Bekah makes me legitimately sad ngl. she's one of the very few fatties i believe when they say they've been dealing with an eating disorder (you can tell that a couple of her old photos - around 2015/2016 - were straight up body checks + she's had that particular ashen grey look to her face at her skinniest). getting sexually assaulted definitely exacerbated the issue and prompted her to disassociate herself from her body even further, but i think she's had a distorted relationship with it for quite some time now. i'm willing to bet she'd be anorexic (or, more likely, bulimic) if it wasn't for all the HAES kool aid she's ingested.
and you can clearly see how her attempts to convince herself she's fine being a butterball, feeling like an alien swimming in all that lard, encapsulated in destroyed flesh and skin that she does not recognize as her own, are only getting more and more desperate the bigger and more disconnected from her body she gets. it's just exceptionally sad to watch, knowing that her HAES cope is just a way to hide a shitton of mental pain and seeing how fucking bad she is at faking the confidence and peace of mind she's trying to project on her instagunt.
by trying to let go of the issues she's been having with her body she's made herself even more obsessed with it. by trying to stop harming herself she got even deeper into punishing her body for existing. if there was ever a person with legitimate reverse anorexia, that's our Bekah right there. and it just makes me sad.