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Black mothers, grandmothers, and aunties everywhere may be annoyed by this, but it is just a fact of life that they must come to terms with. It does not matter if you bring a white woman or man, they are bound to have a bit of culture shock when they attend their first Black family reunion. Although the family reunion are special gatherings, they unfortunately can also be a place where shenanigans break out. I once saw an uncle threatened with physical violence because he was caught cheating at a game of Spades in the mid ’90s. And my aunt was heartbroken when she brought her (non-baked in the oven) macaroni and cheese to the reunion. It was of no surprise when it went untouched.
But the first time there was a full-blown meltdown was when my cousin (who shall remain nameless) brought his white girlfriend to the reunion. She mispronounced “Madea” when addressing my grandmother and brought some under-seasoned ribs– and it only went downhill from there.
There are a few things you need to do to navigate your first Black family reunion as a white person. So let me help y’all out.
There is much talk about older white folks and the racial animus they hold. But the same can be true of some seasoned Black folks. They survived the Civil Rights Movement and a few might have had to integrate a school. One can understand why they may be suspicious of white people. Just know that someone is watching you closely, so act accordingly.
There is no need to be intimidated by attending one of these functions, despite the cheesy T-shirts that end up becoming sleepwear.
Remember, these are sacred gatherings. So, when you attend one, you should do so with a spirit of humility and openness. But don’t drink the Kool-Aid. It has WAY too much sugar in it.
The Unwritten Rules White Guests NEED to Know Before Attending Their First Black Family Reunion
Summertime is meant for cookouts, outdoor festivals and concerts, and the Black family reunion. After the Great Migration, when many African Americans moved from the South to the North and Midwest, family reunions became crucial for maintaining connections and serving as informal support networks. But let’s just be honest: a white person will be invited to the family reunion at some point.Black mothers, grandmothers, and aunties everywhere may be annoyed by this, but it is just a fact of life that they must come to terms with. It does not matter if you bring a white woman or man, they are bound to have a bit of culture shock when they attend their first Black family reunion. Although the family reunion are special gatherings, they unfortunately can also be a place where shenanigans break out. I once saw an uncle threatened with physical violence because he was caught cheating at a game of Spades in the mid ’90s. And my aunt was heartbroken when she brought her (non-baked in the oven) macaroni and cheese to the reunion. It was of no surprise when it went untouched.
But the first time there was a full-blown meltdown was when my cousin (who shall remain nameless) brought his white girlfriend to the reunion. She mispronounced “Madea” when addressing my grandmother and brought some under-seasoned ribs– and it only went downhill from there.
There are a few things you need to do to navigate your first Black family reunion as a white person. So let me help y’all out.
1. Watch What You Do
Introduce yourself. Be polite. Engage in small talk. But understand that you are being watched… carefully.There is much talk about older white folks and the racial animus they hold. But the same can be true of some seasoned Black folks. They survived the Civil Rights Movement and a few might have had to integrate a school. One can understand why they may be suspicious of white people. Just know that someone is watching you closely, so act accordingly.
2. Do NOT Bring Any Food
Despite any stereotypes of putting raisins in potato salad and fascinations with casseroles, instead of bringing food, offer to bring wine, paper plates, heck even aluminum foil. Don’t show up empty-handed, but bring something that won’t get you judged.3. Learn How to Play Spades or Dominoes
Dominoes, Spades, Tunk… these are seriousgames in the Black community. If you show up knowing how to play either game well, you will get mad cool points from the people in attendance. For starters, I recommend Dominos because it’s an easier game to play. Plus, if you walk too many jacks around the table in Spades, you might undermine any cool points you’ve earned.4. Learn a Line Dance
Black folks love them a line dance. “Boots on the Ground,” “Electric Slide,” “Cupid Shuffle,” “Wobble” or the “Cha Cha Slide,” at least one of them will be played at some point during the function. In fact, they all might be. If you show up already knowing how to line dance, you will certainly impress your Black hosts.5. Listen
At some point a Black elder will talk about their experiences. It is a hallmark of the Black family reunion. When that moment comes, listen. Learn about the experiences of Black folks in America and gain an appreciation for the beautiful diversity of the family whose reunion you are attending.There is no need to be intimidated by attending one of these functions, despite the cheesy T-shirts that end up becoming sleepwear.
Remember, these are sacred gatherings. So, when you attend one, you should do so with a spirit of humility and openness. But don’t drink the Kool-Aid. It has WAY too much sugar in it.