Life is but a penis

[Epic Fail Man]

"Life is but a penis."

I've been thinking about that quote a lot. I like it, in a very vague, platonic sort of way. I especially like that it can be taken two ways, one being that the "life is but a penis" line of thought could be taken as a metaphor for the natural state of man/woman -- as a way to say that men and women are the same, that if the parts match up they're all good.

It's a nice thought, but then again, it's also a very vague thought, and, well, there are always two sides to every question. For example, a penis isn't just a penis, it's also a means of reproduction. And the quote doesn't really make sense if taken to mean that woman's "natural state" is somehow less than what a man is.

So this is the part where I'm supposed to say something about the vagina and clitoris, and how having sex with someone who's a virgin is different from having sex with someone who isn't. Except that if I have anything to say about that I'll get flamed, because some people say that if a woman has sex before marriage (or with someone other than her husband) that it's wrong because it could ruin her life. I think, to use the analogy I use all the time, it's like that -- if I had a bad marriage I would think it ruined my life and then I'd be miserable and wouldn't want to have sex.

But, anyway, that's a long-winded way of saying that I'm actually not sure what I'd want to say, and that I'd prefer to leave this topic as it is -- a topic that has been debated countless times and that no one has yet to come up with anything particularly new or insightful.

That, and there's no point to writing something when the very point of writing it is so pointless.

But, I guess I've been thinking about this for so long now that I'll finish out by writing what I've always thought, which is this: "Life is but a penis."

There. It's done. Now I can go back to thinking about things that really matter.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

No, life is more like a vagina because people act like it's complicated when it's not for anyone who isn't either mentally retarded or pays no attention whatsoever to anyone but themselves, and sometimes it can look a little odd, sometimes it can smell a bit off, but you accept that's just how it's supposed to be and if you roll with it, not only you but everyone involved will be happier and more satisfied in the end.

Also nowadays a lot of people aren't experiencing it because they don't speak to each other or leave their houses. You can try to buy it or slave away for it, but that robs it of its value anyways.

In fact nowadays you'll often be told you shouldn't even pursue it. In fact, why are you even after it? Why aren't you after something else we've substituted that we're telling you IS it? If you disagree and consider the old definition to be the valid one, you're a regressive idiot.

No sir, life is more like a vagina I think.

 

[Epic Fail Man]

No, life is more like a vagina because people act like it's complicated when it's not for anyone who isn't either mentally retarded or pays no attention whatsoever to anyone but themselves, and sometimes it can look a little odd, sometimes it can smell a bit off, but you accept that's just how it's supposed to be and if you roll with it, not only you but everyone involved will be happier and more satisfied in the end.

Also nowadays a lot of people aren't experiencing it because they don't speak to each other or leave their houses. You can try to buy it or slave away for it, but that robs it of its value anyways.

In fact nowadays you'll often be told you shouldn't even pursue it. In fact, why are you even after it? Why aren't you after something else we've substituted that we're telling you IS it? If you disagree and consider the old definition to be the valid one, you're a regressive idiot.

No sir, life is more like a vagina I think.

Life is more like an anus than a vagina. — Dr. Seuss

A friend of mine on reddit told me recently that she wanted to know what the most accurate (or least accurate) depiction of what women are really like and so I decided to put some ideas out there.

The following is a list of 10 things that I think, at least, a fair approximation of what all women think, feel and do in a day in the life.

What is important to remember, and this is for everyone regardless of gender, is that this is based on my personal observations and experiences and I have nothing but the best intentions for women (and men) everywhere.

Let’s go.

1. All women believe that at least one woman is hotter than all men combined. If you have a girlfriend, I guarantee you this is true, no matter what her opinion on herself may be. If you are single and like being single, you are a fool for not at least once in your life to let yourself feel the power of believing that you could date one of the hottest people on the planet, for the right price. Believe me, no matter how old you are, you can date younger, hotter or have a better job than all men in the world combined. No joke.

2. All women think the number one thing that can make them a great wife is to be a good mom. This is true, regardless of if she ever has kids or if her mom is a single parent. While many women choose not to be in a relationship and never have kids, they all desperately want a good role model for their kids and the best role model they can get is their mom. So if your girlfriend’s mother isn’t the best role model for her because she works and you don’t, she may find it impossible to trust you or feel the power and beauty of knowing she could have someone better. That doesn’t mean you can’t date a great mom either. A single mom can be just as cool as any other mother. If your girlfriend has mom that does not respect her or treat her well, you can’t blame her for thinking she’s gonna get that from you, too.

3. All women hate a man who tries to get them to stay home to “watch TV” and “make dinner” when they are done working and trying to take care of their responsibilities. I mean, if you are dating someone else, fine. I don’t care what you do. You could do housework like Oprah and it wouldn’t mean shit to me. That’s not the point of what I’m saying. All women hate it when a man tries to get them to stay home and he wants them to cook his dinner and serve his food. I think there’s a very good reason for that. Do you think that you might be one of those men that she has tried to tell you about? Well, think about how much more fun you are than that guy and how awful you have to be to treat a woman that way. If I was dating a guy like that, I’d leave him like the wind.

4. All women try to avoid “the conversation” at all costs. There’s nothing worse than a long, drawn out, depressing conversation. I don’t even mean that literally, but I mean an emotionally drained, “Why am I so pathetic?” conversation. There’s a reason they call it a conversation, there’s no reason for it. It’s over. The minute the guy realizes that, he realizes how much effort he just put into a conversation that ended the moment he started and all he got out of it was a headache. You’re an asshole and you should feel bad. Unless you’re in a long term relationship, where you want to talk every week for an hour.

5. All women hate their jobs, regardless of what they do. If a guy says “You’re the most successful woman I’ve ever met”, you can guess exactly what his job is. If his job is one that he thinks other women hate, he’s talking out of his ass. It doesn’t matter how much money he makes or how many women he screws. If it’s not easy for her to do, she hates it.

6. All women hate their boyfriends for not being better at video games than they are. If your girlfriend says she hates the fact that you are worse at video games than she is, she is lying to you. She does not hate video games and she hates you for being worse at them than her. You are a shitty boyfriend if you don’t make her play better than you and she hates you for making her do that.

7. All women hate their boyfriends for not having any money, no matter how much they have. This is a common occurrence. She is not looking for a boyfriend who has no money. She is looking for a boyfriend who is better off than her. A boyfriend who is the one that has a better job, a bigger house, nicer car, etc. All she wants is a boyfriend who has more than her, and because she doesn’t have any, you’re not giving her enough. Her needs are the least important thing in your life and you should feel bad about that. She can’t change your beliefs but she can change how you act on them. So if you have no money, work at a crappy job, live in a crappy house and don’t have a good time with her, you’re the asshole for not doing better in the areas she wants you to do better.

8. All women are afraid of going to a dark room with a man. You are no exception. That is a fact. You should feel guilty for it. What do you think is going to happen in a dark room? They are gonna get in your pants. That is what it is. I think we’ve all gone into a dark room with a man at some point in our lives and done something we regretted. I was one of those guys. Now, all women, no matter how much they like sex, hate that part of their anatomy. No joke. This is one of the reasons why girls who get laid a lot are very insecure about it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be able to go into a dark room with a guy. I’m just saying you should be careful and think of other things you could do there.

9. All women hate it when men get a boner and touch them with their penises. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you touch her. No matter what she does, the man can still get a boner and touch her and his penis will most likely start touching her on her neck or her chest or somewhere on her body. That is why all women hate the head of a man’s penis. It’s impossible to stop.

10. All women want to make sure that they are the only one who gets to give themselves anal sex. This is one of the biggest things that I learned as I got to know and love my wife. You can have all of the anal sex you want in life, but if she is giving you that, you will never be a man. It’s sad, but you will never be a man if she can give herself anal sex.

In this next one, I’m going to talk about the good in women and why men should feel lucky to be dating one.

 

[I Love Beef]

out of it cums a stream

 

[Boom Boss]

This entire thread is retarded.

 

[Epic Fail Man]

This entire thread is retarded.

This thread is not retarded, all the posts are epic, especially @Uberpenguin's. Maybe you're the retarded one, @Boom Boss. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt since you're not trolling, but you guys are retarded.

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You want my opinion on your post? You are stupid.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss You should die. I hope you do.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are retarded, so I’m going to ignore you.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss Your opinion is not worth shit, so I’m going to ignore you”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are an idiot, don’t post.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss That’s your opinion, you are a dumb cunt.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin I’m going to report you to some moderators. You are a dumb cunt.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are an idiot.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss I’m not even gonna comment, I’m done talking to you.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are a retarded stupid idiot.”

 

[Boom Boss]

This thread is not retarded, all the posts are epic, especially @Uberpenguin's. Maybe you're the retarded one, @Boom Boss. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt since you're not trolling, but you guys are retarded.

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You want my opinion on your post? You are stupid.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss You should die. I hope you do.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are retarded, so I’m going to ignore you.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss Your opinion is not worth shit, so I’m going to ignore you”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are an idiot, don’t post.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss That’s your opinion, you are a dumb cunt.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin I’m going to report you to some moderators. You are a dumb cunt.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are an idiot.”

@Uberpenguin: “@Boom Boss I’m not even gonna comment, I’m done talking to you.”

@Boom Boss: “@Uberpenguin You are a retarded stupid idiot.”

Yep. You're retarded. Go keep on thinking of penises.

 

[Syaoran Li]

OP is a faggot

 

[Epic Fail Man]

OP is a faggot

"OP is a faggot". This is a typical response from a lukewarm IQ forum user that has trouble making any sort of intellectual efforts in their posts. So when you see this in a post, it is a red flag and usually should be ignored. A good OP with a decent post should be able to overcome this with a "OP, you are right!" and maybe even some good jokes, and the usual troll reply.

So, we have a new OP coming on board. A bit of back story is needed for this question. This forum is a place for a specific kind of thing. For that reason, they are the ones who are allowed to be really dumb in order to have a "good" post. When we see someone trying to be smart but isn't, we laugh. When someone can post but makes a lot of noise and isn't good, we laugh. But when someone can post with no noise and is actually interesting, we tend to ignore them. However, if the people who don't care for the type of things this forum is about take notice, the "OP is a faggot" will eventually become as prevalent in the site as the rest of the forums.

I'm starting to think this is going to become a habit. If I go to someone's profile, read the OP and if it's stupid, I'll start making fun of them. If I see a faggot OP, I'll make fun of them, etc. If this becomes an endemic thing to this site, then that's just the price you pay for the kind of topics we talk about here.

As for the original question, I do think he's just confused and needs help. I'm in the same boat.

OP's can be fags and all sorts of stupid shit, but that's not why they should be ignored. Ignore away if you want to, but I can guarantee you will lose some great posts that are actually a good read from a good poster who just likes to write something stupid. If you want to ignore them, good luck trying to read the good ones.

Just look at the new thread here. This guys post have been ignored. And I thought the OP was a faggot.

"Oh, and by the way, that's what you get for killing a guy, you motherfucker."