Consistently Attracting the Neurotic

[Zero Day Defense]

Some time ago in a discussion with a friend, we discussed a mutual's luck with women. My friend holds him in relatively high esteem (to said mutual's bewilderment), and he's by no means ugly, though he's of a somewhat meager and unathletic physique, I suppose? He appears to be relatively social, is arguably funny at times when he's not stone-faced (perhaps "goofy", more so), and said friend regards him as having good fashion sense. It's hard to find him really angry in general, and despite him being able to speak casual, there's this sense that he generally speaks "formally". He has a pronounced sense of optimism regarding most people.

He doesn't have much luck in general, and given conversations with him, it appeared that he had a convoluted way of trying to win over ladies he had interest in that myself and my friend (and some others that may have been in that conversation) that led to stagnant relationships re: his goals (as opposed to organically growing into emotional intimacy from friendship) and was more indicative of his cowardice (though he'd argue that he wanted a foundation to his relationships, though conceded that actively trying to engineer these "friends that become something more" scenarios wasn't effective). He's not completely hopeless... though, the few people he's spoken of being romantically involved with sounded/appeared to be particularly neurotic and/or with some mood disorder. He's technically only been in one very short relationship that was formally boyfriend/girlfriend, but in every other case, for some reason, despite emotional (and physical) intimacy, there's no progression to that active acknowledgment; the relationships reportedly either break down under the neuroses of the other party or (more often) dissipate in a growing apart. His intimate relationships have all been in a strange limbo between friends and lovers,

The friend with whom I discussed this figured that, for some reason, our mutual happened to attract people that-- as he put it-- desired "rescuing". At first blush, I found this explanation somewhat apt (on one hand, he attracted these people, but on the other hand, he was arguably attracted to them), but also found the prospect of being perhaps doomed to relationships with such people that end as described rather depressing, when it didn't appear as if he knew why that would happen.

I also found it fascinating that he seems to consistently attract such people. Is this a common enough circumstance that it can be described more succinctly, and is there anything specific that would contribute to such a circumstance?

 

[Exigent Circumcisions]

It's exceedingly common and there's only a couple of reasonable motives that I can think of:

• He's insecure about himself to the extent that he won't strive for anything more than a "fixer-upper".
• He's a predator.

The two aren't mutually exclusive, either.

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

Why can’t he just invite her to bang in a coat closet?

 

[Otis Boi]

It's exceedingly common and there's only a couple of reasonable motives that I can think of:

• He's insecure about himself to the extent that he won't strive for anything more than a "fixer-upper".
• He's a predator.

The two aren't mutually exclusive, either.

Too me he seems to be using predatory behavior and using his insecurities to hid his motivation yo find a broken women to take complete advantage of. Either way he seems but pathetic

 

[Zero Day Defense]

It's exceedingly common and there's only a couple of reasonable motives that I can think of:

• He's insecure about himself to the extent that he won't strive for anything more than a "fixer-upper".
• He's a predator.

The two aren't mutually exclusive, either.

Too me he seems to be using predatory behavior and using his insecurities to hid his motivation yo find a broken women to take complete advantage of. Either way he seems but pathetic

He's emphatic about no premarital sex-- he spoke once about an instance when he was much younger of getting close with a close friend of his who regretted it mid-act, leading him into a tizzy for half the next week worrying that he ruined their friendship. They were still friends (that occasionally made out with each other) until their parents found out about aforementioned event and forced them apart, and that apparently set him hard on not having premarital sex (says it made him realize the weight of the morals he professes).

We're pretty sure that a lady that was into him retreated from a properly intimate relationship with him in part because he expressed said sex ethic (partly because she had a string of bad relationships and figured herself the common denominator)-- meanwhile, the lady was herself rather promiscuous. The pairing was strange, but at least one of us just encouraged it at the time just because we thought they looked cute together and they got along with each other really well (the guy recounted a time he got her something for Valentine's Day and they spent >15 minutes talking until five minutes after her class started, at which point his body started moving on his own and still the only thing he could process to do was touch foreheads, so she figured to kiss him from that).

Seems... un-predatory. From what little I understand of how he feels about this, he doesn't like this common thread and wouldn't search it out.

But, I did roll around the idea of him playing "Captain Save-a-Ho". I figured it'd have to be him putting himself in that position unwittingly-- he would try to instigate "friendship that grows into something more under both parties' noses" scenarios because that's all he's known as remotely successful, as rarely as they occurred.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Yall nutty. Going for a broken girl is common for people who are insecure. If he has no goals for his life either, this would also give him purpose and a reward. Instead of more money and a promotion, he'd get a girl he couldn't otherwise land due to low self-esteem.

The reason goths are exclusively popular with teens is cause it's an immediate identifier of people who think lowly of themselves, and being so fashionable that some even reduce themselves to fit the image. Yet, it also completely disappears above a certain age, because even broken people grow up and realize they're worth at least someone equally broken without making it their goal in life to be as such.

Dude has no spine and doesn't feel worth one who has. Very likely it.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Yall nutty. Going for a broken girl is common for people who are insecure. If he has no goals for his life either, this would also give him purpose and a reward. Instead of more money and a promotion, he'd get a girl he couldn't otherwise land due to low self-esteem.

The reason goths are exclusively popular with teens is cause it's an immediate identifier of people who think lowly of themselves, and being so fashionable that some even reduce themselves to fit the image. Yet, it also completely disappears above a certain age, because even broken people grow up and realize they're worth at least someone equally broken without making it their goal in life to be as such.

Dude has no spine and doesn't feel worth one who has. Very likely it.

I'm unsure if this was communicated well enough, but it's not that he's actively seeking out "broken girls", it's that (according to him) the only people that he ends up growing into intimacy with are said ladies, sometimes only realizing afterwards how bad it really was. That's why my friend and I didn't have a conversation about the guy having made his own bed in seeking out those kinds of people-- because he doesn't. The girls he attempts to pursue on his own (the few I've seen, anyways) are pretty stable, if not a bit boring.

I guess insecurity could still be a thing. Like, he's not used to female attention so he has a "take what you can get" mentality without accurately estimating the instability he'll deal wih (or without being able to)? I can't tell if he still has confidence issues or he's been working to resolve them, but it's also something I figured.