Invent a superpower

[Betonhaus]

Here's one: Deception Immunity
The ability to immediately know when you are being lied to or misled, and know the relevant context behind the deception.

 

[Migraine Box]

Finger Blasting

One of your fingers can explode on command. It'll regenerate, however you have no control over which finger it is and its random every time.

 

[Monolith]

You can piss other people's pants. Line of sight range, they don't know it was you.

 

[Open-Source Dodonpachi]

NiggerEliminitus: The power to delete niggers and make the world a better place

 

[Tanuki Mixed Nuts]

You can piss other people's pants. Line of sight range, they don't know it was you.

And a bold rival for this hero:
Unpissing of the pants. - You have piss in your pants? You can make it go away, no stains, no nothin. You can unpiss any pants by thinking about it, and the piss just vanishes with no lasting effect on the pants.

Imagine going around pissing people's pants, and then some guy unpisses his pissed pants. You are born to be rivals.

 

[Human Waiter]

The power to walk on clouds(water vapor)
Getting up there is the tricky part

 

[Betonhaus]

Sometimes I wonder what I was even expecting when I make these kinds of posts.

 

[Ogre Magi]

Make someone call people niggers uncontrollably. Would be great to use at the DMV.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

The ability to turn yourself inside out.

Not great for daily life, but invaluable for medical science.

 

[CognitiveDeficiency]

Shower Vision
The ability to make fat fucks on the train ride to work stop smelling like shit just by staring at them.

 

[Chao Garden]

Some lame kiwifarms superpowers:
-The ability to use all stickers even if you're not a true and honest fan
-The ability to use multiple different stickers on a post, for those gross posts that need a horrifying and Islamic rating
-The ability to summon/control a personal army for anyone you'd want a thread for

 

[Anonitolia]

idk why this is in deep thoughts; should be in general discussion so that more people can participate. this stuff's fun

here's a few really lame ones I made up when I was bored on car trips:
Gaggle Mountains- you have the power to give anybody you want goosebumps for as long as you want, whenever you want. You do not need to keep your focus for the goosebumps to remain; just think of how long you want them to last for and who gets to suffer for it and it happens.
Infinite Eyeball Generator- you can pluck out your eyeballs with ease and will always regenerate them within a minute or two of that happening. The eyes are the same quality yours were before you ripped them out and have no special properties.
Nine Inch Wails- you have the power to be taken completely seriously while singing the most angsty, tryhard, edgy shit known to man. Does not prevent people from getting sick of your schtick, but will prevent people from considering it shallow or derivative.

and a few slightly-less lame ones I made up at the same time:
Trendsetter- you've gained the ability to be able to set any kind of trend you want. If you start acting/dressing/speaking/etc a certain way and hope that others start acting similarly, they will. The only requirements for the power to start working is that you have to behave/dress/speak that way for a single day in public- after that, anybody who sees you will start acting identically to how you did most recently (while using the power) and nobody who doesn't will think it's weird. "Anybody who sees you" can apply to whomever you want: you can be as small-scale as only affecting people who see you in-person or as massive as affecting anybody who sees a picture of you online or elsewhere.
Total Clarity- Any word that you hear or read will have its exact meaning translated to you in your head. A metaphor would have its meaning explained, a foreign language would be completely decrypted- anything. Could be turned on and off at will. Would also apply to lies, white and not.
Dissociation- If you have a body part that some other being in the universe has, you can modify your body part to act like that one does. Got a human jaw but want the biting strength of a lion? Go for it. You want super-thick elephant skin instead of the tissue-paper human shit you have now? Have fun. The changes wouldn't be visual- you'd still look perfectly normal and human- but the parts would act like the other animals' parts if prompted to and things like the thickness of skin might be noticeable on touch. If you get sick of having something you previously wanted, you could always just want it back to normal.

 

[Betonhaus]

Dissociation- If you have a body part that some other being in the universe has, you can modify your body part to act like that one does. Got a human jaw but want the biting strength of a lion? Go for it. You want super-thick elephant skin instead of the tissue-paper human shit you have now? Have fun. The changes wouldn't be visual- you'd still look perfectly normal and human- but the parts would act like the other animals' parts if prompted to and things like the thickness of skin might be noticeable on touch. If you get sick of having something you previously wanted, you could always just want it back to normal.

so if you wanted a horsecock...?

 

[Iron Jaguar]

 

[Monolith]

And a bold rival for this hero:
Unpissing of the pants. - You have piss in your pants? You can make it go away, no stains, no nothin. You can unpiss any pants by thinking about it, and the piss just vanishes with no lasting effect on the pants.

Imagine going around pissing people's pants, and then some guy unpisses his pissed pants. You are born to be rivals.

Let me actually fix mine. Range is line of sight, or targeting any politician over the age of 70 no matter where they are.

 

[Otterly]

Here's one: Deception Immunity
The ability to immediately know when you are being lied to

This ability exists in real life. The FBI uses such people. They called them wizards, and I do wonder if the other useage (the /pol/ one) is to drown out search engine results.
People can sometimes have odd cognitive abilities. There’s a guy the UK police call in sometimes who never forgets a face. He can see a mugshot and pick someone out of a crowd with total accuracy.
Anyway if I had a superpower I would be able to make people tell the truth, at a distance. Of every politician and NGO was made to speak the truth about their activities, the world would be a much better place (after the initial round of rage induced murder.)
That or the ability to see into the future

 

[Fag Albert]

Some lame kiwifarms superpowers:
-The ability to use all stickers even if you're not a true and honest fan
-The ability to use multiple different stickers on a post, for those gross posts that need a horrifying and Islamic rating
-The ability to summon/control a personal army for anyone you'd want a thread for

i want the power to turn trash can stickers into thumbs up stickers then id be unstoppable
also the ability to tag null and him not being mad

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I want the power to go home and back immediately.

 

[Mojo Thief]

Cleansing Nails: The ability to secrete ethanol out of your fingernails. Convenient if you get a scrape while hiking, and if somebody is trying to accost you just scratch them and watch them flail around screaming "it burns!" without putting them at risk of getting an infection. It'd be like playing a battle medic IRL. You'd probably have to be very careful while wiping your ass, though.

 

[Penis Drager 2.0]

The Hindu's Touch:
Everything you touch turns into shit.