Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[Yung Dalph]

I think Panda leaving, and Khet eventually leaving will all be a fault of being in a relationship with a narcissist. It's as simple as that.

I'd like to believe dozens of different scenarios that are all way more fun to think about, but I think it's as simple as being with a narcissist.

You eventually leave. Unless you're very submissive, or an actual retard, you leave.

Now, Khet is a trailer park rat - she can't do better in life than DSP. Her example of family is, from what we know, an absolute dumpster fire, exorcism and all... So a gout-ridden piece of shit and a ratchet ass cat is a perfectly satisfactory option for her. She will cook, she will clean, and she will play Skyrim.

In return, she will receive life at a place she is severely underleveled for, a restaurant meal once a week, and the aforementioned pseudo-family.

Phil, as much of a self-centered sack of shit as he is, realizes the transactional aspect of this relationship, and he himself sees relationships in a transactional manner, the same way he did with Rambo, Howard, Chris & Teo, etc...

So the bitch will stay, and explore Skyrim until the guy is broke, then she will probably take off with the first guy from work who's available and has a PS5.

As for Panda, I'm a fan of the "she realized he's a narcissist and other men are simply superior to him in every way" narrative. She was an annoying, spoiled bitch, but she was apparently smart enough to grift a long vacation off of Phil's wallet, and leave without losing anything.

I think in the end of the day, DSP is socially inept enough to die alone, narcissistic enough to push everyone away, and Khet is street smart enough to know when to grab onto a fresh branch when the old one has dried out and cracking.

 

[Iron Father]

She probably pays regular visits to pick up the cash to pay her rent, that method wouldn't show up anywhere.

Would also help explain him falling behind on his taxes just a few years ago, after a very long time being dumb with money.

That said, it's all conjecture, that I engage in only to annoy Mr. Potatohead, because he can't do a damn thing about it. If it gets proven right or wrong one day, I don't care, it's funny either way the ball lands.

This kind of retardation really only discredits the detractor community further. The escort saga also pissed Phil off, but it's simultaneously his go-to example of why we should be dismissed out-of-hand.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Some good speculation, but you guys forgot one clue for why Kat stays with Phil. Kat also probably has a drinking problem.

Is Kat just really really dumb, or are these stories Phil tells us a result of Kat being drunk?

Things kind of add up when you think about it. Kat was so fucked up that she put sour cream all over her food without noticing. Kat crying downstairs for no reason. Kat only given part time at work and nobody wants to give her more hours or promote her. Kat deciding to run the vacuum cleaner in the middle of Phil's stream. Putting bones down the garbage disposal. Not wanting to run errands with Phil anymore. Being perfectly fine with getting a hamburger and fries for her birthday. Fucking up trying to cook chicken wings in the air fryer. Fucking up cooking the Christmas roast. Forgetting their anniversary. I could go on and on.

Kat could just be dumb. She also could be plastered off her ass most of the time.

I could be totally wrong about all of this too.

 

[actually]

Some good speculation, but you guys forgot one clue for why Kat stays with Phil. Kat also probably has a drinking problem.

Is Kat just really really dumb, or are these stories Phil tells us a result of Kat being drunk?

Things kind of add up when you think about it. Kat was so fucked up that she put sour cream all over her food without noticing. Kat crying downstairs for no reason. Kat only given part time at work and nobody wants to give her more hours or promote her. Kat deciding to run the vacuum cleaner in the middle of Phil's stream. Putting bones down the garbage disposal. Not wanting to run errands with Phil anymore. Being perfectly fine with getting a hamburger and fries for her birthday. Fucking up trying to cook chicken wings in the air fryer. Fucking up cooking the Christmas roast. Forgetting their anniversary. I could go on and on.

Kat could just be dumb. She also could be plastered off her ass most of the time.

I could be totally wrong about all of this too.

I think the secondary evidence is that they order fucking McDonalds at night. It's not that she doesn't drive (obviously does to work...and also on errands with Phil's Mr. Magoo ass if she's got half a brain cell), so the only other reason is they're both too fucked up to drive. Could also just be laziness, but some of their Doordash'd food is from just a few minutes away, and they'd get it hot if they went and got it themselves.

 

[Iron Father]

Sounds more like a stoner than a drunk to me.

Also she didn't get a burger and fries for her birthday, that was just the pre-shopping lunch. The special sushi dinner was supposed to be her big birthday thing, and she fucked that up.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

I think the secondary evidence is that they order fucking McDonalds at night. It's not that she doesn't drive (obviously does to work...and also on errands with Phil's Mr. Magoo ass if she's got half a brain cell), so the only other reason is they're both too fucked up to drive. Could also just be laziness, but some of their Doordash'd food is from just a few minutes away, and they'd get it hot if they went and got it themselves.

Phil is a combo of Mr. Magoo and Droopy Dog.

 

[Yung Dalph]

This kind of retardation really only discredits the detractor community further. The escort saga also pissed Phil off, but it's simultaneously his go-to example of why we should be dismissed out-of-hand.

I agree, but he will always be the victim no matter what, even being caught red-handed will never stop him. The only people you need credibility for are outsiders like Fredrik Knudsen, who naturally got a bunch of trolls tweeting at him about DSP reacting to his video. To those people the trolls look retarded and obsessive, and wild speculations (not as much on KiwiFarms as on YouTube and Twitter) are only making them look more retarded

 

[TheGoutburglar]

This kind of retardation really only discredits the detractor community further. The escort saga also pissed Phil off, but it's simultaneously his go-to example of why we should be dismissed out-of-hand.

Pfft. It's speculation done in fun, nothing more. The concluding that he was fucked during the bankruptcy, now that harmed us, and I was a part of that. But positing that he might be pathetic and dumb enough to shell out so much money to sort of keep Kat in his life out of embarrassment over the divorce being filed otherwise? Before the Champions thing broke, sure, people could find that hard to swallow. But after? No, I don't think so. That shit proved beyond doubt he'll waste a gargantuan amount of money to feel better about himself, and get nothing out of it that a normal person would want.

Again, there's no conclusion being drawn, just connecting dots in a way that Phil would rather we didn't. You REALLY need to get over the sting of the escort saga. Just some friendly detractor-to-detractor advice.

I think the secondary evidence is that they order fucking McDonalds at night. It's not that she doesn't drive (obviously does to work...and also on errands with Phil's Mr. Magoo ass if she's got half a brain cell), so the only other reason is they're both too fucked up to drive. Could also just be laziness, but some of their Doordash'd food is from just a few minutes away, and they'd get it hot if they went and got it themselves.

This also counts as fun speculation that surely bugs him. Does he want anyone thinking he and his wife are hardcore loser drunks? Doubtful, and no matter how accurate/inaccurate this conjecture is, we know that doesn't spare his ego. People here have expressed doubt that he'll ever get Boogie fat, that doesn't stop him from ranting with exasperation about us calling him fat period. He almost never gets on camera and feels himself over our speculation, no matter what direction or extremity it goes to.

How many times has he been called a closet homo here? How many references to Kat being a horse, or getting pumped by Tyrone? How much do we bag on his parents here, especially Linda? He never laughs about any of it. Think about that.

 

[UncleTusky]

I think the secondary evidence is that they order fucking McDonalds at night. It's not that she doesn't drive (obviously does to work...and also on errands with Phil's Mr. Magoo ass if she's got half a brain cell), so the only other reason is they're both too fucked up to drive. Could also just be laziness, but some of their Doordash'd food is from just a few minutes away, and they'd get it hot if they went and got it themselves.

I disagree because Phil claimed that it took her a while to learn the route from the Wakhando to her job at Fred Meyer which is only 3 minutes away on main roads:


If Kat really did struggle to learn the route that points to her being exceptional or Phil being even dumber than we thought because I suspect he is too afraid of his car being damaged to let her drive it drunk. The alternative is the always reasonable guess that Phil couldn't figure out the route because he's a tard and blamed it on Kat but that tells us nothing about her. I'm not saying she can't have a drinking problem, I'm saying it seems like a real stretch to say she's a barely functional drunk based on what we know.

 

[actually]

I disagree because Phil claimed that it took her a while to learn the route from the Wakhando to her job at Fred Meyer which is only 3 minutes away on main roads:

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If Kat really did struggle to learn the route that points to her being exceptional or Phil being even dumber than we thought because I suspect he is too afraid of his car being damaged to let her drive it drunk. The alternative is the always reasonable guess that Phil couldn't figure out the route because he's a tard and blamed it on Kat but that tells us nothing about her. I'm not saying she can't have a drinking problem, I'm saying it seems like a real stretch to say she's a barely functional drunk based on what we know.

I'm not saying she rolls up drunk to her job. She works part time and generally seems to work early afternoon to evening. I'm talking about their midnight doordashing. At that time of night, the only reason to accept getting cold fast food is that you're unable to go get it yourself.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I disagree because Phil claimed that it took her a while to learn the route from the Wakhando to her job at Fred Meyer which is only 3 minutes away on main roads:

She also apparently took some time to "master" stirring his old sugar sauce. Along with so many of his other assertions, Phil really paints her as being retarded, but seemingly without knowing it. And of course the footage of her doesn't completely contradict that, so it's impossible to be certain. Just seems likely that Phil is making shit up because he does that all the time, and has no fear of being contradicted by Kat.

Then again, Phil tells the truth and makes himself, or someone else, look stupid without knowing it, too. In fact that's usually how we get some honesty out of him.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

Looking at Kat's legal and living history, a drinking/drug problem is the clear favorite.

Even if Phil is drinking gin every night, a lot of that Total Wine has to be going somewhere else.

There's two things Phil currently refuses to admit in any way: WWE Champions and his booze addiction. In the brief time I watched the Wings reaction, Phil mentioned twice that he USED to drink and no way he does that anymore. Similar tales he speaks with mobile games. Odds are Kat does both of them.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

There's two things Phil currently refuses to admit in any way: WWE Champions and his booze addiction. In the brief time I watched the Wings reaction, Phil mentioned twice that he USED to drink and no way he does that anymore. Similar tales he speaks with mobile games. Odds are Kat does both of them.

Well that's an interesting bit... I thought Phil was just refusing to acknowledge how much he drinks, not that he doesn't. Didn't he say awhile back he hadn't had any gin in the condo in two years? Thought little of it at the time, I assumed he meant gin specifically, but perhaps not? Starting to sound like him denying his love of wrestling, now.

Though not sure if that means Kat indulges too. Obviously reasonable enough that she mirrors some of his bad traits, but were they that similar, one would think she would bond with him better. Unless the trait they best have in common is being self-absorbed and narcissistic.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

He's said he doesn't drink a lot, or barely does anymore. Whatever, he's suggested many times he's past his drinking problems now.

 

[Two Yum Yums]

I'm fairly certain Kat is a daily Xanax user. It would explain how utterly braindead she seems to be, and why she's so useless.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

Wouldn't surprise me actually if Kat was a drinker herself, maybe not as much as alcoholic as Phil is (if he's having multiple glasses of gin a week you're definitely fallen into some sort of addiction, like Phil has with gacha) but it would explain why Phil's total wine bill was so high as per the bank leaks.

If you try and match it up with the prices of the beverages on the site, he's buying multiple bottles of something besides gin, so he can't possibly be the only one drinking, unless he's more of a wasteful faggot then we thought and that's probably why his trash cans are overflowing.

Most types of hard liquor never goes bad as well, so he can't be buying that much alcohol because it's going off...

 

[Iron Father]

the only reason to accept getting cold fast food is that you're unable to go get it yourself.

This massively underestimates the laziness factor.

You REALLY need to get over the sting of the escort saga. Just some friendly detractor-to-detractor advice.

Get over it? I don't even know what that means. I don't give a shit about the escort thing, just pointing out that when detractors put on the tinfoil hat too often, they end up acting as retarded as the lolcow they're following.

Just some friendly detractor-to-detractor advice, never go full retard.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Get over it? I don't even know what that means. I don't give a shit about the escort thing, just pointing out that when detractors put on the tinfoil hat too often, they end up acting as retarded as the lolcow they're following.

Just some friendly detractor-to-detractor advice, never go full retard.

My two cents, speculation is fun, but I think there's a fine line between reasonable speculation and making up hate-fic about Phil. Part of what makes following lolcows so funny is these are real people doing these crazy things. Going too far into the outlandish takes away the entertaining real factor. I think that's part of why the escort saga fell apart, the girlfriend experience thing was legitimately believable. But IIRC, they started talking about Phil being into golden showers and stuff, which would certainly be funny if true, but because it was so obviously fake, it stopped being entertaining. Especially because the actual real stuff that was happening was still pretty funny.

And I mean, that was a case where the reality was still entertaining. The escort stuff was wrong, but it turned out Phil was flying Khet out to have an affair with him. Finding out that Phil was whaling away his money on WWE champions was funny, versus some of the outlandish theories people tried to press about Phil having a cocaine addiction because of his snorts/twitching. Again, it'd be funny if it was true, but there was no way Phil of all people would go out and purchase drugs.

If I wanted to read blatantly false stuff about Phil, I'd go to Reddit. I should also add, this doesn't apply to obvious joke "speculation" like the Tyrone jokes. I guess to give a more recent example, there was a joke going around that Phil's dad is disappointed in him because, well, it's Phil. And honestly, it might be true. But there were a few posts that were implying it was an actual confirmed fact, and at that point, it just feels like we're hitting supercrzy levels of desperate to own Phil.

 

[Iron Father]

Agreed, and saying "but it still pisses Phil off to read about the speculation" is gay cope imo. It's way funnier to try and be accurate.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Agreed, and saying "but it still pisses Phil off to read about the speculation" is gay cope imo. It's way funnier to try and be accurate.

Especially because Phil basically lives in a state of being pissed off. There's not a lot I'd say Phil is good at, but damn if he can't hold a grudge. We're not the only ones who live rent free in his head. As long as people like Ninja and PewDiePie continue to exist and make money, Phil will be furious. Hell, it doesn't even have to be a big name stranger, I think Phil holds a grudge against basically any streamer with even a moderate level of success over him. Not to mention Amazon Drivers, Door Dash drivers, Burger King etc. Even Phil's greatest and one true love, mobile gaming, is something he's pretty bitter about, giving some of his rants about how predatory those games are and some of the leaked complaints about pulls.