If you are dating a widow/widower...

Monika H.

Monika H.

Your friendly neighborhood gravedigger
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...would you be okay with them keeping a memento of their deceased love? Would you demand them to throw everything away, or try to resize the way they are keeping the memory?
Would you be alright with a simple picture with some flowers, but find a full-blown shrine to be creepy?

Let's hear your opinions.
 
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I could, at least I expect I could.

Like it or not, especially if it was a long lasting marriage this other person has been one of the biggest factors in the widow/widowers life for some time. This person has grown with this other person and been in some way strongly influenced by them, it would be unreasonable to ask them to discard such a big part of the history that made them...Well, them.

Keeping a wedding ring in a box to look at every now and then is reasonable, having the ex's ashes on top of the mantlepiece surrounded by fairy lights and roses like some Mexican Ofrenda? Probably not.
 
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Bunny Tracks said:
Of course I'd let them keep mementos. I wouldn't even find a small shrine creepy since lots of countries have them for lost love ones. Now if they're going full-on Carl Tanzler with it then I'd get the fuck out of there. And call the cops.
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Khayyam said:
I could, at least I expect I could.

Like it or not, especially if it was a long lasting marriage this other person has been one of the biggest factors in the widow/widowers life for some time. This person has grown with this other person and been in some way strongly influenced by them, it would be unreasonable to ask them to discard such a big part of the history that made them...Well, them.

Keeping a wedding ring in a box to look at every now and then is reasonable, having the ex's ashes on top of the mantlepiece surrounded by fairy lights and roses like some Mexican Ofrenda? Probably not.
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That's more or less my idea as well.
What prompted me to make this thread is that last week I was invited to dinner at my colleague's house, which I know is a widower. He now lives with his new partner, and he keeps a little framed picture of his deceased wife on a stand in the living room with some flowers and his girlfriend it's okay with this.
On the same stand he keeps the photos of other deceased relatives, so I think it's a healthy thing.
 
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Heinrich Himmler said:
That's more or less my idea as well.
What prompted me to make this thread is that last week I was invited to dinner at my colleague's house, which I know is a widower. He now lives with his new partner, and he keeps a little framed picture of his deceased wife on a stand in the living room with some flowers and his girlfriend it's okay with this.
On the same stand he keeps the photos of other deceased relatives, so I think it's a healthy thing.
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Shrines are healthy. Small momentos, even if you have a small urn tend to keep you more balanced overall. And having a daily reminder of the person is shown to have you less likely to talk about them or raise grief about them.

Moreso if the death was tragic or sudden. Over time your guilt or "unfinished business" with said person as it were would deteriorate with the passing idea that you've accepted theyre there in spirit and the shrine is there to resemble that marker

Infact you feel safer with such a fact and you don't have to make more of an ordeal of going out of your way to take care of a grave that way.

So overall, shrines and momentos are a healthy way to cope with someone passing, that's just my two cents.
 
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>dating

Only fucking and no hand holding
 
Forcing somebody to throw out remnants and mementos including their late loved ones feels ... very, very wrong.

If it's a small shrine or heirlooms to remember them by, i'd be happy to respect that. A large room dedicated nothing but to their late loved one? It'd tell me that they can't quite let go and i'd be a more uncomfortable with the aspect. I'd want to talk to them about it and ask them if they really want to re-marry. Above all, i'd want to respect their wishes and their inner desires.
 
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I once had sex with a girl who had an urn on her bedroom shelf, I mean It did not clock at the time but when looking back the next day things clicked with the obvious ring on the finger. But outside of that, I would steer clear of widowers. Only bang, never date.
 
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This is deep thoughts so I won't shit post, but man such easy memes.

I only would take a woman "given" to me. If in case I'd be thrilled to see support love and respect to someone we both lost. We live in an area where women work etc. But I'm sorry my partner ( company no homo) his girl has loans he doesn't. He said if something happens until insure pay out bass help her. Now laws a mess, I'd marry her. Her kids I already take as blood with my friend. But once things settle who knows.

I think it's case by case but in regards to OP's idea. I'd take a woman to help her, maybe we'd work as more. But random off street no because a husband/mans job is build a system.

I will also say I will put my life out not questioning for my god kids but I rather my life kept safe. If they lost a safe home I'd write a check to support it.
 
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