Convincing telemarketers to commit suicide - I hate them

[Devout Muslim]

I suspect a simple “please kill yourself” doesn’t actually have much effect. What should I say to maximise the chance of the telemarketers committing suicide? Or at least worsen their day.

inb4 somebody asks why they should commit suicide - they’re breaking multiple laws by cold calling me to shill Government programs funded by a carbon tax on my electricity bill

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

Noooooo think of the poor wagie on the other side!!!! You can't just be mean to people who bother you, it's just their job!!

If you're in a place where no one can hear you you can really get your creative juices flowing. Scream NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER for 5 minutes. Sing the shitty flute version of Titanic shittily using just your voice. Recite the Total Nigger Death pasta, or a Francis E. Dec piece. Ask if he likes fish sticks. Then at the very end you can tell him to kill himself. Being humorous and making people laugh makes you seem trustworthy, so they'll be more likely to do as you say.

 

[OrangeJuliusEvola]

I did telemarketing. By week two you're already dead inside. By the end of the year, death would be a sweet release.

 

[Devout Muslim]

I did telemarketing. By week two you're already dead inside. By the end of the year, death would be a sweet release.

Are you Indian?

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

If they're jeets you can just mock Hindooism or Islam.

 

[Bloodthirsty Nosenigger]

I reckon in the not too distant future, AI chatbots will be advanced enough to convincingly hold a phone conversation.
A dedicated "fuck you, Pajeet" app, if widely used, could simply waste enough of their time to make the business unprofitable.

 

[OrangeJuliusEvola]

Are you Indian?

Nah, I was just a college student looking for a job that fit my schedule at the time. This was long ago when most telemarketing was still done in the states.

 

[Meriasek]

Noooooo think of the poor wagie on the other side!!!!

I am. Vividly. God I've never been so hard.

 

[Comfort Cumfart]

Fuck I hate telemarketers so much it's unreal.

 

[Pee Cola]

Assuming they're pajeets (which 99% of telemarketers are), give them a dose of this

 

[Troonos]

If Jeet, tell them you're working on a more virulent strain of Rinderpest.

If nigger, ask what their father thinks of their career choice.

If white woman, just tell her to kill herself. They have enough mental illness that they'll just go for it.

 

[Alex Hogendorp]

God damn, I remember how annoying they were. These fuckers kept calling me like 7 times when I reject their call. I still have yet to fathom how they got my number. They're the porn bots of phone directory wasting useful phone numbers and shit.