Dumb jokes - There is no humor here. Only bad puns.

[PomegranateKing]

So anybody else enjoy extremely stupid jokes and/or dad jokes? If so, feel free to share. Here's a few I've thought up during slow days:

What's the weight unit used for bones?
SkeleTONS.

What do you call a midget walking on the moon?
One small step for man.

Did you hear about the naked guy's excecution?
He was hung.

What do you call a chronic masturbator with dry skin?
Jerky.

What do you call a midget caught in the rain?
A little damp.

What do you call a hot dog worthy of a gold medal?
A weiner/winner.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Got this one from Alexa

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is heavy and one's lighter

 

[Red Hood]

What's the mummy's favorite style of music?

Wrap.

 

[PomegranateKing]

What do you call someone who knows everything about winter?

A snow it all.

 

[Pinot Pierrot]

Who do you call a Disney Princess who spreads sickness instead of joy?

Salmonella.

What is it called when a girl moonlights as an actress on BLACKED.com during her weekends?

Chocolate Sundays.

What hopefully occurs when you mix a cocktail for your date?

Sex on the beach.

EDIT: Oh, and one more for the OP:

What type of hard rock is actually edible and sweet?

Pome-granite.

 

[Alpacawitz]

Oh fuck this is my jam.

Why do dogs make horrible dance partners?
Because they have 2 left feet

What do dogs and phones have in common?
They both have collar ID

What did the waiter say to the puppy?
Bone-appetite

If you call sex with three people a threesome, what do you call sex with just one person?
Handsome (blisteringly handsome for us Kiwis)

What's the oldest red wine in Canada?
They took our land

Why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?
She couldn't control her pupils

Why did the Kat wear a dress?
Because he was a purr-vert

What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead while I hang around

 

[CivilianOfTheFandomWars]

Ed had a girlfriend, but Sheeran away...
I saw that written on the whiteboard one day in class, and it has never left my mind.

 

[Jaded Optimist]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?


One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

A chick goes to the gynecologist for a checkup. He takes one look at her pussy and goes, “That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!” She goes home feeling self-concious, and decides she has to see for herself, so she lays a mirror down on the floor and stands on it. Her husband walks in and panics, saying, “Be careful on that mirror, honey, there’s a big hole in it!”

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

There's this insurance agency in my town that's always putting really corny stupid jokes on their sign.
I now have a place to put them.
Here's the first one:
What do snowmen take to work?
An Icecycle.


What is it about dumb terrible jokes that makes them so passive aggressive?

 

[Rice Is Ready]

A father goes to the pharmacy and tells the pharmacist: "I need to buy condoms for my 12 year old daughter."
The pharmacist looks at the dad and exclaims: "Sir if your daughters that young she shouldn't be sexually active!"
The father scoffs and replies: "Sexually active?? All she does is lay there and cry!"

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

A father goes to the pharmacy and tells the pharmacist: "I need to buy condoms for my 12 year old daughter."
The pharmacist looks at the dad and exclaims: "Sir if your daughters that young she shouldn't be sexually active!"
The father scoffs and replies: "Sexually active?? All she does is lay there and cry!"

Holy fucking shit!

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

The Secret Service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

 

[Where Do You Find Them?]

What do you call two thieves?

A pair of knickers.

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane?

A pilot you racist bastard.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?

Niggers.

 

[Buxinator]

Why did Mickey break up with Mini?

Because she was fucking Goofy

 

[Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost]

If you spill cleaner everywhere does it really make a mess?


While it takes many nails to build a crib, it takes but one good screw to fill it.


During the great depression there were two men standing in a work line in New York city, one of them cracks wise about how his life is full of problems. The other man silent, just pulls shreds of lettuce out of his ears.

"So fucking what, that's just a bit of lettuce!" The first man replies prompting the first to break his silence. "No friend, that's just the tip of the iceberg."

 

[Absolute Brainlet]

What do you call a black priest?
Holy shit!
What`s the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father`s Day!
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
Just staple a slice of toast to the ceiling!

 

[Shoggoth]

A big moron and a little moron are sitting on a fence.
Suddenly a gust of wind knocks one of them off.
Who remains on the fence?
The little moron
Why?
Because he's a little more on

 

[Tragi-Chan]

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad.

 

[Sigma]

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.

Ouch.