Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

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Guess Kat's weight.

  • >200 lbs.

    Votes: 22 3.5%
  • 200 lbs.-250 lbs.

    Votes: 125 20.0%
  • 250 lbs.- 300 lbs.

    Votes: 110 17.6%
  • Damn that's a huge bitch.

    Votes: 369 58.9%

  • Total voters
    626
We're missing the craziest part. Kat cheated on Subaruman 5 times. How many times has she cheated on DSP do you think?
Zero. I think she's chosen food over sex. She's not fucking anyone.

I think she's grateful to have a roof over her head and trying not to rock the boat. If she gets caught cheating, even a coward like DSP might draw the line.
 
He was young and in love. Once he got over the break up, I'm sure he realized he could do a lot better than Kat.

It is funny how this woman, who is a 5 on a good day, has always managed to have men chasing after her. Kat must have something going on that I can't see.
I think a lot of it has to do with age. Even someone like Khet is easy to chase after when you're younger/more inexperienced just because a lot of people are still fairly inexperienced when it comes to relationships/feel pressured to be in one that they'll basically settle for whoever is vaguely in their orbit, whether or not there's any reason to be attracted to them. Honestly, it's kinda the same mentality that Phil himself was using when he hooked up with Khet in the first place. He really knew (and continues to know) very little about her except for pretty surface level details, but he needed a trophy girlfriend because he treats relationships like it's a gaming achievement and just something he has to check off.

But nowadays, the only people who I could see chasing after Khet are restaurant workers who are frantically trying to warn her the napkins aren't part of the meal. Even if she hadn't ballooned up, I think she's lost a lot of her appeal and would have to actively seek out sad divorcees or the like to get people to chase after her.
 
I'm really not in the habit of minimizing domestic violence, but the whole thing reads like high school drama, with the best friend being all catty.

Yeah, best friend with the "YOU. HIT. HER." when Khet didn't tell the police that and didn't even claim that in her application for the protective order. I did love Jeff's Wiseau-ian reply, "I did naht hit her", though.

Nice to have the confirmation that 1) it was a no-investigation protective order, meaning it just takes Khet at her word and 2) Phil was her place to go to after SuburuJeff tossed her out, there's no time lapse AT ALL.
 
Yeah, best friend with the "YOU. HIT. HER." when Khet didn't tell the police that and didn't even claim that in her application for the protective order. I did love Jeff's Wiseau-ian reply, "I did naht hit her", though.

Nice to have the confirmation that 1) it was a no-investigation protective order, meaning it just takes Khet at her word and 2) Phil was her place to go to after SuburuJeff tossed her out, there's no time lapse AT ALL.
That's not true. She was staying with a friend from June 8th 2017 until Phil moved her out to Washington February of 2018. Another interesting thing is Phil was probably talking to her while Panda was still in the snort fort. When did Panda actually leave? Wasn't it May of 2017?
 
That's not true. She was staying with a friend from June 8th 2017 until Phil moved her out to Washington February of 2018. Another interesting thing is Phil was probably talking to her while Panda was still in the snort fort. When did Panda actually leave? Wasn't it May of 2017?
Yes. Phil made it public 31 May that they broke up, where he said Leanna moved out 2 weeks before that. Notable because the next day was when Phil "helped" Kat with OBS.

It's also interesting who Subaru Jeff tweeted on Kat's account in May according to the police report. Phil? Purely speculative.

I thought the lore was Kat got a 6 month lease somewhere, and they made a big deal when it expired so she could finally move to Washington.
 
Yeah, best friend with the "YOU. HIT. HER." when Khet didn't tell the police that and didn't even claim that in her application for the protective order. I did love Jeff's Wiseau-ian reply, "I did naht hit her", though.

Nice to have the confirmation that 1) it was a no-investigation protective order, meaning it just takes Khet at her word and 2) Phil was her place to go to after SuburuJeff tossed her out, there's no time lapse AT ALL.
When was the time again that Phil begged like a motherfucker to "save the house" and backtaxes? Was that the time Kat was looking for a place to live? I heard allegations he did that to move Kat in (or perhaps to finance her stay if we go by these documents) If so then they really deserve each other. A leach on the wallets of dents gets a leach on other people's wallets as a wife. Bravo Phil. Soulmates indeed
 
Here is my problem with the Kat cheating theory. We know Phil is extremely paranoid and extremely obsessed with routine and schedules. I think if Kat was even 5 minutes late home he would freak out and start panicking. I also don't think Kat has work friends she goes out and does things with so her going out to do shit without Phil would immediately be suspicious.
 
Here is my problem with the Kat cheating theory. We know Phil is extremely paranoid and extremely obsessed with routine and schedules. I think if Kat was even 5 minutes late home he would freak out and start panicking. I also don't think Kat has work friends she goes out and does things with so her going out to do shit without Phil would immediately be suspicious.
Agree and there is another reason she probably isn't cheating: she seems perfectly happy to just sit around the house playing videogames and ordering DoorDash - there have been plenty of nights where Kat was supposedly 'working late' only to be audible in the background, but few or no nights where she unexpectedly had to work or work late. Her world is so small and boring that even if she wanted to get away from her boring life that would probably mean stress eating or a Skyrim marathon, not firing up Tinder. Work friends/coworkers is even harder to believe when Phil has repeatedly complained they all hate her for no good reason.

Put more succinctly - her only side piece is the Dragonborn and Colonel Sanders.
 
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Think about it, she practically has that whole house to herself for most of every single day besides the vaunted Day Auf.

The Snortfort is actually Bedblob Barbie's Playhouse.
 
I think if Kat was even 5 minutes late home he would freak out and start panicking.
That part! Hell, he freaks out when he hears a car door slam outside of his "office". Hell, even if he hears a creak, he'll go "I think Khat is home, hold on lemme see." I can only imagine her phone blowing up when she's stuck at a red light when she's expected to heat up his Doordash at a certain time, God forbid if there's a car accident and she's stuck in traffic.
I dunno, there's probably plenty of black guys in the Seattle area that are frothing at the mouth for some fat white bitch pussy.
Gotta go south of Renton for that. Tacoma is full of basketball American's just looking to slam a big girl like soulmaid. For those that don't know, Tacoma is called "Tacompton" by the locals there, as a lot of gangs like the Sureno's and the Crips moved in there in the 80's, 90's, and 2000's to lay claim. Also, people still talk about the Hilltop shootout between the Army Rangers and the Crips in Tacoma back in the 80's. If Khat doesn't wanna make the drive, Burien is right there, if Tacoma is too far. Seattle Metro is mainly full of Asians and pale white people on the skin tone of Phil.
 

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I highly doubt Phil and Kat have had sex this decade. Would it even count as Kat cheating? I disagree that Phil would care as long as she's back everyday for din dins.
 
Agree with you Gunt Rider. I think if Phil did find out she was having an affair I feel like he most likely would not divorce her. Like do you really think Phil would force out the person doing his laundry and taking care of him? The woman that completes his "I have a family I'm a mature married adult!" facade? Fuck no. We saw how miserable not having a live in maid made him after Leanna. I think he would pretend it wasn't happening.
 
I disagree that Phil would care as long as she's back everyday for din dins.
The woman that completes his "I have a family I'm a mature married adult!" facade?
Of course he wouldn't personally care if Kat cheats on him, she's his retarded room mate who breaks stuff and is fat.

BUT! You guys are massively underestimating DSPs ego. He changed his whole podcast, his gameplay streams, and many more things just because people made fun of him. He's still traumatized by evilAJ inventing TIHYDP. I'm pretty sure ego is the only thing that trumps his laziness. DSP would never stand for being called a cuck. She'd be out on her ass in no time, if there's any chance of this becoming public knowledge. Of course, he'd immediately be on the hunt for a new live-in-maid to do his chores.
 
I can't imagine spineless terrified of confrontation Phil saying to Kat that she has to move out. I think if Kat did cheat he would be far too cowardly to ever confront her on it and he would go to his cuck shed office and get sloshed on gin.
Kick her out? No. Offer to 'help' by dropping her off at work, then change the locks and block her number when he gets back to the Snort Fort? That seems believable. It's not that much of a leap from "just give her a pill and leave her somewhere" and it's obvious they hate each other.
 
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