Manly down n dirty cooking for misanthropic individuals with a axe to grind.

[Obeah Mon]

Share your fastest, non time wasting dishes. and for christsakes put some effort into it. I am a high school dropout, YOU have no excuses. I use this method for basicaly everything, since me ho is too old to cook. fucking bitches. microwave then propane torch. season to taste if you have spices but even that is too much effort for something you'll shit out.

 

[Topsoil]

Lentils. You can cook them in chicken broth, drain, then add some feta cheese and you have a high protein meal that's cheap as hell. Put lentils in pot, cover with about two inches of broth, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and let it cook for 20 minutes. Boom, nutritious protein. Just needs one pot.
Chickpeas are similar. Boil them, then blend them up (to make a grainy hummus) and add some dill pickles, salt, and garlic. Eat on any kind of cracker, stays good in the fridge for ages.
Scrambled eggs with cheese. Really eggs in any form.
Greek yogurt with seeds/nuts/granola. Greek yogurt has good protein and the seeds add some fat. Can add jam for carbs.
The old stand by of "baked chicken breast, boiled broccoli, and rice". Simple, cheap, nutritious, and bland as eating printer paper.

 

[Obeah Mon]

Lentils. You can cook them in chicken broth, drain, then add some feta cheese and you have a high protein meal that's cheap as hell. Put lentils in pot, cover with about two inches of broth, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and let it cook for 20 minutes. Boom, nutritious protein. Just needs one pot.
Chickpeas are similar. Boil them, then blend them up (to make a grainy hummus) and add some dill pickles, salt, and garlic. Eat on any kind of cracker, stays good in the fridge for ages.
Scrambled eggs with cheese. Really eggs in any form.
Greek yogurt with seeds/nuts/granola. Greek yogurt has good protein and the seeds add some fat. Can add jam for carbs.
The old stand by of "baked chicken breast, boiled broccoli, and rice". Simple, cheap, nutritious, and bland as eating printer paper.

corned beef n cabbage is easy. i make a big pot and eat it all week.

 

[Pretend To Imagine]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5LSYPzoDh1/?igsh=MThlY3UzejQyc3Q4aw==

 

[Punished Wankula]

Lentils. You can cook them in chicken broth, drain...

There is no point boiling something in broth that you're going to toss. It adds basically no flavor.
Unless you're marinating meat for many hours or even days, save your seasonings for after you're done cooking.

Not only will your food taste better since you're not cooking off the aromatics that make them taste good, there's less cleanup too.
Seasonings love sticking to pans. They love to burn, turn bitter and cause problems. Add seasoning after.

Of course there's always exceptions, but not that many.

 

[40 Year Old Boomer]

I have a cheap rice cooker I keep at work for quick easy meals that require little prep and even less oversight. Add rice, use stock (made with bones) or broth (made with meat and seasonings), canned beans and/or veg, and a choice of protein (smoked sausage is great for this). It'll just bubble away while you go about your business and provides a filling meal for 2-3, just don't overcrowd the pot.

 

[Kheapathic]

While this may be considered overkill, you don't need all of the devices, and if you need to narrow it down, would recommend just using a rice cooker.

But mainly I use a rice cooker, crock pot, and a pressure cooker; some slight autism, I don't cook for flavor or an experience, I cook because my body gets hungry, as long as I don't get sick and it tastes good enough I don't care, I have no one else to cook for. You can put ingredients in a crockpot (meat, vegetables, broth) and let it slowcook all day, retrieve as needed, and have a couple days worth of food. You can use a rice cooker to do a full meal, and is easy if it comes with an interior basket for vegetables or meat. You can also use a pressure cooker if you're really fucking lazy and want to do the rice cooker method but not as exact. You can also use a rice cooker or pressure cooker (they're the same thing really) to hard or soft boil eggs, which are a simple crack and eat (salt+pepper if needed).

All three devices are easy enough to clean up as well, and if you live alone and don't need to stand on ceremony, you can eat right out of the device, don't even need paper plates... use the rice cooker paddle/spoon thing as your eating utensil for ultimate misanthropy.

 

[Topsoil]

While this may be considered overkill, you don't need all of the devices, and if you need to narrow it down, would recommend just using a rice cooker.

But mainly I use a rice cooker, crock pot, and a pressure cooker; some slight autism, I don't cook for flavor or an experience, I cook because my body gets hungry, as long as I don't get sick and it tastes good enough I don't care, I have no one else to cook for. You can put ingredients in a crockpot (meat, vegetables, broth) and let it slowcook all day, retrieve as needed, and have a couple days worth of food. You can use a rice cooker to do a full meal, and is easy if it comes with an interior basket for vegetables or meat. You can also use a pressure cooker if you're really fucking lazy and want to do the rice cooker method but not as exact. You can also use a rice cooker or pressure cooker (they're the same thing really) to hard or soft boil eggs, which are a simple crack and eat (salt+pepper if needed).

All three devices are easy enough to clean up as well, and if you live alone and don't need to stand on ceremony, you can eat right out of the device, don't even need paper plates... use the rice cooker paddle/spoon thing as your eating utensil for ultimate misanthropy.

If you do all of this, and you can afford the $150, get an instantpot. It can do all three of those functions and more. You can make so much stuff with just this thing. There's one big internal pot you need to clean and that's it. Also, pressure cooking can allow you to make 6hr slow cooker meals in and hour or so with basically the same quality, it's like magic.
Downsides are that the steam release is NOT quiet, and it sometimes will dribble steam water all over your counter, and learning the timings it likes can be a little touchy. Also they're HUGE and a bit of a pain to store.

 

[Slap47]

Edamame fried in a cast iron with nothing but salt.

Sheet pan dinners where you put a bunch of random veggies on a sheet or dish with oil and just bake it.

Bannock. An Indian fry bread that is literally just some bread ingredients quickly mixed together and fried in oil.

Indian style rice (India). Rice cooked in a pot boiled like Italian pasta. Put butter on top. Serve with bacon or spam if Filipino-Maxing.

Mushroom potatoes. Cut up potatoes and other veggies and cover with Mushroom soup. Bake

Baked Bell Peppers. Slice into huge pieces, apply a little oil and bake/cook in pan/BBQ/Torch. Easiest side dish. Best way to use old peppers. Can be done quickly with any soft vegetable like Broccoli or Cauliflower.

Pizza bagel. Tomato slices, cheese and sliced ham on a bagel. Bake for 15 minutes.

Lazy western breakfast. Fry bacon. Use same pan for hashbrowns while resting bacon ontop of hashbrowns during the cooking process to maximize grease.

Scrambled eggs in a bag. Mix all of the ingredients for your scrambled eggs in a boil-safe bag. Boil for 15 minutes while bag is sealed and rolled up. Leave space for bag to expand. Can be used for premade meals or camping.

Pepsi Chicken. Use pop as a glaze whenever you bake chicken. It actually comes out well.

 

[Less Nasty Old Person]

Microwave rice cooker. You'll be surprised how versatile these are. They're cheap on Amazon. They're great if you don't have access to a full kitchen and don't want to eat TV dinners or takeout every day.

Here are a couple of cheap, healthy, balanced meals for 2 using inexpensive ingredients you can get anywhere. Save those extra takeout condiment packets (soy sauce, hot sauce etc) to liven them up.

1 can beans / tamales / chili (your choice)
1 can water
1 cup Uncle Ben's (parboiled) rice
Whatever leftover protein you want to add (though rice n beans combine into a complete protein)
Nuke for 15 to 18 minutes
Add chopped onion, peppers, veges, seasoning to taste.

Two bricks ramen, broken in pieces
Enough water to cover
1 seasoning packet.
Nuke 3 to 5 minutes
Add a bag of broccoli wokkli or other bagged / frozen / canned mixed veg
Add protein -- tofu, peanuts, meat of some kind, whatever you have
Add soy sauce, hot sauce to taste.
Nuke another 5 minutes.

Easy cleanup: 1/2 cup water, 1 tiny drop of dfish soap
Nuke for 90 seconds
Add your silverware, swish clean, discard soapy water, rinse, dry, put away.

NO FISH IN MICROWAVE UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR WHOLE HOUSE TO SMELL LIKE CHINATOWN.

Edit: image exemplar

 

[Badungus Kabungus]

Put a bunch of buckwheat in a pot. Turn the fire on to toast the buckwheat slightly, you want it to have a slight nutty smell, don't burn it. Add meat from a can, scrape the fat off the sides and add it too. Throw in some chicken stock. Add water, it should cover everything, stir well. Cover with lid, let it simmer until buckwheat is soft. Add water if needed, same as cooking rice.

Add salt and pepper to taste once done, the chicken stock will make it salty, so best not to overdo it.