Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 18 1.3%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.4%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.7%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 3.2%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 18.5%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 197 14.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 792 56.9%
  • Total voters
    1,392
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DoorPost101 said:
Why is Jack acting annoyed at fast food gimmicks? He goes apeshit over gimmicky fast foods. He will gleefully make new JOTG videos of him giggling like a teenage girl at a boy band concert while waiting for Wendy's new bacon burger or barbeque burger. Gimmicky is his whole schtick, be it gimmicky foods or appliances. I'd ask why he doesn't just lean into that, because that could actually be fun and entertaining to watch, but this is Jack we're talking about.
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Jack’s aversion to Burger King’s “celebrity” meals is pretty easy to explain, actually. Jack is a racist, and of the three “celebrities,” one is black and one is Hispanic. The other is a white zoomer who’s successful with internet videos, so Jack probably hates him too because of jealousy.
 
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Schmuck of Ages said:
Why do you need to pack so many hangers when all you wear is beaters and tshirts?
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Jr. abso-fucking-lutely hangs his Ts and alphabetizes them with the same pride as someone who does so with valuable Pierre Cardin/Armani/Gucci/etc. articles.

I was a neat freak as a young kid, and I excitedly did the same, thinking that what I was doing with my Fruit Of The Looms put me in the same class of maturity and awesome as my father, who had a large and organized closet of expensive dress shirts/slacks. I’m literally watching Jr. exhibit behavior that I did before my age reached two digits, yet he’s serious and is a “grown man” (term used loosely) who’s married.

Juvenile antics from a Scalfani…what else is new?
 
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I w
stets said:
Jack’s aversion to Burger King’s “celebrity” meals is pretty easy to explain, actually. Jack is a racist, and of the three “celebrities,” one is black and one is Hispanic. The other is a white zoomer who’s successful with internet videos, so Jack probably hates him too because of jealousy.
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I was hoping someone would ask Jack if he had to pick one meal which one would it be. I think we all know the answer.
 
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rubytintedchix said:
More Covid :lunacy::lunacy::lunacy:
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Waaaiiittt a second…what is he implying here? That someone showed up at his recently-deceased buddy’s funeral and lamented that he should’ve gotten vaxxed?

For real, I can totally see Jack showing up at a funeral and going full christfag. He’d milk his deluded sense of self-righteousness by saying something along the lines of: “it’s a shame [redacted] didn’t get to know Jesus. I mean, he was a nice guy, but works aren’t enough…” implying damnation to the face of a loved one. If he were to do that to me, I’d be so livid that I’d anally rape he and his wife (in Project QT, of course) with a sandpaper-covered John C. Holmes replica dildo before selling their corpses to Nicaragua to be made into horse food.
 
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Pig Cups said:
Waaaiiittt a second…what is he implying here? That someone showed up at his recently-deceased buddy’s funeral and lamented that he should’ve gotten vaxxed?

For real, I can totally see Jack showing up at a funeral and going full christfag. He’d milk his deluded sense of self-righteousness by saying something along the lines of: “it’s a shame [redacted] didn’t get to know Jesus. I mean, he was a nice guy, but works aren’t enough…” implying damnation to the face of a loved one. If he were to do that to me, I’d be so livid that I’d anally rape he and his wife (in Project QT, of course) with a sandpaper-covered John C. Holmes replica dildo before selling their corpses to Nicaragua to be made into horse food.
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doubt he's referring to his friend's funeral, considering he was one of jack's church buddies and had certainly "found jesus" before he passed

fatty probably just wanted to bitch about covid vaccines and pulled the first bit about the funeral out of his ass because he's a miserable faggot with nothing better to do. speaking of covid, the scalfanis aren't going to be too happy when they arrive to indoor mask mandates in vegas. that, and the covid surcharges that will be added to their food tabs will make for some entertaining jack tantrums
 
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What's hilarious about Jr's sneakers is that Vegas pedestrian walkways are filthy as fuck and always crowded. That's during the day. At night they're still filthy, crowded, and now have vomit from frat boys that will go way harder than Jr. Jr about to get all those shits scuffed the fuck up unless he pays far out the ass for Ubers everywhere they go.

Protip for all Vegas-bound Kiwis: You only need two pairs of shoes. One for going to a fancy dinner or club, and then one comfortable pair for all the fucking walking you'll do.
 
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rubytintedchix said:
More Blues Clues sperging…

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Yeah, it's now obvious Jack unironically watches Blues Clues. I mean by kiddie shows it was pretty good; when I was a little kid I'd watch it. But he watched it more than Jr. or Garret combined. I'm actually kind of surprised he didn't get a fan shirt tbh.
rubytintedchix said:
More Covid :lunacy::lunacy::lunacy:
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Jesus is a post-life salvation if you believe that sort of thing, and he's bro enough to save your soul even if you were a piece of shit, so long as you genuinely believe in him and beg for forgiveness for your sins on your death bed depending on what variant of Christianity you follow. Jack's Murderchurch is of that variety.

Coof vaccine is a pre-death method that teaches your body what the viral body looks like, which is useful because until this pandemic most people's immune systems never dealt with a Coronavirus. Even with the new maximum superdeath variant D, if you took even one of the shots, and preferrably both, you'll just kinda feel like shit.

So what I'm trying to say is that one can be done at any time, even on your death bed. The other is a good idea if you don't want to get to the point where you're begging for forgiveness on your death bed, especially if you're an obese boomer with health problems.
 
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Neko GF said:
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Every time I see his stupid bitmoji shit I just cant stop thinking of those Caillou youtube videos made with GoAnimate

His bitmoji on that one looks high too, he looks like someone creeping on your high school friends--"Hey I was just driving by but yall look like youre lookin for some fun. I know somebody who can get you some REAL GOOD mushrooms, wanna hop in?"

captkrisma said:
What's hilarious about Jr's sneakers is that Vegas pedestrian walkways are filthy as fuck and always crowded. That's during the day. At night they're still filthy, crowded, and now have vomit from frat boys that will go way harder than Jr. Jr about to get all those shits scuffed the fuck up unless he pays far out the ass for Ubers everywhere they go.

Protip for all Vegas-bound Kiwis: You only need two pairs of shoes. One for going to a fancy dinner or club, and then one comfortable pair for all the fucking walking you'll do.
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Oh that shit cracked me up too. How long are they gonna be there? When I was a kid and on the few times we'd travel to see family or a day trip to whatever, Id always want to pack a bag with all my toys, just a ton because I didnt want to pick, and my mom just grilled the fuck out of me for it, she mocked me. Thats what this is--a suitcase full of toys.
 
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