Opinion Fine, Gavin, We Are Behind You, STOP DOING STUPID SH*T, Thank You For Your Attention To This Matter!

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Fine, Gavin, We Are Behind You, STOP DOING STUPID SH*T, Thank You For Your Attention To This Matter!​

Three days in a row! Give us this day our daily Gavin!

Five seconds ago we were so mad at him — for braiding butt hair and talking about boys with the likes of Charlie Kirk, Steve Bannon, and Dr. Phil, and also other bad things — and he is not forgiven for doing that dumb shit, not by a long shot, and if he keeps going down that path, we will forget him utterly and always.

But this whole week, as democracy is officially falling apart, as Stupid Hitler and his pet undead 39-year-old Nazi — really Stephen Miller looks like a rough 176 but he’s only 39! — inside whose foul translucent skull the ghost of Goebbels perpetually hatefucks itself without lube, as those two give their illegal and unconstitutional orders to Secretary Shitfaced, the most embarrassing bucket of beer piss ever to stumbledrunk his way into Pentagon leadership …

As all that is happening, California Governor Gavin Newsom has stepped the fuck up.

Getting up in Trump Kidnapping Crying Babies Czar Tom Homan’s frustrated PE teacher face and daring him to arrest him. Calling Pete Kegseth the absolute joke he is.

And then last night, he gave we guess the speech of his career. Come, let us partake of it together.

Here is the transcript, with a couple of our favorite parts bolded:

I want to say a few words about the events of the last few days.

This past weekend, federal agents conducted large-scale workplace raids in and around Los Angeles. Those raids continue as I speak.

California is no stranger to immigration enforcement. But instead of focusing on undocumented immigrants with serious criminal records and people with final deportation orders, a strategy both parties have long supported, this administration is pushing mass deportations, indiscriminately targeting hardworking immigrant families, regardless of their roots or risk.

What’s happening right now is very different than anything we’ve seen before. On Saturday morning, when federal agents jumped out of an unmarked van near a Home Depot parking lot, they began grabbing people. A deliberate targeting of a heavily Latino suburb. A similar scene also played out when a clothing company was raided downtown.

In other actions, a U.S. citizen, nine months pregnant, was arrested; a 4-year-old girl, taken; families separated; friends, quite literally, disappearing.

In response, everyday Angelinos came out to exercise their Constitutional right to free speech and assembly, to protest their government’s actions. In turn, the State of California and the City and County of Los Angeles sent our police officers to help keep the peace and, with some exceptions, they were successful.

Like many states, California is no stranger to this sort of unrest. We manage it regularly, and with our own law enforcement. But this, again, was different.

What then ensued was the use of tear gas, flash-bang grenades, rubber bullets, federal agents detaining people and undermining their due process rights.

Donald Trump, without consulting California law enforcement leaders, commandeered 2,000 of our state’s National Guard members to deploy on our streets, illegally and for no reason.

This brazen abuse of power by a sitting president inflamed a combustible situation, putting our people, our officers and even our National Guard at risk.

That’s when the downward spiral began. He doubled down on his dangerous National Guard deployment by fanning the flames even harder. And the president, he did it on purpose. As the news spread throughout L.A., anxiety for family and friends ramped up. Protests started again.

By night, several dozen lawbreakers became violent and destructive. They vandalized property. They tried to assault police officers. Many of you have seen video clips of cars burning on cable news.

If you incite violence — I want to be clear about this — if you incite violence or destroy our communities, you are going to be held to account. That kind of criminal behavior will not be tolerated. Full stop.

Already, more than 220 people have been arrested. And we’re reviewing tapes to build additional cases and people will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Again, thanks to our law enforcement officers and the majority of Angelenos who protested peacefully, this situation was winding down and was concentrated in just a few square blocks downtown.

But that, that’s not what Donald Trump wanted. He again chose escalation, he chose more force. He chose theatrics over public safety. He federalized another 2,000 Guard members.

He deployed more than 700 active U.S. Marines. These are men and women trained in foreign combat, not domestic law enforcement. We honor their service. We honor their bravery. But we do not want our streets militarized by our own armed forces. Not in L.A. Not in California. Not anywhere.

We’re seeing unmarked cars, unmarked cars in school parking lots. Kids afraid of attending their own graduation. Trump is pulling a military dragnet all across Los Angeles, well beyond his stated intent to just go after violent and serious criminals. His agents are arresting dishwashers, gardeners, day laborers and seamstresses.

That’s just weakness, weakness masquerading as strength. Donald Trump’s government isn’t protecting our communities. They are traumatizing our communities. And that seems to be the entire point.

California will keep fighting. We’ll keep fighting on behalf of our people, all of our people, including in the courts.

Yesterday, we filed a legal challenge to President Trump’s reckless deployment of American troops to a major American city. Today, we sought an emergency court order to stop the use of the American military to engage in law enforcement activities across Los Angeles.

If some of us can be snatched off the streets without a warrant, based only on suspicion or skin color, then none of us are safe. Authoritarian regimes begin by targeting people who are least able to defend themselves. But they do not stop there.

Trump and his loyalists, they thrive on division because it allows them to take more power and exert even more control.

And by the way, Trump, he’s not opposed to lawlessness and violence as long as it serves him. What more evidence do we need than January 6th.

I ask everyone: Take time, reflect on this perilous moment. A president who wants to be bound by no law or constitution, perpetuating a unified assault on American traditions.

This is a president who, in just over 140 days, has fired government watchdogs that could hold him accountable, accountable for corruption and fraud. He’s declared a war, a war on culture, on history, on science, on knowledge itself. Databases quite literally are vanishing.

He’s delegitimizing news organizations and he’s assaulting the First Amendment. And the threat of defunding them. At threat, he’s dictating what universities themselves can teach. He’s targeting law firms and the judicial branch that are the foundations of an orderly and civil society. He’s calling for a sitting governor to be arrested for no other reason than to, in his own words, “for getting elected.”

And we all know, this Saturday, he’s ordering our American heroes, the United States military, and forcing them to put on a vulgar display to celebrate his birthday, just as other failed dictators have done in the past.

Look, this isn’t just about protests here in Los Angeles. When Donald Trump sought blanket authority to commandeer the National Guard. he made that order apply to every state in this nation.

This is about all of us. This is about you. California may be first, but it clearly will not end here. Other states are next.

Democracy is next.

Democracy is under assault right before our eyes, this moment we have feared has arrived. He’s taking a wrecking ball, a wrecking ball to our founding fathers’ historic project: three coequal branches of independent government.

There are no longer any checks and balances. Congress is nowhere to be found. Speaker Johnson has completely abdicated that responsibility.

The rule of law has increasingly been given way to the rule of Don.

The founding fathers didn’t live and die to see this kind of moment. It’s time for all of us to stand up. Justice Brandeis, he said it best. In a democracy, the most important office — with all due respect, Mr. President — is not the presidency, and it’s certainly not governor. The most important office is office of citizen.

At this moment, at this moment, we all need to stand up and be held to account, a higher level of accountability. If you exercise your First Amendment rights, please, please do it peacefully.

I know many of you are feeling deep anxiety, stress, and fear. But I want you to know that you are the antidote to that fear and that anxiety. What Donald Trump wants most is your fealty, your silence, to be complicit in this moment.

Do not give into him.

What are your favorite parts? Ours is the one where he made fun of Trump’s birthday parade and called him a failed dictator. (In case you missed it, Trump yesterday threatened force against anyone who dares to protest his sad, tacky little pussy ass bitch parade. Well guess what, fuckface? Millions of people are participating in thousands of protests this weekend. Ain’t nobody gonna pay one iota of attention to that pathetic little display. Loser is liable to demand they put tacky bridge-and-tunnel gold gilding on a tank or something, how gross.)

Anyway, this. This is what every elected Democrat needs to be saying. Locking arms and saying it as one voice makes it easier. It also calls Trump’s bluff, and Stephen Miller’s bluff, and Tom Homan’s bluff, and Secretary Shitfaced’s bluff, and Nazi ICE Barbie’s bluff.

Did y’all hear what simpering little dickslit Speaker Mike Johnson said yesterday before Newsom even gave this speech? He said Newsomshould be “tarred and feathered.”

Big maaaaaaaan. BIG MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

These are not strong people. They are cowards,and they are jokes. They don’t deserve your respect, but rather they deserve to be uproariously laughed at, and jeered at, and scorned, until the day they meet their natural deaths.

By the way, did you all hear there’s a really strong chance of rain for Trump’s cucked loser parade?

Wouldn’t that just be God’s message to the American people?

Maybe dumbfuck can order Secretary Shitfaced to shoot at the clouds, or maybe ICE Nazi Barbie to deport them. Whatever.

 

[deleuzeon]

Rarely have so many insults been combined to so little effect. Tiresome and pedantic. D-

 

[Fishmalk Observer]

Soy made manifest
Also >wonkette
Why not just go to your local gloryhole at that point?

 

[urr13 account]

This is a really embarrassing article.

 

[Dagoth AMOGUS]

I have seen quite a few of these “prose” writing articles of late.

It used to be news was “this is the weather for tomorrow also see who won the sports game” but now I guess people want their news to be free form amateurs poetry night

 

[The Nothingness]

Soy made manifest
Also >wonkette
Why not just go to your local gloryhole at that point?

Here is the author of this piece. What a manlet.

 

[Major Domo]

Here is the author of this piece. What a manlet.
View attachment 7488042

lol, what a megafaggot!

 

[A Very Big Fish]

But this whole week, as democracy is officially falling apart, as Stupid Hitler and his pet undead 39-year-old Nazi — really Stephen Miller looks like a rough 176 but he’s only 39! — inside whose foul translucent skull the ghost of Goebbels perpetually hatefucks itself without lube, as those two give their illegal and unconstitutional orders to Secretary Shitfaced, the most embarrassing bucket of beer piss ever to stumbledrunk his way into Pentagon leadership …

If I wrote like this, I would kill myself. Props to the author for soldiering on.

 

[deleuzeon]

Here is the author of this piece. What a effeminate looking guy.
View attachment 7488042

I would have figured it was either AI or a 23 year old woman. Oddly though, that guy is still believable.

 

[urr13 account]

Here is the author of this piece. What a manlet.
View attachment 7488042

dude is like 60, why is he trying to write like he's a 12-year-old girl?

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

It's kind of amazing that I could tell this was a Wonkette article within 2 sentences.

 

[Jinn in the phone]

Here is the author of this piece. What a manlet.
View attachment 7488042

Sad eyes, alkie glow, untrimmed mustache. Yeah he probably wrote this drunk.

 

[oldTireWater]

If I wrote like this, I would kill myself. Props to the author for soldiering on.

Life finds a way, I guess. He's doing a little better than Terri Schiavo.

 

[Meelo]

Ramblings of a lunatic

 

[Chad Holdenford]

dude is like 60, why is he trying to write like he's a 12-year-old girl?

Testosterone levels suffer a steady decrease after a certain age. Add a necessity to be seen, heard and/or read, and you have this kind of faggotry.

 

[No Ma'ams Land]

Rarely have so many insults been combined to so little effect. Tiresome and pedantic. D-

This article is a foundational example of curses and name-calling being a sign of extremely low intellect.

 

[World Famous Quasi Payer]

Democrats sure are upset Trump is deporting their pet browns.

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

From the headline, I assumed this was going to be about Gavin McInnes for some reason. Kinda wish it was.

 

[Wallace]

Is ChatGPT writing for Wonkette now?

 

[Loris Yeltsin]

This article is a foundational example of curses and name-calling being a sign of extremely low intellect.

This particular type of cursing also strikes me as extremely dated. It reminds me of try-hard 4chan edginess from 2010. Just random stammering of nonsense that sounded badass in the poster's autistic little head. YOU SHITCUNT ASSRAPE NIGGERPOPE, I'LL FUCK YOUR BALLS TIL YOU GET AIDSCANCER IN THE POOPSICLE, that sort of thing. Also, Hitler.