Pastor Bob: "And lo, out of the firey pit was born locusts with the face of lions! LOCUST WITH LIONS FACES WILL EAT US ALL IF WE ALLOW GAY MARRIAGE!"
Bruce Tompson: PREACH IT BROTHER
OOC, I didn't have a chance to read the rules beyond character creation, so I'll need help the first few times.
Pastor Bob: I want you, I want all of your family and neighbors, to gather up all the Devil Music in your house, The Iron Maidens, The Megadeath, the Judis Preist, and I want you to take it out in the center of town and BURN IT! FIRE WILL CLEANSE OUR SINS!"
Bruce Tompson: And the Harry Potter! And the Pokeymans!
Pastor Bob: The Pokemon is the worst! Pokemon are actually the gateway to a satanic preChristianity religion call Shinto!
When children call upon the Pikachu, They are giving their hearts to Satan!
"Pikachu, I choose you?" More like "Satan, give me your dark protection from the Light of Jesus Christ!"
Bruce Tompson: Oh preacher, what can we do to deliver the people from Satan?!
Pastor Bob: Fortunatly, there is something you can do to prevent Satan from conquring the world! Chick Tracts are a great way to spread The Word of God to the Heathens!
I gotta box of them in the back, just grab a handful and start handing the out to people.
Bruce Tompson: I hope they didn't use FedEx Office to print them, the Jesuits control it.
Pastor Bob: Wait, they do?
Bruce Tompson: Yes!
And Microsoft, and the movie studios!
Pastor Bob: Oh sugar, THIS IS SERIOUS PEOPLE!
I pray that all of you never use Fed Ex again!
The Jesuits are a vast, anchent cult dedicated to the Egyptian Heathen god Isis! Sound familiar?
Yes, ISIS is really funded by the Jesuits!
Bruce Tompson: The Catholic Church founded Islam!
Pastor Bob: They worship the Egyptian Moon God Isis! It's in the name!
----------------------------------
Randall F. (GM):
You are in the Church of The Secret Bible (The basement of a failed Starbucks outlet), listening to Pastor Bob preach about the recent suicide of Marcie.
Pastor Bob: Folks, I'm sorry if I'm being 'offensive' to the liberals sensitivity, but Marcie's soul is burning in hell right now"
She never accpeted Jesus's love and gift, and now she's burning in hell. And you knwo who's fault that is?
Gary freaking Goygax, that's who!
That buttclown who invented this demonic "roleplaying game" that's got every you person in town so coocoo for Devilry!
They even have a store devoted to pedilling this smut to children, B-Z-Bub's Cards and Games!
Bruce Tompson: What can we do Preacher?!
Pastor Bob: Folks, we cannot let this go on! This devilry entrapping young adults in this dungeon of bondage, trying them up with the ropes of Satan until they're all hot and sweaty, and then stripping them of the armor of god till they're naked and helpless!
Smith Goldberg : Oy Vey, Pastor, what can we do? Our children won't listen to us!
Pastor Bob: And then scrubbing them down with the wet sponge of alternate lifestiles and, uhhh, chaining them with the handcuffs of....
uhhhh.
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob ajusts his shirt collar and takes a several second pause.
Bruce Tompson:
mutters We get the idea Preacher.
Pastor Bob: Anyway, there's only one thing we can do! We all need to stop this devilry at any costs! We must find out where this cult of gaming is, and shut er down!
This den of inquiry called B-Z Bub's Cards and Games shall be ridden out of town on a rail!
Bruce Tompson: AMEN
Pastor Bob: WE WILL BURY THEM!
Bruce Tompson:
Waves shoe
Smith Goldberg : The tentacles of the ZOG UN that I fled have even spread to the minds of the children now!
Bruce Tompson: I suspect the hand of the Jesuits in this darkness.
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob, filled with the Holy Spirit, takes a flying leap off the picnic table seving as a stage, and crashes into the ground. He stumblles up and looks around.
Pastor Bob: Okay people, let's brainstorm here. How should we take these guys out.
Splendid M.: Stands up and says.
Smith Goldberg : We need to do what we did with rock music: provide a Jesus friendly alternative!
Bruce Tompson: I volunteer to investigate the den of inequity and find their dirty laundry.
Pastor Bob: GOLDBERG! THAT IS THE BEST IDEA I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY!
Bruce, that sounds good to me!
Bruce Tompson: We can hold that over their head and make them leave.
Smith Goldberg : But first, we have to learn about these games ourselves, then we have to package it in a youth-friendly exterior.
That's how the ZOG invented crack and AIDS.
Pastor Bob: Goldberg, come with me! We can make a Jesus friendly RPG, while Bruce finds the gamestore's dirty laundry! We can use it as blackmail to get the game stocked!
Bruce Tompson: Preacher, where is the store?
Pastor Bob: That den of harlotry is located over in the Happy Oaks Strip Mall, right next to Adult Bookstore and the Dominos Pizza.
Bruce Tompson: Aggh!
The owner of Dominos is Catholic!
Smith Goldberg : That can't be a coincidence!
Pastor Bob: DARNIT! IT"S RIGHT IN ENEMY TERRITORY!
Bruce Tompson: It's ok. I used to be a cop, I can handle myself.
But first, let us pray and put on the armor of God to protect us from the demons that surely infest the place.
Splendid M.: Goldberg stands up and prepares for the physical aspect of the prayer.
Pastor Bob: Lord, we pray for you guidance as we assail this place of unholy blasphomy!
Randall F. (GM): Preacher Bob sets fire to the Jesus Brazier
Splendid M.: Goldberg begins to convulse and speak in tongues.
Bruce Tompson annoints the pastor and Smith with holy water (vodka)
Randall F. (GM): Paster Bob is now stomping his foot rythmicly as he draws a live bark scourpian out of a carboard box.
Bruce Tompson: Uh, Preacher, remember what happened last time?
Splendid M.: Goldberg begins to wriggle out of his shirt as he convulses on the floor.
Pastor Bob: It'll be fine, I'm not putting it near my pants this time.
Bruce Tompson readies the Epi-Pen, just in case
Pastor Bob Pastor Bob, noting Bruce's concern, puts the scorpian back in the box, and readys the Holy Herbs
Bruce Tompson: Shall I share my holy elixir Preacher?
Smith Goldberg notes that his body is now fully anointed by the ceremonial vodka, and puts his shirt back on as he arises.
Pastor Bob: In the name of Jesus's everlasting glory, we partaketh in the smoke of the Holy Herb, and pray for God's guidence to pass through our lungs with every breath.
Smith Goldberg his unimpressive physique is now visible through his shirt.
Pastor Bob: Amen
Bruce Tompson is swaying slightly, probably filled with the Holy Spirit, and definately not alcohol.
Bruce Tompson: AMEN
Bruce Tompson: Oh preacher, could you bless my gun?
Bruce Tompson pulls out his Glock 22 and lays it on the table.
Smith Goldberg doesn't want to be left out, so he gets his M16 from the chair next to him and places it on the altar as well.
Bruce Tompson: Nice hardware Smith.
Pastor Bob Pastor Bob runs to the back room to grab his guns for the blessing
Smith Goldberg : Thanks Bruce. I see you like to keep your hardware concealed...
Bruce Tompson: I like to keep my enemies confused.
Pastor Bob Pastor Bob places his M1 Gerand and Desert Eagle alongside the other's weapons, and prepairs to anoint them with vodka and the smoke of the Holy Herb
Pastor Bob: Lord, bless these weapons of your devine will, so that we smite those who seek to defame you.
Pastor Bob: Oh, I've also got some other hardware in my office, just in case we need more. No0thing fancy, just a few revolvers, a shotgun, an M82 Barrett
Smith Goldberg : We might need that Barrett, Catholics are like Werewolves, they only understand force.
Pastor Bob: Pastor Bob runs and grabs the Barrett
Bruce Tompson: Let us get on with our holy mission!
Pastor Bob: AMEN!
To the gamestore, right?
Smith Goldberg : AMEN
Bruce Tompson: AMEN! To the store!
Smith Goldberg : AMEN BROTHER
Pastor Bob: To the Jesus Mobile.
Bruce Tompson: And while we're at it, let's stop at McDonald's.
Pastor Bob: Smith, Pastor Bob, and Bruce pull up to the Happy Oaks shopping center in Pastor Bob’s station wagon, an aging, rusting, grape purple lemon covered in Jesus Fishes and “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” bumper stickers.
Bruce Tompson: Now remember, I'm a trained investigator, so follow my lead.
Smith Goldberg nods.
The Warriors enter the game store, and are greeted with the musty smell and pearl clenching sight of gamebooks, graven battlefield images, Japanese Heathen Cards, and Soul Stealing Video Games. The High Priest of this Satanic Temple is a slovenly man with a neckbeard, ponytail, and nacho’s stained flannel shirt, who is currently sitting behind the counter, flipping through a Warhammer gamebook. The small tag on his shirt reads “Maynard”. The Vendor of Sin looks up at the chime of the door bell and grunts. “Hey dudes, welcome to B-Z-Bub’s Games and Comics. Anything I can get you?”
Bruce Tompson: SATAN! SHOW YOURSELF!
Randall F. (Maynard): “Oh, you’re one of THOSE people. Get outta here and stop harassing me.
Smith Goldberg : Look here, I'll have to tell the Chamber of Commerce that you're causing problems if you don't let go of my friend.
Bruce Tompson grabs the clerk by the front of the shirt and drags him over the counter.
Bruce Tompson: Ok punk, where do you keep the Satantic stuff
Randall F. (Maynard): "What the hell man, are you crazy or something? Look, we ain't got no Satanic stuff here. Look around, we got Dark Dungeons and Warhammer, but I swear, no Satan."
Bruce Tompson: ...
Well, um...give us Dark Dungeon
Smith Goldberg stomps over to a bookshelf and begins pulling out books and flipping through them, looking for evidence to support his case.
Randall F. (GM):
Smith notices some of the figure in the books look suspicously similar to the Satanic symbols he's seen in various youtube videos.
Bruce Tompson joins Smith, preusing a Warhammer 40K book.
Smith Goldberg pulls out a book and holds it up high for the employee to see.
Smith Goldberg : Look, what do you call this?!
Randall F. (Maynard): "Call what? Looks fine to me."
"It's just some symbols."
Maynard shifts a little and looks around the room.
Smith Goldberg : No, this symbol is satanic, and so is this one over here! You're leading children to Satan's arms!
Bruce Tompson pauses at a Call of Cthulhu book
Bruce Tompson: AHAHA! A guide to worshipping false gods!
Bruce Tompson plays Hold Music
Randall F. (GM): Maynard starts getting angry. "look you jerkdicks, y'all can rifle through my books all day, you ain't gonna find anything Satanic! I swear!
Pastor Bob: That's just what a real Satanist would say, isn't it!" yells Pastor Bob
Bruce Tompson:
grabs Dark Dungeons and Call of Cthulhu and Warhammer 40K Ok punk, WE'LL TAKE THESE
Smith Goldberg : Anything that advocates that children follow another religion besides Christianity is Satanic! I know from my experiences; I'm a rehabilitated Jew.
Bruce Tompson: We'll be back!
Randall F. (GM):
The Prayer Warriors return back to The Bible Cave with The Satanic Verses, ready to find proof that the RPG store is a nest of Satan.
Pastor Bob: Look at this filth! Proclaiming this "Godemperor" as the savior of Mankind! Blashpome!
Bruce Tompson: I knew it!
It even mentions Demons!
I felt the precense of Satan in that store.
Also, did you see Brother Philip coming out of the Adult Bookstore?
Pastor Bob: People, we have to gather this evidence and present it to that snivling little son of a gun
What's this about Brother Phillip?
Smith Goldberg : These books contain incantations for summoning some sort of "Cthulu" demon!
Bruce Tompson: As we were leaving, I swear on the Secret Bible I saw him coming out of that den of sin.
Pastor Bob: Brother Phillip, courrupted? We must stage an intervention as soon as possible.
I'll have to sanitize the eyelid restraints.
Smith Goldberg : I'm telling you, it can't be a coincidence that a Catholic run business is right next door. There must be something going on that we don't know about. The Jesuits must be funding this den of sin!
Bruce Tompson: Perhaps he was there on his own fact-finding mission
Randall F. (GM): Everyone rolls to find compelling evidence from the books
Although Bruce finds much stuff, he cannot make a compelling argument from it.
Smith finds a treasure trove of Satanic activity! This is concrete proof that the Gamestore is a pawn of Lucifer!
Smith Goldberg : This book is worse than another Shoah!
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob, utilizing the Dark Dungeon's handbook, is able to link the Abundent Harvest spell to a pre-christianity ruin from Britain, about a druidic chant on the Dark Holiday, Sawheen
Pastor Bob: See! The chant is exactly the same! This proves that the game makers were knowlageable of this, and intend to introudece unkowing people into the clutches of Satan!
Bruce Tompson: Back to the den of evil!
Pastor Bob: Bring your guns everybody! This could get messy!
Smith Goldberg : They won't let us in this time, we'll need to go in through the back I bet.
Bruce Tompson: Yeah
And as long as we're there, let's take out Dominios and the Adult Bookstore.
Smith Goldberg : YEAH!
Back at the store
Bruce Tompson draws his gun
Pastor Bob unslings his M1
Bruce Tompson brought gasoline to clense the Earth of wickedness
Smith Goldberg Pulls out his m16
Pastor Bob: Yeah ready? Should we give the store owner one last chance at redemption?
God commands us to.
Bruce Tompson: Let's do this.
Bruce Tompson:
CONFESS YOUR SINS!
Splendid M.:
You shall not corrupt the minds of any more children!
Randall F. (Maynard): "aww, you idiots again.What now?"
Bruce Tompson points his gun at the clerk
Pastor Bob: You purveyor of filth! We have evidence of you Satanic lies for all the world to see!
Bruce Tompson: YOU ARE A SERVIVTOR OF THE DEVIL! CONFESS, REPENT AND BE SAVED!
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob rolls a persuasion test.
Success!
The game store worker's lies have been revealed!
“You fuckers really are stupid, you know that. You retards are always claiming that such and such is ‘debil work’.” Maynard pulls up something from behind the counter. You hear the ‘chu-chink’ of a slide and the shotgun registers with you brain just as he levels it with your face. “Unfortunately, this time you’re right.”
Smith Goldberg takes cover behind a bookshelf and fires.
Bruce Tompson dives for cover and opens fire
Pastor Bob Pastor Bob ducks for cover with the others
Randall F. (GM): Maynard opens fire on Pastor Bob.
The shots miss!
Smith Goldberg rolls a shooting test
Goldberg's assault rife shots miss, killing a few Ork figurines instead.
Bruce Thompson rolls a shooting test
Bruce's police training pays off, as his shot strikes Maynard in the chest. The sudden sucking chest wound stuns Maynard.
Bruce Tompson: Take that minion of evil!
Smith Goldberg blindly fires over the bookshelf without leaving cover, not caring what gets destroyed in this shop of sin.
Bruce Tompson rushes over to finish the job
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob fires a shot at the Merchant of Courruption.
Maynard attempts to recover from the shock of blunt force trauma.
Success!
Maynard is no longer shaken, but can only let off a stream of curse words.
Smith Goldberg : Smith still doesn't leave cover, but he does shout, "Repent your evil ways and explain this strip mall conspiracy to us and we will relent."
Randall F. (GM): Smith Goldbergs shots pulverise the tomes of sin. 15 feet away from Maynard.
Bruce Tompson: "We will grant you a mericiful death if you surrender now:
Randall F. (GM):
Pastor Bob was not prepaired for the recoil of the M1, and falls on his ass.
Pastor Bob: FUDGE! This freaking wood floor is hard.
Bruce Tompson: Preacher, I think we should finish our business and leave, the shots have surely attracted attention.
Randall F. (GM): Maynard attempts to shoot the charging Tompson
rolling 1d4
4
IT'S A HIT!
rolling 1d6
5
Bruce Tompson: URK!
Smith Goldberg begins to make his way to the door.
Randall F. (GM): The shots are abosrbed by Bruce's Kevalr armor, but it's still rather painful.
Bruce Tompson: Can't kill me that easy Satan!
Bruce Tompson flees out the door
Pastor Bob Pastor Bob fires his rifle at Maynard. Still goes wild.
Smith Goldberg summons up his courage enough to stand up and let a long wild burst loose before he flees, abandoning his cover.
Pastor Bob: WAIT, DON'T LEAVE! HE'S SEEN OUR FACES, HE KNOWS US!
Bruce Tompson aims a careful shot to the head and fires
Randall Fragg (GM):
rolling 1d6 + 1
3
The shot go wild, flying out the front windows and smashing into a parked minivan. The fuel tank ignites, and the minivan bursts into flames.
Randall F. (GM): Maynard leaps over the counter and runs towards you.
"GET BACK HERE YOU CHRISTFAGS, SATAN SHALL EAT YOUR SOUL!"
Smith Goldberg :
Smith Goldberg fires another burst at Maynard, then reloads.
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob fires again
rolling 1d8
5
rolling 2d8
6
The round rips through Maynard, stunning him
Bruce Tompson fires, triying to finish off the evil minion.
rolling 1d6
4
rolling 2d6
8
Bruce's round strikes Maynard, sending a spray of blood out of the bullet hole.
Smith Goldberg : Is he dead? Can we book it?
Randall F. (Maynard): Maynard gasps and stumbles back, heavily injured
"you, you fuck cunt niggers, YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!"
Bruce Tompson: Quickly brothers! We must leave!
Smith Goldberg : We can't leave until he's dead!
Bruce Tompson: The police will be here any minute!
Smith Goldberg : The police will surely forgive us when we explain ourselves to them!
Bruce Tompson sighs
Bruce Tompson takes careful aim and fires
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob fires again.
rolling 1d8
8
Randall F. (GM):
rolling 2d8 + 1
11
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob's round tears though Maynard's skull, rendering it to a pulpy mix of bone and blood.
Bruce Tompson: Halleujuah brother! Let's get out of here!
Smith Goldberg : Alright, now we can go!
Randall F. (GM): With one last gurgling, wet groan, Maynard slumps to the floor in a pool of his bodily secretions. As the ringing in your ears fades, you can hear a frantic pounding coming from below you.
Smith Goldberg scrambles away and starts up the Jesusmobile.
Pastor Bob: Wait, you all hear something?
Bruce Tompson: Yes, there must be a basement in this building.
Smith Goldberg comes running back in and asks, what's taking so long?
Pastor Bob: An innocent person is being held hostage!
Randall F. (GM): Anouther car explodes outside. The parking lot is an inferno, that will take the police some time to fight through.
Bruce Tompson: Brother Robert, I suggest you flee the scene. If Smith and I are caught, you can carry on the good fight.
Smith Goldberg : Let's get downstairs and try to tunnel our way out of here. my people are good at that.
Pastor Bob: No! Satan will catch up to me sooner or later, and if now's the time, well, nows the time. Lets take him down with us!
Bruce Tompson: As you wish.
Randall F. (GM): A thick stench of earth and bodily fluids hits you as your eyes strain at the dim light of the basement. You heard a muffled groaning coming from a large wooden cabinet to your left, and spot a multitude of torture implements scattered across the room.
Smith Goldberg is the first one down, he shouts, "What manner of deviry is going on down here?"
Bruce Tompson: Quickly brothers! An innocent may need help!
Smith Goldberg : How can someone who patronizes this den of sin be innocent?
Bruce Tompson: Perhaps a prisoner?
Some naive soul who didn't know what evil awaited them?
Pastor Bob: SPEAK TO ME? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?
Bruce Tompson opens the cabinet.
Randall F. (GM): A figure charges out and stumbles into the center of the room.
Bruce Tompson: More minions of Satan.
Smith Goldberg points his gun at the figure, finger on the trigger, and shouts, "Explain yourself at once!"
Randall F. (GM): You think it’s a male. It’s hard to tell, as it’s covered in a skintight black leather suit. A drool soaked leather mask covers it’s face, with a part cut away for it’s greasy pink hair to stick out. Several logos are stuck to parts of it’s body, including a hammer and sickle, an anarchy symbol, and whatever the hell “evil translatin@” means. As the creature stumbles around clutching it’s head in pain, it exposes you it it’s most horrific feature. A flabby, sore riddled, yellowish posterior poking out of the suit’s assless chaps. Tattooed on it’s right cheek is the phrase “If found, return to the nearest glory hole”
Bruce Tompson: AGGGGHHH
Bruce Tompson: We've found a demon!
Randall F. (GM): The Gimp: "DJFAIEE CIJWDIJUWNX SCHMPHM!"
Smith Goldberg screams and pulls the trigger on the gimp, letting a long burst loose until his M16 is empty.
Bruce Tompson empites his clip into the gimp
Bruce's shots hit their mark, but the demon just moans in what could be remotly described as pleasure.
Randall F. (GM): Somehow, Goldberg's shots fall around the gimp.
Smith Goldberg : This minion of satan HAS learned magic from these devilish books!
Randall F. (GM): The Gimp grabs what looks like a wooden oar with the words "Yaoi paddle" written on it and charges Pastor Bob
Smith Goldberg : Pastor Bob, look out! If a gay spanks you, you can get AIDS!
I know what we can do to stop this madness! Everyone! Pray!
Bruce Tompson: "Oh lord, bless our weapons and let us smite the evil doers!"
Smith Goldberg : Smith raises his recently-blessed Glock 22 aloft for the lord to shine upon it and deliver divine punishment.
Randall F. (GM): The Tranny Gimp squeals in fear as the Prayer warriors bless their weapons with the holy sacriments of The Lost Bible.
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob shoots at Not ADF with his M1
Randall F. (GM): The shot smashs something other than the patriarchy, and even the pinked haired abomination cannot abosrbe this amount of pain.
Randall F. (GM): The Tranny takes a swipe at Pastor Bob.
The Yaoi Paddle smacks Pastor Bob upside the head, knocking him to the ground
Bruce Tompson: Brother!
Smith Goldberg fires his Glock at the gimp.
Bruce Tompson opens fire
Bruce Tompson: Woo!
Randall F. (GM): The Translatinx is riddled by sanctified bullets and collapses in a pool of blood, guts, and seman.
Smith Goldberg : Is that all that's down here? A single Gimp?
Smith Goldberg reloads both of his guns.
Bruce Tompson reloads and prepares to burn the place to the ground.
Randall F. (GM): Smith notices a strange light at the end of the basement, coming from a shrine of sorts
Bruce Tompson: Brother Smith! Do you see that?
Randall F. (GM): Pastor Bob gets to his feet, bleeding from the Yaoi Paddle's viscious assault.
Smith Goldberg : What is this madness?
Pastor Bob? Are you alright?
Pastor Bob: I'll I'll be alright. I just hate to think of where that paddle's been
Randall F. (GM):
Bruce searches the shrine, and notes it's Satanic form. He also notes several notes stuffed in a drawer next to it.
Smith Goldberg grabs the notes.
Smith Goldberg : We need to take these notes so that we can learn about how we can make an alternative Christian-themed roleplaying game.
Bruce Tompson: We should go. The police will be here soon and the minions of the evil one might be in place among them.
Pastor Bob: Search the place! There might be a way out.
Someone look through the notes! There might be something
Smith Goldberg distributes the notes to his fellow churchgoers.
Pastor Bob locks the basement door
Pastor Bob: It'll buy us some time
Bruce Tompson searches for an exit
Randall F. (GM):
Smith Goldberg reads through the notes looking for information on a way to escape.
Randall F. (GM): Smith notices something in the notes about a hidden entranceway. He reads that it's in the basement, has a lock, and the code is 2-30-14
Smith Goldberg : It must be in here somewhere!
Randall F. (As Note): "Frost, I put a lock on the 'hidden way' after someone tried broke in. Didn't steal anything, but I'm worried about a possible breach of security. The pass code is 2-30-14."
Goldberg looks around that the foundations of the building.
He notes the load bearing structures
And finds a spot far from them
Randall F. (GM): It has several cardboard boxes full of figurines in front of it, but behind it he can make out a metal door.
Randall F. (GM):
So, Smith just found a way out of the burning, creaking, slowly collapsing building.
Smith Goldberg : And I have the code...
Bruce Tompson: Good work Smith!
Smith Goldberg Smith opens the door and shouts,
Pastor Bob: Make haste! Fly you fools!
Smith Goldberg : Let's go gus!
Bruce Tompson grabs Pastor Bob and runs into the passage.
Randall F. (GM): The hatch opens, revaling a small , rocklined tunnel
The prayer warriors run into and close the door behind them, sheltering if from the building's collapse.
The tunnel winds down, and the group stumbles on for what seems like an eternity.
The sound of rusing water grows nearer, and Smith sees light up ahead
The tunnel exits into the town's sewer's, and the Prayer Warriors spot a ladder heading up to a grate
As Pastor Bob struggles to keep himslef awake, he sees an odd, red arrow scrawled on the wall, underneath a pentagram.
Pastor Bob leans against the wall and rubs his head.
Bruce Tompson supports Pastor Bob and helps him to the ladder.
Smith Goldberg : Pastor, do you need help?
Pastor Bob: Just got a bit knocked up by that Homosexual interloper. I'll be fine with some rest.
Smith Goldberg : Alright then, we need to get out of this tunnel and back to the Jesusmobile so that we can drive it away without anyone figuring out that we were here.
Pastor Bob: Let's do it!
Bruce Tompson: Let's go!
Randall F. (GM): The group hauls ass up the ladder
The rusted grate creaks as they exit into a woody patch of trees
Smith Goldberg : I hope we don't get lost in this suburban forest!
Randall F. (GM): Goldberg staps out of the trees, and realizes their only about a block away from the strip mall. He can tell by the massive collum of fire and flashing emergancy lights.
Bruce Tompson: We need to leave the area.
(From Splendid M.): Can we get to the Jesusmobile without being noticed?
Randall F. (GM): (To Splended M) probably not. However, you could report it stolen.
Randall F. (GM): Besides, the Jesus mobile has died for Detroit's sins.
Bruce Tompson grabs his cell phone and calls the cops.
Splendid M.: Alright, I guess we'll have to abandon the car, but we can just claim that that gimp stole it
Bruce Tompson: "Hello police?"
"My brehtern and I were having a prayer breakfast and someone stole our car"
Randall F. (GM): Thanks to a favor called in by Tompson, the blame for the stolen Jesusmobile and the resulting burnt stripmall has gone on a carjacker. (or several)
Pastor Bob: So, shall we head back to base with these Satanic documents?
Splendid M.: Yes. I don't think we should hang around here any longer than we have to.
Bruce Tompson: Yes, let us retreat to our sanctum and plan our next move.
Splendid M.: Alright, so now we need to give the kids a Christian alternative to D&D and Warhammer.
Randall F. (GM): "The raging fire, apparently sparked by a shootout between gang members and the owner of B-Z-Bub's Cards and Games, has currenlty consumed the game store, the Adult Bookstore, a Bath and Beuaty works, and a Dominos. The death count at this time is currently unknown.". Pastor Bob mutes the local news and leans back in his chair, rubbing his head.
The Prayer Warriors are currently in the Jesus Cave, looking through their notes and planning their Christian RPG. Pastor Bob healing from his encounter with the Yaoi Paddle
Splendid M.: Don't worry Pastor Bob, I'm sure that Uke & Seme imprint will come out in time.
Pastor Bob: How's this for a title, Palaces and Philistiens?
Bruce Tompson: I like it.
Splendid M.: Christians And Castles
Smith Goldberg : Christians & Castles?
Bruce Tompson: OOC: My meds are kicking in. so I', gonna have to wrap this up.
We have enough material to run another game.
The Prayer Warriors' job is not done!
