- Joined
- Jan 14, 2014
Funny this is the first time in a week or so i finally am able to sit down and think.
This month has felt like a total roller coaster/ treadmill that i have wanted yet been unable to get off.
It started with my grandfather being sick (on deaths bed) so my wife and i rushed up north. His Doctor was unresponsive and absent as he basically laid in a bed left to die.
My grandmother raised hell and got a new doctor for him, long story short he is now in recovery and looks to be going home in the next month.
We returned home on time to see the OBGYN (My wife was pregnant)
Only to find out that the expected baby was what was called Ectopic (stuck in the fallopian tube) if untreated the tube would rupture killing my wife.
My wife of course was super terrified strangely enough not for the "baby" but for her fertility as it was almost certain she was going to lose her left tube. Though that may sound insensitive you must understand this embryo was only 8-10 weeks along. Its easier to see such a thing as well a thing rather then a baby due to the fact we never felt it kick or seen its heart beat. (yes i am aware that its spinal chord was starting to form and it had its own DNA etc this is not meant to be a pro life pro choice is it or is it not a child argument) the fact is she was going to die if untreated, there was no life without surgery only death for both my wife and "child".
the two days waiting for the surgery was the most excruciating time of my life watching this woman who I love and adore go through such mental torment. She is the strongest woman i know, yet this whole experience broke her.
There is nothing like seeing a loved one broken mentally and seeing any hope in there eyes just ripped away. I could not say anything/do anything to help her just hold her and stay silent as she blamed herself for any and every mistake she has ever made in her life that could have remotely caused this. Even though the medical staff assured her that this happens to 1/50 people and there is nothing that she could have done to prevent it.
Now I am a rock, I do not get emotional but seeing her like this started to break me. I did not have the luxury of breaking though I had to stay strong if anything she needed a wall to crash against and i was that wall. She will never know how hard it was she will never know the toll it took, that would just be one more thing she would feel guilty for.
We are now facing financial ruin as i am currently out of work and she can not go to work for a few weeks. The Medical bills will start coming in (thank god we had some insurance or it would have been much worse) But i still do not know how we will get by this next month.
But i will not let her see the stress, i will not let her see my worry. I would give every penny i would ever own to make sure she was healthy. No amount of money could pay for the companionship she gives me. I am not angry this is life this happens to many people my situation is not unique there are many who have it much much worse. I know i am lucky. Ectopic pregnancies is one of the leading causes of death in the third world of childbearing age woman, I have my wife she is recovering we are lucky.
Why am i writing this here? Because she will never find this, I am letting this out to relive some built up stress. You do not know me, Nor does my life effect you. Our only common tie is that we enjoy reading/watching a fat autistic man child and his silly yellow electric Pokemon hedgehog.
For some reason that makes me smile that chris has brought so much of us together from around the world... strange how that happens....
If you made it this far Thank you, I feel better now typing this all out.. TBH i really needed this. Thank you for everything Cwciforums..
If you have a secret vent or feel the need to remove some of your stress this is a good place. I mean honestly who from the outside would think to look here ?
Take care
Happy Easter
Enjoy what you have because everything can change in a moment.
This month has felt like a total roller coaster/ treadmill that i have wanted yet been unable to get off.
It started with my grandfather being sick (on deaths bed) so my wife and i rushed up north. His Doctor was unresponsive and absent as he basically laid in a bed left to die.
My grandmother raised hell and got a new doctor for him, long story short he is now in recovery and looks to be going home in the next month.
We returned home on time to see the OBGYN (My wife was pregnant)
Only to find out that the expected baby was what was called Ectopic (stuck in the fallopian tube) if untreated the tube would rupture killing my wife.
My wife of course was super terrified strangely enough not for the "baby" but for her fertility as it was almost certain she was going to lose her left tube. Though that may sound insensitive you must understand this embryo was only 8-10 weeks along. Its easier to see such a thing as well a thing rather then a baby due to the fact we never felt it kick or seen its heart beat. (yes i am aware that its spinal chord was starting to form and it had its own DNA etc this is not meant to be a pro life pro choice is it or is it not a child argument) the fact is she was going to die if untreated, there was no life without surgery only death for both my wife and "child".
the two days waiting for the surgery was the most excruciating time of my life watching this woman who I love and adore go through such mental torment. She is the strongest woman i know, yet this whole experience broke her.
There is nothing like seeing a loved one broken mentally and seeing any hope in there eyes just ripped away. I could not say anything/do anything to help her just hold her and stay silent as she blamed herself for any and every mistake she has ever made in her life that could have remotely caused this. Even though the medical staff assured her that this happens to 1/50 people and there is nothing that she could have done to prevent it.
Now I am a rock, I do not get emotional but seeing her like this started to break me. I did not have the luxury of breaking though I had to stay strong if anything she needed a wall to crash against and i was that wall. She will never know how hard it was she will never know the toll it took, that would just be one more thing she would feel guilty for.
We are now facing financial ruin as i am currently out of work and she can not go to work for a few weeks. The Medical bills will start coming in (thank god we had some insurance or it would have been much worse) But i still do not know how we will get by this next month.
But i will not let her see the stress, i will not let her see my worry. I would give every penny i would ever own to make sure she was healthy. No amount of money could pay for the companionship she gives me. I am not angry this is life this happens to many people my situation is not unique there are many who have it much much worse. I know i am lucky. Ectopic pregnancies is one of the leading causes of death in the third world of childbearing age woman, I have my wife she is recovering we are lucky.
Why am i writing this here? Because she will never find this, I am letting this out to relive some built up stress. You do not know me, Nor does my life effect you. Our only common tie is that we enjoy reading/watching a fat autistic man child and his silly yellow electric Pokemon hedgehog.
For some reason that makes me smile that chris has brought so much of us together from around the world... strange how that happens....
If you made it this far Thank you, I feel better now typing this all out.. TBH i really needed this. Thank you for everything Cwciforums..
If you have a secret vent or feel the need to remove some of your stress this is a good place. I mean honestly who from the outside would think to look here ?
Take care
Happy Easter
Enjoy what you have because everything can change in a moment.
