Man I just gotta vent, if anyone has suggestions/tips.

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Picklepower

Picklepower

This isnt even my final form
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 12, 2013
Ok I'm down, and confused, and I'll try to organize this so I'm not just rambling on and on. Basically, I have some things that are keeping me down, and they are all related to identity. For one thing, I think I have said once already that I have trouble fitting in, like I have friends but right now my best buds, live farther away because of career reasons, and that's ok of course, right now I have a handful of people talk to but only a few that I really know. Once again I quit trying to fit in with a group in my college, I was gonna try playing some role playing game with them but (and I know this sounds fucking retarded) I chickened out, because I didn't want to be scrutinized as the NEW guy, and I thought, "What if just can't play?" I also feel lonely because I don't know any gay guys.

I still believe I am ugly, the one pic I posted here was literally the only picture I thought was passable. But my biggest problem that I have never really addressed is that I am, although I have not made it known, an extremely jealous person. I know that's not a good thing, when I see people around me who are successful, and attractive, a lot of times I get so consumed with jealousy, to the point were I will be unable to sleep, this and I have a low self image. I remember when I was younger, wanting soooo badly to be someone else, in elementary school many times I would pretend that I looked like different students, even at that age I was critical of myself. Lastly, and I don't know if I said so already but, I am out of High school, in Community college, looking to transfer to a 4 year. I have NO clue what I am going to do in life, now I know jack shit about say math, or computers, so I dunno, my therapist and parents told me not to rush, but I cant help but feel like time is ticking, soooo many people my age (22) already have their shit figured out but I don't.
 
The only advice I can give is just to relax a little. From what I can gather a lot of your issues stem from worrying and agonizing about things.

I recommend taking it slow and trying to build your confidence up gradually.

A good way to build up your confidence is attempting to find hobbies, learn new skills. Like try to learn how to play an instrument and stick to it. Eventually after a few months you'll get to the point where you can be reasonably confident in your abilities. Eventually other things open up to you as well.
 
Hey, what you're going through is common for people your age, so don't be so hard on yourself. Social anxiety is common, you just have to put yourself out there and some people will like you and some people won't. That's just how it is. If you keep feeling anxiety, you might need to talk to a professional about it.

I agree that you need to build up confidence. Find something you're good at and keep doing it to the best of your ability. I recommend you also find a weakness and work on improving yourself.

Good luck.
 
You're still 22. Give your brain time to develop all the way before you despair too much, yeah?
 
Man, I've just graduated from a 4-year college with minimal debt, know more or less the field I want to work in and have a vague idea of how to go about getting into it, and I still don't really feel I have my "shit together" and the future STILL looks scary and uncertain as shit. It's just an effect of the times, really. Most people our age feel like they're just sort of drifting, I imagine. Hell, I've got a friend who dropped out of college senior year and now makes as much/more money than a lot of my middle-aged relatives after spending 20+ years in their careers. And he's still plagued by feelings of self-loathing and thoughts that he's stagnating and not living up to his family's implicit expectations of him. And, hell yeah, even then I'm jealous as shit of him sometimes.

As far as overcoming self-esteem issues, I've found it to be a matter of coping/acceptance moreso than finding that "inner magic" that somehow justifies all your shittiness. You simply accept that you aren't perfect, and try to maintain the strange balance of centering your self-image around your positive traits while remaining aware of your less desirable ones. You just have to try to mitigate or erase the latter. After all, you have no choice but to be yourself.

From what you're saying, it seems to me that (like myself, at certain points in my life) your self-consciousness and self-loathing create a vicious cycle of general unease that exacerbates your feelings of helplessness and your isolation from others. You will spend so much time fretting and despairing over your lack of direction and human contact that you won't be able to take the proper steps towards actually resolving these issues in your life. So, the best thing to do is to take life as it comes, just like the drunks, "one day at a time". The clock really IS ticking, so it's best not to spend your precious time on this earth with worries.

I'm not sure if any of this will help you. I almost feel hypocritical giving advice, knowing full well that I myself have yet to overcome these issues. Regardless, here it is, given for your benefit.

I'm going to go back to reading about a redneck manchild's :briefs: , for the time being.
 
I've got a secret for you too. I was an extremely jealous person into my 30s, never about relationships, but about the success and accomplishments of others, and I manifested it in many embarrassingly childish ways that I will not go into. But, eventually, I dunno, I got over it. I think it's something to do with feeling like your friend's lives are all coming true, they draw better than you, write better, etc and you're not. That was certainly the deal the way I saw it. All I want to tell you is to hang in there, your life does come true, and holy shit, it happens completely when you least expect it. I promise you. Knowing that you are dealing with the jealousy is half the battle of getting a handle on it. Sometimes it turns out that they're jealous of something YOU can do.

I'd say go hang out with these people, if you don't know the RP say you don't and ask if you can come and watch. I'm betting that it's cool with them and bring some chips and crap -- you will provide food and thus be okay, they will invite you back. Maybe if they're going to see "Gravity" or some shit you can go along. Housebreaking and car stealing are things you should probably turn down. I'll be okay. I've been there, it worked out in the end. Besides, you have all of us.

Love,
Your Mom
 
Listen, Mr. farty poopy man, I had the same thing happen when I turned 18, when the only people I liked who weren't complete animals moved away, but you know what I did? I kept up with them online and laughed often. You should give that a try.

Although I don't recall it getting bad enough for me to make a whole thread about it here because I was fairly certain I'd make more friends in college (and I did).
 
I actually used to have similar problems. All throughout my teenage years, my self-esteem was absolutely terrible and I was convinced I was among the ugliest and most unlikable people on the planet. However, somewhere along the line I guess it just kinda went away. (well.... for the most part.) I think it has a lot to do not only with accepting yourself for who you are, and realizing that you're not perfect and don't have to be, but also not focusing so much on 'why can't I be like them' and more on who you are. As they say in the Netherlands. In my experience, individualism is a pretty liberating thing. As for the RPG thing, if you're really hesitant about just joining, I'd recommend what someone else suggested before me and just hanging out there sometime. Make some friends, and it'll be easier to get into it I'd guess.

Other than that, all I can recommend is what the Hunter said. Just hang out with nice people, laugh a lot, have fun, etc, all the cheesy stuff. Also, I agree with your parents in that there's no need to rush this stuff. There's no real time limit as far as I'm aware.

Sorry, I'm not good at this armchair psychologist stuff. Take everything I said here with a grain of salt the size of a prehistoric boulder.
 
I am reading your guys advice, I do want to change, and not wallow in my own loathing like a loveshy, or wizard.
 
Well, I'm 30 and I'm still a fucking idiot. I don't know if that will provide you comfort or actually make you feel worse.
 
Why you'd think anybody here is qualified to help you with a message is beyond me, so with that said; Stay in therapy and don't withhold from your counselor. If you don't feel like it's helping you, find a different one that you do get benefits from talking to.

Now that the bookkeeping's out of the way, personally, I'd tell you to let go of your ego and stop worrying about what others say about you because you'll have no control of that after you're dead, so why worry about what is going to transpire on that front while you're alive? Oh, and while you're at it, have some fun, you're in the best four years of you life. When in doubt, think what would :hulkster: do, and then do that. It doesn't sound like you're doing that bad for yourself to this point in life so far so cut yourself a little slack on the harsh judgements, unless you're wearing a :medallion: , you know.
 
I "mmm yeahed" this because I know how you feel about jealousy and not wanting to be yourself. I've suffered with it all my life.
 
When I was 22 (and that was a good while ago, FWIW) I felt like I had just been pushed out into the REAL GODDAMN FUCKING WORLD and I had to learn to survive overnight, and couldn't afford to make a mistake, since I was a TRUE AND HONEST ADULT.

By the time I was 25, I realized that I didn't need to have worried quite as much as I did. A few years after that, I had a completely new life, and nothing that happened when I was 22 really mattered.

My point, and this is also my advice... don't fool yourself into thinking you have to have your whole life set before your mid-20s. There is a LOT of life to live out there, and some of it won't show itself for YEARS. That applies to a lot of things... jobs, friends, relationships, family. Take it slow, enjoy this time of your life, don't do anything TOO stupid (like, stuff that'll land you homeless or dead), and you'll be fine. It won't always be easy, sometimes it won't even be fun, but don't beat yourself up in the meantime.
 
I have a habit of also assuming that other people don't like me when there is nothing that indicates that, like if I hang with a new group even if things go fine, its like my brain is tuned think, "Well most of those guys probably thought you were annoying" and as many times as I try to tell myself that isn't rational to just assume, I cant shake that feeling. like even on here I kinda assume that while many find me amusing that probably 45% think I'm annoying. Now obviously online stuff isn't a big deal, but that's how I am with real social interactions too. I think I over think the shit out of things.
 
The one thing I tend to think about is. As bad as things might be in the present day. There's always rock bottom.

And yes, Wizardchan is rock bottom.
 
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