If we're done with the opening shitposting, would like to add some input from a similar point of view.
True nihilism is impossible, at least until the moment before suicide. Basic human hard wiring prevents you from caring about literally nothing. As much as you try, you will always care about something. This isn't to invalidate nihilism however, as you can still be pretty partially nihilistic, I think it's just important to get the distinction between true nihilism and partial nihilism out of the way first, so from here on I'll refer to partial nihilism as nihilism because you can't ever reach a full uncaring nature.
I would consider myself a nihilist. I find it hard to care about most things in daily life. The world, other people, myself, its just too much of a drag. It's hard to justify getting out of bed, to justify doing many things. And that is true, there is no actual inherent justification. Life is meaningless, there is no god and we were not created with an inherent purpose. Edgy on the surface, but how you use that knowledge is up to interpretation. Some decide, well if there is no purpose, I'll create my own purpose. You can live with nihilism that way. Some decide, well if there is no purpose, then fuck it, might as well live day by day doing whatever entertains you. That's certainly how I deal with it. Finally, some decide, if there is no purpose, then there is no reason to live, and would rather end it. Try and think which category you fall into, because they are very different world views and you don't have to be cynical to be a nihilist, even if I am one I know that from seeing others.
Nihilism is strange because, while I claim to not care about anything or most things, I still find myself laughing at jokes, enjoying vidya from time to time, getting enthralled in consoomerism and media, posting about politics on this website. One thing that keeps me going is enjoying good music actually. If I didn't care, I wouldn't feel the need to be passionate about things. I don't care for relationships, for sex, for other people, for myself, for the world, for the future, but I can take some care in the day. You can enjoy some good food, some laughs, many things and still go on living. You might not like living, but dying sure as hell isn't a good option either. When I was younger, through the goggles of edge I almost thought I was a sociopath with how little I cared, but it turns out that if you look you do care about some things. If you are doing something as your duty, you care about it. If you didn't, why are you doing it? Why not just abandon your partner and kill yourself? Why even post at all? There is a semblance of care within everyone and no amount of disillusionment will change that.
If at the end of the day, you really still can't find an answer, consider why you're on KiwiFarms. I would say you're taking the clown world approach as most people would call it now, you recognize the world and life sucks, and rather than mope about it you laugh at it. Laugh at how shitty everything is, at how we aren't even a speck in the scheme of the universe, not even a second on the calendar. We might amount to nothing, but having the ability to think means you've got the ability to satirize the nature of it. If anything, just take some joy knowing that you know the reality of the situation. As much as I hate myself for it, I find freedom in nihilism and not being chained to dumb beliefs and moral quandaries, I find myself thinking, better to face grim reality than to live in blissful ignorance.
