José Mourinho
The Special One
Forum Staff
Retired Staff
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
DISCUSSION THREAD
TEXT EXCHANGE, DECEMBER 9TH:
Me: Hey, why do you keep calling me "heartthrob"?
Chris: Well, Love, I Mean the word as an endearing term of Love, and it's another good choice word in regards to Sweetheart. But moreover, and i am serious: whenever I think of you, Catherine, I feel my heart beating better and more positive.
Me: Okaaay but you shouldn't call me sweetheart or anything.
Chris: While I do understand that you and I are in the "Friend Zone" at the moment and while, for the needs of some of our closest ones at least, I have been feeling, and still feel, the most positive and passionate of love for you from our earliest conversations and growing continuing from there. Also, I know I can not change your mind, but I am still going to feel for you soo much anyhow.
Me: But we aren't in a relationship. I told you that when we went bowling.
Chris: Right; we are a boy/girl and a girl friends in an open relationship.
Me: No, we aren't in a relationship. You couldn't handle the open relationship you wanted in the first place.
Chris: You can't be telling me you've never felt that way about me mutually. I remember past events, and I have learned from the mistakes. I know you care about and Love me too.
Me: It's platonic Chris. I'm not your sweetheart or your girlfriend. We're friends, that's all.
Chris: Yeah. But I still feel for you like that anyhow.
Me: Okay but you shouldn't call me sweetheart or anything. That's weird.
Chris: And I have and still am working a Lot for you and me; Us. And I respect your space and needs and learn from my mistakes, too!
Me: It's just, you keep acting like we're in a relationship and we aren't. I told you several times.
Chris: Don't forget, we were over a 97% Q&A match in over a thousand on OKCupid.
Me: Lol, Chris, an online dating site doesn't mean all that much!
Chris: It means a LOT!
Me: It's not like it means people are destined to be together, it's just common interests and stuff. That's all.
Chris: Possibly sounding crazy, but I will Not Lose You, Catie Heart!
Me: We're still friends though, I thought you were okay with that. I just don't want to be in a relationship with you.
(Two hours later.)
Chris: I am feeling sad and upset.
---
EMAIL, LATER THAT EVENING:
"Thanks a lump
I am seriously feeling like since "not in a relationship" was said about five PM, I was dangling at the end of a rope. And afterwards, slowly falling into a fiery depth, my heart melting and drifting back into sadness, much like the melting Lego pieces in that fire last January. Now, I am at the ice cold bottom, and the melted heart is now a depressed hard lump of melted loss in being dumped.
I feel like I should not speak with you for a while; I am depressed and my heart aches bad. You lack appreciation for the hard work and effort I had put into US!!!
Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler"
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TEXT MESSAGES, 12TH DECEMBER:
Chris: I am feeling Very Heart Ached, with a sad feeling like a melted then petrified Lego piece, and I am still feeling upset from your breaking up the relationship with me. YOU said it; I did not. Do Not contact me yet. Have a safe day.
Chris: P.S.; I am still feeling like a discarded piece of crap. Thanks a Lump for a Blue Christmas.
Chris: ONLY to let you know Catherine. Anyhow, I have an update to let you know: the patch of skin that the jewelry was in was shrinking again. I have just removed the barbell and spheres; I am giving up in that piercing now.
Chris: P.P.S.: I would feel better, if in future we should happen to be together, hanging out, for some reason, when you talk with your parents, that you refer to me as a Lesbian (friend), instead of another one of your "Gay Friends".
Me: So you mean you still want to hang out again?
(Note: Chris's last message to me is likely in reference to the last outing. Catie's dad called and asked, "Who are you with, another on of your gay friends?" and the reply was a clearly exasperated, "yes, Dad, another one of my gay friends.")
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12 December 2014, 6:25
Learn from Care Bears or Something
"Well, I am still feeling heartache and low, so I am not sure at the moment. And I am going to try to catch up on a bunch of sleep I've lost more recently, due to this depression.
I mean, I had done a LOT for our relationship, look at the second DVD, I cited my own vows for you, and That was a Most Recent recording. I poured out my Heart and Soul for you in most of everything I had done for you. And I Have Learned from that overreaction of mine with Colin. I did ALL of that And the Bonus Round (interpret that how you will). I withheld being clingy and touchy for the most part. And then you up right and end it. Left me spiraling AGAIN.
My mother even theorized, from her experiences and observations of manipulative and bad people, you went out with me in attempt of a free house to crash in. I personally prefer to see the good in people! Yet the trolls have terrified and frightened me to a great point of paranoia.
And my mother is Not going to be around forever, and I still have difficulty meeting other people by myself, especially when I am Depressed. And this type of depression, sadly, is an emotional state I had gotten used to since after moving back to Ruckersville, and in and out between past relationships, Theoretical And Real.
Alone, I am constantly LOST in mind and path, even after trying religion. I Needed You, Catherine. You Had filled in the void that allowed me to feel at my Better to Best more often, on the better path.
Killing the relationship, it Killed Me and My Heart and Soul ALL OVER AGAIN after countless times of them both being Broken, Beaten and Scarred beyond belief and back from Hell.
Then again, how do I know better? I am 32 years old and some wise and educated. My mind is drifting away slowly with age. I guess YOU have More Answers to Life, Love, Health and Self-Happiness and Esteem than I could ever have.
I don't know anymore. My heart aches bad to allow me to think better.
My feelings and emotions might be better understood if instead of learning about the tortures of King Henry Tudor VIII, learned was the Caring, Compassion and Empathy from the classic Care Bears (shows).
Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler"
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12 December 2014, 5:27
RE: Learn from Care Bears or something
"Just because I don't want to be your girlfriend doesn't mean I don't want to see you happy. I've been saying we're gal pals for a while now and you were always okay with it. It's wonderful when you go out to the lgbt events and when you got to go to the Halloween party and all. I just don't understand what's made you so upset here.
Catie"
---
13 December 2014, 12:45am
You don't understand what's made me upset?
Valid enough. Have some empathy and put yourself in my shoes in your imagination. I have described how I have been feeling lately after you said "I don't want to be in a relationship with you". Take what you have learned about me from our conversations and time together face to face: of who I am, and my emotionally. You're me: from my eyes and heart, pretend you are doing and have done about near everything I had done for you. Before meeting you, I was paranoid and depressed from loneliness and the damn Internet trolls. Imagine from about when I sent you the message on OKCupid, and then your response shortly after, and so forth. Everything building up within me with you, the first date meeting at Applebee's, the more recent bowling date, the try of getting together at the Pride Festival yet your car problem happened. I wanted to come to your rescue and worrying about you. That time I was in VA, you were in New York with Shaina, and then suddenly, Colin enters and takes you on the cruise outing, and me not knowing him better at the time for the while. Ecetera.
Take your time with empathizing there: it's like reading a book and imagining Everything from the lead character's perspective.
Anyhow, I am still feeling the heartache and depression, and Unless you want to come over here and offer me condolences and compassion, or restarting the open relationship, it could take me a LONG time, or less if I should die early from said depression, to make any significant emotional recovery there.
Think, Imagine, and Emphasize on all that from my perspective.
Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe, Chrisitan W. Chandler.
---
13 December 2014, 5:28
"Wow, okay, what makes you so sure you're mature enough to date? It doesn't sound it, all I keep hearing from you is how you believe you're entitled to a relationship with someone.
Catie"
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14 December 2014, 00:49:59
Re: Well, that's nypical
"What the hell is wrong with you, Catherine? I suggested that you try to see things from my perspective. And then you reply like as if I'm some sort of overbearing individual who speaks "Wah Wah" like in the Charlie Brown cartoons?
I never said anything like as if I was "entitled" to be in a relationship with some woman. If anything, I stated reasonably that I Need that one special woman to be with me, help me, and keep me from possibly going into some form of crazy insane, in the longer run. I had thought you understood me, and I had thought you were the one special woman out of a million common ones.
Your response leaves me with a feeling like I might not know you anymore. What the hell?
Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe,
Christian W. Chandler"
---
TEXT MESSAGES, EARLY 14TH DECEMBER:
Chris: I responded to your email. And just so you know, I'm feeling worse now: my blood pressure hit me and now I have a headache and linked nose pain. I took an aspirin and my Rx.
Chris: I am resting towards going back to sleep. In case you should care enough to come over, in the event I may be indesposed, call my mother's phone at (434)-555-5555 to inform her of your arrival, as well as a conversation.
---
14 December 2014, 5:28
RE: Well, that's ntypical
"I'm really not understanding this behaviour here, Christian. I appreciate you're feeling depressed with your situations right now, but it isn't my fault and it isn't my responsibility to fix it. I had my cards on the table from the start. I thought we could be gal pals but you just seem to want to use me and guilt me into a relationship with you. That's not okay, Chris. Relationships don't always work out how you dream they will. That's just how things are.
Catie"
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14 December 2014, 15:04
It IS Your Fault!
"The way you're talking right now, it's sounding like you're trying to clear your conscious; it does not work that easy. You can't rationalize or disillusion yourself like Daffy Duck did. YOU were the one who made the statement of Not Wanting to be in a Relationship With Me. We HAD Been in the Open Relationship since we had established that mutual Love and Understanding early in our communications with each other! "I appreciate your being depressed"? That is a Dumb, Oxymoronic Statement to make. Like Lucy Van Pelt telling Schroeder, "I'm returning all of the gifts I was going to give you". And she realized "That didn't even make sense"! You may be Book Smart, but that does Not make you All-Knowing or Wise. Yes, we could be Gal Pals, but you Have to also realize that I still have the UGLY GROWTH that if we were in bed, you could enjoy this near seven incher damn cock! Relationships Work Best when both partners take it seriously. I HAVE Been Serious about it; You are showing that you've been very Lackadaisical and Ignorant for a while now. What we had, because you took the Biggest Part that was keeping at least ONE of us feeling Better and More Secure than EVER, the Relationship and Removal of Your Love and Emotions for me, it is like emptying a book of EVERYTHING but the Table of Lack of Contents. And I do think I Am Entitled in a True, Valid Relationship with a woman very much like you, because I Need The Love, and not only that, but I Am Of Royalty in the Weston Bloodline.
Right now, I am feeling tired, headachy, more depressed and sick of the blatant sarcasm in the ignorance you are showing along with your bitchy ass.
And my mother is not fond of you right now either. She called you Common in your "Not Wanting to be in a Relationship With Me." Stew In All Of That For A Long While.
Stay Safe with Peace,
Christian W. Chandler
(sent from my iPod)"
---
4:33 PM
And Furthermore
"I am Most Certainly Entitled to the True, Honest, Loving and Good Relationship, because I Have been In and Out of more than Ten Faulty Relationships, Real And Theoretical, Long Before You. And I had been Forced to get used to feeling in a Constant Depressed State for Years, aside from the times when I was In Love that got me Best Out of that Slump! No Single Person Should Ever Have To be Used to Feeling Depressed for So Damn Long A Time, even With medications that Try and Fail to get them Out Of That Depression!!!
**pant. pant. pant...**
Sent from my iPhone
Stay Safe, Christian W. Chandler
---
December 2014, 5:28
RE: It IS Your Fault!
"You seem to think we were in a relationship because YOU thought we were. We've been out twice, and once was just as friends. That's not a relationship. I said I was going to have to really consider being in a relationship after my NY trip, and I decided that we should just be friends. You don't get to guilt trip someone into being your partner, which is what you're doing to me.
And I don't like it. It gives me palpitations and blood pressure.
Catie"
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15 December 2014, 5:06am
RE: It IS your fault!
"Well, I have been suffering from the high blood pressure too, and when my heart beats, it feels like a Mexican jumping bean inside a Lego 2X4-brick-size-thick heavy plastic container. ***thunk, plink, thunk, plink*** And this heart feels like it coverted (sic) its surface material to that thick, heavy plastic, and it Aches bad.
And from what you just stated, I feel like I'm that really nice sweater you liked: full of Personality, Essence, Love and Soul. After trying on that Golden Millionaire suit and Business skirt, you kicked me to the curb for the not-as-warm, tacky-looking piece of Rich, Soulless Crap. I was and would have been Most Devoted to you and Kept You Warm and feeling loved.
Stay Safe with Peace,
Christian W. Chandler
(sent from my iPod)"
---
(Post-breakup messages.)
Chris was still occasionally sending me text messages for about a week and a half, after the "breakup".
Again, portions of these messages are already posted on the CWCki, and are included for completeness.
---
20 December Text:
Chris: Hey there. I am feeling some better. Please, ask me again to hang out, after the holidays. And invite your other girl friends to the hangout then (strictly as friends only and platonic). Al can come too.
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21 December Text Exchange:
Catie: I thought you didn't want anything to do with me, Christian.
Chris: I did not mean that I would not want a thing to do with you; I requested for me being left alone to recover and think things through and better. Anyhow, I do still want very much to be good friends with you, Catie.
Catie: You weren't acting it when you called me bitchy and common. You sounded like you were burning bridges.
Chris: "Common" and "bitchy" were my Mother's choice of words in response to How the phrasing of the relationship breakup, from the your serving end, turned out. IMHO: It mostly just plain hurt.
Catie: You said some hurtful things, Chris. I don't know if I can trust you now.
Chris: With all due respect, I WAS trying to remain Civil and Polite in the early part, shortly after you said you didn't want to be in a relationship with me. And you said More and More hurtful things, and lacked understanding of his I was feeling. In the heat of the moments, I felt more distraught and used as more words were said. We Both ended Up uncivil in what was said in the later parts. It got chaotic. And then I felt need to space myself from you for recovery towards clearer thinking. I would guess you felt the same way as well.
Chris: I was as trustworthy as possible the whole time we were communicating and all.
Chris: It was my fault of misperceiving Colin to be a bad individual, but who is to say you wouldn't feel the same way if I had ended up going out yachting with someone like Britney Spears (before she got married).
Chris: I had overreacted, and I feel bad about that, and I HAVE LEARNED from that towards being a better partner in the Open Relationship. But, You made Your Decision about putting Me in the Friend Zone after all that. And now we both are feeling crappy from those bad moments.
Chris: I move we just try to put all of that behind us, resume the Friendship, and see if we remain that way, or if we feel a mutual rekindling towards renewing the relationship; No Obligations.
Catie: What specifically did I say that was so hurtful?
Chris: I will have to get back to you on that question; I am feeling tired and out of it right now. I've been doing heavy work at the house yesterday and today. But between the text messages between before today, and the day you told me you did not want a relationship with me; the Hurtful Words Are There. You can look into the texting history yourself. I will read and quote later when I feel more rested.
Catie: Nothing stands out to me so I don't really know. I just am trying to understand here.
Catie: Look, I don't know how ready I am to be your gal pal again after everything.
---
23 December Texts:
Chris: Well, I am recovered enough to move forward from the breakup, and what's done is done. I am still wanting to be your friend. Not a lot of people will stay on as friends after a breakup, that makes this instance a rare deal. And you don't have to make your decision right away; you can get back to me after the holidays. Anyhow, I have packing to do for our return move very soon. And my mind is coming up blank at the moment.
Chris: I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. Stay Safe.
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24 December Texts:
Chris: I'll tell you another thing: while I can appreciate it from my mother and pets, but when I get a show of positive emotions or vibes from anyone else... Nada and/or a pained thud in my heart. And that is blamed on my Autism, and when I am in the depressed and lonely boat like I am AGAIN now.
Chris: But, whatever. Enjoy your Christmas with your parents (and the stepmom), and other family alive and close. And whoever you end up having for a Boyfriend and Sweetheart.
Chris: And because everyone around here locally either hates me and my mother, or overlooks or ignores us, we both are feeling depressed. At home we have each other, but that's about it right there. An emotional Crappy Christmas. Peaceful day, but with everyone outside of our house Not Appreciating Us Much at all.
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