Bad Filmmaking and Acting Advice - Advise a man on how to make "The Room II"

[Silver Chariot]

Exactly what the thread and subtitle say: post bad advice on making any films/skits, from relatively mundane YouTube videos to box office flops.

I'll start, your first take is always the best, no need to make others.

If you voice act, never play back your own audio to ensure it's good enough for the audition. Static, after all, is your friend.

 

[Dutch Courage]

Use blue screen relentlessly.

 

[Maiseisinthetea]

Pay your actors and crew with promise of exposure and pizza parties.

 

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

Take yourself fully, absolutely seriously. It worked for Son of Saul and Schindler's List, why wouldn't it work for your capeshit and/or grrrrlpowa schlock?

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

You can't force a "so good it's bad" movie. It usually has to come from the heart with the best of intentions but a supreme level of incompetence.

Otherwise it just isn't funny. The assholes who made the movie aren't supposed to be in on the joke.

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

If a performer wants a job bad enough, they’ll put out for you and keep it quiet afterwards.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

If you fuck up your movie series, don't panic. Just hire a bunch of shitty writers and starving artists to publish supplemental material to fill in the gaping plot holes. The plot holes are filled and you have new material to sell to your useful idiots customers!

 

[Red Hood]

Only do one take. One take is perfect. Alternate takes are a waste of time and you can always fix it in post.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Agreed with @NOT Sword Fighter Super

Trying to forcibly make a bad movie nine times out of ten just comes off as blatantly tryhard. Your audience will be laughing at you, not at the movie. That's how you'll get Birdemic instead of The Room.

The Room works because Wiseau was so passionate about creating his magnum opus, despite being so untalented he makes Ed Wood look like Kubrick. He was oblivious to almost all aspects of basic filmmaking, just winging it as he went along.

Want to make a bad movie? Forget everything you know about how movies are made and go from there.

 

[verissimus]

1) Listen to anything Rian Johnson has to say;
2) Explain don't show;
3) Be sure there's a literal mystery box/mcguffin integrated in the plot;
4) Have as much lens flare and CGI as possible;
5) Always rip-off, I mean, pay "homage" to better films;
6) Hire Chris Terrio as your primary writer; or
7) Always worry more about the "themes" of your film even if it's a dumb action or horror schlock film or a comedy

 

[Shaved Kiwis]

What you do is make really intricately choreographed fight scenes but instead of framing them well you shake the ever living fuck out of the camera so all we see is blurred, out of focus swirls of color.

 

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

Get some former A-lister big name actor to headline, pay him/her most of your budget, then get fresh graduates, or better yet, amateur actors for every other role. Robert de Niro, why?
Try being artsy, film the whole movie using an old camera, fuck up all your negatives, redo the whole thing at a different location, on a $100 budget.
Blow half your money on high-end mikes, get outdated low-end crap for the rest of the chain.
Film in your free time while holding a full-time job, try to get "natural" lighting at night for those daytime scenes.
Don't even try to get permits for filming in [big city of your choice], get arrested. Bonus points if your cam operator films the whole event in perfect clarity. Jackpot if you film in Seattle and contract COVID-19.

 

[Richard Harrow]

Just do what this guy does...

 

[Big Boz]

If you are making a horror movie with a monster in it, then it's a really good idea to give significant insight into its background, where it came from, what it wants, and its weaknesses.
As we all know, nothing is more scary than knowing what is attacking you, how it's doing so, and why.

 

[The Penultimate Warrior]

If you are making a horror movie with a monster in it, then it's a really good idea to give significant insight into its background, where it came from, what it wants, and its weaknesses.
As we all know, nothing is more scary than knowing what is attacking you, how it's doing so, and why.

You also want to use cgi, because practical effects are so last century. Also, loud noises and fake outs are far quicker and simpler to do than spending time creating tension and atmosphere.

 

[Constellationzero]

Include lots of nudity or butt shots. Early and often a la Neil Breen.

Don't forget to eat tuna from a can and slop it all over you while driving.

 

[murdered meat bag]

real movies use fades to and from black. Your movie needs to have fades for every cut.

 

[Chonburi Flaps]

Don't put windshields on microphones, they mute atmospheric background noise.
Relationships based on surviving a disaster/tragedy always work out, ALWAYS.

 

[Stab You in the Back]

All great actors are method actors.
You don't need a finished script if you're shooting on a greenscreen.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Okay, if you’re trying to make something bad, do this:

• Have the producers and directors speak a different language than the actors
  • Example: hire an Italian director and American actors
• Devote 70% of the budget to billboard and print ads
• Cast actors based on ridiculous things, such as:
  • The way their breath smells
  • What their favorite things are
  • How good they are at sex (if you want to be one of those sleazy directors)
• Don’t allow anyone auditioning to read the script
• Blow the budget on sets that are unnecessary
  • If there’s already a perfectly good alleyway for a scene, don’t use it, build it
• Hire a novice camera crew
  • Have them film on an iPhone 6 and a camera from the 1970s
• Hire someone that’s hard of hearing to do the sound editing (if they have any type of hearing aid, request they don’t use it while editing)
• Hire your favorite lolcow for set design
• Hire an AGP troon to do the costume design
• Hire another AGP troon for makeup and hair
• Skimp on amenities for cast and crew to make them more irritable while filming
  • Have coffee rations and allow certain people to have more coffee if they have more status
  • If filming in summer, don’t bother with air conditioning
  • If filming in the winter, don’t bother with heaters
  • Water is either steaming hot or lukewarm, no cold water allowed
  • Food will just be from the local gas station (not any of the good stuff either)
  • No privacy given when changing
  • Break room has cameras everywhere so the directors and producers can stalk the staff
• Give the actors the final script one hour before shooting
• If people want to quit, let them
  • Hire someone else on the spot to fill in
• Forget to pay people, but try and bribe them with gas station sushi and extra coffee to get them to stay
• Have so many gratuitous sex scenes that people think they’re watching porn
  • Every character that comes into contact with another character are obligated to have sex
  • Have it be real sex (because realism sells)
  • Before a sex scene is shot, make sure that the people being filmed are completely naked in front of everyone and have everyone watch intently while it’s being filmed
• Include werewolves, vampires and witches in the movie
  • The costumes all have to be from a Halloween store
• When you’re low on the budget, fill everything else in with cheap CGI
• Make your own music using garage band samples (don’t upgrade)
• When you edit the final product, don’t bother with trying to make things make sense
• Make the final trailer something completely different than the movie (use scenes cut from final product)