Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[Fapcop]

Linda Burnell may be a lazy waste of space, but she is a much better person than her son. One reason is that she is very Catholic and allegedly has done a lot of charity work with her church. Volunteering her time to help the less fortunate. Phil lies to retards so he can get McDonalds delivered to his house at 1:00 am.

Although seeing how Phil sees charity work as clout chasing, maybe she only did it to get points with her church group. We can't know if she did charity work for selfless or selfish reasons. We do know that Phil never does any charity work.

I guess she also gives Phil money and buys Thanksgiving dinner for him. That shows that she cares for someone besides herself. That's more than we can say about Phil.

A little confused here... Wouldn’t she be the exact opposite of a lazy waste of space of ahes active in her church and community?

We can’t all work 8 hour shifts at callcenters and Kroger’s.

Being unemployed doesn’t mean you’re a leach on society if you’re doing something meaningful with your time.

 

[gh0stzero]

I think she's just trying to atone for the sin of bringing Phil into the world.

For realsies though, charity work is fun for old people get them doing something and interacting with people.

 

[tzgnilki]

You spastics putting Phil’s income at $10k a month. It’s not, he has business expenses that significantly reduce that down to $5k maximum. Alimony wouldn’t be calculated on turnover, it’d be profit.

do you think he's actually spending $100 USD a month on cat food

 

[JPG]

do you think he's actually spending $100 USD a month on cat food

No. But creative accounting is clearly working for dsp

 

[Vivica A. Fox]

Do we know for sure that Kat got a new job since her stint at Fred Meyer or whatever the fuck? Like, we know Phil lies all the time, for all we know she already is a full time housewife eating bonbons on the couch all day. I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I’m between jobs, I pack on the pounds myself, because you eat out of boredom a lot more, I find.

We have no idea where Kat is working now, not even an inkling. I don’t think Phil would readily admit that Kat is currently unemployed, because he knows the trolls would come with full force asking why she isn’t contributing to the household. And since trolls dictate every aspect of Phil’s life (rent free!) I don’t think it would be too far fetched that Phil is simply lying about his personal live-in maid’s situation.

Add to that, that a stay at home cat mom would fulfill his dreams of being a machoor adult, being the breadwinner while wifey throws some hungry mans in the microwave, just like mommy used to do, and that Phil is fucking terrified of her and let’s her do whatever she wants (in addition to letting her do whatever she wants with his life too $ that’s probably what true love looks like in his peanut brain).

Maybe Kat got too cozy and smart with her coworkers at the grocery store like Leanna. Maybe Phil’s paranoid that trolls would come and harass his soulmate at work and he simply pulled her out.

I’m throwing my hat in the ring that Kat does not actually work at the moment.

 

[Fapcop]

@Vivica A. Fox

I’m throwing my hat in the ring that Kat does not actually work at the moment.

I suppose it’s possible, just like anything is with Khat, but a couple of things speak against it.

1: Phil is a smoothbrain and really bad at lying. He’d slip up and forget what lie he last week about Khat’s “schedule” or some shit like that.

2: Phil has been pretty consistent in his complaints about how little time he has with the soulmaid. He’d slip up and forget bringing it up if it wasn’t the case, and immediately overcompensate the first time someone reminded him.

 

[Iron Hamster]

do you think he's actually spending $100 USD a month on cat food

My friend has 4. I posed the question on what they spend. Watch this space!

I suppose it’s possible, just like anything is with Khat, but a couple of things speak against it.

1: Phil is a smoothbrain and really bad at lying. He’d slip up and forget what lie he last week about Khat’s “schedule” or some shit like that.

2: Phil has been pretty consistent in his complaints about how little time he has with the soulmaid. He’d slip up and forget bringing it up if it wasn’t the case, and immediately overcompensate the first time someone reminded him.

Let's not forget how his schedule allegedly had to revolve around hers but yet suddenly doesn't. He somehow knew 2 weeks in advance he could go to a vet when told that was their earliest appointment.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

I think Phil's greed is too massive to let Kat go unemployed. Like, he wouldn't have let Leanna get a job if he had known it would cause her to get a whiff of reality and flee. But if she doesn't work, then more of his diminishing internet money has to cover the gap. And the automated checks are dwindling... So that means more of what he gets tipped can't go towards his fun, but instead the bills. If he has to use tip money on things that aren't doordash and gacha, he will seethe even after the money has left his account. An unemployed Kat would stroke his ego, but then so does having power over that dumb cat. He knows he isn't responsible enough to make up whatever, if anything, she contributes to the house's expenses. Phil can't pass up passive income, and nothing is more passive than making your wife earn for you.

Counterpoints: He IS bitching a lot more about money lately, but he always bitches about money and lies, so its hard to say. Kat also strikes me as not the kind of person who'd stick around retail for long, especially these days. Either her bosses would hate her, or she'd be sick of it.

 

[PyroAlert]

It is pretty much confirmed and verified that Kat has gained over 60 lbs since Covid started?

 

[actually]

No. But creative accounting is clearly working for dsp

Yeah, I guess calling tens of thousands of mobile game charges "microtransactions" and hoping no one asks for details about it is creative.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

It is pretty much confirmed and verified that Kat has gained over 60 lbs since Covid started?

No, it is just speculation. I think the last time Kathy's current physical appearance was shown was that wedding picture of the two lovebirds barnyard animals kissing. However, we're just inferring things from what Phil says, also taking into account that he lies as naturally as he breathes. A lot of the time when he mentions what him and the horse ordered or had delivered, Kathy consistently gets a bigger meal for herself, and Phil mentioned that she eats the leftovers too a few times.

 

[Iron Hamster]

My friend has 4. I posed the question on what they spend. Watch this space!

Ok........space update! My friend spends around $30 for food and litter a month for 4 cats.

They said he must be feeding a tiger filet mignon.

 

[Fapcop]

It is pretty much confirmed and verified that Kat has gained over 60 lbs since Covid started?

Judging by her taste in Sushi, 60lb is lowballing it.

(The birthday restaurant that she had been talking about for weeks, according to DSP, mostly served gross fucking sushi packed with mayo, cream cheese and deepfried shit.)

Combine that with a loveless marriage with a goblin-hermit, and no drug habit to seek refuge in, she probably gorges overpriced shit food all day long.

 

[CoomerCouch v2.69]

My friend has 4. I posed the question on what they spend. Watch this space!

Let's not forget how his schedule allegedly had to revolve around hers but yet suddenly doesn't. He somehow knew 2 weeks in advance he could go to a vet when told that was their earliest appointment.

Let me save you some time. I have two cats. Both are very well-fed, eat high quality food, get plenty of wet food (which Jasper doesn't eat AND is more expensive), and get treats. For two cats I spend on food/specialty food/treats about $400... a year. That's not each cat, that's total. Add litter and that's about $550 a year.

Now cut that approximately in half and you get $275 a year for a cat. Let's bring that up to $350 if you want to add toys and the occasional catnip. So, $350 a year for a single cat, and that's including more expensive food like wet food that Phil has stated Jasper doesn't eat. That's $29 a month. Phil is claiming he's spending 3.5x what you need to feed, entertain, and care for a cat's every need, every month, without deviation, and his idiot cat still managed to have not one but two UTIs.

Either Phil's lying or he's fucking retarded. Or both.

 

[Vivica A. Fox]

@Vivica A. Fox



I suppose it’s possible, just like anything is with Khat, but a couple of things speak against it.

1: Phil is a smoothbrain and really bad at lying. He’d slip up and forget what lie he last week about Khat’s “schedule” or some shit like that.

2: Phil has been pretty consistent in his complaints about how little time he has with the soulmaid. He’d slip up and forget bringing it up if it wasn’t the case, and immediately overcompensate the first time someone reminded him.

Yay I was able to use the quote function!

1. Phil has been very inconsistent with his schedule lately. Didn’t he take two days off in a row recently? When was the last time that happened? Sounds to me like someone has a lot more free time now. and what @Iron Hamster said *tips fedora*

2. Phil has little time with his soulmare because he’s too busy a) tweeting and b) playing champions. That’s it. They’re roommates and he doesn’t want to admit it. It’s very typical of Phil to blame this shit on anyone but himself, as with anything else in his life. What can you do? King of suffering

It really is hard to say though, since Phil is such a terrible liar. She could be unemployed or she could be just working weekends (close to unemployed) at some mystery location, which by sheer luck, none of the grade A autists at kiwifarms were able to figure out yet. Really?? Remember when she first moved in and Phil was saying that she’d be transferred over from this prestigious position from her job back home and then we found she’s literally stocking gamer shirts and potatoes?

i think Phil’s so scared of trolling that he pulled her out from even just that.

 

[N0thingICanDo]

I think she's just trying to atone for the sin of bringing Phil into the world.

For realsies though, charity work is fun for old people get them doing something and interacting with people.

Linda Burnell:
"Lord please forgive the sin that I did when I let Philip into this world...."

God:
"Linda Linda Linda, listen, YOU CREATED THE MONSTER, AND NOW YOU ARE SAYING THE MONSTER IS TOO BIG? Well fuck you! You got double fucked already when you refuse to buy that Woverine toy you nudnik!"

 

[gin_nose]

I've been thinking, what are the chances Kat isnt working at all? We know Phil wants to portray Kat as a dutiful wife contributing to the financial causes of the Burnell Family but I think I smell bullshit. I think she quit her job when COVID started and has been sucking up Biden bucks ever since. Considering anyone could quit their job if they were scared of getting COVID and collect unlimited unemployment + $600/$300 biden bucks in perpetuity why would she work at Fred Meyer or Krogers for close to minimum wage and risk getting the coof? She is one of the people who fall into the category of being more profitable to sit home on their asses.

What got me thinking of this: I was talking to a lady I know who works at the local grocery store after seeing her for the first time since the pandemic started. She told me how nearly every single employee at the grocrery store has caught covid over the last 18 months. Kat has never brought home the coof to the snort fort, this seems really lucky, even for DSP. Seattle was hard hit at times and she was on the front line at a grocery store which is like the WORST place to work becuase its a place people who are sick still have to go to get supplies. I know so many assholes who confirmed tested positive and then drove to the grocery store to get supplies for their "quarantine".

The fact that it was more profitable for her to sit home safely playing skyrim though is what really convinces me.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

I've been thinking, what are the chances Kat isnt working at all? We know Phil wants to portray Kat as a dutiful wife contributing to the financial causes of the Burnell Family but I think I smell bullshit. I think she quit her job when COVID started and has been sucking up Biden bucks ever since. Considering anyone could quit their job if they were scared of getting COVID and collect unlimited unemployment + $600/$300 biden bucks in perpetuity why would she work at Fred Meyer or Krogers for close to minimum wage and risk getting the coof? She is one of the people who fall into the category of being more profitable to sit home on their asses.

What got me thinking of this: I was talking to a lady I know who works at the local grocery store after seeing her for the first time since the pandemic started. She told me how nearly every single employee at the grocrery store has caught covid over the last 18 months. Kat has never brought home the coof to the snort fort, this seems really lucky, even for DSP. Seattle was hard hit at times and she was on the front line at a grocery store which is like the WORST place to work becuase its a place people who are sick still have to go to get supplies. I know so many assholes who confirmed tested positive and then drove to the grocery store to get supplies for their "quarantine".

The fact that it was more profitable for her to sit home safely playing skyrim though is what really convinces me.

The possibility of that being the case is pretty high, it's not like we don't have any information about her whereabouts that could completely disprove the idea, however there was that small mini arc where pig roach was complaining about the horse's work hours changing and he had to potentially adjust his entire streaming schedule because of it, for certain reasons.

And I think as time went on Phil was certainly more paranoid about potentially catching covid (remember even before he was saying that his parents where on deaths door already at around 60 years old, and that later on mid way through 2020 he was saying covid would be the final nail in the coffin for them, haha) so he might have been rather uncomfortable about Kat working on the front lines (only because he could potentially get it, obviously he doesn't care that much about his wifes wellbeing unless it benefits him) and obviously Kat herself wouldn't seem like the type of person to turn down stimulus money for doing nothing in return.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Apparently if you work at a Kroger store, you can log into the employee portal and search for employees. I believe that's how we first got confirmation that Kat worked in the apparel department at the Fred Meyer by their condo.

If someone worked at a Kroger store, they could confirm that Kat is still employed there.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

I've been thinking, what are the chances Kat isnt working at all? We know Phil wants to portray Kat as a dutiful wife contributing to the financial causes of the Burnell Family but I think I smell bullshit. I think she quit her job when COVID started and has been sucking up Biden bucks ever since. Considering anyone could quit their job if they were scared of getting COVID and collect unlimited unemployment + $600/$300 biden bucks in perpetuity why would she work at Fred Meyer or Krogers for close to minimum wage and risk getting the coof? She is one of the people who fall into the category of being more profitable to sit home on their asses.

What got me thinking of this: I was talking to a lady I know who works at the local grocery store after seeing her for the first time since the pandemic started. She told me how nearly every single employee at the grocrery store has caught covid over the last 18 months. Kat has never brought home the coof to the snort fort, this seems really lucky, even for DSP. Seattle was hard hit at times and she was on the front line at a grocery store which is like the WORST place to work becuase its a place people who are sick still have to go to get supplies. I know so many assholes who confirmed tested positive and then drove to the grocery store to get supplies for their "quarantine".

The fact that it was more profitable for her to sit home safely playing skyrim though is what really convinces me.

It's possible. We know she did legitimately work at some point because of the bankruptcy documents. But, it wasn't nearly as often as Phil claimed. Some of her complaints also sounded like the things you'd expect someone who worked in retail to say. I suspect the "schedule change" was actually Khet quitting/getting a new job somewhere else. It's also possible some of her schedule change is actually going to interviews and she hasn't officially gotten anything new. That could also explain the complaints about not being able to get anything better than retail/having no experience. I don't know if there's any real way to prove it, since it seems likely she moved locations and might not be at Kroger anymore. I imagine at some point Phil will let something slip because he can't help himself.