Is Sand a Viable Replacement for Butter in a Recipe?

[Sparkletor 2.0]

I'm trying to make fettuccine Alfredo but I realized I don't have any butter. Can I use sand as a substitute? Do you think anyone will taste the difference?

For context; it's for a church potluck.

 

[We Are The Witches]

Pulverized glass as well, I mean, it's basically the same thing.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Yeah, just call it Fettucine al-Kubra and tell people it's an exotic Bedouin dish.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Like Dilbert said, potluck is more like a penalty than a celebration, so you are doing it right.

 

[Mad_Dog]

Only for kid's meals. Adults can't digest sand.

 

[Just A Fat Round Bird]

No, not really. But I hear pain works really well as a substitute!

 

[stares at error messages]

No. There are so substitutes for butter. Butter is pure neutral good.

 

[Chao Garden]

No, it's course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere

 

[Kosher Dill]

Apparently the melting point of sand is slightly different from butter's, so when you add the other ingredients it causes some sort of chemical reaction or whatever. I'm sure some cooking nerd has made a 4-hour Youtube video about it.