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When a newborn baby first arrived in their home five and a half years ago, Lee and Rob Funk felt totally unprepared, even though they’d spent months getting ready for that very day.
This was not a situation they stumbled into lightly. To become foster parents, the couple had gone through a comprehensive certification process with Summit County Children Services (SCCS), which included training courses two to three nights a week, detailed background checks, and the required home study. In the home study phase, a Home Assessor inspects the homes of prospective foster families, often multiple times, and asks a series of probing questions: What’s your faith background? Are you close with your parents? Do you drink wine in the home? Do you own guns? It’s a comprehensive process.
Before they got their first placement, Lee admits that the couple almost gave up, fearing they would just be rejected anyway. “There’s times where there are delays, or you don’t hear anything,” he says. “You start to worry: Is my income not enough? Is my house not enough? That speeding ticket, is that gonna hold me back? There were times where we’re like, ‘Jesus, is there ever an end to this?’”
The Funks were out shopping when they got a call telling them that an infant whose parents were struggling with addiction issues needed an immediate home. Lee describes that first day as a “whirlwind.” They rushed to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) where he was receiving care to help administer feedings and watch the required safety training videos. Although it would be a few days before the baby was able to come home with them, Lee and Rob say they immediately felt a connection. It was as if a part of their lives had just become complete.
Although the boy is now back with his father, who is doing well, the Funks see him often. Now five years old, he still refers to Lee and Rob as his parents. “His Dad enforces that, tells him that he has three dads,” Lee says. “A little human needed someone to give love to him, and we needed him as much as he needed us.”
While there are more than 7,200 licensed foster families across the state of Ohio, that number falls well short of the overwhelming needs of vulnerable children. It’s estimated that more than 16,000 young people are in the Ohio foster care system, and the gap between those figures leaves many without a stable home environment. And in Summit County, where the Funks reside, just 140 foster families are available to care for a population of nearly 900 foster children. Looking nationally, LGBTQ+ youth tend to be overrepresented in those systems: An estimated 30 percent of young people in the foster care system identify under the queer umbrella.
Same-sex foster families say that the LGBTQ+ community remains an underutilized resource in helping to address that deficit. Same-sex couples are seven times more likely to foster or adopt than cisgender, heterosexual partners and yet, currently, 14 states have laws in place allowing agencies to refuse placement to LGBTQ+ households. Some of these states include Alabama, Kansas, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. (Conversely, Ohio has a statewide policy banning anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination in foster care placement.)
Nicole Moore, who has been fostering through SCCS with her wife, Cassidy, for two years, says that LGBTQ+ families have “a lot to offer” the foster care system. One of their most recent placements, a six-year-old whose background included domestic violence, thrived in a home where he didn’t have to worry about the presence of a domineering male figure. When he arrived at their house with his two siblings, Cassidy says that he was initially “extremely violent” with his new foster parents: lashing out, hitting them, and scratching himself until he bled.
“When they got here, they were super rambunctious,” Nicole says of the children. “They had severe learning deficits. When they left us, it was a night-and-day difference. He completely thrived, and he could spell his own name. He knew his alphabet. He was learning how to read pretty well. A year before, he wasn’t doing any of that.”
The Moores say that what made the difference was the stability that a home could provide a boy who had few chances in his life to feel safe. They were able to get him into an individualized education program at school where he was able to get the specialized attention he needed, and at home, they focused on providing him with a loving, supportive family. They went to the zoo and the aquarium and snuggled up together for movie nights on the couch, where he would pretend to be asleep to make his foster mothers carry him to bed. Nicole taught him how to cook, while Cassidy modeled how to be a good partner: how to treat someone with love, kindness, and respect.
It was difficult to see him leave after watching him grow so much in such a short time, but the day he left, the Moores knew the impact was mutual. Nicole says that being his mother, if only for a brief time, taught her greater patience and flexibility. She has been a person who lives her life by a schedule, but children are rarely ever punctual. And as someone who has always thought of herself as a nurturer, seeing her wife share that role with her has only strengthened their bond.
“Seeing her rock a baby or talking with them, it’s pretty great,” Nicole says. “We always say that we give these kids a soft place to land and a firm place to grow. We give them something that they can carry with them wherever they go, and it was really cool to get to do that stuff with them, knowing that they’ll have these experiences forever, whether they remember them or not.”
Being a foster parent is not without its challenges, but ultimately, the couples interviewed for this story believe that the struggles are worth it. In addition to the cost of purchasing beds, strollers, car seats, clothes, and other material needs that children may have, the Funks nearly split up because of the emotional strain that fostering put on their relationship. And then last October, they nearly quit fostering after two girls in their care went back to their parents. After eight placements in four years, they felt emotionally spent, as if they couldn’t take anymore. But in January, they got a call about four girls who all needed a home and couldn’t say no.
Three months later, Lee and Rob are glad they didn’t give up. They are planning to adopt their girls, one of whom is celebrating her birthday the same day that they spoke over the phone for an interview for this article. They are taking her to Sephora as a surprise present. “She’s a diva,” Lee says with a laugh. “She only wants makeup, the expensive kind.”
For all the trials and tribulations they have weathered, the Funks say their family has grown immeasurably since they first began fostering. They hang photos in their home of all the children who have been placed there, and when their daughters first arrived, they made a point of introducing them to each picture. It’s not just about putting a face to a name, Lee explains, but making sure the girls know that they have more brothers, sisters, uncles, and cousins than they can even count. “You have more love in your heart,” he told them, “and more people who love you.”
“You’re able to open your heart to complete strangers out there that you have no connection to and no ties to,” Rob adds. “To be able to open your heart and to love unconditionally is an amazing gift.”
When a newborn baby first arrived in their home five and a half years ago, Lee and Rob Funk felt totally unprepared, even though they’d spent months getting ready for that very day.
This was not a situation they stumbled into lightly. To become foster parents, the couple had gone through a comprehensive certification process with Summit County Children Services (SCCS), which included training courses two to three nights a week, detailed background checks, and the required home study. In the home study phase, a Home Assessor inspects the homes of prospective foster families, often multiple times, and asks a series of probing questions: What’s your faith background? Are you close with your parents? Do you drink wine in the home? Do you own guns? It’s a comprehensive process.
Before they got their first placement, Lee admits that the couple almost gave up, fearing they would just be rejected anyway. “There’s times where there are delays, or you don’t hear anything,” he says. “You start to worry: Is my income not enough? Is my house not enough? That speeding ticket, is that gonna hold me back? There were times where we’re like, ‘Jesus, is there ever an end to this?’”
The Funks were out shopping when they got a call telling them that an infant whose parents were struggling with addiction issues needed an immediate home. Lee describes that first day as a “whirlwind.” They rushed to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) where he was receiving care to help administer feedings and watch the required safety training videos. Although it would be a few days before the baby was able to come home with them, Lee and Rob say they immediately felt a connection. It was as if a part of their lives had just become complete.
Although the boy is now back with his father, who is doing well, the Funks see him often. Now five years old, he still refers to Lee and Rob as his parents. “His Dad enforces that, tells him that he has three dads,” Lee says. “A little human needed someone to give love to him, and we needed him as much as he needed us.”
While there are more than 7,200 licensed foster families across the state of Ohio, that number falls well short of the overwhelming needs of vulnerable children. It’s estimated that more than 16,000 young people are in the Ohio foster care system, and the gap between those figures leaves many without a stable home environment. And in Summit County, where the Funks reside, just 140 foster families are available to care for a population of nearly 900 foster children. Looking nationally, LGBTQ+ youth tend to be overrepresented in those systems: An estimated 30 percent of young people in the foster care system identify under the queer umbrella.
Same-sex foster families say that the LGBTQ+ community remains an underutilized resource in helping to address that deficit. Same-sex couples are seven times more likely to foster or adopt than cisgender, heterosexual partners and yet, currently, 14 states have laws in place allowing agencies to refuse placement to LGBTQ+ households. Some of these states include Alabama, Kansas, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. (Conversely, Ohio has a statewide policy banning anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination in foster care placement.)
Nicole Moore, who has been fostering through SCCS with her wife, Cassidy, for two years, says that LGBTQ+ families have “a lot to offer” the foster care system. One of their most recent placements, a six-year-old whose background included domestic violence, thrived in a home where he didn’t have to worry about the presence of a domineering male figure. When he arrived at their house with his two siblings, Cassidy says that he was initially “extremely violent” with his new foster parents: lashing out, hitting them, and scratching himself until he bled.
“When they got here, they were super rambunctious,” Nicole says of the children. “They had severe learning deficits. When they left us, it was a night-and-day difference. He completely thrived, and he could spell his own name. He knew his alphabet. He was learning how to read pretty well. A year before, he wasn’t doing any of that.”
The Moores say that what made the difference was the stability that a home could provide a boy who had few chances in his life to feel safe. They were able to get him into an individualized education program at school where he was able to get the specialized attention he needed, and at home, they focused on providing him with a loving, supportive family. They went to the zoo and the aquarium and snuggled up together for movie nights on the couch, where he would pretend to be asleep to make his foster mothers carry him to bed. Nicole taught him how to cook, while Cassidy modeled how to be a good partner: how to treat someone with love, kindness, and respect.
It was difficult to see him leave after watching him grow so much in such a short time, but the day he left, the Moores knew the impact was mutual. Nicole says that being his mother, if only for a brief time, taught her greater patience and flexibility. She has been a person who lives her life by a schedule, but children are rarely ever punctual. And as someone who has always thought of herself as a nurturer, seeing her wife share that role with her has only strengthened their bond.
“Seeing her rock a baby or talking with them, it’s pretty great,” Nicole says. “We always say that we give these kids a soft place to land and a firm place to grow. We give them something that they can carry with them wherever they go, and it was really cool to get to do that stuff with them, knowing that they’ll have these experiences forever, whether they remember them or not.”
Being a foster parent is not without its challenges, but ultimately, the couples interviewed for this story believe that the struggles are worth it. In addition to the cost of purchasing beds, strollers, car seats, clothes, and other material needs that children may have, the Funks nearly split up because of the emotional strain that fostering put on their relationship. And then last October, they nearly quit fostering after two girls in their care went back to their parents. After eight placements in four years, they felt emotionally spent, as if they couldn’t take anymore. But in January, they got a call about four girls who all needed a home and couldn’t say no.
Three months later, Lee and Rob are glad they didn’t give up. They are planning to adopt their girls, one of whom is celebrating her birthday the same day that they spoke over the phone for an interview for this article. They are taking her to Sephora as a surprise present. “She’s a diva,” Lee says with a laugh. “She only wants makeup, the expensive kind.”
For all the trials and tribulations they have weathered, the Funks say their family has grown immeasurably since they first began fostering. They hang photos in their home of all the children who have been placed there, and when their daughters first arrived, they made a point of introducing them to each picture. It’s not just about putting a face to a name, Lee explains, but making sure the girls know that they have more brothers, sisters, uncles, and cousins than they can even count. “You have more love in your heart,” he told them, “and more people who love you.”
“You’re able to open your heart to complete strangers out there that you have no connection to and no ties to,” Rob adds. “To be able to open your heart and to love unconditionally is an amazing gift.”
