random.txt brought me here
I never thought about it, most lolcows aren't exactly fuckable.
If I had to chose, it would probably be Mark Mann aka
@MarkM simply because he already willingly and knowingly presented his butthole for many, many photos online(one of which is on his profile lol). That means he is likely already submissive and ready for action without any further training needed even if he will never admit it. That will save some time, and leave me with only living expenses for his little programming socks tier cage to live in and food to worry about. I could buy him cake if he behaved, I heard he likes that.
Come to think of it, he's currently looking for work(and failed at it, as my profile mocks) and needs money/place to live badly. You know, this thing has legs.