Dumb things you did as a kid. - From bodily harm to embarrassment or anything that stood out as exceptional

[ProfDongs]

Its hard to imagine that nobody would have a stand out moment of just pure stupidity or thinking "Why would I do that?" and I think it would be interesting to share some of those moments with others. Two usually come to mind for me of being extremely lucky that nothing happened because of it and the lack of thought process that went into those moments.

The first for me is back in grade school, probably around age 9-10 and getting ready to go home for the end of the day. We would be lined up so the teachers could make sure that everyone was going with everything they needed and wait a few minutes for the bell. There was a double doorway exit with two sets of heavy metal doors that the kids would open on their way out. I remember being near the front and the door opening as per usual and noticed the opening that would be on the side of the hinges. For reasons unknown I decided to stick my middle finger in the opening, of course the door starts to close a bit and I remember feeling probably the worst moment of pain in my life. There was so much pain I wasn't able to move or speak or scream but just stand there unable to move my hand away. More people start rushing out and the door gets pushed back open and I pull my hand away. Thank god before it closed anymore other kids leaving pushed it open because I'm very sure that I would have ended up with a severed finger had it closed any more.

The other is something that ended up affecting someone else. Me and a buddy were a pair of fire bugs probably around 12-13. There was a creek area with a large rock filled area that sort of looked like this ]__[, kind of like a hallway. We were at least smart enough to burn stuff there because nothing could really catch fire, there weren't really houses and it wasn't visible to other people. This time we had brought some lantern fuel from his garage to burn stuff like paper, cotton swaps and just other junk. We burnt some of it, but the fire was pretty small and I wanted to make it bigger so I climbed up the rock wall to the top. He's standing basically in front of the fire and I start pouring from the top. The most obvious thing happens and it ends up splashing onto him, it would have been his face but he braced with his arm. His arm immediately ignites and he starts flailing it around for a few seconds, and I don't remember if that put it out or if he had to dunk his hand in the water near us but the fire on went out. All the way up his arm the hair is gone, and he ends up with some minor burns. He wasn't mad or anything, told his parents that he fell in gym and that's how he hurt his arm. The next day he comes to school with a few water blisters on his arm along the way up but nothing to severe and it healed up fine after words. That was one of the last times we played with fire, although the next time we did was also incredibly dumb and we got lucky again.

What are some moments that stuck with you?

 

[Rick Pratt]

I used to chew my PlayStation 2 cables as a kid and then we ended up having to get covers for them so I wouldn't chew them anymore
(I chewed Barbie doll feet aswell and I'd take their clothes off)
I used to believe the Flushed Away universe actually existed
I once opened a car door while the car was still driving along the road

overtime though as I got older, I didn't do stuff like that anymore I was more mellow and relaxed afterwards.

 

[The Last Stand]

Put Blue Clue's gummi bears in the VCR because I wanted to watch Blue Clue's.

Put a photograph in a microwave, then watch it catch fire. (Those photo cameras that would spit out the photo and "shake" to make it develop faster.)

Threw a rock at my own house window and then ran away.

 

[nagant 1895]

My first 7 years (before exile to uncle's rural property) were in a liberal college neighborhood where we, the neighborhood children, were denied our sacred right as american children to own simi-automatic rifles. To compensate ourselves we would fill tennis balls with strike anywhere match heads and then pump shoe glue into them. I don't know if anyone has ever used such a thing as a weapon but it's basically sends sticky burning globs covering a 6 foot radius.
Attempts to try an enlarged basketball and sparklers version were intercepted by an older sister.

Edit: I just remembered the other good one. You know what a sidewalk edger is right? It's a little lawn mower looking thing with a vertical oriented spinning blade. I found a stack of the blades once and figured them for large ninja stars or small frisbees. My friends and i ended up throwing them at each other for days and clap catching them or letting them sail. The fact that none of us lost a finger or got our necks chopped into is a miracle.

Spoiler: what we were throwing straight at one another

 

[TheImportantFart]

I accidentally put a pitch fork through my own foot while helping my Dad clear up leaves in the garden. It was like something out of a comedy film. I finished shoveling leaves, plunged the pitchfork into the ground to signify I was done, only to look down and realise it had gone through my boot. It didn't hurt as much as you might think, but there was loads of blood. I've still got the scar.

I also peeked into the girl's changing room for a dare once when I was about 8. I got (deservedly) reported to the teacher who threatened to put it on my school record. At the time, I didn't fully appreciate the magnitude of what I'd done. I do now and out of all the stupid things I've done over the years, it's probably the one I'm most ashamed of.

 

[King Buzzo]

The classic "calling the teacher Mom" bit. I did it at least once in every grade during elementary school. I could feel the awkwardness of the nearby kids hearing that and laughing at me. Of course, I did the same when a few of my classmates were saying it too.

I was also the sperg who thought that professional wrestling was real.

I used to chew my PlayStation 2 cables as a kid and then we ended up having to get covers for them so I wouldn't chew them anymore
(I chewed Barbie doll feet aswell and I'd take their clothes off)
I used to believe the Flushed Away universe actually existed
I once opened a car door while the car was still driving along the road

overtime though as I got older, I didn't do stuff like that anymore I was more mellow and relaxed afterwards.

Can relate to the PS2 cables except I didn't chew on them, I stuck my tongue into the adapter once like a 9v battery. Never did that again.

 

[Easterling]

When I was around six years old I liked to pretend I was Spider-man by playing around on the stairs, as expected my luck caught up with me and I fell down the stairs, I reached for the handrail to stop myself from falling further and ended up breaking my arm. I guess Darwin was wrong because natural selection decided to give my retarded ass a free pass that night.

I also believed that father Christmas was real till the age of 10 which is pretty late from what I've heard from other people. And there was also the time I attributed my grandmothers recovery from bowel cancer as a miracle from god (family is very religious which fuelled this) and I essentially became a christian fundamentalist for about a year. Imagine a younger and more autistic version of Frollo from the hunchback of Notre Dam. God I fucking hate younger me looking back

 

[ForgedBlades]

We had one of those basketball hoops with the base at the bottom that you filled with sand or water to weigh it down and prevent it from falling over. I liked getting a big ladder out, climbing to the top, and jumping off it to dunk the ball and hang on the rim.

So one morning I drag the ladder out, jump off and hang on the rim. I didn't know that my dad had drained the base the night before. I immediately start to fall backwards, cracking my head on the ground and knocking myself out, along with breaking multiple bones in both of my hands from the impact of the rim that I was still holding onto slamming into the ground. The knuckles on both of my hands are still weirdly shaped and swollen looking from this accident that happened like 25 years ago.

 

[ProfDongs]

I just remembered a more light hearted one from being very young. I hated Count Chocula cereal as a kid and for whatever short span of time it was, my solution to not eating it but getting rid of it was to pour the bowl out behind the TV in the corner of the living room. At the very least it was dry cereal so there wasn't any damage, but I got caught after the third or so time that I did it.

 

[Martys_not_smarty]

Lot of stealing, not just me but friends of mine as well I think the worst I did was a couple hundred dollars worth of Spider Man and Marvel trading cards they made back in the 90's those fancy ones with holograms and shit. We had our own racket going where we'd tag team the various gas stations in our neighborhood a few times a day and only got caught by my parents who wondered where a stack of cards the length of a mans forearm came from. That was just me but I had a friend that one bettered he stole a new pair of shoes from a different store in our local mall for near two weeks talking Nike's and Reeboks so that added up to about a grand worth of shoes.

 

[TerribleIdeas™]

After dropping an open-faced sammich on the floor, I tried to wash it off in the sink?

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

Did a bunch of dumb shit as a kid - jumped my bike off stuff I shouldn't have, jumped myself off stuff I shouldn't have, played with flammable liquids and solids, etc. One story that really stands out for just how funny it was in hindsight:

I once set a Dixie cup of gasoline on fire in the driveway and when the flames got to be a little too big, I did the obvious thing to do to a fire - stamp it out. Except that this was a mostly full paper cup and the gasoline that was on fire was just the top layer, so when I stomped on it, gas sprayed all over the driveway and up my leg and immediately started blazing away. I fucking sprinted like Usain Bolt around the house to the backyard to get the hose, except when I picked it up - it was empty, because I forgot to turn the hose tap on. The hose tap was in the front of the house. So I sprint back around to turn the hose on, then sprint back around a third time to put myself out.

It was like an extended gag from a cartoon or something, it still feels unreal to this day, but it happened. No injuries either, aside from completely hairless legs for the next few weeks.

 

[MediocreMilt]

The classic "calling the teacher Mom" bit.

Once at a Department Store I lost my Mom (I was like three or four) and saw her and ran up and hugged her. Except it wasn't her. It was just some random lady. I don't remember how she reacted.

 

[Red Hood]

Ate too much pizza, went and played rollerhockey in 100 degree SoCal heat, puked all over the street.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

I've tried to microwave small bits of chocolate in water in order to make hot chocolate.

 

[Faket0Fake]

I had a really bad habit of climbing accidents, getting stuck in trees,falling off stuff and so on. I loved climbing and getting myself into trouble. My group of friends used to jump fences and sneak into different places and one day we had the bright idea of sneaking around our school at night and throwing eggs. I thought hitting a security alarm was a good idea and somehow it set it off and we panicked and ran away across the field to get to the fence.

As I was jumping back over my pants go caught on one of the spikes on top and I was left hanging there while my friends ran away until a security car pulled over, laughed their asses off at me and got me down. They didn't report me I guess they felt sorry for me or couldn't be bothered to deal with some dumb kid who set an alarm off with an egg.

When I was 5-6 I went to the bathroom and sat back down at the wrong table in the food court. I remember seeing the same meal I had at a table and sitting down without thinking, even started talking for a whole 10 seconds or so before looking up at the table to find a bunch of strangers looking confused. There was an awkward moment where I put down the chicken nugget that wasn't mine and slowly got up and walked back to my family.

 

[Exigent Circumcisions]

Hated rollerblading but decided one day to go down a very tall, steep hill with no safety gear. Made it 20 feet before I decided it was a bad idea and tried to bail out to the grass.

Didn't make it, ended up tumbling down the sidewalk for a further twenty feet, then I had to take the skates off and walk the quarter mile home.

 

[The Last Stand]

I remember it was Valentine's Day in elementary and this girl I liked didn't give me a card, so I made a fist and slammed it on her hand at the desk.

 

[Marco Fucko]

I was at the mall when I was like 6 or 7 with my mom and she was looking at jewelry. Jewelry is boring so I asked her "hey mom can I go look at toys" and I SWEAR I heard her say "yeah sure whatever", so I just kind of walked off to go look at toys. I walked around the store for a bit but since I was like 6 or 7 I had no money, so I walked outside the toy store and my mom was outside and saw me and she started crying and hugging me and I still had no idea what was going on.

To this day whenever she brings it up I swear I heard her give me approval.

 

[kadoink]

I was at the mall when I was like 6 or 7 with my mom and she was looking at jewelry. Jewelry is boring so I asked her "hey mom can I go look at toys" and I SWEAR I heard her say "yeah sure whatever", so I just kind of walked off to go look at toys. I walked around the store for a bit but since I was like 6 or 7 I had no money, so I walked outside the toy store and my mom was outside and saw me and she started crying and hugging me and I still had no idea what was going on.

To this day whenever she brings it up I swear I heard her give me approval.

What a bad son. You made yer mother cry.