Prediction thread

[Hummingbird]

Put together your predictions for the future. While funny ones are preferred, serious ones are welcome.

-President Barack Obama will make it through his presidency with no internment camps for Christians, Sharia Law or ushering of the Anti-Christ. Hardcore religious right speakers will be backpedaling like crazy.

-Author Harlan Ellison will die in his sleep, because he's too mean for death to take him out while he's awake.

-Ann Coulter will write a new book called, "Micks and Dagoes: Don't They Make You Want to Puke?". The chapters will include, The Original Star Trek is a Liberal Plot"and "Eugenicists are Right."

-A Brony will make headlines when he tries to adopt a human child that will be raised along with his pony waifu. Thus, creating a class-action lawsuit (or at least attempt one).

-World Net Daily or Alex Jones will make an article like this...

"If you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population - Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example. Look at the soil around Des Moines. You can't build on it, you can't grow anything in it. The government says it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens. They're building landing strips for gay
Martians."

 

[Abethedemon]

Metallica will release their new album sometime in the next millennium.

The Satanic Temple (the guys who built the baphomet statue in Detroit) will adopt a nicer platform and talk about fluffy bunnies and butterflies.

Sonic will finally get a fairly decent game.

 

[Steamboat_Bill]

Adolf Hitler will have been found to have spent the 70s traveling through Bolivia as a Frank Sinatra impersonator.

The next big "progressive" cartoon to come down the pike will have fans that are worse than ever. Expect massive lynch mobs to come to the houses of the creators if they step out of line.

We will run out of original ideas for stories and spend the rest of eternity recycling the old ones.

The polka will come back as a social dance, and the viola will become the dominant instrument in popular music. Similarly, incredibly tight underwear will become mandatory for all musicians everywhere.

Time machines will be invented, but you'll only be able to look at the past, and not actually go to it, for fear of disrupting history.

The whole world will eventually destroy itself, leaving only us Kiwis and the revived zombies of Abe Lincoln and Lou Monte to restart civilization.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

There will be a backlash against SJWs

 

[DuskEngine]

Anime-related terror attacks.

 

[Surtur]

Jesus returns, but it turns out he just needs work as a landscaper.

 

[Hummingbird]

• When Ron Paul dies, there will be mass suicides among his fanboys so they can join him in the afterlife.
• I predict Glenn Beck's death will involve his messiah complex growing to the point that believes he can stop a hurricane just by going out and commanding it. Only to be impaled by a piece of a billboard will Bill Nye's face on it when he tries.
• The 2016 presidential election will be determined by putting all the candidates in a sumo wrestling tournament. Thus, making Chris Christie the President of the United States. (Hillary Clinton is disqualified for biting.)
  
• Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, Nostalgia Chick and Aaron Diaz will all die on the same day where they will be lead to a mysterious room by a man who looks like Jean-Paul Sartre. Thus, realizing they are all in Hell and their punishment is to spend the rest of eternity making each other miserable.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

George R.R Martin will reveal that there is only a single copy of The Winds Of Winter and it is hidden somewhere in a sealed titanium cylinder buried in the ground. Only a slobbering superfan who can decipher the clues in the first hundred or so books will be able to find it. One fan does so and in a remote corner of Angola she unearths a four inch thick paperback entitled "The Winds of Winter, Part 1 of 6. Part two coming 2035"

 

[A Skeleton]

The Sonic franchise will be retired and My Little Pony will be canceled at the same time. Millions of autists partake in mass suicides all over the world

 

[autism420]

We dig up Patti.

 

[Hummingbird]

• The SJWs will discover that white jazz musician, Boney James, exists and go after him for cultural appropriation. Thus leading Nicki Minaj and Azula Banks to create their mediocre attempts at jazz albums which they will blame the white patriarchal music industry for when album sales hit an all time low.
• To keep up his reputation of speed, rapper Tech N9ne invites John Moschitta, Jr. to drop a few lines in his next album. (Ok, that would be neat.)
  
• Fourteen people will end up dead on a college campus when a gun fight erupts between a paraplegic, morbidly obese Latina and a transgender (male-to-female) black asexual over who's more oppressed.
• A man dies of a brain aneurysm after getting into a conversation with twelve different people who all have conflicting personal pronouns.

 

[Joan Nyan]

TRUMP will make America great again by constructing the great wall of China across the Mexican border.

 

[nonnewtonian]

TRUMP will make America great again by constructing the great wall of China across the Mexican border.

And after 100 years of Latino-free peace, a giant Mexican will kick a hole in the wall.

 

[Hummingbird]

• Artist, Stjepan Sejic, will be found in a ditch, mauled to death by former feminist fans when they discover he applies his own male gaze when drawing Sunstone. Apparently, his attempt to appease them with a drawing of a jagged, long "u" with an out-of-lines sploch of color he claims is Nightwing's penis didn't work.
• The host of the Joe Goes... series will need the jaws of life to pry Erica Henderson's hands off his neck when he looks at an issue of Squirrel Girl and congratulates her on making the first superhero with Down's Syndrome.
  

 

[Bugaboo]

We will all die


Eventually and likely in a boring way

 

[Hummingbird]

• The Red Lantern Corps will recruit Alex Jones who will immediately start rampaging Washington D.C. Only to be taken down by a green lantern ring-wielding Barak Obama.

 

[Hummingbird]

Square-Enix will decide that its next six games will all be remakes of Final Fantasy 7.

 

[DNJACK]

A police station will explodes mysteriously in Ottawa the 23 december 2015 at approximately 18:00. There will be no suspect.

 

[AnOminous]

A police station will explodes mysteriously in Ottawa the 23 december 2015 at approximately 18:00. There will be no suspect.

I predict that if that happens, there will be exactly one suspect.

 

[Ariel]

The Rapture will happen before the year is out.... Thanks Obeme