Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Final Fantasy 3 - Tedious JRPG Autism

[AngeloTheWizard]

Good Morning, Kiwis.

Final Fantasy 3 was the last game to finally get an English translation and make it to our shores. It didn't happen for sixteen goddamn years. Australia and Europe had to wait another year for a total of 17 years. It's also the only one of the NES Final Fantasies to not make it onto Bandai's Wonderswan Color, a minor console that nevertheless had the first 2 on it. The reason for this is that, apparently, FF3 was so huge that the cartridges used for the Wonderswan simply wouldn't handle it.

Originally, FF3's remake was planned to be released on the PS2, but Nintendo convinced them to put it on their new DS system, a decision reinforced by the world destroying commercial success of the handheld. This is likely what caused FF4 to also receive a DS remake.

That being said, the game has some problems. While the 3d models are indeed beautiful, the game refuses to put more then three enemies on the screen at a time, except for one battle. Their solution? Make everything much stronger...and then forget to up the XP and Gil rewards to compensate. Ironically, depending on how you play, this can actually make the game easier!

Mechanics talk to justify that statement: FF3 uses a Job system that allows the party to change classes practically at will. They can't do it in battle, like the ladies of X-2 can, but any other time, go right ahead. The game does demand that you go a certain number of battles with reduced stats to "acclimate", but it's not that bad unless you plan on fighting bosses in that period. Still, this means progression is split into two parts: Character level and Job level. Character level is raised by getting XP, as usual, and determines raw stats (which are determined by your current Job) and your Max HP which is determined by using the Vitality score you have at the time of leveling up.

Job Level, however, is WAY more important. It determines both number of attacks per round and how effective your "special" actions are-thieves are better at stealing with a high job level, mages get stronger magic, and so on and so forth. Job Level is raised by taking actions. Including the "Guard" action. It does not care what your Character's Level is.

See where i'm going with this? Think of it like this: Character Level determines your raw ability, while Job Level determines how precisely you apply that raw ability.

The reason I say it's tedious is that getting enough Character Levels to withstand the powerful bosses in this game is a long and winding road. Hence the Black Belt trick that I'll discuss when we get there.

Anyway, with all this setup, let's get to the game! I'm using the Steam re-release without any mods or config changes, this is all straight FF3. Into the Darkness, my friends!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Ah Square. Your capacity for beautiful FMVs knows no bounds. Now the actual game graphics!

Oh god a horrifying mon-oh wait, it's our protagonist. Well, one of the four, at least.

This is Luneth. He is a courageous youth that loves to explore! And if he didn't fall in that hole, well, the entire world would be destroyed, so, thanks for that, Lumi!

Luneth is immediately jumped by three Goblins. He only has a knife, but these goblins are as weak as any, and easily die while causing our hero minimal damage.

No shit bro! He also speculates that this is not the safest place to be-why, whatever gave you THAT fucking idea?

The Altar Cave is...well, it's a cave. Dungeon design is kind of boring until we get the ship-which is a lot earlier then you might think.

In many places, we can zoom the camera in and see glowing sparkles around certain objects. These objects can be interacted with to get extra items or open hidden passageways. You don't need to zoom in if you already know where it is, though.

Wellsprings are basically free, infinite use inns, restoring health and MP. Some raise the dead instead. Make liberal use of them, especially if they're in a dungeon-like this one.

The cave is only two floors, and this well spring is in the northeast of the second floor. There's an additional two floors above us, but we can only visit the extra floors on a return visit. They're not super powerful or anything, just out of reach since Luneth fell down that hole.

Now that you have a source of healing, run around and get a few levels before confronting the boss. I recommend level 3.

Speaking of the boss...

A Land Turtle? As in, a Spiketoise from FF2? NO! Not Luneth, he's only a boy!

Actually, the Land Turtle (which was the original name of FF2's Spiketoise, or more accurately, "LandTrtl") is much easier in this game. He's got 111 HP and reduced strength (unlike other enemies) because there's only one of you as opposed to all four in the original NES cut. Hit him a lot, use a potion if you need to, and he goes down. You can also use an Antartic Wind that's found earlier in the dungeon, but I prefer to save them cause I know what's coming...

Once the land turtle is dead, the Crystal of Wind speaks to Luneth, telling him he's been chosen.

Three others, to be specific.

The crystal teleports Luneth out, but is nice enough to fully heal him. Swell guy, that crystal.

Next time: Gathering the party!

EDIT: Forgot bonus content, music!

Altar Cave theme:

Battle theme:

Boss Battle:

 

[An Ghost]

great game, steam port is just the DS one with different font lol. i love that the character you assign classes to dont matter (ie one character will not be a better mage than the other given the same amount of experience) but their character descriptions make it seem like that would be the case.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

The actual world design is pretty good. The jump to 3d did wonders for overworld maps. You can head right back into the cave and grab the extra loot, in fact, I recommend it. It gets us our first spell, Sleep.

Magic is a combination of FF1 and FF2 with a bit of refinement. There's only three spells of each school (White and Black), with one Summon spell per 'level' of magic. Each level has MP, just like FF1. FF2's influence comes from the fact that spells are found as items in chests or bought that way, and then taught. The refinement is the only three per level as well as the ability to remove spells and return them to your inventory as items, or even swap entire spellbooks between party members. With the ability to swap classes practically at will, this is a godsend.

All the party start out as Freelancers, which have a decent smattering of equipment choices and the ability to use Level 1 Magic (both white and black). It's not bad, but literally everything else is better, and we'll only be returning to Freelancer to get the Job Level 99 Bonus Item eventually.

Heading directly south brings us to the town of Ur. It's a pleasant little village full of tutorial dispensing elders and smiling people. Heading into the building on the left allows us to speak to the village elder, which is our current objective...sort of (I think you can skip him if you know what you're doing, but since this is a Let's Sperg I'm gonna follow the script).

I'd just like to point out that Luneth, who is supposedly a youth of some variety, is exactly as tall as the village elder. Everyone is as tall as everyone else, the lone exception being child characters. Even the teenage prince we meet later in the game is as tall as his father.

The Elder goes on to explain that we only met the crystal because the crystal freaking wanted it to happen. We're also told that long ago, Luneth was brought to this village by a mysterious traveler who seemed to be the victim of a fire, and that we must now set out on our journey. Very helpful, elder dude.

This guy gives us a Phoenix Down in exchange for a Potion. Seeing as how Potions are sold as candy at the corner drugstore and Phoenix Downs are super fucking rare, this is a great deal. Phoenix Downs cannot be purchased and are one of the three sources of resurrection-and when we're ten levels deep in a dungeon, one of the only two, the other one (Raise spells) we don't get for many levels. Basically, if you ever sell a Phoenix Down, I will reach through the internet and smack you.

A kid next to the inn tells us that the other kids went to the corner of town. Might as well go check it out, eh?

There's rumors about town that the people of Kazus, the town to the south of Ur, have all been turned into ghosts. Since it's only rumors, it is naturally meant with suspicion.

This is Arc, one of our heroes, if the non-standard costume design didn't tell you. He's portrayed as cautious to the point of cowardly, and is meant to be the counter-balance to Luneth's adventurous spirit.

The kids run off when Luneth approaches, and so does Arc. We'll have to head to Kazus to pick him up, but first: There's a storehouse to the north of town and a well tucked in the corner that we can pick up some goodies from-but be advised, the way to the storehouse is beset by random encounters. Investigating the spot Arc was standing at by zooming in reveals a potion as well.

Inns, by the way, double as item shops. The Inn in Ur is free for us to use anytime, which doesn't help much when two wellsprings (one for HP/MP and one to rez) are right in the elder's house across the way.

Heading south, we find Arc on his knees. If we come to Kazus before triggering the cutscene where Arc comes here, Luneth gets spooped by a ghost and runs off.

Talking to Arc has him begging to come with Luneth, desperate to prove that he's not a weakling. Well, we need him anyway for Crystal Shenanigans...so yeah! Welcome aboard.

Exploring around, we find that everyone is indeed a ghost now! Or at least, a chalk outline that's supposed to represent a ghost. Heading to the inn and talking to everyone there finds our game's requisite Cid.

This Cid is a bit more of the adventuring explorer type. To show you what he looks like, here:

https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.ne...III_Cid.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120604140610

The people of Kazus have been cursed, and only a mythril ring can dispel the curse. Cid agrees to lend us his airship if we use it to help the town out. Arc and Luneth agree, and we head to the nearby desert to find Cid's ship.

On board the airship, we meet...

Party member 3, Refia. She's the daughter of Kazus's mythril smith and hates the training, so she's constantly running away. Helpful for us, because it means our third party member is not currently a ghost. Unhelpfully, she can't make a mythril ring because she's just not good enough.

Where the fuck is Celebrimbor when you need him?

Refia does finally mention that her father forged a ring for King Sasune long ago, and perhaps we can borrow it. Good a lead as any.

This airship is actually worse then the ones in FF1 and 2. It can't fly over mountains and still can't land in forests or anything that's not plain grassland. Well, that's not true-it can land on the desert now.

Meet party member 4. He doesn't join us straight out, but instead sets us up an audience with the king.

By the way, returning to Kazus at this point will have Refia sit out until we return, and will stay that way until we lift the curse. It's a nice little character touch.

Spend some time exploring the castle. There's a lot of good stuff, including a very useful Blizzard spell that can be found.

Goddamn we keep getting run around. It's suggested by the party that the Djinn who cast the curse stole the princess away to prevent the mythril ring being used on him. That's not quite what happens, but it's close enough that we decide to head on to where the Djinn is hiding to both find the princess and banish the Djinn for good.

Ingus officially joins us now, and with that, it's time to grind up a few levels, cause the Djinn and the Sealed Cave mean business. I recommend at least level 6 all around.

Next Time: Our first "real" dungeon!

EDIT: Bonus content!

Ur theme:

Djinn's Curse, the music playing in Kazus and Castle Sasune for now:

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

great game, steam port is just the DS one with different font lol. i love that the character you assign classes to dont matter (ie one character will not be a better mage than the other given the same amount of experience) but their character descriptions make it seem like that would be the case.

Plus the benefit of not having to have real world friends to get the bonus content. And yeah, it's not like FF12 where the characters actually have different stats, the four heroes of FF3 are all the same depending on class-class determines base stats, after all.

The big trick is that max HP carries over between jobs, so giving everyone a few levels of Monk (or later, Black Belt) can result in incredibly swole mages, and incredibly swole mages are what you need for, well, everything. Seriously, who doesn't like an incredibly swole mage?

EDIT: The actual trick is just "Jobs with high Vitality". Vitality determines health gain on level up, as well as a couple other things. Health gain is determined by base Vitality, so any penalties or bonuses are not factored in.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Castle Sasune has two towers beyond the main 'castle' where the secret loot is. These towers are swarmed by monsters and have a lot of good loot in them. They will continue to be swarmed until we reverse the curse.

Also, remember all those guarded chests in FF2? They're BACK!

Meet our first monster in a box: The Griffon. It's not particularly tough, but it can wreck your shit if you're not prepared. It's got 230 HP and a mean fire spell, and no particular resistances. Make liberal use of potions and spells.

Once you've got all the loot and are level 6 or more, it's time to hit the Sealed Cave to the north.

The sealed cave basically looks the same as Altar Cave, and is fairly straightforward. The only trick...

...is a secret switch hidden in the skull. Past the passage revealed by the skull is Princess Sara. She hasn't been kidnapped, she's in fact here to do the same thing we're here for-banishing the Djinn. She joins our party as a guest, which means she occasionally does something in combat-in her case, a Cure on all the party or an Aero on all enemies. Don't count on her saving your ass in a fight, just think of it as a little boon.

I had to go through the whole conversation to get a good shot of this. Seriously, what fucking king lets his daughter go out dressed like this? It's even worse in the Manga:

How the fuck do her tits stay in that thing? (That's the Djinn on the left, by the way, and Princess Sara on the right). Seriously, like, does no one ever speak up and say "you're not going out dressed like THAT young lady!"? Refia's dressed modestly, so it's not like it's an impossible task and oh my god I'm becoming my dad.

Moving on swiftly...

Most enemies in the Cave are Undead, the only exceptions being the cursed coppers which are literally animated coins throwing themselves at you. Much like in FF2 you can target enemies with "healing" spells, and much like FF2, Cure hurts Undead. Revive kills Zombie and all. Your MP is limited though, so it's probably better to rely on the Wrightslayer you got from Castle Sasune.

At the end of the cave, we meet the Djinn:

The Djinn laughs the ring off, as he is infused with the power of DARKNESS! He's still a fire elemental though.

If you've been exploring, you have the following: A Blizzard spell and 3 Antarctic Winds. Use them all, and the fight will be over quick. Without them, the Djinn gets two moves every round, and will hammer your party with powerful Fire spells and physical attacks. Even if you lack his weakness, he will go down if you keep the pain up-he just has 600 HP and it's gonna take a while if you don't have his Achilles Heel.

His extra strength lost, the Djinn is easily captured by the ring. An unforeseen side effect is banishing all of us to another dimension.

Tragically, our journey ended before it could begin, and Sara was trapped in the Sealed Cave forever, crying out for Ingus with her final bre-you're not buying a second of this, are you?

We actually get warped to Altar Cave, and the Crystal bestows on us its power. What power, you may ask? Why, the ability to switch into any of the jobs from FF1!

We're treated to a credits sequence before we actually get the jobs. Way to make it boring as fuck, Square...

Next time: Ending the curse!

 

[Piss Clam]

I've never played any FF games, but I spent days playing Bard's Tale with grid paper and a pencil.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

A brief walk back to Castle Sasune, as the airship is currently on the other side of the river. Don't worry, we get it back. Also, everyone is a Monk because I want more HP for all my dudes.

So a brief bit about mechanics: Every job has special actions associated with it. Mages cast magic (as do Freelancers and some non-Mage classes), but the physical classes can get weird. Warriors have "Advance", which is an attack that does more damage but also lowers the Warrior's defense. The damage multiplier of this attack goes up with job level, starting at 1.5x and capping at 2.4x in the 90s. Since job level also determines number of hits as well as Agility, this can become truly staggering. Monks can Retaliate, which replaces Guard-if they get hit, they take less damage and counter attack. Not reliable, but can be useful. Thieves obviously Steal, taking items (and eventually rare items at job level 70+) and can Flee, an ability that gives the entire party a better chance at running away (assuming the Thief's Flee didn't do it already).

FF3 also carried over FF2's ability for anyone to duel-wield. For some, like, oh, EVERY JOB WE HAVE RIGHT NOW (except maybe Red Mages), duel-wielding is best. Thieves can duel-wield daggers, monks can use fist weapons, and Warriors are best with a pair of swords. And yes, Monks have their own weapons and armor in this one, though right now, the Bronze Knuckles we have aren't useful unless we give a Monk two of them (since if you only equip one, the monk will only use the one weapon and won't swing with his empty hand).

Anyway, sperging over. A couple levels of monk can set your party up for not needing as many Phoenix Downs later.

Princess Sara hucks the ring into the water, as we're in full cutscene territory now, and then we go speak to the King.

So does your deepest gratitude come with some gil or maybe a weapon from your personal armory? Or have I been playing too much Skyrim and expect nobles to actually give me something in exchange for saving their asses?

Luneth explains the whole Warriors of Light thing and Ingus regretfully admits he must go. The King is rather chill about this, and bids us well.

Oh I see, this is how far your "deepest gratitude" goes. Joking aside, we've already seen that canoes are pretty fucking useful in this series so, I will take it.

Sara also bids us farewell. She's actually waving to us in this shot. So, that's Luneth, Arc, and Ingus all having bid farewell to their homes and ready to set out on their journey. We just need to wrap up Refia's business...

Takka whisks Refia away the moment we get back to town. Don't worry, we'll get her back in a moment. We just need to visit Cid first.

Talking to Cid has him join the party. Talking to him after that (by pressing L trigger or C depending on version) will eventually yield this nugget. Plus we still need Refia, so, let's pay the blacksmith a visit. In combat, Cid will occasionally either whack an enemy with a hammer, or use a Fire spell. He won't be with us for long, so his use is limited to the Mythril Mines of Kazus and that's if you care enough to go into an optional dungeon.

First things first though: Some shopping. Kazus has mythril gear, and mythril mines in the back that can be explored to find a few mythril goodies, and also maybe get an extra level or two. I'd recommend having your full party first, though.

Cid gets the wonderful idea to use the airship and ram the fucking rock that's blocking our way. One way to do it, I guess. Takka agrees and installation commences-and once again, Refia will be waiting for us on the airship.

Onboard, Refia lets slip that she's an orphan. Turns out, the whole party is. Even Cid comments on the strangeness, but he also reminds the party that we have a rock to go break.

So, with that, we take the airship and fly straight at the rock, causing both ship and rock to explode in a firey mess. Whoo!

Next time: The town of Canaan, and meeting Bahamut!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Canaan is so close after blowing up the airship it's possible to get there without ever being in a fight. We get our first long term goal: Meeting King Argus. He's across the ocean, so we need a ship. And as you'll soon see, that's going to be tough.

This lady is moaning over her disappeared lover, Desch. The mountain is actually really close, which is convenient. The dragon in question is Bahamut, yes, that Bahamut. Without much else to go on, heading to the mountain sounds like a good idea-though it may be worth it to grind out a few job levels first, and do some magic shopping.

In the Steam/iOS version, there's a Gold Needle and a Mallet hidden in this girl's house as well. DS players are SOL.

Pay a visit to Cid in the northwest. He bemoans that Mrs. Cid is sick, and needs a bottle of elixir. Well, it just so happens there's one hidden in town. Well, "hidden" is a misnomer when it's in the middle of the town and in a treasure chest, it's just that getting to it is hard.

Returning with it and giving it to Mrs. Cid (not Cid himself) results in this:

Cid inviting us into his creepy basement. Uhhh...well, good news is, there is actually a lot of stuff down there. Also, Cid mentions how we've all grown so much. He very obviously knows more then he's letting on.

Once you've grabbed some new spells and collected everything from Cid's creepy basement, it's time to climb the mountain. The climb is quick and only has a few loot items (like the fantastically useful Aero spell for your White Mage), but at the top, Bahamut shows up and grabs the party, dropping them into his nest.

I only wish I was kidding. Hey, that's not a dragon whelp over there, let's go talk to him.

This is Desch. No, I don't know why he has massive diamond shaped earrings or a shoulder pad that looks like a camcorder. He'll be with us for a lot longer then most, occasionally using a Katana or a Thundara spell in combat.

Once we've chatted, Bahamut shows up again, and we're forced into a boss fight.

Desch says to run, and strangely, we can run away from this fight. And you should. Bahamut is level 45 so we're already fucked, but we can at least run.

Once we've escaped, Desch hands us a scroll for the Mini spell, a spell that shrinks the target. Useful for us, as some dungeons demand we be miniaturized for them. The Mini spell also reduces your Attack and Defense to 1 each, so only magic is useful in this state.

So I hope you have some extra spells. If not, you'll be about to get some.

Next time: Putting the Mini spell to good use!

EDIT: Forgot the music, Road to the Mountaintop for Dragon's Roost

Hometown of Ur plays in Canaan.

 

[Sable]

I once tried to run through most of FF3 without levelling up because your HP and MP growth is tied to your class on level.

Of course I later learned this was not necessary if you swap to monk then swap to BB as soon as possible.

I think you missed looting the mine, but the stuff there's redundant now anyway.

p.s Stop playing new FFs and making me want to play them you arsehole.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I once tried to run through most of FF3 without levelling up because your HP and MP growth is tied to your class on level.

Of course I later learned this was not necessary if you swap to monk then swap to BB as soon as possible.

I think you missed looting the mine, but the stuff there's redundant now anyway.

p.s Stop playing new FFs and making me want to play them you arsehole.

I did actually loot it, it's just such a short dungeon that it's really not much. There's a couple mythril swords in there, great for your Warrior at least.

And no. I've already said I'm going all the way up to X-2, and then 12 if that comes out on Steam, gods willing. I enjoy them, but by god is 3 the most brutal. There's no real tricks unless you count the Max HP thing with Monks and Black Belts, and the final dungeon is basically "how unfair can we make the endgame while still technically being possible to beat?" So the reason updates are a mite slow is because of the grinding that you need to do to stay alive.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Our mountain jump leaves us on a little cape, next to a forest where this secret Healing Spring awaits.

I'm afraid the gnomes of FF3 are not anywhere near most fantasy gnomes. Which is fine by me. I only need to see fuckers like Wilfred Fizzlebang or Millhouse Manastorm once to be permanently sick of Warcraft's butchery. The gnome mentions that Mini can be used to access the gnome village, and Desch just gave us one.

The place has a healing spring, a Rez spring, and a Status restoring spring. So as long as you don't ALL die, you can come back here and live.

On second thought, can I have the Warcraft gnomes back?

Tozus is a nice place with lots of magic spells for sale. Fill out your spell books because you'll be mini for a while and you'll need to be Mini for an entire dungeon shortly.

Talk about town says that the Doctor's fallen ill. Meeting him has him telling you he needs an antidote because he's been poisoned.

"Hey all the chocobos around this bush are walking kinda funny, maybe I should try one of the berries!" Dumbass.

He opens up a secret passage for us, but before we go, ransack his place for a ton of loot, including an upgraded Fire spell (Fira) and the Fire Staff, a staff that'll cast Fire whenever used. Unlike the items from FF1, the entire bloody party can use it at once. Which is kind of awesome.

Hey, Tozus has a town theme right? A lot of towns have had unique themes so far, so...

OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS MY FUCKING EARS!

Moving the fuck on...

The music isn't stopping now that we're in the tunnel! Abandon ship! Abort mission! SAVE YOUR EARS!

Ahem. The tunnel actually has monsters, and since we're all minied, it's best to have a magic based party. In fact, you might as well just not leave the mini status until after you've completed the Nepto Eye Dungeon, which we'll get to in a moment.

There's no loot in the tunnel itself, so just magic away any enemies and run through as quickly as you can.

We find ourselves in the Viking's Cove, where Vikings roam free. And they hate it, because all their ships have been destroyed by the Nepto Dragon.

The Dragon, however, has unlisted stats. Yup, three games in, Square realized the old DM trick, if you don't want the party killing someone, don't give them stats. We will be handling the dragon in a different way: Desecrating its temple!

Next Time: Desecrating a temple!

Bonus Content: The Vikings Cove uses the same music as Kazus and Castle Sasune: Djinn's Curse right now, and Return of the Warrior when we deal with the latest bullshit. Return of the Warrior is just loud, not quite the ear-rape Tozus is. Thank god, cause you'll hear it a LOT.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Before heading to the temple, ransack the Viking's Cove. Right across from where the delivery moogle is is a secret passage that leads to all the level 3 Magic spells-Fira, Thundara, and Blizzara.

It's perfectly possible to head on up to the temple while still Minied. Almost recommended, actually.

Arc comments that the hole goes on for a while. I think this is supposed to imply that we're going through the eyehole made by the missing gem, NOT the massive mouth, which explains why this dungeon cannot be revisited. Luckily there's only a few bits of treasure.

Mini up if you aren't already, and head on in.

I'm pretty sure we get the Fire Staff if we look for it specifically because these dungeons are BULLSHIT. As we're Minied, physical attacks and defense are worthless, therefore we need to use magic classes. Luneth is a Red Mage because I had an extra Cure in my back pocket and I like having a spot healer for when things go tits up.

The only way you'll survive this dungeon is to put everyone in the back and perhaps I should explain Formation now. The game does a mix of FF1 and FF2, where you can both reorganize the lineup and put your favorite on point and adjust "rows". Being in the back is a little different then in FF2-damage you give and damage you take is cut in half. The exceptions to this are bows (which Black Mages can wield, oddly) and magic (obviously). Enemies physical attacks are always considered regular, not-bow-using attacks. As we'll soon see, they don't need row positioning gimmicks to hand us our collective asses.

Most FF games after this use similar systems. Other then that, this is also the first game with Back Attacks-instead of just Enemy Moves First, in FF3, Back Attacks will reverse everyone's starting "row"...and let the enemy attack first. Pray you don't get one in this dungeon. Like I did.

Soon after entering, you'll come to a small area with two holes. Unlike the one in Altar Cave, we can go up and down these holes. Confused? So am I. Head into the left one to get the Shell Armor and Shell Helm. Good stuff. A Serpent Sword awaits in the hole on the right, which will get us to the boss. I recommend the Fire Staff all the time and saving any big booms for the boss at the end. Also, Desch, when he chooses to act, will unleash his Thundara spell instead of ineffectively using his katana-the game cuts us a tiny bit of slack there.

The "Giant Rat" is only a problem cause we're little. If we were normal size, we could easily drop kick this thing to the next continent. Anyway...

Rat Battle! We COULD dropkick him, but he'd survive, actually-he's got 1,150 HP. Remember how I told you to ransack the fucking Cove? Did you? If you didn't, you're in trouble.

Any Antarctic Winds not used against the Djinn, plus any other damage items, are invaluable here. Use them, then finish him off if all that didn't kill him. The level 3 Black Magic spells are also of good use here.

The Giant Rat can somehow-FUCKING SOMEHOW-cast Fire and Thunder. He tends to cast this on the entire party. He, like every other boss, gets two actions, letting him bite someone and then cast, though I've never seen him cast twice a turn. Bite twice, sure. His bite can inflict Poison, so if you're like me and forgot Antidotes, good luck. That said, a full round of attack items and level 3 spells, even without any elemental weaknesses (because he has none) can kill him with ease, possibly even in the first round.

After the battle, Luenth quietly grabs the Nepto Eye, as embarrassed as everyone else to be challenged by a fucking rat. Leave the dungeon and un-Mini yourself, because thank GOD, we won't have to do THAT again until we're approaching the Crystal of Earth. Using Mini both shrinks and regrows you, so it's pulling double duty as the status causer and the status undoer.

A thing of note that has yet to come up: Killing a boss provides a complete HP/MP refresh. Very, VERY helpful for the run out.

Apparently it wasn't just his eye, it was his SOUL! And without it, he couldn't control his body, as the two were split. Or his soul couldn't control his body with the eye missing, or something. He plans to watch over the islands, however, the flood of darkness has caused the water itself to lose its light. Wait, WHAT?

This whole conversation would make a whole lot more sense if the dragon just went "look, flood of darkness released monsters everywhere, I'll do my best but you're still getting random encounters kiddo."

He then gives us the Fang of Water. Despite him saying it will give us new powers, it's only actually used with the other fangs at the end of the game so we can reach the Crystal Tower. Without all four of them, we die. Luckily, we'll get all of them, and the only time we can really break sequence is when we already have three of them.

The Dragon is finally put to rest, and we get a fancy new ship to use! Hooray!

Next Time: Sailing around at the speed of...well not sound, we're not that fast.

 

[Sable]

I like the Tozus theme, it's very fitting for gnomes.

For future's sake, fuck the Salamander.

Oh, and it's awhile 'till the next boss.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I like the Tozus theme, it's very fitting for gnomes.

For future's sake, fuck the Salamander.

Oh, and it's awhile 'till the next boss.

I've actually played this game before, up to World of Darkness and just didn't do enough grinding to beat it. Then I somehow lost my copy of FF3 (I may have given it to my sister) and didn't get a new copy until I noticed the Steam release. I even had the strategy guide, though in an era where the internet exists it's not as required-plus it never tells you about the Black Belt trick.

I will get into precisely WHY the Salamander is such a cunt when I get up to him, but agreed-the Salamander, and Garuda for good measure, is a cunt.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

The next boss is actually not as far away as Sable says it is, but it does feel pretty far away since A: it's got a few levels on us and B: We want to do some exploring first. We also need a new spell to get to it, but thankfully, we don't need to force a party select for this one.

To actually, officially, completely get the ship, we need to return to Viking's Cove.

Talk to the leader of the Vikings and he just gives you the ship. Technically we could get on the ship before the Nepto Temple, but doing so leads to getting jumped by the invincible Nepto Dragon. Probably a bad idea.

We can use some Gnomish Bread to access the world map. Anything blue has no monsters, anything purple has monsters. Our ultimate goal, after all this exploration, is that purple tower to the north of us (represented by a little white flag). We're going to start by heading to that little town to the West, and then the village all the way to the southwest.

That's...not the usual response we get.

Heading into the house just behind the two elderly men reveals what's going on. King Argus's soldiers have been kidnapping people. We were supposed to talk to Argus, weren't we? To get our new airship engine? Well, looks like we may end up killing his entire castle. Place your bets now: Either A: The king is actually evil or B: He has an evil adviser that's taken over.

There's some good stuff all over town, including an ice staff. Most of it is hidden in actual objects-crates, pots, a tree-but the Ice Staff is on the ground to the east, and requires zooming to find just where. The Elder's house has a hidden room in the fireplace (much like the one with the kid) that contains a Serpant's Sword, a Kenpo Gi, and a hidden Sonic Knuckles for your Monk.

In the desert is a...a thing. It doesn't do anything if we touch it, but it is foreshadowing. Hint: It's a future dungeon.

We cross the desert and come to the Village of the Ancients, but more important then that, we find this:

Evidence that we are, in fact, floating. Strange, floating continents tend to be the end-game of a Final Fantasy game.

The Village of the Ancients is a side village, really. We can beat the whole game and never come here. That said, there's a lot of good stuff to buy here, a free Serpent Sword to find, and a quest of riding a chocobo around the world's ring to get a free loaf of Gnomish Bread. We can, however, buy the Sight Spell, which does the same thing in terms of the world map.

Now, let's head to Castle Argus. What's that? That's the place where all the evil soldiers are? Well...

Turns out there's no one here, as Desch notes as he turns to ruin the damn shot. Still, you know what that means-loot the place!

You'll need a thief in the front of the party to unlock some of the doors. Doors can be unlocked using Mystic Keys (one key=one door) or with a thief. Makes 'em quite handy to have around. Secret Switches also abound, so make good use of the zoom function.

Heading west from Castle Argus brings us to Gulgan Gulch. No amount of Blinda will help, stop trying.

Speaking to the leader of the Gulgans gets us a copy of the Toad Spell, which is White Magic for some reason. There's a few things to get in the Gulch, mostly spellcasting gear. Once you've collected everything, it's time to get grinding for a bit-it's possible to just run around Castle Argus, since Castle Argus has healing springs and no encounters inside it, to build up your levels, so build 'em up.

Next Time: The Tower of Owen, where Desch's destiny awaits!

Bonus Content: The Village of the Ancients Theme, plays in both the Village of the Ancients and Gulgan Gulch.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I recommend at least level 15 before tackling the Tower of Owen. The place is brutal, several enemies cast level 1 black magic and plenty of them can also inflict Mute. Stock up on Echo Herbs to make sure your mages are always able to cast, especially before the final battle.

The Tower is 10 floors, but don't be intimidated, they're very short.

It's brought up that we need the Toad spell for this. Luneth at least says they can't dive too far unless they were toads-you can come back to this point without the Toad spell, but you need to use it on your party to go forward.

Refia dislikes the idea. Imagine if she was the White Mage and had to actually cast it.

Undo Toad as soon as you're on the other side (the way to the next floor isn't clearly defined, but run around in that center room where the cutscene plays and you'll find it).

Now we're finally getting into some dungeons with some life to them. The last few? All caves, unless you count that mountain. Now we have a sweet tower with gears and all kinds of tech.

And also a strange voice that laughs at us at certain points in the dungeon. Also, talking with Desch has him reveal that he knows this place. Damn amnesia!

On the sixth floor is a secret switch, however, in order to trigger its appearance, one has to walk right past it, wonder what's there on the invisible wall, and get taunted by the voice that you won't find your way through. Hitting the switch reveals the way through. So much for that taunt.

By the way, your lead party member always jumps in surprise whenever a secret passage is opened by a switch. You'd think once we hit double digit secret passages, he'd stop jumping.

While the art is cool, the dungeon itself is actually quite straight. A few sidepaths with treasure present themselves, but most of the dungeon is a straight shot. Eventually we'll get into tricky dungeons, but for now, it means I don't have to direct you.

One floor has three treasures that are easily gained-a Flame Mail, a Salamand Sword, and a Zeus's Wrath. The floor after that is the boss floor. Since bosses jump you once you cross an invisible line, it's best to know the boss floors/chambers are coming. Heal your party with potions, un-mute any casters (physical fighters shouldn't care), and approach the Medusa!

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORESHADOWING! I wonder who we're eventually going to have to beat the shit out of!

The angle on this is shit (the game swaps to behind the party when all the orders are given), but yes, Medusa has turned into a Beholder-esque monster with snakes instead of eyestalks and several dozen "stalks" instead of about 10. Disconnect? Yup.

The strategy is simple, her weakness is the same as the Djinn, and we have Blizzara now. And Ice Staffs. However, she herself is packing a set of level 3 Black Magic, as well as a nasty, petrifying Stare attack. Gold Needles, if you have a few, can undo the petrification. She's got 3,000 HP to cut through, so get hacking.

Do be advised that like pretty much every boss, she swings twice in a round. Hope your White Mage is up to snuff.

Just watch out for any white haired guys with nine-foot katanas and mommy issues.

At this point, Desch mentions that he was supposed to come to this tower if it was in danger, and "overslept". If the tower goes down, the floating continent will be thrown away from the sun, and well, you don't need a science degree to know how bad that is. His plan?

Inside a pool of lava I might add, but then again, lava's only 1 damage per tile, right?

He bids us farewell and gives us our next objective. And for extra bonus, teleports us back onto our ship. The whirlpool that was blocking our way previously also disappears. Why, is there anything Desch can't do?

Well, for right now, it seems he's not living.

But, next time: The Dwarven Island and the Power of Fire!

Bonus; The Tower of Owen theme:

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Much like the Tower of Owen, we have a few stops to make before hitting up the Dwarven Island. Just one, actually. A small town on the southeast tip of the floating continent. We couldn't get to it before now, as a mountain range blocked a land approach and the maelstrom blocked sea approaches.

Gysahl's magic shoppe is pretty solid. Extra Toad and Mini if you've lost yours, and some level 4 magic. It's only missing Blizzaga-and for a very good, game balance reason (the next major boss we deal with is fire-based).

We can also find the mother of all foreshadowing in the Key Shop (the guy sells magic keys that open doors, useless to us as we currently have a Thief). The Shuriken has 200 Attack, but can only be "thrown" and we have no classes that can throw. That's because the throwing class is the Ninja, how appropriate, and we get that at the Crystal of Earth. We're kind of going in a sort of backwards order from FF1, starting with Wind and ending with Earth, though Fire and Water are still second and third.

Anyway, our business in Gysahl is mercifully short, because it took long enough getting out there. Now to the island.

Chatting up the Dwarves reveals, in between shouts of "Lali-ho!" that the precious Horns of Ice have been stolen. Well, one has. Some prick named Gutsco ran off with one through the underground lake, and getting to said lake requires a-you guessed it-Toad transformation that Refia objects too. Well, she just looks sad this time. Don't worry Refia, we're done turning into toads after this. Talk to the dwarf by the shrine, because even if you know this information, like I do, you can't go through the lake until he tells you about it.

Also, do yourself a favor and get the Ice Armor and a Shield from the Armor shop. It's going to come up soon, and in a big way.

The Subterranean Lake is the first "major" dungeon you've faced without a backup fifth, and is appropriately short. There's only a few areas of blue-tinted caves with a half dozen or so treasures along the way, and then the bad guy, Gutsco. It doesn't even get a unique theme, opting instead for the generic "Dungeon" theme.

Gutsco isn't a massive threat himself. He has a little extra HP then the Medusa, and a hard hitting physical attack. His big tricks are some White magic: Cure for himself, and Mini for you. Clear off the Mini as soon as it comes out, whether with Mallets or the White Mage using it on the Minied party member, or else Gutsco will kill that party member. He has no weaknesses, so just get hacking through that 3,500.

Yeah, he vanished, like every other boss you've fought so far. Unless you're telling me that you guys are willingly walking over a pile of corpses every time you level grind. Which is kind of metal.

See that second shadow behind us, though? That's Gutsco. And no, we can't do anything about it. If we could, we wouldn't have this scene:

And he also makes a 15-foot horizontal leap, not bad.

Gutsco informs us that for an encore, he plans on stealing the power of the crystal of fire. Well, we were going there anyway, so following him seems like a good idea. Though for the love of god, make sure you pick up a few levels first. 20+ is a good idea, for reasons I'll get in to next time.

Next Time: The Power of Fire, which was promised this episode but it's better to make it a 2-parter!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Sidequest time.

The moogles we've been seeing in town have been sending us letters from various people. At this point in time, Topapa has sent us a fourth and final letter. The children of Ur have been going off on explorations, and now they've gone missing. We return to Ur and talk to Topapa.

Technically it's Refia in front, but the game doesn't force us to have him in front. A brief side point: Luneth must be in front to receive letters from Topapa, Refia must be in front to receive letters from Takka, and Ingus must be in front to get letters from Princess Sara. Cid doesn't give a shit. You don't need to do any convoluted process with event flags, talking to the Moogle as one, then re-ordering your party and talking again will get all the letters you are able to receive.

We head to the Altar Cave and head back to where this game begin...

The game stops us just prior to the hole Luneth fell down. You must fight these three bombs. Seeing as how you've already handled bombs in the Subterranean Lake (or at least, they come up there), you can take 'em. They're weak to ice.

Violence ensues

One fight later, and the kids express disbelief at Arc's newfound level of badass. These are also the kids that used to bully him. As a part of their gratitude, they hand over a crystal shard that opens up the Onion Knight job.

The Onion Knight is both the best and worst job, and it what the party began as in the original Famicon cut of FF3. The Onion Knight has garbage stats, but can equip anything and cast any non-Summon spell. The "garbage stats" becomes a lie at level 90, at which point their base stats rocket up to be close to max in EVERYTHING, and then finally max out at level 99. If you actually grind hard enough to get there, you earn it.

We now return to your regularly scheduled grinding.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I recommend grinding on the seas and using your Thief to steal a boatload of Antarctic Winds from sea monsters. Yes, you can, as long as you stick around the Dwarven Island. They'll make the coming boss fight much easier.

Welcome to the molten cave. It actually looks a bit like a volcano.

It even has lava. Lava works differently then it did in the last couple games, where we get timed pulses of damage and still get random encounters. So run through them quickly.

I recommend this setup for your Warrior. Oh, and the Ice Mail (the Flame Mail is technically better in terms of numbers but it gives the wearer a weakness to Fire, for some reason). Normally I say duel-wield, but you're going to need all the ice resistance for the boss. The Freezing sword can be found on level 2, by the way.

I can't really talk shots of the floors because, well, lava, so let me do my usual "guide you through" thing:

First floor: Chest in the northwest before lava. Head southeast for another chest and then head west from that chest to get to the stairs.

Second Floor: Head southeast to get the freezing blade, then head west. When the path splits in three, head north and south for some extra healing items before taking the middle path to the next floor.

Third floor: Straight shot with a minor detour to grab the Impact Knuckles, you'll see it. There is a secret switch, but it's in a yellow rock that obviously doesn't belong here.

Fourth Floor: Just a little circle. Heal up here before confronting the boss.

Fifth Floor: Read on.

Good, I have every Ice spell and weapon ever, fucking bring it on.

The Fire Crystal doesn't take kindly to thieves, unless their name is "Luneth", "Arc", "Refia", or "Ingus".

Gutsco attacks us and transforms into his ultimate form!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK?!

Note to everyone: Only transform into super-powered forms that don't look like they got dropped on their head as a kid. Try for either super beautiful or world ending.

The strategy is simple: ALL THE ICE. Don't let your Warrior advance, it'll end badly. Now, the big problem with this fight is that the Salamander has Fire Breath, which hits the whole party for a massive chunk of fire damage...and he can spam this attack. His physical attacks will also do triple digit damage to everyone except your heavily armored warrior. Compounding on this, your jobs are slowly becoming obsolete-they just don't have the stat points to really stand up to this boss. So what you have is a battle of chucking a ton of Antarctic Winds at him while desperately trying to not die. He's got nearly 6,000 HP, so, get to work.

Once Gutsco dies, for good this time, the Fire Crystal thanks the party and gives new jobs out. The new jobs are:

Ranger: Uses bows and arrows, has the special attack of Barrage to hit random targets with increased damage. Completely useless, as Rangers will need to keep buying ammo, and they just don't offer anything that other classes can't do. Hell, Black Mages can use most bows. Only use if you need to grind job levels.

Scholar: Has Study, which both reveals enemy weaknesses and dispels all buffs. Also gets double the effect of consumable items. Can also use a good amount of magic, both White and Black. Useful, but does get supplanted later.

Geomancer: Free Black Magic, randomly determined by Terrain. A pretty solid choice, though the upgraded Black Mage (Magus) does win out in the end, nothing beats repeated Flare.

Knight: Awesome. Uses heavy armor, has upgraded Guard, and can use up to level 3 White Magic. Will throw himself into the path of enemies trying to attack low health allies. Superior to the Warrior in every way and should immediately replace it.

Return to the Dwarven Hollows and talk to the dwarf by the shrine to finally return the Horns of Ice, without them getting jacked again.

He hands us a Mystic Key. We don't need it, but it's good to have one I guess. One key = one opened door, so Thieves are a better return on investment.

With this settled, perhaps it's time to leave, maybe even settle that business with King Argus...

Before that, though, talk to the Dwarf near the stairs to the southeast, and he'll open the treasury for you. You get a ton of gear for your new jobs, which is nice.

Seeing as how we visited that place only recently, and we know Tokkul has problems with Argus's soldiers, perhaps we should return and stop them. All in a day's work for a hero, right?

Next Time: The Castle of Heim!