Let's Sperg Coelacanth Plays Dwarf Fortress - PRE GAME PREPARATIONS - Oh hey look a DF LP that isn't a succession fort.

[Coelacanth]

WHAT IS DWARF FORTRESS?

We’ll be here all day if I go into detail about it other than "it's a sim game where you control dwarves who often die horribly" so here are some other threads that describe the game far better than I ever could.

WHY ANOTHER LP OF THIS GAME?

It’s thanks to the Farms that I dipped my toe into DF. I was aware of Boatmurdered but actually seeing people play a succession fort in real time was an entirely different experience. I’ve actually been planning to do this for a while and with how bad the latest attempts to make the Farms go away forever have gone I feel now would be a good time to do it. It’ll provide some entertainment and give me a chance to learn tips and tricks from more experienced players.

However I’d like to do something a little bit different with this one. What’s going to be different from your average DF game is that everything about this fort is going to be themed around Kiwi Farms and its culture, so if you have any autistic ideas for challenges and megaprojects feel free to suggest them. The more insane the better.

For added !!FUN!! I’m also going to be at the complete mercy of you guys when it comes to location and our embark preparations. What could possibly go wrong?

WORLD GEN/PREPARATIONS​

THE WORLD

Went with a more savage world so that there are more things out there that could kill us! The one silver lining I’ve opted to give myself is more minerals.

Welcome to "Shagthotar - The Everseeing Land".

The map overall looks like this. While it isn’t shown there are a lot of goblins and a good number of different biomes to choose from (I’m retarded and forgot I could save a detailed image of the world when it was completed I’m very sorry. If you want closer looks at certain areas before deciding where we’re going to build the fort let me know and I’ll post a screenshot). There are actually two dwarven civilisations we could pick but I’m going with the larger one for reasons to do with the premise.

The biome poll will close after 2 days so that should give you plenty of time to get your votes in.

EMBARK PREPARATIONS

As mentioned before I'm going to let you lot decide what we're talking with us and what professions the 7 starting dwarves have. It can be as useful or as useless as you like. No clue if I'll be able to edit the OP once I post it but I'll be keeping notes in my DF journal.

STARTING DWARVES
Exp. Leader: [UNAVAILABLE]
Dwarf 1: @not william stenchever
Dwarf 2: @Big Stank Dick Dad
Dwarf 3: @reptile baht spaniard rid
Dwarf 4: @Dang Woodchucks!
Dwarf 5: @Coelacanth
Dwarf 6: @Pat Fried Rice

MEGAPROJECTS
Dwarven Railgun using prisoners and anvils as ammo (suggested by ChucklesTheJester and Mooger Meng).
Recreate the Kiwi Farms logo in some way and make it a tourist attraction (suggested by me).

UPDATES
Biome Poll Results/Embark Preparations, Part 1
Embark Preparations, Part 2
YEAR 1, Spring
YEAR 1, Summer
YEAR 1, Autumn

 

[Looney Troons]

I love these. Watching this thread.

 

[Suburban Bastard]

TO THE MOUNTAINS

 

[Coelacanth]

Poll's closed. We're settling somewhere evil! Hooray, we're all going to die!

The most evil place on the map happens to be in the mountains - so @Suburban Bastard gets his vote too. Now because these are mountains we can't embark unless we include another biome so there's also some shrubland and rocky wasteland thrown in there.

Something to note is this is a Terrifying mountain range which means there's a high possibility this is a place where corpses become zombies. Our neighbours are elves, humans and of course goblins.

The specs for each biome:

PREPARATIONS
​

Next we need to decide what provisions we're taking with us and what skills our dwarves are going to have. This is also a chance to get dorfed if you want to be in the game. Apart from the leader the other six dwarves are first come, first serve so grab 'em while you can!

 

[ChucklesTheJester]

Should just take a ton of anvils and use them as a trap. Just have a trap door open above the enemy and drop the anvil on top of them. Can you make anvils made of word? You could save that type of thing for the elfs. Fuck elfs.

 

[Coelacanth]

Should just take a ton of anvils and use them as a trap. Just have a trap door open above the enemy and drop the anvil on top of them. Can you make anvils made of word? You could save that type of thing for the elfs. Fuck elfs.

Technically.

You can't make anvils from wood, but you can make figurines of anvils from wood. There's also megaprojects you can build in this game that are basically the dwarven version of cannons that fire at speeds so fast that anything that's used as ammo can literally shred creatures made of flesh and bones to pieces. Having that ammo be wooden anvil figurines amuses me. Noted.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

How many pigs are harmed in the making of a pig tail rope?

 

[Neo-Holstien]

bring some hoes

 

[not william stenchever]

Dorf me, please. And maybe hope the fall caravan brings an anvil we can trade for instead of spending points on one.

 

[Mooger Meng]

The desert seems like a good-ish area if you can get past the initial dearth of immediate-needs resources. I haven't played in a dog's age (and was bad to begin with), so I wouldn't know what else might be good to bring other than turtles and cheese.

Should just take a ton of anvils and use them as a trap. Just have a trap door open above the enemy and drop the anvil on top of them. Can you make anvils made of word? You could save that type of thing for the elfs. Fuck elfs.

Technically.

You can't make anvils from wood, but you can make figurines of anvils from wood. There's also megaprojects you can build in this game that are basically the dwarven version of cannons that fire at speeds so fast that anything that's used as ammo can literally shred creatures made of flesh and bones to pieces. Having that ammo be wooden anvil figurines amuses me. Noted.

Nah, here this out man: trap non-siege enemies in cages, and use that as ammo in the Dwarven Railgun when we need it.
Remember, war crimes imply that your opponents are people. That won't be an issue here.

 

[ChucklesTheJester]

The desert seems like a good-ish area if you can get past the initial dearth of immediate-needs resources. I haven't played in a dog's age (and was bad to begin with), so I wouldn't know what else might be good to bring other than turtles and cheese.



Nah, here this out man: trap non-siege enemies in cages, and use that as ammo in the Dwarven Railgun when we need it.
Remember, war crimes imply that your opponents are people. That won't be an issue here.

What if we stuff both the enemies and figurines made of wood shaped like anvils into the canons and fire them both out at the same time at the enemy (hopefully elfs fuck elfs). So both the thing we shoot out of it, and the thing it is aimed at get hit.

 

[Mooger Meng]

What if we stuff both the enemies and figurines made of wood shaped like anvils into the canons and fire them both out at the same time at the enemy (hopefully elfs fuck elfs). So both the thing we shoot out of it, and the thing it is aimed at get hit.

You'd hope that being launched at supersonic velocity across the horizon in a tiny cage would turn whatever critter inside of it into gelatin on impact, but Dwarven Physics may still have to be taken into account. The little fucker might not exist until the cage breaks for all I know.
Load the anvil in after it, just in case. If both items have the same trajectory, it should have enough time to load in the cage's occupant a split second before the anvil.

 

[Coelacanth]

bring some hoes

Ngl hoes are sexy and I wish we could but they're not in the game. How about extra picks? They're just as sexy to dwarves, right?

Dorf me, please. And maybe hope the fall caravan brings an anvil we can trade for instead of spending points on one.

Ask and ye shall receive. You are now one of the six available dorfs.

How many pigs are harmed in the making of a pig tail rope?

Many. Making pig tail ropes is a grisly profession but it puts dwarven booze and ☼prepared dog tripe biscuits☼ on the table so I'm not complaining.

@ChucklesTheJester & @Mooger Meng we're heading to a Terrifying biome which means cage traps are a must. We'll probably have plenty of these as well as anvil figurines for ammo.

All right I'll give it another week - partially so you can get more suggestions in and partially so that I can get the premise prepped and ready to go too. Then we shall embark and Strike the Earth!

 

[Big Stank Dick Dad]

Dorf me, please. I must fufill my dream of beating a colossus to death with a pig tail glove.

 

[Coelacanth]

Dorf me, please. I must fufill my dream of beating a colossus to death with a pig tail glove.

Wish granted. May Armok grant his favor so you live long enough to pimp slap a giant metal titan.

Last day to suggest embark stuff and claim dorfs, folks. There's still four up for grabs!

 

[KonradCruise]

Dwarf me but rename him to Dan Schneider for fun.
Consider a system to deliver elven traders directly into the magma sea.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

I need to be a dwarf.

I’ve always been too good at the game to have horrible fun, unfortunately. I get autistic about safety food and traps.

Never did work out the new military

 

[Dumb Bitch Smoothie]

Alright I'm gonna watch this thread. Should be a fun time.

 

[Dang Woodchucks!]

If there's any left, make me a dorf. Woodchuck, wanted in at least five elf settlements due to illegal carpentry.

 

[Coelacanth]

@reptile baht spaniard rid and @Dang Woodchucks! granted. There's two left over and I'm going to take one for myself. From this point onward anybody who asks to be dorfed will be added to a list and named as dwarves come. Dwarves that are nobles or barons not appointed in our fort are not up for grabs for certain reasons.

It is time to put our embark supplies together!

We brought extra picks and got rid of the anvil as requested. I have opted to keep at least one thread and one cloth for medical emergencies as well as a rope to make a well should we need it. Because this is a Terrifying biome I have also added more food, seeds lots of wood and removed the axes. Going outside is dangerous so we need to minimize the need to be on the surface as much as possible. Bituminous coal will be extremely useful should the site not have any - it's more cost effective than making lots of charcoal (you only need one to smelt coke bars which can then be used as an alternative to charcoal).

When it comes to livestock grazing animals will be difficult to maintain due to the lack of vegetation and cracking into the cave system too early carries its own risks. Instead I have gone for:

6 Turkeys (5 female, one male) - For egg/meat production.
4 Pigs (2 female, 2 male) - Meat industry.
2 Dogs (1 female, 1 male) - Good as pets and, in a pinch, could provide meat.
1 Cat (Male) - For catching vermin in our food stockpile.

FORT DETAILS
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The skills I have gone for are:
3 Miners/Masons
1 Carpenter
1 Mechanic (with skill points in mining)
1 Grower/Brewer
1 Weaponsmith/Armorsmith (not initially useful, but can be ordered to do things like cook until we get an anvil)

Fort Name:

I would've gone for something to do with the farms but none of the words usually associated with us are in the Dwarven language so this will have to do. It's relevant to the concept though.

Group Name:

Closest I could get to something that could describe Kiwi Farms.

The group symbol on the other hand...

Who is Asmel Bannerpaper? You'll find out once we embark. If this doesn't embody the Farms then I don't know what will. Again, if you want me to add something to the group symbol let me know before tomorrow. We won't be able to change anything once we embark.