NerdShamer
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
Nice to see that even retards are familiar with the return policy scam. Would be funnier if the replacements turned out to be shovelware, though.
Autism you witnessed IRL - share your stories
- Thread starter Monika H.
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2020
I've seen a few things in my life. About ten years ago I worked at a children's home and boarding school. Kids in state custody would live there until they could be placed with a foster family. Thing is, it specialized in kids with behavioral disorders and mental problems. About half the residents were nuts, the other half was normal (relatively speaking). Now it might not be surprising to you that this place wasn't high class, both the residents and staff were either from the trailer park or the ghetto. And the icing on the cake was the facility's size; it had about 50 kids and 30 staff, all in a large building. The kids ranged in age from 5 to 13, approximately.
Here are some choice stories from that place, in descending order of lunacy.
There was a white trash kid who would exclusively eat food from Popeye's, which his grandmother brought to have with him every weekend at visiting time. Now when he first got there he wouldn't eat anything else, and I feel half the staff wouldn't have minded (a little less work to put in at mealtime), but the state inspector frowned upon starving children so we had to get him to eat something. Soon enough we got him to eat the soggy fried chicken from the kitchen, and by the time I left he had graduated to anything with chicken and grains. He was short and somewhat gaunt from his diet but otherwise a good kid. I believe he and his grandmother were from Louisiana (no joke).
The next kid had a name that started with D, I'll call him Dante, because that's a gay name and he was pretty gay for the tender age of four or five. He'd paint his nails with markers, play with Barbies and dollhouses, and his hands were often limp. There was another boy, same age, who I'll call... Lenny. Lenny the Kosher Child Autist. Yeah. So Lenny was a quiet kid who just minded his business, but Dante would occasionally chase Lenny around and around the common area or the playground, trying to kiss him. Lenny was too fast for him however, and Dante never succeeded. Such races, though amusing, were rather distracting, so soon we moved Lenny to a different floor.
And finally, we arrive at Sir Thompson. Once more that wasn't his actual name, but his first name on his birth certificate was a "Sir" and then an English name. Yes he was from the ghetto. Good Sir Thompson was the undisputed King of Autism, an achievement in such a place. His hands limper than Dante's, he skipped around and made all manner of yelps and whoops to announce his presence. His favorite cry was "INSTAGRAM IT!" Just what exactly was to be Instagramed we never knew. His favorite food was potato salad, with extra mayo, and sometimes he would go through periods of only eating that. All the kids mostly avoided him, which made me pity him, but like Popeye he had a grandmother that came to visit. At Christmas one kid had the misfortune of getting the same shirt as Sir Thompson, same pattern and all, and we had to explain to him (for 20 minutes) that it wasn't stolen and that shirts are mass-produced. And when he finally moved out the kids shunned his empty room, the taint of 'tism too strong. An enterprising coworker started using it as the new time-out room, and behavior improved markedly. It wasn't that bad a room really, it was large and had a great view. However, the windowsill had some potato salad stains.
Here are some choice stories from that place, in descending order of lunacy.
There was a white trash kid who would exclusively eat food from Popeye's, which his grandmother brought to have with him every weekend at visiting time. Now when he first got there he wouldn't eat anything else, and I feel half the staff wouldn't have minded (a little less work to put in at mealtime), but the state inspector frowned upon starving children so we had to get him to eat something. Soon enough we got him to eat the soggy fried chicken from the kitchen, and by the time I left he had graduated to anything with chicken and grains. He was short and somewhat gaunt from his diet but otherwise a good kid. I believe he and his grandmother were from Louisiana (no joke).
The next kid had a name that started with D, I'll call him Dante, because that's a gay name and he was pretty gay for the tender age of four or five. He'd paint his nails with markers, play with Barbies and dollhouses, and his hands were often limp. There was another boy, same age, who I'll call... Lenny. Lenny the Kosher Child Autist. Yeah. So Lenny was a quiet kid who just minded his business, but Dante would occasionally chase Lenny around and around the common area or the playground, trying to kiss him. Lenny was too fast for him however, and Dante never succeeded. Such races, though amusing, were rather distracting, so soon we moved Lenny to a different floor.
And finally, we arrive at Sir Thompson. Once more that wasn't his actual name, but his first name on his birth certificate was a "Sir" and then an English name. Yes he was from the ghetto. Good Sir Thompson was the undisputed King of Autism, an achievement in such a place. His hands limper than Dante's, he skipped around and made all manner of yelps and whoops to announce his presence. His favorite cry was "INSTAGRAM IT!" Just what exactly was to be Instagramed we never knew. His favorite food was potato salad, with extra mayo, and sometimes he would go through periods of only eating that. All the kids mostly avoided him, which made me pity him, but like Popeye he had a grandmother that came to visit. At Christmas one kid had the misfortune of getting the same shirt as Sir Thompson, same pattern and all, and we had to explain to him (for 20 minutes) that it wasn't stolen and that shirts are mass-produced. And when he finally moved out the kids shunned his empty room, the taint of 'tism too strong. An enterprising coworker started using it as the new time-out room, and behavior improved markedly. It wasn't that bad a room really, it was large and had a great view. However, the windowsill had some potato salad stains.
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2019
I worked in a Publix and we had massively entitled old money customers. If their favorite product was discontinued I, the bagger/cart boy was personally responsible for that. I had to go into the mystical "back of the store to check" even if the product was gone for years and the sheer force of want to will it back into existence.
Sometimes it was just a size. Mini cans of Coke, they'd cry "but I was a good customer" and start sobbing like I myself fucked them over.
One lady insisted on us always having peach crystal light. It had to be on the shelf when she arrived. For no extra cost we could set some aside with her name on it. But no. I suppose I was supposed to prevent anyone else from buying it. They'd come to checkout, I'd snatch it out of their hand.
"No! This is only for Judy. Fuck off!"
It was hot as hell and I was accused of "bagging the milk wrong" because condensation formed on the jug as soon as they went outside.
I'm not sure what mystical hand and wrist movement I should have performed to suspend the laws of physics until they got home. I was called into the office and chewed out over this.
We always had big ass 24 packs of Pepsi by the door and on sale and little old ladies would demand I come home with them to help them carry it in. Just buy a smaller pack or let me break it down into smaller portions. Dumb dumb dumb
Sometimes it was just a size. Mini cans of Coke, they'd cry "but I was a good customer" and start sobbing like I myself fucked them over.
One lady insisted on us always having peach crystal light. It had to be on the shelf when she arrived. For no extra cost we could set some aside with her name on it. But no. I suppose I was supposed to prevent anyone else from buying it. They'd come to checkout, I'd snatch it out of their hand.
"No! This is only for Judy. Fuck off!"
It was hot as hell and I was accused of "bagging the milk wrong" because condensation formed on the jug as soon as they went outside.
I'm not sure what mystical hand and wrist movement I should have performed to suspend the laws of physics until they got home. I was called into the office and chewed out over this.
We always had big ass 24 packs of Pepsi by the door and on sale and little old ladies would demand I come home with them to help them carry it in. Just buy a smaller pack or let me break it down into smaller portions. Dumb dumb dumb
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- Joined
- Dec 26, 2019
Back when I was poorer I had to use the library for internet access, especially early on when there was only dial up available to home users.
People take one look at me and decide I know everything sometimes.
A guy sits two stations down from me and fussed himself up in a instant sweaty frenzy. He tells the room loudly “I want to get on the internet”.
He looks at me.
I say “You’re on it. Look at your screen.”
Him: “But I want to be on the internet!”
At this point everyone is shushing me and not the retard who’s much louder than me.
You don’t get a longer turn for helping other people. People would hear me typing fast and decide or demand I was going to help them, or else.
Much later, my laptop was broken so I went into a different branch. Some Trayvon spent the whole hour trying to do something with the Walmart website, I never figured out if he was trying to create an account or reset his password but the whole hour he’d sigh and groan loud and occasionally demand someone give him a hand, a librarian tried and left quickly. He looked over at me typing fast and said I was “selfish”.
Again, they don’t extend your turn or give you an extra one for helping some unappreciative person.
It’s good now that even if you’re desperate you can just get a crappy tablet and find WiFi or use the public broadcast of your internet provider with your log in info. Stanky ass retarded motherfuckers at any public internet station type of situation.
I had one that looked like this
stare straight at me, point and say “You HAVE to help ME!” I don’t have to do shit.
Take a fucking class or cut your haldol dosage.
People take one look at me and decide I know everything sometimes.
A guy sits two stations down from me and fussed himself up in a instant sweaty frenzy. He tells the room loudly “I want to get on the internet”.
He looks at me.
I say “You’re on it. Look at your screen.”
Him: “But I want to be on the internet!”
At this point everyone is shushing me and not the retard who’s much louder than me.
You don’t get a longer turn for helping other people. People would hear me typing fast and decide or demand I was going to help them, or else.
Much later, my laptop was broken so I went into a different branch. Some Trayvon spent the whole hour trying to do something with the Walmart website, I never figured out if he was trying to create an account or reset his password but the whole hour he’d sigh and groan loud and occasionally demand someone give him a hand, a librarian tried and left quickly. He looked over at me typing fast and said I was “selfish”.
Again, they don’t extend your turn or give you an extra one for helping some unappreciative person.
It’s good now that even if you’re desperate you can just get a crappy tablet and find WiFi or use the public broadcast of your internet provider with your log in info. Stanky ass retarded motherfuckers at any public internet station type of situation.
I had one that looked like this
stare straight at me, point and say “You HAVE to help ME!” I don’t have to do shit.
Take a fucking class or cut your haldol dosage.
NerdShamer
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
Doesn't the library have a few books on how to use the internet?
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2019
Mine taught regular classes before the Coof happened, for free.
Speaking of dumb, I saw a movie and some tard kept getting calls on her flipphone. She did not know how to mute it or turn it off, I had to help her before some black dudes beat her ass, she kept answering loud and saying “I’m in a movie!”
I agreed to show her how to turn it back on after the movie.
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2019
I had this big response ready expressing how incredulous I find it that there are still people out there that computer illiterate, then I remembered how many phone zombies I’ve seen who have autistic meltdowns and need help every step of the way when they need to use a laptop or desktop because there aren’t cute icons to click.
NerdShamer
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
Wait, most programs actually have these when they're on the desktop. Granted, it's nothing more elaborate than an logo, but so is that YouTube and Facebook app.
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2019
These people aren’t the reading type, to put it diplomatically. My understanding is that libraries are now homeless drop-in centers, so I hope those demanding help now get it from the stinkiest people on earth (and then get hit up for a tip and/or a place to stay).
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2021
I constantly see propaganda posters in the city especially near the university, but the faggot to post a furry porn poster on a signpost is probably the biggest faggot of them all.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
Last year during the height of the whole "masks required" era, I saw this sixtysomething year old man in Walmart not wearing a mask and he was wearing a shirt that said something along the lines of "living free and easy without my mask".
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- Joined
- Dec 7, 2020
Sounds tiddy. I want a shirt like that.
BlaireWhitesBottom
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2021
i will jokingly root for the Paul brothers but theres a limit to trolling
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2019
So he was trolling the mask autists? Amazing.
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2021
Here's a list of what crazy stuff happended in my highschool:
someone licked an window to our class door
someone jumped through an window and fell on the floor
someone stole an pole from the lunch queue and was running with it around school , the principal got involved
someone broke an window
someone licked an window to our class door
someone jumped through an window and fell on the floor
someone stole an pole from the lunch queue and was running with it around school , the principal got involved
someone broke an window
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2020
I didn't know autists loved windows
Evan_Wynn_D
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2021
This is probably the most autistic thing to ever happen to me. I went to a local library and asked them about self-publishing. The nice lady who helped me told me that she’d give me a link to a website for self-publishing books. After clicking the link, I was given this screen that said, “You need to get your Kindle/Audible/Nook/Sony/Kindle Fire/other device logged into your Kindle account, if you have one. Then you need to select the account you want to sell your book to. You need to provide this login name and password.
A password? A password? I already have a password for Amazon Prime, for my bank account. Why do I need a password to read books?
I clicked back to the library’s website and found the same link. The nice librarian who had previously given me a link said that she’d do the same thing for me.
A password? A password? I already have a password for Amazon Prime, for my bank account. Why do I need a password to read books?
I clicked back to the library’s website and found the same link. The nice librarian who had previously given me a link said that she’d do the same thing for me.
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2021
To be fair, these people are both schizo-autistic, not just regular autistic. However, their derangement is pretty hilarious:
Person A (Let's call him Squidfucker)
Furfag man-child who never leaves his bedroom at his parents' house. Despite being in his late 20s, he's never had to do anything for himself. His parents are so tolerant of his behavior that they'll probably never make him move out or even clean up after himself. They cook his every meal, do his laundry, wash his dishes, unclog his toilet, all enabling him to dedicate his life to jerking off to cartoon dragons, squids, dinosaurs, xenomorphs, etc. Says he's incapable of doing anything for himself as an excuse not to try.
Person B (Mr. Debby Ryan)
Thinks he's married to Disney Channel "star" Debby Ryan. I don't know his real last name (his "maiden name") but he tells everyone his last name is Ryan because of his alleged marriage to the aforementioned pop starlet. His wedding ring is black plastic that looks like it came out of a gumball machine. He also thinks they have several adopted children together. In reality, he lives alone in a subsidized apartment. Refuses to go back on anti-psychotics and claims his mother is the delusional one for not believing him about his Disney wife.
Person A (Let's call him Squidfucker)
Furfag man-child who never leaves his bedroom at his parents' house. Despite being in his late 20s, he's never had to do anything for himself. His parents are so tolerant of his behavior that they'll probably never make him move out or even clean up after himself. They cook his every meal, do his laundry, wash his dishes, unclog his toilet, all enabling him to dedicate his life to jerking off to cartoon dragons, squids, dinosaurs, xenomorphs, etc. Says he's incapable of doing anything for himself as an excuse not to try.
Person B (Mr. Debby Ryan)
Thinks he's married to Disney Channel "star" Debby Ryan. I don't know his real last name (his "maiden name") but he tells everyone his last name is Ryan because of his alleged marriage to the aforementioned pop starlet. His wedding ring is black plastic that looks like it came out of a gumball machine. He also thinks they have several adopted children together. In reality, he lives alone in a subsidized apartment. Refuses to go back on anti-psychotics and claims his mother is the delusional one for not believing him about his Disney wife.
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2020
My little sister had never seen a manga in person before but she was interested in reading them, so we went to Barnes & Noble to look at their vast manga selection.
I pulled one of the books off the shelves and thumbed through the pages (from right to left), and said to her: "see how the pages are on the wrong side?" during this demonstration as a joke.
To our left, there's this overweight Pajeet-looking motherfucker with a greasy ponytail and a purple shirt on. He looks to me and says, in that typical Euphoric Gentleman tone, "well, technically, it's not the wrong side."
It was like, he assumed I had no idea what I was talking about just because I'm an ordinary-looking woman, as in, I wasn't wearing any weeb shit or boasting an Anime-inspired hair color that you'd see in that aisle. Either he couldn't tell I was joking and felt the need to educate me, or that was his way of breaking the ice.
He made things so serious and lame that I asked him for beginner manga recommendations for my sister, just to rectify the weird spot he put us in. He said the usual stuff like One Punch Man or whatever, then my sister and I left without buying anything.
It's not the most notable thing in this thread, but it was my experience.
TL;DR: an expert on all things Japanese deboonked a joke I made while I was trying to explain something to my sister.
I pulled one of the books off the shelves and thumbed through the pages (from right to left), and said to her: "see how the pages are on the wrong side?" during this demonstration as a joke.
To our left, there's this overweight Pajeet-looking motherfucker with a greasy ponytail and a purple shirt on. He looks to me and says, in that typical Euphoric Gentleman tone, "well, technically, it's not the wrong side."
It was like, he assumed I had no idea what I was talking about just because I'm an ordinary-looking woman, as in, I wasn't wearing any weeb shit or boasting an Anime-inspired hair color that you'd see in that aisle. Either he couldn't tell I was joking and felt the need to educate me, or that was his way of breaking the ice.
He made things so serious and lame that I asked him for beginner manga recommendations for my sister, just to rectify the weird spot he put us in. He said the usual stuff like One Punch Man or whatever, then my sister and I left without buying anything.
It's not the most notable thing in this thread, but it was my experience.
TL;DR: an expert on all things Japanese deboonked a joke I made while I was trying to explain something to my sister.
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Thatz Sp0OkYBro
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2021
Not particularly, people on the spectrum are very obsessive and repetitive. All it takes is them to stumble upon /pol/ and BAM.
Edit: Things like that can be very powerful to vulnerable minds; almost brainwashing.