The term “compulsive heterosexuality” was a term coined by Adrienne Rich in 1980, but was given a more modern interpretation in the famous ‘Am I A Lesbian’ master doc. Its concept posits that many lesbians are unable to tell that they are not attracted to men, because women are taught growing up that we must like, and want to spend time with, men. In my own life, this concept was heavily felt. I was born the fraternal triplet sister to a pair of male identical twins, and so I grew up my whole life defined as ‘the girl’. Even when my little sister was born the expectation never faded. It was Fire Emblem that helped me see the light.
As a child I was to spend time with men, like my brothers, and be the ideal oldest daughter. I wasn’t necessarily the best at it, I was brash and rude and socially inept. My female friends rarely stuck around, and in the second grade I realized that other girls would be more sympathetic to me if I had a crush on a boy. Even when I later realized I did like girls, I still deluded myself into believing I must still like men as well. That was what I was supposed to do. That same frame of mind followed me into fictional worlds, and prevailed even as I played Fire Emblem Heroes for the first time.
I came out as a lesbian in 2019. At this point, I had been aware I was sapphic for several years, but had trouble realizing I wasn’t attracted to men. Before that, I was introduced to the Fire Emblem series through Fire Emblem Heroes when I was 16. Even back then, I subconsciously only attached myself to female characters, like Lucina, Julia, and Ninian. I kept Takumi on my team begrudgingly for the meta.
I played through the older games, not particularly attached to any of the characters. I even tried playing through Fire Emblem: Conquest as male Corrin to marry - reach S Support level, in the game’s terms - Elise, but felt uncomfortable playing with a male avatar I couldn’t relate to, and never ended up finishing the game.
Then Fire Emblem: Three Houses was announced, and I excitedly followed trailer after trailer. Edelgard stood out to me from the start. I admit I have a type, but I didn’t want to get my hopes high up, afraid I’d be repeating what happened with Conquest. One simple tweet alongside the trailers had me hooked: Edelgard would be romanceable for both the male and female avatars.
I spent the weeks leading up to the game’s release feeling like I was a child again, waiting to open my presents on Christmas. Once the game launched, I was sucked in by the complex lore, the geopolitical intricacies, and the diverse cast of characters - but Edelgard remained the highlight. She guided me along through the school, introduced me to her friends and rivals, and clued us, both Byleth and myself, into the darker parts of Fodlan.. It felt like Edelgard was the game, and everything else just the background. I had played numerous visual novels, dating sims, and role playing games in the past, but was never as immersed as I was with Fire Emblem: Three Houses, and it took me a long time to realize why.
What made my experience with Edelgard unique, perhaps, was that I had no need to regard the male characters, or give them a second glance. I could let myself follow her to the end of the world, and as I learned more about her, this only grew stronger and stronger. On the flip side, however, I found that men weren’t so bad when you weren’t searching for something to be attached to. I grew to enjoy Hubert for his presence, Linhardt for his snarkiness, and Ferdinand for his endless optimism. My time with the Black Eagles felt like a weight was off of my shoulder, as I followed Edelgard to a new dawn.
