Google Reviews Thread

[Smiggadigga]

There's been Funny Amazon Reviews thread but no Google Reviews thread. Google Reviews is a gold mine for boomers, awful experiences, weird people, and local drama.
Everyone knows the classics like Monica the Warlock

So I'll add my own. I was checking out the google reviews in Springfield Ohio when I found this person you guys might enjoy.

I will be adding to this thread, but post more if you have any. Anything Google Reviews.

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

I'm always amazed....... that people

worry about Technology Making future Generations Illiterate.....
When Boomers have been, WRITING Like this.
For....... decades.

 

[invisibult plus+]

>Hey Todd, go kill yourself.
Based.

I'm always amazed....... that people

worry about Technology Making future Generations Illiterate.....
When Boomers have been, WRITING Like this.
For....... decades.

It's the mentality of writing as you would talk. They don't write like that in letters, maybe they do it on computers to seem more conversational?

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

It's the mentality of writing as you would talk.

Is it, though? I've never heard anyone speak with so many dramatic pauses. They write like the black wheelchair kid from Malcolm in the Middle talked.

 

[invisibult plus+]

Is it, though? I've never heard anyone speak with so many dramatic pauses.

They write like the black wheelchair kid from Malcolm in the Middle talked.

They probably use ellipses for "soft stops," like a slight pause or a trailing voice.

 

[GreenTips]

Here's a great way to find funny reviews:
Look up your local strip clubs and sort by lowest review. It's a comedy gold mine.

 

[Gog & Magog]

Understandable fellow above. But why did the guy below rate it one star?

 

[YouDoNotHaveTheRight]

I am a google review schitzo truly a magical place.

 

[Plantation Barbie]

 

[Brenda Holiday]

Yesssss, this used to be my favorite time wasting hobby. Strip clubs and tattoo shops are very funny. Strip clubs in Mexico have people talking about being ripped off and threatened by cartels. Roach motels are fun too. I found a literal prostitute from a motel review and clicking on her profile. She left one stars on motels that called the cops on her worrying that she was being trafficked. I have even seen people film themselves arguing with minimum wage staff, unfortunately that's local to me so can't share it. Its also funny when a boomer or kid posts personal photos as a review for some random place.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Thought it was a thread for making google reviews I used to go on walks and adjust local pins and shit, was pretty fun until I hit the "add a new road to maps 0/1" for a badge. Which I did, to a zoo of all things, but it never got accepted.

Kike shit.

 

[rel=alternate]

Understandable fellow above. But why did the guy below rate it one star?

There is a simple explanation for this, and it leads to hilarious results.

Some people have the default set on their phone to share location data, and they receive push notifications for places they've been located at, asking them to rate the experience.

You will find entire profiles of people rating one star and saying they've never been to a place. Then they somehow rate some random gas station they actually stopped at.

 

[Xev]

I remember once seeing a review about a dive bar in my old town that got a 1 star rating because all the patrons were allegedly felchers.

I can no longer find that one but here's a more current google review by one of these felchers:

cute venue but they made me pay 2.50 for a water cup just to take my meds they charge extra if you dont put more on your tab. not really encouraging ppl who are trying to stay sober.


I don't know about felching but retardation is definitely in play with this customer base.

 

[rel=alternate]

because all the patrons were allegedly felchers.

I get the feeling there is another explanation for this term. Right?

 

[Gog & Magog]

View attachment 6537866
I get the feeling there is another explanation for this term. Right?

"Felching (sucking or eating semen out of someone's anus) is a sexual behavior about which virtually nothing has been written in the scholarly literature, despite the fact that it appears to be a not-uncommon practice among certain subpopulations of men who have sex with men (MSM)."

new random.txt

 

[Smiggadigga]

Anyone want to translate this?

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole 2]

You should look at reviews for schools, it's either parents or former students leaving reviews. You'll have "Gret scool, fantatic teacers, enjoded my time and am preppared for life [five stars]" mixed with "this place was full of retards I wished I grew up somewhere else... [one star]"

 

[Xev]

View attachment 6541156
Anyone want to translate this?

Wow the retardation is strong with this one. So he went to a strip club which is supposed to have free entry for military personnel but he was charged anyways. The dancers were ugly. The black strippers claim a lap dance costs 40 bucks but after it they hit you up for upwards of 400 dollars.

I think?

 

[Fagnacious D]

Here is a classic: