The theme song to Centaur Jockey School (an anime that is as degenerate as it is obscure) tails off into dead air. The admittedly small zoophile contingent of Jim's fanbase collectively hold their breath in anticipation. Will this be night that their hero, Mister Metokur, fucks a horse live on YouTube?
For a moment an empty silence prevails, reminding all who are waiting for the stream to begin of the black void of death, that is the common fate of all men, even trans men. The observation in the chat, that Jim has assumed a quantum state, where he is simultaneously both late and gay, is swamped by a deluge of 'F's.
Suddenly a woman, speaking in a guttural Asian accent, can be heard repeating the words: “đi đi mau! đi đi mau!” in a demanding tone.
As the words “Do it, faggot!” light up the chat, the cancer-AIDS-ravaged voice of James Patrick O'Shaughnessy cracks over the head-mic.
For the next fifteen minutes, a frailer and more reflective Mister Metokur openly ponders the highs and lows of life, revealing his love of the Italian Lakes, The Boston Red Sox, the early albums of Kenny G and the hymns of Isaac Watts.
Is he bitter about being forced to renounce his title as Internet Aristocrat in order to marry the simple peasant girl who he plucked from the rice paddies of North Korea?
“In many ways I feel that I blazed the trail for Prince Harry,” he says.
Among his many revelations is the welcome news that advances in medical science have resulted in a gaseous drip-feed, that allows smoke from an unfiltered camel cigarette to be absorbed intravenously. Jim's mockery of boomers who still absorb cigarette smoke through their mouths, nostrils, vaginas and arseholes, is prematurely cut short by a prolonged full-body coughing fit.
In other health news, he has taken to glueing pieces of Gunpla kits to his skin, in the hope of transforming himself into a human/Gundam hybrid, citing the low incidence of cancer-AIDS in Gundam as a motivating factor.
Elsewhere, he rages at Joe Biden's botched withdrawal from Afghanistan, which has resulted in an uninsured shipping container, containing 100,000 Mister Metokur hats, being stranding at Kabul airport, where it has been plundered by the Taliban. He shows a photo of one the country's liberators wearing one of the aforementioned hats while driving a bumper car of peace, noting that the influx of militant Islamists will result in a more diverse, culturally-enriched Sweetie Squad, where you can be surprised with sex at any time.
Towards the end of the stream, Jim assumes a serious tone as he attempts to make amends for his past behaviour. He apologises to Matt Jarbo for criticising the YouTube commentator's flagging spree of other channels on the site. Praising Ethan Ralph for his own flagging campaign, he compares both men to the US soldiers who raised the US Flag over Iwo Jima, and thanks them for their service.
As the stream winds down Jim reads superchats from his new followers among the Taliban.
He closes by reaching out to Sargon of Akkad: “You were right about GamerGate 2.0,” he admits, before stating that his dearest wish is that he be buried in the suit that Sargon wore when he addressed the European parliament.
“I guess, when all is said and done, I'm just a simple guy who enjoys a really watery and generic, dollar store brand of vanilla ice-cream,” he says,
These are my predictions for tonight's stream.
Screen-cap this post.
