If aliens abducted you to learn about Earth's culture... - inb4 "we're all fucked"

[Penis Drager]

I remember seeing a video on exactly this topic some years back but I can't find it ATM.. Let's say all of humanity's continued existence relied on proving that we are, in fact, an intelligent race that understands math and science and whatever.
You are naked and have no access to your phone, a computer, or anything of the sort. You have no common language with these aliens and must demonstrate your personal knowledge, via drawing, in order to keep us all from being genocided or whatever a superior alien race might want to do with us. Bear in mind that they would have no knowledge of our culture so things that may seem obvious to us may not be to them...
Never mind the obvious contradiction of "how would I know they're gonna genocide us if I fuck it all up?" You just know. How would you try to deal with the situation? What would you try to draw?

 

[Monolith]

I mean, I could theoretically pull out the high-school geometry, but do I really want to prevent humanity from getting genocided?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

How do I know I should draw? How do I know what I'm drawing isn't the alien language's equivalent of "I fucked your sister last night?" How do the aliens not know that the fact I'm able to move a drawing implement in precoordinated motions and produce recognizable images (such as the aliens themselves) means I'm sapient and able to understand what I'm looking at? How does OP not realize that math and science (focused on objectivity and what the world is), which are universal have little bearing on culture (the beliefs and customs of humans of a particular social group) which varies from people group to people group?

And above all else, how the hell do I know about this scenario? If I share no common language with these aliens, how are they going to communicate "prove humans are intelligent or we blow up Earth?" And wouldn't the fact that I am able to comprehend and respond to that message mean I'm intelligent?

But to answer this bizarre, poorly thought-out thought experiment, I'd draw math. Mathematics is a universal language. 1+1 will always equal 2, even in Binary.

 

[User names must be unique]

You are naked

I have surgical scars and tattoos, if they can't figure it out from that I'll provide them with a high velocity stool sample.

 

[Jewthulhu]

I'd tell them they're retarded for testing multiple uncontrolled variables at once using a sample size of just 1 in an unrepresentative situation.

 

[Smug Chuckler]

*bites oneself and shows a face of disgust before sitting in a corner and doing nothing*

 

[Not Really Here]

If aliens abducted you to learn about Earth's culture...

I would instantly know they were retards who couldn't get an Internet connection.
I would take their shit and flush the genetic dead ends out the airlock.

 

[Lemmingwise]

I can't really get over how stupid the question is asked.

I mean, hypotheticals are fine, but all the nitty gritty trying to hammer it down without leaving any opening is pretty stupid, because you can never account for every backdoor.

How could I prove intelligence to aliens so dumb that that would be their test of intelligence? Why would they be so dumb to genocide unintelligent life and genocide intelligent life? The reverse is much more sensible.

If they're superior, everything the smartest human could come up with would be dumb to them. When's the last time a chimp blew your mind with its intelligence? How many squirrel drawings are you analysing? It is likely that any alien race will have a bigger intelligence gap than we do to our closest relative, the chimp. So we have to imagine a race that is more intelligent than us, than we are to chimps. Yes, I'm plagiarizing neil degrasse tyson here, who cares.

Of course there is the pioneer 10 drawing that we sent into space, which has a number of things that can be decyphered if they understand symbols:

 

[Bland Crumbs]

I'd tell them they're retarded for testing multiple uncontrolled variables at once using a sample size of just 1 in an unrepresentative situation.

Look 1 is sufficient sample size because no one answered it was for men.

 

[Kill a Troon for Pikamee]

I write, in english, this:

LISTEN YOU GLOW IN THE DARK NIGGERS I KNOW SPACE ISN'T REAL AND ALIENS DON'T EXIST THE PSYCHEDELICS YOU DOSED ME WITH ARE NOT WORKING LET ME OUT AND FIND SOME STAR TREK WATCHING SPACE BELIEVING NERD TO BRAINWASH YOU FAGGOTS

 

[ANF]

I'd kill them all with my bare hands then subjugate the rest of their civilization using their own tech

 

[Mal0]

The infamous raccoon cheese grater pic.

 

[Bad Gateway]

I would only tell them about anime.

 

[Karakhalkin-Gol]

I'd write 'the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog' and the numbers 1-10

 

[Slap47]

Honestly, drawing or making symbols is all you got. Dunno what to say.

Other than civilization, humans only have walking long distances, primitive communication and basic crafts.

View attachment 2010156

Year is 2201 and the aliens are like "which of these are you?"

 

[Niggernerd]

If they abducted me. I wouldn't worry too much about an invasion. They'd be too busy cooming to hentai

 

[draggs]

Well obviously my only choice would be to draw some big tiddies in the dirt then masturbate on them

 

[Lemmingwise]

Year is 2201 and the aliens are like "which of these are you?"

Subtle!

 

[JoseRaulChupacabra]

must demonstrate your personal knowledge, via drawing, in order to keep us all from being genocided or whatever a superior alien race might want to do with us. Bear in mind that they would have no knowledge of our culture so things that may seem obvious to us may not be to them...

I would draw that Sonichu scene where Chris holds a kangaroo court trial to punish the trolls all the way to the individual executions. That ought to show those aliens we don't fuck around and will use psychic dismemberment on them if they make the wrong move.

 

[Unassuming Local Guy]

People seem to be making assumptions here. He didn't say that you're the only one they're testing. They may be testing a hundred, a thousand, a million. But would you want take a chance on your fellow humans when the aliens might have pulled everyone but you from a Reddit meetup? We'd be fucked.

If they're superior, everything the smartest human could come up with would be dumb to them. When's the last time a chimp blew your mind with its intelligence? How many squirrel drawings are you analysing? It is likely that any alien race will have a bigger intelligence gap than we do to our closest relative, the chimp. So we have to imagine a race that is more intelligent than us, than we are to chimps. Yes, I'm plagiarizing neil degrasse tyson here, who cares.

Humans basically perform this test all the time. We genocide ant colonies without even thinking about it, because we recognize them as so stupid they might as well not exist. Replace those ants with dogs or cats and it becomes a problem. I don't see a cat as my intellectual equal, but I do see them as intelligent enough that making them suffer for no reason is morally wrong. An ant, on the other hand, I don't care about killing. Because it's an ant.

Again, you're making assumptions. They're not necessarily killing us because they're on some holy quest to purge the universe of unintelligent life. Maybe our planet is in the way of their galactic superhighway and they don't want to blow it up if there's intelligent life there. OP didn't give a reason for the genocide, he just said it could happen.

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned the correct answer would be to draw the Fibonacci sequence or something in dots. They'd understand it for sure, and it demonstrates an ability to comprehend semi-complex math, which based on current human knowledge is something only the smartest race in existence can do. Even animals can paint or create music. Only humans can do math.

If that's not enough for them, then we were probably doomed from the start anyway.