he was unusually self aware and trying so hard to live a good, productive life.
He said he thought that after the sex reassignment surgery he'd be able to continue life like any other woman but that was a form of thinking that wasn't realistic. There was talk about the neovagina/false vagina as he called it. And he just flat out said that it was not designed to have intercourse, he talked about the fact that it has no elasticity and about how painful and tedious dilation is. Basically that he lost any ability to have sexual pleasure. You could really feel how difficult this is to talk about still although he did a lot of work to come to terms with it all.
He talked about how the trans community back then was big on exaggerating results and that he knows a lot of trans people who talked about how happy they are with the results but will privately admit they're disappointed.
He persisted in his belief that he's a woman for a while but said no amount of belief can overcome the fact of who you are and the more you lie to yourself it gets harder to live in a healthy way. He just says "I'm a transsexual. I'm not a woman". It was a slow process accepting this but hearing people talk about trans people in a realistic non judgemental way saying it's ok that people change their bodies to feel comfortable as long as they realize it's not like magic. Apparently he has friends who are radical feminists who helped him realize this because they talked about how your body is important, women's reproductive organs affect their material reality etc. So he was reading about all of it and applied it to the choices he's made and it helped him to think about himself differently and to just say you can't go back on what you did but you can learn to live with it and not feel stupid for the choices you've made. He's like I'm a good person, I have good friends and I can make healthy choices for myself despite going through life a little differently than most people do and it's alright. He did note that he regrets that he's a life long medical patient now.
He seems to have had great friendships with women all his life so that's already different than most trans women posted here. He's into men, doesn't try to hide the transness. But the men who are into it want to keep the illusion that they're dating a woman and don't want the trans thing to ever come up. Which is nasty of them. He's obviously more comfortable with who he is than they are. They don't want their friends to know. It was just sad to hear.
His message to trans women basically was that if they admit that they're male and cannot change their biological sex and come to grips with that, then their dysphoria will lessen and it will make it easier for them to be happy cause they won't be living under cognitive dissonance thinking that they're one thing while being obviously something else. Radical self acceptance is key to good mental health as a trans person.
He was a virgin before he had the surgery so he'll never know what it's like to have normal intercourse in a healthy body. That's also a tough thing to reckon with. Genuinely can't imagine the work he's had to do within himself so I hope he can really be happy.
It made me think about how important it is that we do keep mocking this shit, no matter what "hate bill" or platforms we get kicked off. Bullying and shaming are the most effective social tools we have to prevent these horrors from happening and more people suffering like this. There are thousands of innocent little kids running around playing right now who are going to have to go through hell like this. It's like the misery and evil is almost too horrifying to contemplate.