Part 1: JDOTKDOT.
This is my answer to Jdotkdot spreading, to the public, things that he should have kept private, or at least have the common decency to take the time to talk with me to clarify everything. Also, I would like to share with you my own point of view of everything that happened back in 2019 at the winter Comiket.
Before planning to meet in Japan, I made sure that I could hang out with Jdotkdot during our trip because I didn’t know anyone else from that group as most of them were his friends or followers/members of his discord server. He said that he was totally fine with it and that he would allow me to stick around him, since (I believe) we were close friends at the time (back then we were often playing video games together, and spending hours chatting in private calls).
So on the very first day we met: No, I wasn’t poking and touching him all the time “like he was a 13yo kid”. I was keeping my distance as it was the first time I ever met him, and I believe it was on the very first night in our airbnb that we had some drinks. He seemed to genuinely like being around me, since we even stayed together, away from the others to keep smoking cigarettes outside and drinking beers. I had a crush on him because I felt we were pretty similar in our ways of thinking about life and everything, and at some point we even held hands - and maybe it’s because he was drunk, but he complimented my appearance and how he felt when he first saw me. I remember clearly because it made me really happy that he said that to me. I never once told him during our entire trip that I had a crush on him as we had barely met and I wanted to see how things would go first.
When Comiket happened, I complained about one single thing: The fact I paid for a gold foil on the cover of the artbook and that I had promised it to my followers, because the rest of the artbook would be shipped back home to be sold to people outside of Japan. I was actually pretty stressed about it, and I shared my opinion on the matter - that is it.
The day overall was really nice and I even walked around with Deel (Another artist from our group) so he could help me to meet and talk to my favorite artists with whom I exchanged books. It was a great day and I was happy since I sold a large quantity of artbooks and when it was time to leave some of my fans kept talking to me because they were french and very excited to meet me in person. I didn’t want to be rude so I tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible before we started to prepare everything to leave: Jdotkdot and the others didn’t tell me it was time to pack everything up and it was my very first time at Comiket - no one let me know that we needed to rush. I didn’t order anyone around, they helped me like they promised and then started to remove everything without letting me know (I wasn’t watching because I was focusing on my fan). It was only after that I understood everyone was doing the line for getting into the taxis and that’s the only reason we needed to leave as soon as possible, then we could just go chill at a restaurant - nothing was planned or booked for after Comiket.
Once in the taxi, I didn’t complaining but this is where I did poke him a little and was being playful, because it was a really good day for me and I had no idea that Jdotkdot was pretty tense at that moment until he started to shout at me, and that I should have told my fan to “fuck off”... Which I disagree with because I’m not rude to people who support me to make a living. Everything went silent in the taxi, and at that moment my heart was shattered. So instead of going with everyone for a drink and eating, I told them I wanted to go back to the airbnb. As soon as I got seperated from them, I started to cry in the next street and went right away to bed. It was supposed to be the best day of my life since selling at Comiket and traveling to Japan was my dream, and I was devastated by being yelled at by someone I really liked.
After that day, everyone started to be distant with me and no one explained the reasons behind it. I knew something was weird but absolutely no one took the time to tell me if I did anything wrong, as there was no communication between us. (Is this normal to ghost someone without explaining anything to the person you have a problem with? Especially when they are now alone in another country?). I got sick shortly after and it was so bad that I kept vomiting a lot, I didn’t yelled to anyone during my trip because I’m not like this when dealing with people IRL, I simply asked to get to the hospital as I had a hard time breathing and they diagnosed me with Influenza A (So not, it wasn’t “just a cold”. It’s known for making you feel like a pile of shit and there’s a reason there are vaccines for it.)
Here’s a picture of that paper who proof it, with the date, what’s not visible (in black) is my personal information.
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From Jdotkdot screenshot:
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Literally, I would NEVER wish anyone to die, my mind was blown by what Jdotkdot wrote and I have a hard time thinking he would lie about something as extreme as this.
I was sick for the entire last week in Japan, so they did what they wanted during their trip and I just stayed in bed. I also remember many moments when they were distant or kept the discussion very short and I still can’t believe they hated me just because I wasn’t fast enough at packing everything up at the end of Comiket.
Three days before I had to take my plane back we ended up in a really bad airbnb, and since I couldn’t stand the situation of everyone ignoring me and not explaining if I did anything wrong, I took my things at exactly 3AM and left without a word. I wandered in the streets of Tokyo with my luggage until 5 am where I finally found a hotel to stay at.
I should have done this sooner instead of letting people treat me the way they did and if one thing is for sure, this entire trip was hell.
Just take a moment to think about what kind of position I was in: I was hated and ghosted with no one explaining to me anything, I felt bad and sad this entire trip, plus I got extremely sick, all in a foreign country.
Once I came back home, the trip really tormented me and I had to talk to Jdotkdot to ease my mind to try to understand what went wrong. I thought that everyone ghosted me because I was maybe too close to Jdotkdot and that for some reason he regretted complimenting me when he was drunk, and maybe he thought that he might give me false hope so he changed his entire behavior towards me.
I decided to let him know that at that time when we met in Japan I had a crush on him, at least until he destroyed the feelings I had.
I was the one who came to him to clear things up because something was obviously off and he never tried to reach out to me about it. Regarding the discord screenshot he shared in his tweets: he never mentioned anything about what he’s claiming in the long message of text he tweeted, and the outrageous claim that I ‘told an old lady to die’? Seriously?
We obviously had a common crush, he complimented my appearance and how happy he was to meet me, we even both held hands that night.
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^^^^^^ Wrote by Jdotkdot.
I would like to let you know Jdotkdot that this is sexist to call a female streamer’s community ‘simps’ for defending her, especially for such a strong accusation that you are making. Also, I would like very much that you share the screenshot where I’m claiming that “I dumped you”, because we never actually had a relationship to begin with, you just complimented me, we held hands and I had a crush on you: that’s it.
I would like you to not call me a cunt or a whore too in your tweets.
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Again, please provide the proof.
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Part2: YOIMON.
Please note: I am bringing this up specifically to address the claims in the tweets made against me involving her. I would not bring it up publicly if it had not been brought up by someone else first. I am not trying to attack her or her image, just defending my position and actions.
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I contacted Yoimon on 03/05/2021 because I really liked her concept characters and overall style.
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I can’t say for sure as there are no names, and I’m not about to slander someone recklessly like Jdotkot, but I have heavy suspicions of who sent the message about Yoimon, because I only spoke to two people when my commission went bad with her. I thought of these two people as friends, and wanted to share my frustrations with other content creators that might know the same issues.... but it seems like that they don’t share the same feeling towards me - but, once again, we’ll get to that part again in the future…
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And I want to make it extremely clear that MY CONCEPT CHARACTER IS FULLY MINE.
Here is a screenshot of when I first showed to Yoimon my concept:
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I was feeling that my design was a bit empty and so I was wondering if we could maybe work with a jacket and some straps. We went through a lot of edits and most of it was made with my directions until we came to this result:
It was drawn on top of my sketch, so she just worked on straps and the jacket sketches.
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I have to let you know, this is the work she did, nothing more and I paid - she asked for 1400€ and we agreed to have it lowered to 1200€ because I thought it was very expensive for just a sketch of a jacket) + for the jacket being cleaned up a bit more for me to be able to work with it.
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And I paid her. I always pay the people I work with -even if I don’t like it or use it-, as I understand the struggle to be an artist myself.
I asked her to know any updates since I had to prepare the art model before sending it to my rigger, because we needed things finished to move on, and the debut time was nearing. But I had to wait for Yoimon just to give me a cleaner version of the sketch, so that I can redraw it and make it look good on the finalized piece.
Every time, I was the one coming back to her to know if there was any update, because she wouldn’t give me any on her own and she knew that my debut was in a few months and that the deadline was short (it takes significant time for rigging and other things requiring the full model).
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We both agreed on the price too here:
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She said she would be finishing the same day or the day after:
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So it took her a month to just give me a cleaner version of the sketch:
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Until I couldn’t wait for her any longer - we needed to make progress on the project ASAP, so I started cleaning it myself and even making the jacket/straps better than what it was in the first place:
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I’m actually pretty patient, but this was my limit after an entire month of just needing a cleaned sketch, so here’s her sketch and me working on à cleaner version with details that have been changed:
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She gave me the sketch on the left - she was supposed to give me a version like on the right, but I had to do it myself. Please, take the time to look at the details I’ve put together and how different they are. I remind you, I still paid for the jacket and straps only, for the price of 1200€. I didn’t pay for the tail, as it was Xraydreads that made it, but we’ll get to that part later.
Also on Yoimon's website, it is said that she does an entire concept (sketch) of à character for between 600~2000€. I paid 2000€ originally and I also remind you, I’m a freelancer, not a company, so everything I paid for my vtuber debut comes right from my own pocket - savings from the past two years.
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Link to her prices:
https://yoimons.wixsite.com/commission/type-prices
And while she agreed to give me half the refund since I only got a sketch, I still haven’t got the money back because she said she is having financial issues. I have respected this and have not pressed her further on it. At this rate, I think she just can keep all of it as I don’t want to be involved further with anyone else being mentioned in this google doc.
She didn’t asked to be credited on my debut and here’s the proof:
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Part 3: XRayDreads
Regarding this screenshot from Jdotkdot’s tweet:
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I contacted XRayDreads because I liked his style as it had the kind of Arknight/Girls Frontline vibe that I was going for, and I wanted him to do my lore illustrations, my starting and ending screens, as well as the concept of my tail.
So, first things first, let’s proceed to the proof of payment to back up my claim that I always pay the people I work with:
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The starting screen illustration was supposed to be 1500€ and we agreed that the tail he gave me (a sketch only, not a cleaned version) is 100$, but instead I sent him 1650€ so he can already have the money for both of these commissions in one shot. So he got 150€ instead of 100$, as I wanted to offer him a small tip because I thought he was pretty nice. Also I want to let you know, I paid “a fee” to be in front of his waiting list, which I know can be standard in the industry, but we’ll get to why this is relevant in a bit.
My experience with Xraydreads was good at first as we would hang out together with two other people in a group call and we shared the same timezone so we would wake up and go to bed around the same hour. I couldn’t help but notice he would constantly play Minecraft or Legends of Runaterra, and a game I recommended to him (Enderal). As the hours (and hours, and hours) went by, II tried to ask him when he will start working on my commission, he would reply that he works better during the night - which I can understand, sometimes I do prefer working when it’s really late myself and I feel like I have even more inspiration when I’m almost exhausted, which is weird but relatable. However, the days would pass until he wouldn’t work on the commission during both day and night, and when asked about it he now told me he would be done with my commission on the due date, so in two weeks, and that he worked best under pressure... I want to remind you that I paid to be at the front of his waiting list, but instead he just played games all day long… until…
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So I would wait two weeks for him to just work on the very last day of the deadline to have a finished piece without even being able to know beforehand if it’s going to be the way I requested after paying an amount of 1500€ (including the cost of being put in front of his waiting line).
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Also I just want to let you know that in between, instead of working on my commission, or anyone else’s commission (because he has plenty of them, but that’s another issue altogether), he would make art gifts to his friend in between playing video games.
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Once I got the “finished piece”, I noticed a few things were missing that we had discussed: The position of the tail was missing (the day before, he laughed about completely forgetting to add the tail in the illustration, and I had to remind him about it and how I wanted it pretty visible), holograms where also missing and the city was feeling quite empty, and I had requested to have the drones to bigger.
I provided him this reference for the holograms, but on his art it looks like just some panels or screens, and I really wanted more kind of 3D objects around instead of flat shapes:
https://www.unrealengine.com/marketplace/en-US/product/cyberpunk-holograms-neon-set-set-of-33-holograms
And I has asked the tail to be like this (keep in mind he hasn’t drawn it at all yet, so he wasn’t needing to ‘redraw’ anything for my request):
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Also, details were missing in the background and everything felt rushed since we could see the brushstrokes in the background and other elements surrounding the character. I know leaving rough shapes is a style of background, but these felt… blurry and unfinished, rather than that intentional style (you can’t really see in the picture below but from the frame and the drone, there’s a part that is cut, as an example of many details that were missed).
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He redrew the tail, and now we were already two days past the deadline, and my debut was only a month away so I was getting really stressed at this moment. I still needed to send it to an animator to work on as well. But I knew the design of the tail was very different from the concept art he worked on previously, so I wanted to talk with him in voice chat but he wouldn’t... so I finally broke and let out my frustration about all the time I lost working with him.
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At this point I was done and wanted to work on it myself since he would take too much time to do anything and he didn’t even feel motivated at all through this project where he had a lot of different illustrations to do after this one. Also, it’s not really ‘revisions’ if you don’t do the things that were originally agreed upon before starting (more on this below).
The day after, I decided to talk again about the prices for each illustration regarding the lore, because we had agreed in the beginning that they would be kind of rushed sketches and that it would cost 2000€ for all 5 of them. Also, I felt he didn’t provide me with the quality that he promised me in the first illustration, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to pay again for something this expensive that would take weeks and might not be finished. So what’s the best way to go? Ask if we can reduce the price - I believe it was fine to talk about this as work on it had not even started yet.
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next part:
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It was fine if he didn’t want to work with me anymore, I do understand, but I only had 3 weeks left to find another artist to work with. You can’t believe how much pressure I had at this moment, especially after already announcing my debut trailer.
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He refunded half of it later on: 700€ back.
I asked if he wanted the credits about the tail, since it’s the only work he did that I was going to use.
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As you might know alright, I always talk about what’s in my mind and exactly how I feel about it. I told him clearly how I felt regarding credits and this entire interaction.
While we are here I want to let you know that it is a scam to pay someone to be in front of the line and not do the work AND accept more payments to be ‘at the front’. The experience I had with Xraydreads has been an ongoing and very large issue with his other commissioners (“Not so chad” is XRayDreads in these screenshots and I decided to hide the people’s username that are involved with this scam):
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Now you have the entire context.
If you have any more questions regarding this drama, I’m open to answer if you join my discord - I’ll make a thread for it in General chat - and you can quote me to get your notification for an entire week until I can move on and that everything is clear for all of you:
https://discord.gg/rDmAeHbB
Also I want to let you know that it’s extremely sus that people start talking about these problems now that I’ve debuted and doing well on Twitch? This stuff with Jdotkdot happened 2 years ago (because I wasn’t packing apparently fast enough after comiket), I was sad and because of what happened I talked to people I thought of as friends as the experience I had with him + I shared what happened back in early 2020 with my community on stream without mentioning any. single. name. (Right after I came back from our trip from Japan) Also, JK mentioned about me on his old streams around this time, without mentioning names either. We both did the same things - it’s normal to talk about frustrations in your life. Now I’m done with it, why does he bring this in August 2021?
SUMMARY:
XRayDreads happened between 1 to 14th July and we haven’t talked since then. I paid him 1650€ and got refund of 600 or 700€. He agreed to not have credits on my debut stream.
Yoimons it was during the entire month of May, she didn’t finished the commission and got the sketch of my jacket and the straps only, I also paid 1200€ for something unfinished again. She also agreed to not have credits on my debut. If you are reading this Yoimons, I don’t want the refund and I know you don’t want to have any problem with that story. I’m sorry, I just want to defend myself against these strong accusations.
I would like to let you know to not harass anyone related to this story. I do suspect certain people that have brought to the surface my past and pushed Jdotkdot to talk about this publicly while lying that I’m like, making it sound like I’m talking almost daily about what happened in 2019 in my streams? Really? No. Also, he could have come directly to me so we could talk and clear things up but he didn’t and I’m blocked from his twitter so I had to ask my mods to.
Some people want to see me cancelled because of my success and it is for me very obvious that it’s about jealousy as I suddenly got more viewers than these other streamers. This feels like mean girls gossip, but please let’s move on.
