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Guys, I think Ethan has a long lost brother in Scotland
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Mr.Downer said:
I wonder how does this even happen? is there some sort of gene out there that gives you a front butt gunt if you get fat enough?
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I actually think it's because of his height. When you're as short as Ralph, that old analogy of 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag is actually true. Your body fat just doesn't look as proportionate as if you were normal height.
 
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A short screenplay I whipped up.

INT./ DOCTOR'S OFFICE, WEST MEMPHIS

RALPH shuffles awkwardly into the room.

The DOCTOR closes the door behind him then sits down at his desk.

DOCTOR
Ralph, is that you? I haven’t seen you in what… close to 20 years?

RALPH
Yeah well when you’re as fit as me, you don’t need no doctor!

RALPH forces a wheezed laugh.

The DOCTOR weakly smiles back.

DOCTOR
What can I do for you today?

RALPH
Do ya believe in um… possession? Like, spirits and shit.

DOCTOR
I’m a man of science, so no. You could probably see someone at your church about that.

RALPH mumbles something about being too busy streaming to attend church.

DOCTOR
Well, why don’t you tell me your problem anyway. Maybe I can direct you to a health professional.

RALPH
Okay. Stress sighs. You know how I uh, I’ve got a bit of weight on me. Not a lot, but more than the uh, average guy. Mostly due to the muscle…

DOCTOR
I'm aware.

RALPH
Lately I’ve been hearing noises from my stomach.

DOCTOR
That’s normal Ralph, especially with the amount of digestion you must do.

RALPH
HEY!

DOCTOR
Sorry, continue.

RALPH
Well, last night I heard a voice! The dang thing whispered to me, calling itself the Gunt. It sounded just like me.

DOCTOR
What did this 'Gunt' say?

RALPH
Uh, lots of things. It said…that I'm doomed. That I should never have got with that bipolar bitch Faith. That I’m going back behind bars in the new year. That I’m a failure.

DOCTOR
Anything else?

RALPH
That’s pretty much it. Oh, and that it resents my choice in steak.

DOCTOR
I’m not sure I even feel comfortable recommending you a psychologist at this point.

RALPH
What do you mean?

DOCTOR
Ralph, to put it bluntly: I think your ‘problem’ is that you’re fat and retarded. Together, these traits are incurable, they don’t go away through therapy or even exorcism at your local church. They’re the products of your lifestyle. If I were you, I’d start listening to this ‘Gunt’ of yours and salvage what remains of your conscience. It sounds like it wants the best for you.

RALPH
Even when it tells me to kill myself?

DOCTOR
Especially then.
 
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